“No, I was under the impression that it was Ezra’s responsibility to help you with…disposal.”
“Well, Ezra isn’t all that responsible, in case you hadn’t noticed. Besides,” Vivian said with a shrug, “reapers feed off suffering.”
“You mean he likes it? That’s just awful,” Kay said, shuddering.
“It’s not like that,” Vivian said. Her automatic defense of the reaper should probably have troubled her more than it did. “It’s his job to dole out suffering to those who make others suffer. If he comes calling on you, odds are you’ve done something to deserve it. And like I said, he’s been helping track the rogue guardian and he’s delivered some useful information, not to mention his protection.”
“But to what end?” the priest asked, his voice pleading. “I was there with you in his dark world last year, remember? He wanted to own you and claim your soul.”
“Vivian,” Kay tried to chime in.
“And what did Ezra want to do? What right did he have to interfere with my life like that?” Vivian’s pent-up resentment broke through the barrier she’d constructed over the last year.
“Guardians aren’t any better than us, any better than the reapers. Look at all of the souls they’ve left behind to rot here in Limbo. You’ve seen them, Father. Not all of them want to stick around here. And one of their own attacked you.”
“Vivian,” Kay spoke again.
“I don’t pretend to have all of the answers, Vivian, but I think you should talk to Ezra and trust his judgment—” the priest said.
“He lied to me from the first moment I met him,” Vivian said, her volume rising with her anger, giving voice to the outrage she’d felt since his betrayal came to light. “He almost cost me Zeke.”
“Vivian!” Once Kay had their attention, she asked, “What do you know about the guardian who’s after you?”
She hadn’t expected that question. She was ready to go off on the padre again, but Kay had caught her up short. She took a few deep breaths and sat down again before she spoke.
“He doesn’t like what I’m doing, apparently,” she answered, wondering where this was going. “I have no idea why, aside from the fact that the guardians want to keep their power structure intact and want to control me.”
“Was Zeke a guardian?” Kay asked.
“Yes,” Vivian said with a note of caution. “He was training with Ezra. Why?”
“Ezra claimed him from Darkmore,” Father Montgomery added quietly.
“What are you getting at?” Vivian asked.
“So Zeke did something to deserve the likes of the grim reaper?” Kay asked.
“No,” Vivian said. “Yes, but he made amends. That’s why he agreed to work with Ezra.” That’s why he’d agreed to stay with her. She’d come to him as he died, borne witness to his darkest hour, held his hand, and had seen him through. He’d thought that if he could save her, it would make up for his failures as a husband and father. He needed redemption.
“Well, which is it?”
Vivian threw up her hands in exasperation. “Zeke made some mistakes and he paid dearly for them, but he’s more than made amends. Darkmore does some things I don’t like, but he’s been helping me with my burdens and with some guardian-gone-bad, so he’s not the bad guy.”
“Seems hard to tell who’s good or bad,” Kay said thoughtfully.
“Vivian,” Father Montgomery said, brows furrowed. “Where has Zeke been all this time?”
That one stumped her. She hadn’t actually gotten around to asking him that. They’d been too busy celebrating his return, so to speak. As far as she knew, he’d crossed over to the great beyond, his own personal paradise. She’d asked Ezra to see him safely to the other side. It had been part of their deal.
Then somehow, he’d come back to her. But…spirits didn’t come back from the great beyond.
What if he’d never left?
“You don’t think…” Vivian said as a cold chill ran from her spine down to her toes.
“A rogue guardian shows up just before Zeke reappears? An angry guardian who seems bent on making you suffer?” Father Montgomery said carefully. “One who’s angry with you for breaking the rules, perhaps where he was concerned?”
“Honey,” Kay said, grabbing her hand, “we’re just worried about you. We—”
Vivian jerked her hand back, stammering, “No. You’ve got it all wrong, Zeke loves me. He’d never hurt me. He’s a good man.”
“He’s a man who abused and neglected his wife and family and then abandoned them,” said Father Montgomery.
