The moment I spotted her working behind the bar, I felt the tension start to ease. She looked so unbelievably beautiful it made me physically ache to be a hundred feet from her. To know I’d hurt her. Not for the first time, I wondered how she was feeling. Did she have morning sickness? Was she scared? Did she plan on keeping the baby? The last thought alone knocked the breath from me. What if she thought I didn’t want it and made a decision based on her false perception? Now more than ever, I needed to talk to her.
I could only hope if I bared everything, she’d take me back. The thought was terrifying. But nothing compared to spending my life without the woman I loved. And fuck, did I love her. The depths of that love— Well, without abusing the word, terrified me, too.
“Mr. Davenport.” A suit with an earpiece came up to me.
“Yes.”
“Chance Maxwell is upstairs. He’s asking for a word.”
As much as I wasn’t in the mood to talk with Chance, doing so would eat up the time until Kendall was off her shift, and I could meet her in the parking lot. I was ushered into the same office as before, only this time Chance had already poured the bourbon.
“You look like shit, my friend, if you don’t mind me saying so.”
I could imagine I did, considering I hadn’t slept or shaved in days. “I’m getting that a lot lately.”
“Word is you and your girl broke up.”
I eyed the man, trying to figure out his agenda. He wasn’t soft-hearted, he wasn’t one to gossip, nor did I believe he gave a shit about my relationship. “It’s temporary.”
“We may not be friends, Liam, but I respect you, and I like you, which is about as close to friendship as I get these days. And that’s why I’ll say I’m happy to hear it.”
“Thanks.”
He assessed me for a moment before pouring, adding two shots of Patron to our tumblers already on the table.
I waved him off when he pushed one in front of me. “I’m good.”
“You’ll need this for what I’m about to tell you.” He paused, before blurting out, “She’s pregnant.”
“I know.” Funny how calm I was in saying it. Yet he’d just reminded me how badly I’d botched things. I threw back the shot after all.
He threw back his own. “Guess it keeps me from having to break the news, then. You okay with it?”
No. Not at all. And yet knowing she was carrying my child brought out a fierce protective side. “Getting there. How did you come by the information?”
“She talked to my lead bartender about other positions that might be available at the club after she starts showing.”
I was already shaking my head. “She can’t work at the club period. I don’t care what job you think to give her.”
He shrugged, sipping his bourbon. “I may be an asshole, but even I’m not so bad as to turn away a pregnant woman from work if she wants it. You sure it’s yours?”
The murderous glare I gave him had him throwing his hands up in surrender. “You and I live in different worlds, my friend, but I’m glad you don’t have any doubts.”
“I fucked up, but I plan on fixing it.”
“If a smooth talker like you can’t fix it, I don’t suppose there’s hope for the rest of our species. Hell, if anything, having a baby sort of implies you’re in it with her, no matter what. Guess it’s a good thing you’d want to be together.”
“What if I’m a shitty father?” I hadn’t realized I’d verbalized the comment out loud until Chance’s brow lifted.
Much to my surprise, he answered. “Shitty fathers don’t worry about being shitty fathers, you feel me?”
His words were simple and succinct. Also true if I thought about it. “I feel you. In any case, I appreciate you wanting to tell me.”
“Glad I wasn’t the first. By the way, her roommate’s last night is tonight. After work they’re having a going-away breakfast at a local diner. You may want to wait until after to talk to your girl.”
Once again, I appreciated the information. But it wasn’t lost on me that Chance knew more about Kendall’s plans than I did. But hopefully, that was about to change.
It was in my best interest to go home and shower, shave, and better prepare myself for talking to Kendall. I found myself practicing what I’d say. Having my counterarguments ready. It was the only way I could quell my anxiety, preparing as if this was the trial of my life. How long would breakfast take? Would she be home by now? An unanswered text message and two calls later, I finally realized I should be using the time to my advantage.
I had a plan; now I hoped it would actually work.
By late afternoon, I had everything in place and decided to drive to her apartment. I was relieved to see her car in the lot. I was also nervous. Jesus, was I nervous.
After knocking on her apartment door, I waited with bated breath for her to answer. As soon as she did, opening the door to reveal herself in shorts and a tank top, her hair piled high in a messy bun, every prepared thought went out of my mind.
“Hi,” I greeted, drinking her in.
Her eyes were sleepy, her voice rough. “Hello.”
“Do you think we could talk in private? Maybe go back to my place?” It’s where I had something set up I couldn’t wait to show her.
“I already took Chloe to the airport. You can come in here.”
She moved aside, letting me into her studio apartment. It occurred to me my first plan, to get her back to my place, had already failed. Now that I was in her apartment, I was even more at a loss regarding how to proceed. At least she started the conversation.
“How was the trip home?” She took a seat at the small table for two.
“I, um, it was difficult.” I took the other chair. “My father had a video will. We all watched it.”
Her face softened with sympathy. “That must’ve been tough.”
Leave it to her to think about me even now. “It was. But it was also closure.”
