“Wait, he said what?” Now Vivian was starting to get pissed off.
“Oh, God, Vivian, I’ve tried exercise, I’ve tried therapy, I’ve been on more meds for longer than I ever dreamed of, but it always comes to this—I spend half my life alone, looking at happy families out and about on weekends and hating them.”
She put her face in her hands as exhaustion flowed off her in waves. “I’ve got three kids, but no man. I’m always the one alone at the restaurant while the other couples cuddle, laugh, share, and hold hands. I hate them because they have what I want and need but will never have. I’ve been the third wheel on dates with you and Sue more times than I care to remember. Boyd loves his job. He’ll never leave it. He’d leave me first.”
“Kay, I’m so sorry, I had no idea you were dealing with all of this,” Vivian said, guilt and regret filling her to the brim, and this guilt was all her own. How had she missed this? She should’ve been there for Kay.
“Oh, Vivian,” Kay said, looking up and meeting her gaze. “What am I going to do? How am I going to go on like this? My children are afraid of me half the time because I just can’t keep it all in—like tonight! I just want to crawl in a hole and never come out again, but who would take care of them. I feel so…so…”
“Trapped,” Vivian said. She said it calmly. No accusation, not question, it was merely a simple statement of truth between two friends.
“Yes, God forgive me, but that’s it,” Kay whispered, tears falling.
Good. She’s gotten it out of her system. Now I can help her with some of the aftermath.
Vivian held out her arms and held Kay close while she shuddered, sobbing. Kay said, “What you must think of me, getting all worked up about three healthy children and being a little tired when you had Mae and…I’m so sorry I laid all of this on you—”
“Shh,” Vivian whispered. “It’s okay. I’m only mad at you for not calling me sooner, for not letting me know how bad things had gotten.”
“They aren’t always like this,” she said weakly.
“No, but I’m sure it happens more often than you’ve let on to anyone.”
Vivian thought, and she thought hard. Kay was one of her closest friends, practically family. No, she is family. She’d lost everyone else, her folks, Mae, and Zeke. She refused to lose anyone else dear to her, or to let a loved one self-destruct. She’d come over with every intention of helping Kay, both in the conventional way and by using her special gifts. Guardian spirits and archangels be damned, if this wasn’t her calling—taking in heavy burdens like the ones Kay bore—then what was?
And maybe this time Kay could help her, too.
“Kay, I’m going to help you, but first I need to ask you to make me a couple of promises. Can you do that?”
Kay looked at her with confusion, but nodded.
“First, I need you to promise that what happens here stays between you and me. No one, and I mean no one else can know. Promise?”
“Um, Vivian, I don’t want to sound ungrateful or anything, but my days of experimenting with…that sort of thing ended during our second year of college.”
“What?” Vivian asked before understanding dawned on her. “Oh, no, I’m not offering that sort of help. Although, that does explain a lot about your falling out with that really hot Brazilian exchange student.”
Hmm, never knew you took that particular e-ride. Well, there’d be more time to delve into that sordid topic later.
“Okay,” Kay said, recovering. “What’s the second promise?”
“Do you trust me?” Vivian asked.
“Yes.”
“Then promise me you won’t scream.” Before she had the chance to react or get too scared, Vivian grabbed Kay’s arm and focused her mind and heart on her friend.
Kay’s gaze grew wide as she felt the shocking heat of Vivian’s spirit energy pulling hers, and she shrieked as she watched thick waves of red light flow from her body into Vivian. Kay tried to pull away at first, but Vivian gripped her even tighter, until she could feel the waves of relief wash over Kay as she took in her turmoil and pain. It was always a strange and somewhat uncomfortable experience, drawing out the darkness within people, but with her closest friends the process was more intense, almost overwhelming.
She was an intruder into Kay’s heart and soul, and thus tried her best to ignore specific images for the sake of privacy. She’d experienced her share of darkness, still did, and she didn’t relish the idea of having someone close to her knowing all of that. She could have just taken it all in on the sly, or when Kay was sleeping. Maybe she should have.
But after all she had endured during the past year, she was just weary of secrecy.
Someone ought to know about her, other than the padre, someone who’d known her longer, before she’d become a soul broker. That would be kind of nice. It might even lighten her load a bit.
After the light stopped, Vivian released Kay and gave her a minute to recuperate. She needed a minute herself, come to think of it. Processing and storing other people’s baggage until Darkmore got around to taking it off her hands took more than a little concentration. When she came back to her senses, she found Kay staring at her with wide-eyed wonder.
“Wow,” Kay said. She didn’t seem to know what else to say.
“Tell me about it.” Vivian sighed. It had been a long night and she was pretty drained.
“No, actually, I think you do need to tell me all about it,” Kay said, leaning forward and touching her hand with a bit of hesitance. Vivian wasn’t sure if Kay was afraid, or maybe just trying to reassure herself that Vivian was real.
She couldn’t really blame her. It was a lot to take in.
“It’s a pretty long story.”
“I’ll put on some coffee.”
