by S. A. Moss
“Never,” I vowed.
The tear dropped off my chin, and my dad reached out, stopping the one that followed in its tracks and brushing it away. I had half a mind to spit at him or try to bite his finger off—how freaking dare this monster act comforting?
“You care for him, don’t you?” He withdrew his hand, his voice heavy.
“None of your business, Dad. Besides, it’s a little late for you to tell me who I can and can’t date.”
I realized that in my shock, I’d gotten distracted from my efforts to unweave the bind. Quickly, I refocused my attention on the aether woven into my own energy, trying to find a loose thread.
My father’s brows drew together, and he scrubbed his hand over his mouth. I remembered that movement from when I was a kid. He always did it when he was trying to explain something particularly complex to me.
“It’s not about that, Cam. I’m trying to help you understand.” He gestured to Alex. “This man is dust. Temporary and fleeting. His existence, compared to yours, will be over in the blink of an eye. He shouldn’t be protected any more than an insect.” He must’ve seen my face draw tight, because he held up a hand. “If you saw a spider in the sink, would you save it or flush it down the drain? Maybe it would depend on the day, or your mood. But either way, your life would go on unchanged. That insect, and its life or death, would mean nothing to you. This is what humans should mean to immortals.”
“That’s pretty freaking rich coming from you!” I burst out. “Didn’t you tell me during our last little heart to heart that you fell in love with a human woman?”
My dad’s eyes grew hard. “And that is why I’m trying to save you.”
“I don’t understand. What are you talking about?”
His gaze flicked down to Alex again. “I know what he can do, Cam.”
“What?” My voice was a whisper.
“I saw him do it in the nightclub. I recognized it immediately. His touch. He brings mortality.”
I stared at him, dumbfounded. “How do you—?”
“Your mother could do the same thing.”
Now my eyes bugged out of my head. “She could?”
“Yes. And I understand, Cam. The feeling of mortality is like a drug. You can get lost in it. But even though it makes you feel like equals, you aren’t. You never will be.”
“Mom… turned you mortal?” My efforts to break the bind faltered again as my brain threatened to shut down from overload.
Holy shit.
This was how a Guardian had fathered a human child. He hadn’t been immortal at the time.
But that didn’t explain…
“Then why do you hate humans so much, Dad? Mom turned you mortal. She loved you. You had her. And me. What more did you want?”
“I wanted it to last,” he said simply, and the depth of grief in his voice made me look up sharply.
“Dad.” I swallowed. “What happened to Mom? How did she die?”
The shadows in the room seemed to pulse with anticipation, and in the several beats of silence before he answered, I wished I could raise my hands to my ears to block out what I was sure I didn’t want to know.
“She killed herself.”
Pain made his voice thick, but I refused to look at him. If looked at him, I might feel an ounce of pity—and I really didn’t want to pity this monster.
“Why?” It was the only word I could force past my lips.
My dad stepped away from the bed, pulling me toward the window again. As he dragged on my binds, I noticed that a few threads of energy had started to weaken, and I redoubled my efforts to break them.
He leaned against the window ledge and pressed me gently into the chair. How nice of him. Making it look like we were having a polite conversation.
“Her touch made me mortal. And she touched me as often as she could. During the time I spent with her, I actually aged.” He smiled wistfully, as if the simple act of growing older was the most wonderful thing he’d ever done. Then his smile melted away. “But it wasn’t enough. I aged a year. She aged ten. She began to obsess about it, regarding every passing day as one more gap between us that could never be closed. I told her I didn’t care, that I would stay with her for as long as she lived. But she couldn’t bear it.”
My chest clenched at his words. Poor Mom. She’d always seemed so full of life and energy. I’d had no idea the pain she was hiding.
“What happened?”
“She knew what I was. I had told her everything—including the fact that only a few in many thousands of dying souls answer the call and become Guardians. But she thought, maybe—”
His voice broke off with a choked breath.