“I’m glad. Um, not to be rude, but what are you doing here? I thought you’d text me once you returned, and we’d agree when and where to meet up.”
I swallowed hard. This was where I put it all on the line and lay myself bare. “I took an early flight. Came to see you at the bar last night. I thought about staying but found out you had plans with Chloe. Also, I didn’t think you’d be too happy to see me.”
“I probably wouldn’t have.”
Despite all my practiced words, all my ways of trying to win her back, the only thing I could say was, “I’ve always tried to accomplish more because I never felt like I was enough.”
Her eyes went wide with my admission. Then, because she knew me, she whispered, “Your father?”
I nodded. “My sister asked me a question. What’s after named partner?”
Kendall scrunched up her nose. “What do you mean what’s after? Isn’t named partner your all-time goal?”
“That’s the thing I’m coming to realize. It would be, until I attain it, still don’t deem it enough, and go for the next goal. It’s been that way my entire life. Undergrad. Law school. Partner. Always trying, with the next level and the next accomplishment or purchase, to prove it’s enough. To prove I’m enough. It never is. It never will be if I stay on the road I’ve been on.”
“If?”
I nodded. “I’m still working on that part. Probably need to see a therapist or something to help me through it. But hopefully, admitting I have a problem is the first step. I’ve always been terrified of failing, but I controlled that fear by putting everything into whatever I did. The law came naturally to me. It was comfortable. Relationships never were, and I was never good at them. I told you I avoided relationships because I didn’t have the time. Didn’t want to threaten my career by gleaning any of my precious work hours. Hell, it’s what I told myself, too, but the truth is I’m terrified. Terrified of letting anyone in. Of failing to be enough for them.”
“You were always enough for me, Liam. You weren’t perfect, but nob
ody is.”
Hadn’t my sister said the same thing? “I’ve never felt worthy.”
Chapter Fifty-Two
Kendall
My heart broke over his words. It blew my mind to discover someone like Liam could have such deep insecurity. Looking back now, with the advantage of hindsight, I suppose there were clues, yet I’d never picked up on them. He’d always seemed so confident about everything. And I’d believed he simply didn’t want a relationship getting in the way of his career goals.
“You’ve always been worthy, Liam.”
He stood up, walked over and took my hand, pulling me out of my chair and in close to him. Jesus, I’d missed him. Missed the feel of being in his arms.
“I’m working on that part. I promise. I’ve let go of my hate for my father. I’ll have to live with the regret I didn’t give him the chance he’d wanted, but at least I understand better why he left. Why he stayed away. Why my mother chose to forgive him. In the video, he was coming up on his one-year mark of staying sober. He explained he’d decided he had to be one year sober before he’d come home.”
Liam took a deep breath. I couldn’t imagine what it would feel like to see a father you hadn’t seen in over twenty years, or how he’d look different through the eyes of an adult. I was happy he’d found closure. Happy he was working on things, but selfishly, I wasn’t sure where that left us.
“Those words I said to you on the phone were all wrong. I made it all about what I thought I was losing instead of what I was gaining. I don’t expect you to forgive me right away, but I want a second chance.”
His hand splayed gently on my belly. “I want this baby. I want you. I prepared this great argument with all of the reasons we should be together, but it sort of went out of my head the minute I saw you. Because all I could think about was how I could breathe easy again. How I need you in my life. How I’m willing to do whatever it takes. I love you.”
He wanted me. He wanted this baby. But I wouldn’t be the reason he lost his dream. “I love you, too. But I don’t want you to give up on becoming named partner. I don’t want to take a chance you might end up resenting me or the baby.”
“I’m not giving up. But I also refuse to accept I can’t have one without the other. So if when I tell them I’m not willing to completely sacrifice my personal life, they don’t want me, then it’s their loss. Because my new goal, the one I absolutely won’t compromise on, is to be a better man, so I can be a better partner to you and a good father to this baby. Please tell me you want to keep him or her.”
Tears tracked down my face. He was already thinking of this baby as a boy or a girl instead of an it. “I’m keeping him or her.”
He crushed me to him, exhaling a shuddered breath. Then, easing up, he pulled back so he could smooth the hair off my face. “Are you going to your parents’ house today?”
“No. I begged off, telling them I had an exam to study for.”
“You haven’t told them yet?”
“No. To be honest, I’m not sure how my dad will react.”
“I’d like to be there with you. We should tell them together.”
“I’m not sure how it’ll go.” I could imagine they’d both be disappointed, to say the least. Would that freak Liam out?
“All that much more reason for me to be there. They may be surprised, but they need to know we’re together, and we’re committed to raising this baby. We could get engaged before we go.”
I was already shaking my head. “I don’t want the reason we get engaged or married to be because of this pregnancy. We can be committed parents without trying to plan a shotgun wedding beforehand. I was thinking I’d tell them after the first trimester.”
He rubbed his hands down my back. “We can tell them whenever you’re ready.”