Over the next hour and through at least two cups of coffee, Vivian told Kay everything, from the beginning. She told her about guardians and reapers and how she came to be associated with them, relating the little mix-up that left her somewhere between the realm of spirits and the living and saddled with her “gift” of collecting burdens of the soul. She told Kay about what she’d traded to save Zeke and Mae, her departed younger sister whose incapacitation in life made her untapped spirit energy a valuable resource.
Kay listened as she recounted her terrifying trip to the dark realm of the reapers and how she had freed Zeke from Ezra and had freed Mae from Ezra and Darkmore. In exchange for the freedom of their souls, Vivian told Kay about how she now worked for Ezra.
She left out her ongoing association Darkmore. It was the one secret she couldn’t afford to share just yet.
“You mean you have to work for them, like a slave or something?” Kay asked, appalled.
“More like indentured servitude, I think,” Vivian answered. “I’m mostly free to help who I choose, but I have to report to him and do a little freelance on the side, emphasis on free.”
“They don’t pay you?”
“It’s complicated, but they do get me extra cash when I’m running short.”
“Do you get dental?” Kay asked with a wry smile. She was definitely feeling better.
“Nope, and the hours are a bitch,” Vivian said, grinning back at Kay.
“Speaking of,” Kay asked, taking a serious turn. “How did you know to come here in the dead of night and help me out?”
“Oh,” Vivian said, thinking it would be best not to mention Junior if she wanted Kay’s newly minted tranquil state to hold. Vivian just told her that word got around through the spirit grapevine.
“You mean they’re everywhere? Like in people’s houses?” Kay said, leaning in to whisper and casting furtive glances around the room.
“They can come and go pretty much anywhere, but don’t worry. As a general rule, they respect the sanctity of house and home. Except mine,” she added as an afterthought, “Since they found out about me, a lot of them feel just fine about crashing on the sofa, raiding the fridge if they have enough energy to muster a b
ody and eat, and using my computer and TV. Don’t even get me started on the mess they’ve made out of my DVD collection!”
“Interesting life you lead, Vivian,” Kay said with a smile. Then she became thoughtful again. “Thank you for telling me.”
“It feels pretty good to share,” Vivian replied honestly. “Now, you need to get to bed and you need to stay there until late in the morning.”
“Oh I feel better now, thanks to you, and the kids—”
“No arguments. You may feel better now, but what I did is just a temporary fix, not a cure all. You need some rest. I’ve got my overnight bag, so I’ll take care of the kids tomorrow morning. Then we’re going to call your doctor to see about getting you something to help. You probably ought to talk to Boyd, too, and see about some marriage counseling.”
“He won’t go. And I really don’t want to go back on those pills, especially after all that brouhaha that celebrities started about postpartum depression and medication.”
“Make the appointment for when Boyd’s at home and make him get in the fucking car. Believe me—he’ll go. You’re just going to have to be the one who sets it up,” Vivian said, holding up her hand to stop Kay’s protests. “Not fair? Probably, but fair doesn’t matter, results do. As for the meds, those celebrities don’t have medical degrees last I checked. Bottom line, you can’t go on like this. It’s time to get some help.”
“Okay, fine,” Kay said, too tired to put up much of a fight, “I surrender.”
She stood up and gave Vivian a big hug before heading off to bed. Before Vivian made her way to the Clemmens’ guest room, she peeked in on Scooter. He was sleeping soundly while Junior hovered over him, ever watchful. Vivian nodded to the specter and shut the door. The girls were sleeping peacefully, too, thank goodness. Satisfied that everyone was well, Vivian settled herself into bed.
A knock at the bedroom window had her grumbling as she stumbled out of bed and over to see which spirit had decided to disturb her this time. She pulled back the curtain and peered into the darkness. Nothing. Perhaps the spirit in question had trouble manifesting?
All of a sudden, the glass grew very warm as cold shivers of fear ran up her spine. She backed away, arms at the ready to defend herself with the energy she’d harvested. An invisible force scratched at the glass, etching a message for her.
You work for the dead, not the living. This is your last warning. We are watching.
CHAPTER 14
Vivian woke with a jolt when the first rays of dawn flooded the room. How she’d managed to doze off was beyond her. Glancing at the window, she wasn’t surprised to see nothing but clear glass. That message had been for her and her alone.
Remembering the events of the previous evening, she quelled the panic that had started to rise. She was safe in the Clemmens home, more specifically in their guest bedroom.
But she was not alone.
Turning to her side, she smiled at the sleeping child curled up next to her. Connor was angelic in his slumber. It was probably the only time he was angelic, but she took a moment to bask in the tranquility of his innocence. She scooted closer to the warm bundle of boy and pulled the covers around him. Wrapping her arms around him made left her warmer still. She dozed next to Connor and was able to forget all of her troubles for a few moments of blessed peace. When she woke once more, she offered a sleepy smile to Junior, who was hovering over the bed and watching over them.
“Good morning,” she whispered.
“Mornin’, Miss Vivian,” Junior whispered back. “I hope you don’t mind about Connor. He normally runs to his mama and papa’s room when he gets up, but after last night…”
“No, this is good,” she said with a sigh, stretching a bit. “Actually it’s kind of great. And Kay needs some more rest. You were right to come and get me. You did well.”