Vivian interrupted, “He made a mistake. He—”
“You sent him away, Vivian.”
“I was trying to set him free,” Vivian said, heart racing as fear and doubt crept into her heart and soul. It couldn’t be. Not Zeke.
“He must have been hurt and angry, perhaps angry enough to retaliate?” the padre said, his cold logic slicing through her defenses.
“No, no, I won’t listen to this.” Vivian stumbled backward. Summoning her energy, she focused on getting out, getting away, getting someplace where no one could destroy her peace and happiness.
Away, take me away, please oh please take me away!
She disappeared with a flash of red light.
CHAPTER 23
Vivian opened her eyes and experienced a moment of shock. She’d expected to land in the spirit realm. Honestly, she’d hoped that she could travel back to her field of black-eyed Susans that bordered a cool babbling creek. After all, that’s where she’d landed the last time she’d been upset enough to warrant a quick exit from reality. It was her place of peace. It had been there that she’d learned the truth from Ezra. She should have died in the same car crash that claimed Zeke’s life. Darkmore the reaper had been coming for Zeke, and Ezra for Vivian. Only Ezra had broken the rules at the last minute and left Vivian alive.
Unfortunately, his decision had also opened a permanent link between her and the world of spirits. And it had cost her Zeke.
She hadn’t landed in her own private paradise this time. Instead, she stood outside of the Longhollow residence, the home that Zeke had shared with his family in life. She didn’t know why she’d landed there, and she wasn’t really sure she wanted to find out.
Rendering herself invisible, Vivian sat on the front porch steps to gather her thoughts. Damn you, Padre! He’d given voice to the gnawing doubts lurking in the back of her mind, and she hated him for it.
On the one hand, the Zeke she knew was gentle and protective. He’d helped her care from Mae and guarded her against Darkmore when he was after them both. Zeke had comforted her, helped her face her inner darkness, and loved her.
He understood your darkness because of his own.
That much was true. In life, Zeke felt burdened by a wife he’d “had” to marry, an autistic son, and another disabled child on the way. The night he died, he was running away from those terrible burdens.
Don’t pussyfoot around the truth, Viv. He damn near assaulted Jenn and cleaned out the bank accounts. He was an abuser, a thief, and a coward.
Darkmore, get out of my head!
She could almost hear him laughing and wondered if he was capable of implanting himself into her subconscious. Maybe he served as her voice of reason because he’d never lied to her.
At least not as far as she knew.
She placed her head in her hands, but could not hide from the unwelcome truth. Zeke had been a philanderer and a cold-hearted bastard to his family in life. He’d felt cheated by fate and he ran away. Hell, she’d wanted to run away from the burden of caring for her sister, Mae, too. She was just as bad.
But you didn’t.
No, she hadn’t. She’d always come back. And she’d even helped Zeke face his sins before leaving him in her field of gold and green. All she’d wanted was to free him from his guilt and his obligations in the afterlife so he could move on to his own paradise.
But what if the padre was righ
t? What if, instead of free, he’d felt abandoned?
So that left the big questions that she’d been avoiding since Zeke stormed her kitchen and took her on the counter. Why hadn’t he moved on? Where had he been all of this time? What did he want now?
Why don’t you ask the most important question, Vivian? The relevant one?
Having an internal dialogue with the reaper’s voice in her head didn’t help, but he was right, of course. The relevant question now, as then, remained. If Zeke was all of those horrible things in life, what did that make him in death?
She’d landed at his old home. She’d most likely landed here for a reason. To answer her questions about Zeke’s present, she’d have to delve into his past again.
She’d have to talk to his widow, Jenn Longhollow.
***
“Vivian,” Jenn cried, enfolding her in a warm embrace. “I haven’t seen you in ages! What a nice surprise. Please, come on in.”
Vivian stepped into the house and looked around. It seemed brighter than the first time she’d visited, as did Jenn. She smiled at the toddler in the corner, who struggled to pull up and support her cherubic frame on chubby legs.