“I’m hoping to ask them next weekend if they’re okay with me moving home. My transfer to the Century City office will be complete in two weeks. I already found a bus that makes the commute from my parents’ house.”
His lips went flat, but despite us working things out, there was no way I could continue to work for him in LA.
“The partner you’ll be working for is a great guy. He’s in environmental law, which shouldn’t be as high stress as my practice. And he’s near retirement. Are you hungry? You want to get some lunch and go back to my place? I have a surprise there for you.”
I was relieved he wouldn’t fight me on my transfer. “I’d love to.”
After grabbing lunch at my favorite soup place, we pulled into his driveway, entering his garage as the overhead door opened. Here I’d thought I might never be back here.
“Come on. I have something to show you.”
He led me by the hand into the house and then up the stairs. But instead of taking me to the master bedroom, he took me to the guest bedroom. I was confused until he opened the door and revealed a nursery. Or at least the start of one.
“It’s not nearly finished, but I figured you want to pick a color of paint and any other decorations you’d want. Or if you don’t like this furniture, we can return it. I was limited in my choices when I went out this morning since I wanted it the same day. We still need to get a hutch or dresser and a changing table, but it’s a start.”
He was rambling while I focused on the gorgeous mahogany crib and plush rocking chair with a fuzzy stuffed bunny on it. I couldn’t speak.
“I wasn’t sure if you wanted to find out the sex of the baby. Or if you don’t like this room, there’s the other one down the hall, but I figured you’d want one closest to the master bedroom. Or if you don’t want to live here, we can find a different place.”
I finally let his words sink in. “You want me to move in with you?”
He flashed a rueful smile. “I probably should’ve started with that question. I want you to move in with me, Kendall. Share all your nights and weekends with me. I know you aren’t ready for a proposal, and the last thing I want to do is rush this, but it feels right to have you live here. For us to get ready for this baby together.”
“I haven’t had my first checkup. I’m not out of the first trimester. There’s a chance of miscarriage.”
His expression was etched in worry. “Then, we’d have to cross that bridge. But make no mistake, even if there was a miscarriage, this bedroom is destined to be a nursery, whether it’s eight months from now or later down the road when we try again.”
I was in shock.
“I want it all. You, me. A family.” He took my hands, locking his gaze on mine with an intensity I’d never seen from him. “This pregnancy wasn’t something either of us planned. But I’ve come to realize sometimes the best things to ever happen are those you don’t plan. Like falling in love with you.”
Tears started streaming down my face. “I love you, too, Liam.”
His arms went around me, hugging me close. “This may not come out right, but I really want you to quit your job at the club. I worried before, but now it would be unbearable to think about you working late in a crowded bar while pregnant.”
It wasn’t my first choice, either, but I had bills to pay.
He beat me to the punch. “I know you need the money for your grandmother’s care, but I want you to let me pay for it. And before you argue, let me tell you something. Aside from my mother and sister, my grandparents were the most important part of my life growing up. They aren’t still with me, but if they were, I’d do this for them. Let me do it for your nan. Let me do this for us.”
I wiped my tears, both relieved and guilty that he’d offer this. “You realize you’re impossible to argue with, don’t you? But we can compromise because with the money I’ll be saving on rent, I’d still be able to pay a good portion of her care.”
He opened his mouth as if he was about to argue with me but then grinned. “Deal.”
“And I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. After we have the baby, I’m quitting the firm. I reached out to Stephen Walsh, and if he gets back to me, I’d really like to w
ork in one of his restaurants.”
He surprised me. “I think that’s a great idea.”
“You do?”
“You deserve to do something you enjoy. What better example for our son or daughter than for their mother to follow her dreams?”
My arms went around him. For the first time, I felt the positives outweigh any lingering doubts. Whatever was in store, we would figure our future out together.
Chapter Fifty-Three
Liam
After moving Kendall’s things into my place, we settled into our new living arrangement. Although I missed seeing her in the office each day, I was happier to have her to come home to. With each moment we spent together, I felt more and more complete. I savored hearing she loved me. Holding on to her every night. Knowing she was giving us a chance.
Being a part of her first appointment where we got to see our baby on the ultrasound screen filled my heart. Although I might still have some insecurities about my ability to be everything she and this baby deserved, at least I could acknowledge I was a work in progress.
But there was one thing I couldn’t stop thinking about. One thing I wanted more than anything. So on a Saturday morning, I put my plan into motion while she slept in. As soon as I heard her in the bathroom, running the tap, I took a deep breath, ready to go. Game time.
“Morning,” I said, walking in to watch her finish brushing her teeth.
She gave me a toothy grin. “Morning.”
“I have a surprise for you in your side of the closet.”
“Do you now?”
I nuzzled her neck and splayed my hand against her tiny baby bump, wanting nothing more than to get her back in my bed. But I kept my mind on my goal. “Go in and check it out.”
She kissed me lightly before giving me a sleepy smile. “I’m intrigued.”
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