Junior must have been brimming over with pride, since the temperature rose a few degrees. He looked down at what would have been his feet and muttered something. Careful not to wake Connor, she shifted a bit and slipped from the cherubic little guy’s side so she could move to sit on the other side of the bed and speak with the spirit. That gave her the chance to get a better look at him.
“I don’t know if it’s because of the daylight or something else, but you look a little…” Vivian struggled for the right word, not wanting to offend him, but also not quite believing what she was seeing. “You look a little more…um, a little more real, for lack of a better word.”
She took a closer look as his big brown eyes got a little wider. They seemed to match his hair, which appeared to be almost amber. “Did you have freckles?”
“Yeah, I did,” he muttered, staring at Vivian in wonder. “You can see them?”
“Mhmm,” Vivian said, looking him up and down. “I can see your legs, too.” She reached out with trembling fingers and tried to grasp his arm. It wasn’t solid, but she could feel a change in the space it occupied. Junior could as well, apparently, since he shuddered.
“What’s happening to me?” he asked. He seemed scared.
“I’m not sure,” Vivian said. Then she added, “I don’t think it can be bad, though, right? It looks like you’ve got enough spirit energy to appear more substantial.”
“Does that mean that I could be a guardian?” he asked in a hushed tone, dropping his gaze again. “I mean, that’s what you said last night.”
“Honestly, I just said that to get you off my back,” she admitted. “But maybe.”
He looked back up, and Vivian didn’t miss the hopeful expression gracing his features now that they were coming in a bit more clearly. “I’ve wanted to, um, you know, help for a while, like the guardians do,” he stammered. “But I always figured I’d be stuck down here in Limbo. I mean, it’s better than Hell, I reckon, but I’ve been here a long time.”
The way he said long made Vivian’s heart ache.
She wondered if it was true, then, what she’d been taught about suicides. The Catholics had them pegged as forever condemned, and most other faiths frowned on taking one’s own life. She didn’t see what all of the fuss was about, personally. Jack Kevorkian was kind of creepy, but she could imagine and had imagined pulling the plug, or having someone else do it, if she ever got as badly off as Mae had been. Why prolong suffering like that?
Even if she believed in God, she couldn’t imagine why an almighty and supposedly compassionate deity would force someone to endure such a state. Was Junior really condemned to wander the Earth forever as a lost and lonely soul simply because guilt drove him to end his life after he lost his little brother? That just seemed too cruel.
“Junior, what exactly happened when you died, if you don’t mind my asking? Didn’t a guardian come to get you? Or maybe a reaper?”
He didn’t seem to mind, but it took a while before he answered. Maybe he just had trouble remembering. He did tell her he’d been around for a while.
“Well, it’s funny. I was expecting to be sucked right down into the pit of Hell right after I jumped from that rafter. I mean, that’s what they tell you will happen if you go and interfere with God’s plan. But I just went and did it anyhow. I knew I couldn’t go on without Scout.”
“That was your brother?”
“Yeah, that’s what we all called him. His real name was James, but everyone knew him by Scout and he liked it that way. He was a rascal, that boy. Three and a half and he could climb a tree faster than a wiry little squirrel. He could snatch apples faster than the neighbors could grab a switch and run after him. He could swim—”
Junior stopped there. The pain on his face would have been evident even without the clearer projection.
“It wasn’t your fault, you know. These things happen.” It was a cliché, and a really bad one at that, but Vivian believed it to be true. She wasn’t sure what else to say. So, she just decided to listen.
“Me and Scout did everything together, at least, when I wasn’t in school. Some of my schoolmates didn’t like looking after
their little brothers and sisters, but I did. Scout and me were thick as thieves, and I loved him more than anything. I only looked away for a second,” he said, staring at her. He seemed to be willing Vivian to believe him. Or, perhaps, he was still trying to convince himself.
“I’d told him over and over again not to get too close to the creek unless I was there with him. He was a good swimmer, but we’d had so much rain. He fell and maybe he hit his head on them rocks, or just got caught on a branch, or…I don’t know. He was gone. All I wanted after that was to go away, too.”
Vivian reached out and put her hand where his shoulder would have been, had it been solid. She took in a few wisps of light to ease his burdens a bit. He gave her a look of pure gratitude and continued. “So you can imagine how confused and mad I was when I got up off the ground and realized that I hadn’t gone anywhere.”
“You mean, your spirit just landed on the ground?” Vivian asked. She felt bad for him, but was fascinated all the same. She’d never actually gotten around to asking any of the other spirits she knew what happened after they departed their bodies. She knew, of course, that it wasn’t all tunnels full of light and angel songs for the redeemed any more than demons and flames for the damned.
Still, she’d expected something a bit more dramatic.
“Yeah, I guess,” Junior replied. “Only it must have been a few days later, since I didn’t see myself hanging up on the rafters. At that time, I just thought I’d managed to goof up my own death. I sat on the ground for a while and then decided I would just go on in the house, grab some of Ma’s biscuits and pinto beans, and figure out how to get it right the next day. But I couldn’t actually open a door. I just fell through it. Things got real bad for me once I found out I didn’t have legs, either.”
Raising the Dead Page 15