by Tara Brent
It was my great grandfather who came to America to make a better life for his wife and children. They first lived in New Orleans, where my father grew up. My father left New Orleans and bought land in Texas where he started a small-time cattle ranch. That’s how he met my mother, who was the daughter of a neighboring rancher. Despite having been brought up on the Texan plains, she longed for city life. They sold their small ranch and moved to San Francisco to open a bakery. You've never tasted bread like my mother bakes, it is phenomenal.
Ethan and I got the city bug, but Nico yearned to live the Texan lifestyle, so he became a cowboy. When Ethan and I started our first tech business, we soon sold it and made our first millions. That's when Nico bought a few ranches. From there, we've built the conglomerate we are today. Although our riches came from Ethan and me, the family benefits from our wealth. My father always taught us that family matters. And, now he’s gone. A part of my heart will always be empty without him.
Our mother accepts it graciously, she was never a loud Texan. She has always been a gentle motherly role model for us. Even at a time like this, she thinks of nothing but her sons.
“Mamma, you must grieve too,” I tell her as we sit together in the shade. We're in a part of the garden where she and papa had planted lots of blooms.
“He’s to be buried on this land, as am I,” she tells me very matter of factly.
“Is that legal?” I ask her, somewhat surprised. My mamma is not one to break the law, but I fear this act of keeping papa close to her might be borderline.
“I made arrangements with the local sheriff. It’s our land, Calvin, we can do what we like,” she smiles back at me as she pats my hand like I'm still a child.
This brashness is not like my mother at all, but I guess they both knew their time was drawing near. In a sense, it’s a way for them to be together forever. I could never imagine my parents apart. Despite her matter of fact attitude, I know that mamma will be grieving deeper than any of us.
Later I speak to my brother, Nico, about the burial arrangements. He informs me there's to be a piece of land available for all family burials if we want it. Our parents had insisted on a family memorial where we could all come back together one day. It’s odd because I never think of death. I suppose we all think it’s something that happens to someone else. Now that I'm confronted with it, I see the significance of us all coming back together at the end. Somehow, it feels right.
We each live our busy lives spread out all over the world, yet we would drop everything if a family member needed us. Right now, it's mamma who needs her family around her, even though she won’t admit to it. Papa knew she would be well looked after once he was gone. But, she will be lonely without him. They were very close in their love. Though they fought hard in their earlier years of marriage, they could never be apart. They were a couple who went everywhere together.
If I were to marry, that’s the kind of woman I would want by my side. One who isn’t afraid to speak up but who will also have my back when I need it.
I shake my head and wonder why my train of thought has returned to Tiffany. She’s a married woman with a child. I must accept that she has her life and it doesn't include me. I have my life and we will not be joining together ever again. It must be my grief that is confusing me. I’m longing for all the people I cannot have.
Chapter 11
Two for One
We come back to the hotel where the guys are staying. I agreed to it because Ali's having a good time and I don't want to spoil that for her, but I'm a little unsure that I belong here. In the darkened bar with the pulsating music and hot sweaty bodies crushed I wanted to make out with this guy. It could be down to all the tension in my life lately, but that feeling has now gone away. In the light of agreeing to come back to their hotel, it suddenly hits me how real this could get.
Though who could blame me? This guy has a sculptured body with well-defined muscle tone and the handsome features to go with it. These marines sure do build-up a fit body. But, guess what? Calvin and I making love flits through my mind. Now I’m here, in another hotel with a different guy it doesn't seem right. I try to push Calvin out of my head but he refuses to go. It wouldn’t be so bad if we were a couple, but that's far from the truth. Why am I even thinking about him anyway?
“You okay, honey?” My guy asks me as he places his rather large solid arms over my shoulders.
Now we’re facing each other and although his package isn’t quite touching me, I can feel the heat coming from it. Make up your mind, girl, what’s it going to be?
He takes my chin in his huge hand and I’m like a lump of jelly in his arms. His kiss is gentle, at first, but I know he only has one thing in mind. He wants to get laid while he’s on leave. Sure enough, he’s turning me on and I melt in his hands as hot molten lava runs through my veins.
“Crap!” I cry out. “Stop, stop it. I don’t want to do this.”
He pulls away and looks confused.
“Should I really stop?” He asks, smiling back at me. “You only need to say it once more, and I will.”
I look over at Ali who’s entwined with her date, their lips locked together. My emotions are confused and I'm not sure why. Why the hell am I thinking of Calvin when I’m out with a dream date? Yet, if I go with this guy it feels like I’m betraying the father of my child. How Calvin has managed to get a hold of my heart and stay inside my head once again, I have no idea, but, he has.
Ali and her guy come up for air and I take the opportunity to walk away from my hot date. Or I should say “run away,” which is literally what I do.
“Ali, I have to go home,” I tell her as I move towards the door at speed. “I’m sorry, I'll explain later.”
She looks at me as if she understands. Ali is such a good friend. I don’t even look back at the guy I was with. All that's in my mind is getting out of this place. I run through the hotel lobby and straight out of the front doors. Once again I'm in a cab and running away. Until I sort out my feelings over Calvin, I’m going to keep to myself. It sort of feels wrong to be with another guy. Don’t ask me why, but Calvin captured my heart years ago. Now, my heart won’t accept anyone else.