“She killed herself to try to become like you.” I swallowed around the lump in my throat, squeezing my eyes shut.
When I opened them again, my father’s dark gaze was fixed on me. “Yes. I took her body to the Shroud, hoping that… I don’t know. Hoping for a miracle. But she was only… dust.”
Dust.
Unbidden, my gaze flicked to Alex. If my dad noticed the movement, he didn’t acknowledge it. Maybe he was too wrapped up in his own pain to care.
He continued. “After she died, I went mad with grief. I was not the first man to lose the love of his life, but unlike the billions of men who’d suffered that fate before me, I didn’t even have my own death to look forward to. I tried. But we are truly eternal, Cam. Your mother did the one thing I can never do.”
I stared at the grey carpeting, dappled with light from the windows. “So you left.”
He dipped his head. “I left. I did it to protect you. Humans and Guardians do not belong together. Both sides suffer when we forget what we are.”
“And you thought you’d fix that situation by helping the Fallen find a way onto Earth.” I loaded my voice with accusation, reminding myself as much as him that his little sob story didn’t justify the horror he was about to unleash on humanity.
My dad sighed. “I don’t agree with Akaron on many points, Cam. But I agree with the Guardians less. Why do they devote their existence to defending spiders in drains? It’s not the meek who will inherit the earth. It’s the immortal. And it’s time we claimed our right.”
Oh, good. He was back to talking like an cartoon villain.
That made it a little easier for me to shore up the roiling sea of emotions inside me and put aside the grief I felt for both of my parents. Both, as far as I was concerned, now lost.
My father rose slowly from the windowsill, looking down at my stunned face. “Now that you know the whole truth, I’m hoping you’ll take this last chance to reconsider your position. When you do, you know where to find me.”
The last words were spoken with added emphasis, and I glanced at him sharply. Shit. He knew I’d been in the Fallen camp. Did he know I’d freed Asha? I couldn’t exactly ask, in case he didn’t know. So I kept my face blank and didn’t respond.
My dad walked toward the doorway, glancing once at the figure on the bed before turning back to me. “Remember, Cam. Dust.”
Then he passed through the door.
For the next several minutes, I could do nothing but pull fruitlessly at the threads of the bind and stare at Alex.
After another few moments, my father released me and the bind dropped away.
But I still didn’t move.
28
As morning began to fill the sky with a dark pink light, I sat on the bed next to Alex, watching the slow rise and fall of his chest. He’d kicked off most of the covers, and his hand was splayed across the mattress next to him as if still searching for me in his sleep.
Dust.
I couldn’t stop replaying my father’s words in my head. As much as I hated him, as much as I wanted to dismiss everything he’d said as evil propaganda, I knew he hadn’t been lying. My mother was dead because she’d fallen in love with an immortal. I would never agree with my dad’s analogy likening humans to insects—only someone who’d truly forgotten their humanity cou
ld believe that—but he wasn’t wrong about the cold hard facts.
I was immortal. Alex wasn’t. And no amount of wishing would change that.
Pulling my feet up, I curled up next to him, dragging the covers back over us but keeping a small gap between our bodies.
He rolled toward me, pulling my body into his and burying his face in the crook of my neck, inhaling deeply.
“Did you go somewhere?” he muttered against my skin.
“No, I’ve been here. Go back to sleep, it’s still early.” I ran my hands through his short sandy hair, loving the way it stuck up in little spikes where my fingers had been. His hands tightened around me, and my heart picked up a steady beat in my chest.
One year for every ten of his.
I squeezed my eyes shut, but the thoughts wouldn’t stop coming. Alex growing old, dying. Me, left to my eternal grief. Or worse, Alex dying young. Following in my mother’s footsteps.
I shook my head. No. He wouldn’t do that. He was strong.
But hadn’t my mother been strong? She was the strongest woman I’d known. She’d just been in love. So in love that she’d do anything, take any risk to spend eternity with the man she loved.