“Michelle’s getting so big,” Vivian said, walking over and stooping down to get a better look at the child. Michelle gave her a wide, toothless smile and reached out for her. She took the girl’s hand and lifted her, tossing her into the air and catching her again as the toddler rewarded her new playmate with squeals of delight.
“Lord, don’t I know it,” Jenn said. “Have a seat. Can I get you anything to drink?”
“No, thank you,” Vivian muttered as she tried to get the squirming girl settled on her lap. “I just dropped in to check on you and chat for a while. Is this a good time?”
“You’re in luck,” Jenn answered. “Zeb’s at school and Michelle’s about ready for her nap. Lou’s taking us out tonight, but I have a little time before I need to get ready and go pick up my little man.”
“Lou sounds like good people to me,” Vivian said with a smile.
“He is,” she said. “Oh, I meant to tell you, Zeb’s got so many new words now. His therapists are blown away. It’s like someone turned on a light inside him. I hear him practicing all the time in his room, talking to himself.”
That was wonderful news on both counts. Jenn had been reluctant to enter the dating scene after Zeke’s death. She was convinced that no one would be interested in a widow with two kids, one whom needed a lot of extra resources. Zeb’s autism had been classified as moderate to severe when diagnosed, but apparently he’d been improving by leaps and bounds. As for Jenn’s new flame, Lou Mitchell was an old friend who came into her life shortly after Michelle’s birth and just wouldn’t take no for an answer. Jenn eventually caved in and they’d been happily dating since. He was great with the kids, and patient with Jenn.
“That’s wonderful news on both counts,” Vivian said.
“Yeah, Lou is really, really great,” Jenn said, blushing a bit and looking away.
“Really, really, huh?” Vivian teased.
Seemed as though Lou’s patience had paid off. Vivian was happy for her and relieved to have the opportunity to ease her way into the awkward questions about Zeke. She still wasn’t sure how she might work the conversation around to him.
“Let me put Little Bit down for her nap and we’ll have some girl talk,” Jenn replied. She picked up Michelle, who resisted even as she rubbed her fists in her eyes, and walked down the hall.
Vivian stood and walked around the living room. She had befriended Zeke’s wife the previous year and helped ease her burdens, and she dropped by from time to time to check on her and help out with the kids. Though she genuinely liked the woman and Zeke’s children, she’d never quite managed to shake the discomfort she felt in the home that Zeke had shared with his family during life. For starters, they’d both shared the man, or in Vivian’s case the spirit of the deceased man. It wasn’t technically infidelity on his part, since Zeke’s marriage ended upon his death, but it still made things uncomfortable.
Not to mention that her current errand required deceiving both Jenn and Zeke.
Vivian’s gaze traveled over the photographs scattered haphazardly on end tables flanking the sofa, lining the walls, and adorning the mantel over the home’s fireplace. Jenn had kept most of the photographs with Zeke, probably more for the children more than for herself. She imagined that Jenn still had mixed emotions about her departed husband.
Vivian couldn’t really blame her.
Jenn returned to the living room and plopped down on the sofa, kicking her feet up and making herself comfortable. At least, she would’ve looked comfortable were it not for the deep crimson filling her cheeks.
“So, I normally wouldn’t talk about this sort of thing,” Jenn said. “But I swear there is just something about you. I’ve always found it easy to talk to you, you know, since we first met.”
“I just have one of those faces,” Vivian replied. She’d gotten that a lot, even before she started working with spirits.
“So when I first started seeing Lou, there wasn’t much of a spark, if you get my drift.”
“Uh-huh.”
“It wasn’t his fault,” she said quickly, waving her hands in apology. “It was all me. Zeke had his faults, but magnetism wasn’t one of them, and neither was stamina.”
Tell me about it!
On second thought…please don’t.
Vivian cleared her throat and said, “I can see that. He was a good-looking man.”
“He was, but it was much more than that, if you knew him.”
Yes, she knew more than she could ever admit to Jenn.
“Anyway, a few months after we started dating steady—” She lost it then and started laughing.