Ali stayed behind so at least I haven’t ruined her evening. Though I ruined that poor guy's night, but hey, he only wanted someone to lay. It's not as if he can't soon find another woman, with his looks.
When I get home I'm thankful everyone's asleep. Going straight to my bed, I cry myself to sleep. Calvin is the only one I ever wanted. He always was, but I’m so afraid at what might happen if it doesn’t work out.
My cell phone rings and wakes me up. The bright sun shines through the window because I didn't close the blinds. Ali's on the other end.
“Well, I want to thank you for the best night I’ve ever had in my life, so far,” she says, sounding rather pleased with herself.
“Have you even had any sleep?” I ask her.
“Nope, I was too busy with both those guys,” she laughs.
“Nooo! You didn’t?” I ask, a little shocked at what she’s implying.
“I most certainly did and hey girl, you missed out on an amazing experience,” she chuckles.
“What can I say? I’m glad you had a good time because I was feeling as if I let everyone down,” I confess.
“No way, girl. Although I gotta admit I’d have sooner you stayed and made out with the guy. You need some release, girl. But, I was able to stand up and do my duty. Anyway, I’ll tell you all about it later because if I don’t get some sleep, I’ll never be ready for work tomorrow. Love you,” she says and cuts me off.
Typical, she loves cutting people off over the phone. She always wants the last word, but I don’t mind, I’m used to it. Ali doesn’t have a mean bone in her body, it’s just the way she is. That’s why she could make out with two guys and not have a care in the world. Whereas I’d feel guilty for the rest of my life. I can’t wait to hear her story.
Right now though, it’s not Ali I need
to be concentrating on but Calvin. I’m pretty sure he’s left town as I haven’t heard from him these last few days. I can’t say I’m surprised as I did drop that marriage bombshell on him the last time I saw him. It could be that he's finally given up on me. After all, I did behave like a bitch towards him. Now I’m beginning to regret it. Have I lost him for the second time in my life?
“Let’s Drink to That”
A few days later the family gathers together for my father's funeral. It was a large affair with family visiting from Italy and elsewhere. We stayed on the ranch and my brother, Nico, took care of all the arrangements. We all stayed in the ranch house which has ample rooms to accommodate all who came to pay their respects. Now it's over, we three brothers are returning to San Francisco together. Mamma wants to stay by papa's side and won't go anywhere.
As it happened, Mia was to host a huge charity event at her main restaurant. Already planned prior to our family loss, it was something I’d agreed to be involved with. Nico wasn't going to come but we agreed that we should be together for our grieving stages. It took some time coaxing him away from his beloved ranch, but he knew he needed a break. In reality, he doesn’t need to work, the ranch manages itself. He has a trustworthy and dependable livestock manager and very able ranch hands, but he loves to be a part of it. Now though, we’re dragging him to the city, despite his protestations.
Nico and I will be staying at one of our family hotels. We've invested our money over the years in many ventures, hotels being a part of our family business.
Right now, I’m back in Ethan’s apartment, visiting with Nico.
“It’s darn cold in this city,” Nico complains.
“You’re too used to that dusty environment,” Ethan laughs, handing bottles of beer around.
“Something keeps drawing me back to this city,” I say under my breath as I look out at the metropolis before me.
“I wonder if it’s a redhead?” Mia quips. “Oh, and by the way,” she adds, addressing us all, “keep the noise down, I’ve finally got Lilly to sleep.”
We move outside and onto the large balcony. Calling it a balcony does it a disservice. It's a huge outdoor space that overlooks the city, it even has a small pool.
“So, who’s the redhead then?” Nico asks me, showing an interest in my personal life.
“Actually, it’s an old friend I bumped into before we came to the ranch,” I reply, not divulging much.
“Come on, bro, I can tell she’s more than just an old friend. I see the twinkle in your eyes as you’re thinking about her,” Nico teases.
“I’d rather not talk about her.”
I attempt to end that line of conversation but to no avail as Nico pushes for more information.
“Whoa! Someone has it serious!” He declares.
“You going to be a pain in the ass?” I ask him, ready to wrestle him to the ground should he keep on being so annoying. Wrestling is something we three brothers often did as kids, and it stayed with us. Even as adults we settle some difference in the wrestling ring. It’s not as barbaric or even a testosterone-laden activity as it sounds. We keep our friendly competitive ways to sort out certain disputes and bets. Although, we don’t get to do it much these days. Ethan's a respectable married man and Nico lives thousands of miles away.
“You can’t touch me, bro,” Nico says, guessing my intentions to his prying into my personal life. “It’ll wake up Lilly and then you’ll be in deep shit.”
We laugh at each other, knowing we’re at an impasse.
“So, how come you haven’t got hitched yet, then?” I ask him, turning the table.
“I work too hard to settle down into a long term relationship. Besides, I couldn’t marry one of the dainty women you spend your time dating. They couldn’t keep up all that glamor with my lifestyle. She’d have to be a true country girl who doesn't mind getting her fingernails dirty.”
