by Tara Brent
What am I going to do? I can feel the tears welling up again. Nothing I do stops them because I'm an emotional mess at the moment, I’m normally much stronger than this. I can hear Drew's deep baritone voice as he speaks with the children over dinner. Should I go out there and join them so I can try talking to him? He seemed so sure that he wouldn’t allow anyone like Trish to be near Annie, so I don’t think there’s any talking to be done. Nothing I say can change his mind. It seems that he's thought about it and come to his own conclusion without anyone else's opinion.
How can I push Lucas’s mother out of our lives? Drew is being very unreasonable and I don’t see why I should be the one to compromise. There's no middle point to this problem. Trish is important to my family and we are not ditching her, not under any circumstances. She’s about to work so hard at rehab. Imagine what a setback it would be to her if she came through that, only to be alone in the world. It wasn’t her fault that Paul did what he did. Nor do I see it as her fault why she suffers so much angst in this cruel world.
I’m not giving in on this one. Either Drew accepts that Trish is a part of my family, or we will...I’m not sure what will happen. It doesn’t bode well for our relationship.
This is all I have thought about since Drew and I argued. It’s now dark outside and Drew has made no effort to come to bed. How am I going to be with a man who doesn’t include my family in his plans? He made it clear that he was only thinking about Annie and that really hurt my feelings. I thought I knew this man. I thought he was my friend as well as my lover. Now, it turns out that he’s not the man I thought he was. He’s making such serious demands on me that I can’t risk putting what little family I have in such a position. He must accept us all as a package, or not at all. I will not have Trish bullied in this way.
I’ve tossed and turned all night. Showered and paced my room, and now I’m opening the window to let the night breeze cool my skin. Looking out over the lights on the bay, I’m reminded of my father. He was a selfish man too. Is it all men? Or is it only the ones that happen to be in my life?
At least I’ve come to a decision whilst spending this time thinking it all over, alone. Either Drew accepts my sister as part of his family, or our relationship will come to an end. The thought of that breaks my heart because I truly do love him. But, my love for him will not be at the cost of my love for my sister. She needs her family, now more than ever, and I’m not taking that away from her. Over the years she’s tried to do without us. She's taken her problems away from us many times, but she always feels a need to come back to us. My sister is ill and I fear that she can’t be cured. Her mental wellbeing is unrepairable. No way will I allow Drew to kick her in the back while she's down.
Don’t worry Trish, I’m going to be with you all the way, and so is Lucas and mom. Never will I abandon my sister, not even for the man I love.
Chapter 35
Soothing Waves
I awake to turn over and cuddle Chrissy, but she's not there! That's when I realize I’ve slept all night on the couch. When I remember why, I feel a wave of anger burning in my gut. Chrissy has not come out of the bedroom and has made no attempt to talk with me. We seem to have a real breakdown between us at the moment. Both of us feeling strong in our opinions over Trish.
I change into a tracksuit in my office. It might be best not to see Chrissy right now. I’m not sure I can control my anger. Instead, I'll go for a jog to help clear my head.
The cool breeze refreshes me so I decide to make it a longer jog. It takes me past Chrissy’s house and ends on the marina, as I stand staring at our boat. Climbing on board, I recall happier times such as our vacation on the boat. If only things could be good again between us. Making my way to the kitchen, I brew myself a strong cup of coffee.
The slight bobbing of the boat in the marina waves is very soothing for my troubled mind. Chrissie's father, Jason Montgomery, taught me to love the ocean. He wasn't a very good father but he was a real character. He loved his daughters but he loved his life out at sea the most. At least he died out on the ocean, a life he adored. Chrissy had a far better mother than Trish, so I'm thankful for that. Not that it's any excuse for Trish's behavior though, even though Chrissy will argue that it is.
This is the first time I’ve ever felt that I need some space from Chrissy. The apartment's huge, yet it feels claustrophobic in there. Even if I spend the day in my office, someone would disturb me sooner or later. The only person I want in my life right now is Annie. Oh, and Rita, of course.
If I allow Trish into our family life, how long will it be before she’s bringing her male friends to visit us? They’ll undoubtedly be other versions of Paul. I don’t want the likes of him anywhere near my daughter. Nor do I want them in Lucas’s life but I don’t feel at liberty to dictate that right now. My daughter though is my responsibility. I won’t have people like that hanging around our home.