I couldn’t be responsible for that happening to Alex.
He shifted, his lips skimming the base of my neck. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” I lied. “I just hope we hear from the Council soon.”
“We will. And we’ve got a plan, remember?” He yawned, rolling back over onto his back and bringing me with him so I was half draped over his body, my head resting on his chest. His heart thudded gently next to my ear.
A plan.
We did have a plan, but it was starting to feel as much like a fantasy as the night we’d just spent together. I couldn’t even break my father’s bind on me, and I somehow thought I could weaken him enough to break his binds on all the Guardians he held?
My father was an incredibly powerful supernatural driven by a single-minded belief. I was a brand-new Guardian whose grasp on my powers was tenuous at best, and I was such a mess of emotions and doubts that it was hard to tell which one was driving me at any given moment. And I thought I could beat him?
Maybe Arcadius had been right. Maybe this fight would be better left to Guardians who’d been around for centuries like my father.
As my thoughts chased each other round and round in my head, I clung to Alex, trying to soak up as much of his essence as I could.
It made me weak, and I knew it.
But if this was the last chance I might get, I wasn’t going to waste it.
Alex proved when we’d spent the night at Sarah’s place that he could sleep late through almost any disaster, and he kept up that track record this morning. When his phone rang just after 8 a.m., I grabbed it and answered the unknown number.
“Pearl?” I slipped out of bed and padded over to the window, glancing down at the Hancock building. A few people were walking down the street, mainly gawking at the destruction of the buildings along Michigan Avenue.
“Cam! Where are you?” Her accented voice was bright, and I was assuming Asha’s reappearance yesterday had been a shot in the arm to everyone in the Haven—especially Arjun.
“We’re at the Westin across the street from the Hancock. No movement so far. Although police have blocked off the building temporarily. Did Asha make it back okay?”
“Yes, she’s fine. She was able to describe where the Guardians are being held, and the Council is meeting now, deciding on a plan of attack.”
“Good. Um, are she and Arjun busy?” I picked at a small tear in the curtain, pulling on a loose thread.
“Not exactly. She’s mostly recovered, and the Council released her from their meeting a little while ago,” Pearl answered, her voice curious. “Why?”
“Can you send them here? I need to visit the Council, and I can’t leave Alex alone.”
There was a brief pause. She was probably wondering what I needed to tell the Council without bringing Alex along like I usually did. Then she said, “Of course. I’ll send them right away.”
“Thanks, Pearl. I’ll see you soon.”
“Sure thing.” Her voice was bright again.
I told her our room number, then hung up and replaced the phone on the nightstand, glancing over at Alex. I couldn’t believe how soundly he was sleeping. We’d left the curtains open to give us a clear view of the demon tower, and light was streaming through the window.
I stifled a chuckle. If I’d still been alive, Alex and I really would’ve been a perfect couple. We could spend all our time eating amazing food and sleeping in together.
Alex didn’t stir until an hour later, when a knock came at the door. Then he shot up in bed, running his hand through his mussed hair.
“I’m up! I’m up.” He threw the covers off and looked over to where I stood by the window. “Anything new?”
I shook my head, watching him stand and stretch, his jeans slow low on his hips. When he grabbed his shirt off the floor and lifted his arms over his head to slip it on, I had to restrain myself from running over and licking his chest. I’d already indulged my weakness too much, and it wasn’t going to make what came next any easier.
Unaware of the turmoil roiling in my chest, Alex sauntered over and dropped a heated kiss on my lips before another knock sounded, louder than the first. As I turned toward the door, the glimmers of two auras passed through it, and a second later, Asha and Arjun stood in the entryway.
I gaped. “Hey! What happened to being invited in? What if we’d been naked?”
Arjun raised his eyebrows. “What were the odds of that?”
Of course, Pearl had probably told him all about the complicated relationship between Alex and me. And she didn’t even know the half of it.
Asha snorted. “Then answer your door quicker.”