“Well, marriage isn’t for me either,” I tell him. “I can’t be tied down to one woman for the rest of my life. That’s why I like to play the field and not stay with anyone in particular.”
Despite my blasé attitude to my love life, it doesn't actually fit into how I feel since Tiffany came back into my life
“Well, I propose we have ourselves some fun while I’m here,” Nico suggests. “I’m in need of a good lay.”
“I'll drink to that,” I say, raising my bottle of beer.
Chapter 12
An Invitation
When I return to work on Monday morning for my day shifts, there's a card waiting for me, from Mia Luca. It’s not unusual to get thank you cards from patients but this particular patient is connected to Calvin. For this reason, I’m a little taken aback. Until the blind date, I didn’t even know of her connections with Calvin. Anything to do with Calvin makes me nervous.
I fell for Calvin almost from the minute we met. Not only was he handsome and hot, but he was so unassuming. We were both about to finish our studies when we started dating. It was almost time for the final farewell graduation ball. For me, Calvin was the man I fell in love with instantly. Once I realized he didn’t feel the same way about me, I let him go. He was so keen to further his career and I knew he was clever with technology. This was a man who was not ready to have a permanent woman in his life.
It wasn’t until a few weeks after we had parted ways that I began to suspect I was pregnant. After that, my life spiraled downwards as far as my career path was concerned. I too was expecting to go places with my career but my son, Callum, changed all that. He was worth it and I don’t regret the decision, but I felt at the time there was no point informing his father. Calvin did not seem like the type to take on responsibilities and settle down. In a way, I thought I was doing him a favor. Of course, never having been a mother before, I didn’t look upon it from Callum’s point of view. I knew I would love my child and so would the rest of my family, so it seemed the right thing to do at the time.
Now, of course, I can see it was irresponsible of me. Panic sets in at the thought of Calvin finding out and wanting to be a part of Callum’s life, but not wanting to be a part of mine. He may be furious with me over my decision to keep him out of Callum's life, and who could blame him? Could he seek revenge by trying to take him away from me? I don’t think he would as he was never that sort of guy, but that niggling doubt still eats away at me. Yes, I do still love him and my date the other night proved that to me. I want nothing more than to have him back in my life once again. If only I could be sure that he would love me enough to stay with me, but I can’t.
I opened my card with trepidation. Was Mia angry at me for spurning Calvin? It turns out I needn’t have worried. Instead, what I've received is an invitation to a charity auction event, along with a private note which says -
Hi Tiffany, thanks for all you did for my husband and I and our baby, Lilly. Please come along to my charity auction. You don’t need to bid on anything so don’t worry about that side of things. It will be a great party and a way to share our thanks for bringing our daughter safely into the world. If I don’t hear from you, I’ll book you a place with a guest ticket and assume you’re coming along. Please do your best to attend. I would love to see you again. Thanks, Mia L
One thing for sure, I know that Ali will want to go. I don’t think Calvin will be there as I believe he's left San Francisco. Otherwise, I would have heard from him. After all, I did present him with a bombshell about my faux marriage, which I very much regret now. Ah well, water under the bridge, as they say. I'll take up this kind offer, it'll be interesting to watch all those wealthy folk bidding away their money. Plus, this time I’ll make sure I eat some of Mia’s famous food. The last time I went to her restaurant I couldn’t eat a thing. It was all down to my nerves at the shock of meeting Calvin again. It will be nice to see Mia and Ethan again, so that’s my decision made.
What a great excuse for a shopping trip, as we'll both need new dresses. Quickly I text the message to Ali who sends me an instant reply t
hat she is so excited. Finally, a night out where I can relax without any male company, and enjoy being myself.
Alcatraz
I need to do something to take my mind off Tiffany, so today I’m giving my brother, Nico, the grand tour of San Francisco. It’s taken me all morning to get him out of his cowboy clothes and into something more suitable. I didn’t think I could until I told him that his cowboy style might be seen as a gay status in San Francisco, and that did it. Still, he insists on wearing his Stetson, with his long hair tied back in a tail. I can cope with that, as he now looks presentable for a day in the city.
My idea was to take him to some of the great places here in San Francisco
. There are a few popular places such as Fisherman's Wharf and Chinatown, but he was having none of that. Where does he want to go more than anywhere else? To Alcatraz Island, that’s where. Of all the places we can visit in the bay area, my brother wants to tour a prison. He doesn’t’ even want a private tour, which I could easily arrange. Instead, he simply wants to go in with the general public. Money never went to his head, that’s for sure.
To be fair, we're very much the same in that regard. I much prefer mingling with the general public too. Our father kept us boys in our place. No favoritism, and no luxuries. He expected us to pay our way. There’s something liberating about not having to act the rich man. I suppose it's easy for me to say when I’ve got plenty of money, but I don’t feel guilty because I know that I worked hard for it.
Seeing as Nico is the guest, I agree to his destination for the day. Now we're on our way to one of the world’s most infamous jails. I wish I could talk him out of the headgear, but the guy says he feels naked without his cowboy hat on his head.