“What?” Vivian asked, fighting a chuckle herself even as she chided herself. This was one of the stranger conversations she’d had lately, and that was really saying something.
“Well, aside from sounding like a teenager for talking about going steady, I feel like a horny teenager all over again.” Her cheeks turned a deeper shade of crimson.
“Good for you,” Vivian said. “If anyone deserves some happiness and satisfaction, it’s definitely you.”
“Thank you. You know, I just never thought a man could change so much. I mean, it’s like he just got some, um, skills overnight,” Jenn said. “Like a light bulb went off.” Her smile faltered a bit, and Vivian sensed her nervousness.
“So what’s the problem?” Vivian asked.
“Oh, it’s silly,” she muttered. A shadow crossed her face and Vivian began to feel a bit of raw nerves herself.
“It’s just that…” Jenn trailed off, creased her brow, and then leaned in closer to Vivian and whispered. “It almost feels like he’s been a different person since then.”
“Different in what way?”
“Well, when we’re together, you know, like together…it’s almost as if he’s grown more intuitive, like the way he talks or, um, touches. It’s like he has some sort of new energy.”
Alarm bells sounded in the back of her mind as disbelief morphed into suspicion. If Zeke hadn’t crossed when she left him, if he’d chosen to stay on Earth, or hide on Earth, where would he go? He hadn’t come to her, and only one other place held Earthly ties for him.
“Vivian?” Jenn’s voice brought her back to reality. “Are you all right? You’ve gone pale.”
“Sorry,” Vivian muttered, struggling to gather her thoughts as she rose. “No, um, I think I’m probably fine. I should get going. You need to get ready for your date, right?”
“Are you sure?” Jenn asked, looking doubtful “You don’t look well at all.”
“No, no, I’m fine,” Vivian said, embracing Jenn and drawing out some of her worries in barely visible wisps of light. She took in a little extra to alleviate any suspicion Jenn might harbor over her sudden departure.
She also held onto her a little longer than usual to get as m
uch spirit essence as she could gather. She had to be sure.
When Vivian released Jenn, Zeke’s widow seemed a bit disoriented but much less worried. Jenn walked Vivian to the door and told her goodbye. Vivian managed to transport back to her home before reality struck and she collapsed in a heap on her kitchen floor.
Putting two and two together—from Lou’s change in energy level to Zeb’s seemingly miraculous response to therapy—there was only one plausible explanation.
Like it or not, she had her answer.
She knew where Zeke had been.
***
After her fits of sobbing eased, Vivian stood up and glanced at her kitchen clock. Her trip to and from the Longhollow home had taken about fifteen minutes, mortal standard time. Her tears had given her a measure of release, leaving her exhausted and numb. An odd sense of gratitude filled her for that. Perhaps she could collapse into bed and block out everything for a while. She hoped Zeke would make himself scarce tonight. She feared any confrontation.
What would I say, anyhow?
Accuse him of infidelity? He’d been staying with his wife, and it appeared his only interference had been providing Jenn’s new man with an energy boost. In some twisted way, it was probably Zeke’s way of making up for what a terrible husband he’d been while alive. How could he stand it, though, lingering in his former home and watching a new man take over his role? And what about the children? He’d clearly been trying to help with his son, but at what cost?
God, was he torturing himself? Because she’d sent him away?
She didn’t want to think about it, and she didn’t want to ache over it. She’d just gotten him back, or so she’d thought.
But she’d sent him away, as the padre so cruelly reminded her. And she’d been with Jace, and almost been with Darkmore
Damn it, I will not feel guilty about this.
Without guilt, the only familiar territory left for Vivian to traverse was anger. Rage that she normally kept locked deep within her soul threatened to tear loose and wreak havoc. All that she’d endured at the hands of spirits over the past year flooded her, all that she’d lost and all that had been denied her. They’d robbed her of her freedom, a normal life with a husband and children, and now Zeke. Ezra had made her give him up, had promised to help him cross, but he clearly hadn’t.
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