I didn’t really want to continue discussing this topic, so I blurted quickly, “I need you guys to stay with Alex. I have to go visit the Council.”
Three sets of eyes turned to me. Asha had been strolling the perimeter of our room, scoping out the place, but she halted at that. Alex was staring at me with questions burning in his eyes. I’d considered sneaking out while he was asleep, but as bad as I was at dealing with emotional stuff, I knew he’d never forgive me for ghosting him after the incredible night we’d spent together.
That was about the extent of my emotional maturity, however, and instead of answering any of the questions flickering across his face, I studiously avoided his gaze and turned to face Arjun. The caramel-skinned man was watching me curiously.
“I trust you guys. Don’t let the Fallen get their hands on him. He’s our best chance of winning this thing.”
“Cam, what are—?”
Alex followed me a few steps as I crossed to the door.
I stopped, fighting the urge to turn around and throw myself into his arms. When I met his gaze, the confusion and hurt in his eyes nearly undid me.
Swallowing, I said thickly, “I gotta go. Don’t worry about me. Just stay safe.”
His brow wrinkled as he shook his head slightly. His gaze flicked to Arjun and Asha, and he opened his mouth before snapping it shut again.
I wished I could explain what I was doing, but I was sure he wouldn’t understand. And if he tried to stop me, I wasn’t sure I’d ever make it out the door.
“Tell them about the plan,” I told him. And then, because I couldn’t help myself—weak, Cam! Weak!—I rose up on my tiptoes and pressed my lips lightly to his. He seemed startled, and his eyes flicked to Arjun again briefly before his hands settled on my waist, and he returned the kiss.
Then I stepped away and faded out quickly, slipping out through the wall without a backward glance.
29
I didn’t fade back in as I traversed the streets of downtown Chicago, heading toward the portal to the Haven. I wanted to have a better chance of spotting any demons who might try to jump me, and I didn’t want to interact with any humans.
I’d lived in the city long enough to know that a girl walking down the street crying wouldn’t actually garner that much attention—people saw weirder things than that every day. But I didn’t want anyone to see my mini-breakdown.
Angrily, I swiped at my eyes with the back of my hand. I was pissed at my dad for raining on my parade, pissed at the situation for being what it was, and pissed at myself for not realizing how hopeless this really was a long time ago.
I let the anger spread through me, burning away the sadness like raindrops on a hot summer sidewalk. By the time I pulled open the green door marked EMPLOYEES ONLY at the end of the smelly ally, my eyes were dry and my face was set in a grim mask.
The portal room never failed to awe me. It was huge, with doors spaced all around the perimeter, and the ceiling was slightly domed, making the room feel even more like a gigantic, empty stadium.
I crossed the vast space at a quick walk and pushed open the large double doors at one end. They were the only doors that didn’t bear the name of some city or location on Earth.
A few Guardians I didn’t know passed me in the hall as I headed for the Council room. I’d actually only been to the Haven a few times and had to correct my path once when I turned right instead of a left. But I’d be damned if I was going to ask another Guardian for directions; I had some pride.
Only when the large doors of the Council room came into view did I slow my pace. I bit my lip as I reached it, hovering my hand above the wooden surface, then knocked twice. The muffled voices inside fell quiet before Arcadius’s deep tone boomed through the door.
“Enter.”
I pulled one side of the double doors open and stepped inside. The last time I’d been in this opulent room, all the Council members had been gathered imposingly in large, throne-like chairs at one end of the room. The rest of the place had been clean and spotless.
Today, Arcadius stood by the fireplace along one wall, resting one hand on the high mantle and another on his hip, staring into the fire. Adele leaned back in her seat, eyeing me with a vaguely suspicious look. And Sada and Owen stood together at a table on the opposite side of the room, heads bent over several large sheets of paper. Other documents and maps littered the table, and some were crumpled up on the floor. One had even rolled into the fireplace and was slowly burning.