If that’s what Chrissy wants, that's her business. How can I stop her and do I even want to stop her from stooping so low? If she won’t listen to me, what can I do?
Wherever Trish is, there’s always a possibility that Paul will turn up in her trail. I’m not subjecting Annie to that experience again. My daughter will always come first in any decisions I make. I have the wealth to take us far away from this place, and I will. If Chrissy chooses to stay here and wait for her sister to come back, that’s her choice, but it’s not mine.
Now I know how my parents must have felt when it came to making decisions on my education. I want the best for Annie. What’s more, I can afford the best and that’s what she’s having. My daughter needs to live a stable, happy life. That won’t happen with someone like Chrissy’s sister hanging around.
I remember well how unhappy Trish was as a child. Her mother was an awful woman. She seemed to be with different men every week. Whilst I don’t think Trish is quite that bad, she has grown up with lots of issues going on in her head. Will she even manage to get through rehab? She never has before.
No, I can’t have that woman in my daughter's life! That’s my decision and as a father, I must protect my child. Poor Lucas, having a mother like Trish. Chrissy has been a far better mother for him but she refuses to admit that Trish is a bad influence on the child.
I was an only child and I suppose I never had to consider any siblings. The way I see it, siblings latch on to each other because they feel love, no matter what. They also seem to feel that bloodline should be there for them whenever they mess up their lives. Well, Annie and I are not related to Trish, so we’re under no obligation to be there for her. Frankly, I don’t give a fuck about what happens to her.
Hunger pangs rumble in my guts and I realize that I’ve been on the boat for hours. All I’ve had is coffee, all day long. No breakfast or lunch. It seems I’ve paced up and down the boat, mulling over the problems of my relationship with Chrissy. This can’t continue, otherwise, we’re going to be a very unhappy family. This is going to take a strong mind and I need to make a decision on our future.
I pick up my phone and start to make calls. One way or another, I need to end this dispute. I’m at a crossroads and not sure which path to take. It’s time I spoke with my parents. Not that I expect them to come up with any answers but Annie and I could do with some company that we know will put us first. Annie is always my number one priority. To my parents I’m always their number one priority, so who better to ask advice from than my parents. Anyway, it’ll be nice to hear their voices again. We haven’t seen them since Clara’s funeral. Maybe it’s time for a visit?
Chapter 36
My Little Home
He’s done it again!
Every time something happens that he doesn’t like, he disappears. Rita told me that he went out for a jog earlier than usual. So, do I worry that something's happened to him? Or, do I presume he’s out there sulking somewhere because he can’t get his own way? More likely the latter.
Drew Gagnon was always a bit of a sulker and a foot stamper too, a
s a child. I recall him giving his parents a hard time so he could attend a standard school with me. At the time I was glad of it because I dreaded going anywhere without him. Now that I’m an adult and a parent, I can see the heartbreak this must have caused his parents.
Since moving in with Drew, he’s often talked of his time in Europe. For me, it sounds like a cold, distant place. Though he said the yellow sunflower fields in France are a sight to behold. He’s talked to us about moving to Europe but I’m not keen one bit. What he doesn’t realize is that Europe represents his wife, Clara, to me. That’s where he fell in love with another woman and lived happily without me in his life.
In fact, I’m beginning to wonder if we can ever have a successful relationship together. Not when he wants me to abandon my family. Or rather, what little family I have in this big wide world.
This morning I taught the children their lessons. They asked me if I was unwell because I didn’t come to dinner last night, bless them. Very naughtily, I used that as an excuse. What has it come to when I lie to my children? I'm wondering if I should consider going back to school to teach, instead of this cozy little job in Drew’s home.
Moving into his home might not have been such a good idea after all. When he decides to come home, I’ll have a chat with him about my family going back to our own house and me going back to school. I've grown very fond of Annie, too fond now I see that I may not have the opportunity to be her mommy. But, Drew and I need some space to think this over. Right now I'm so very saddened that he would do this to me. How can I choose between him and my sister?
The children seem oblivious of our differences but I know that Rita and mom have picked up on it. They’re treating me with tender loving care, right now. Both are giving me extra hugs and attempting to get me to talk to them. Yet, the only person I want to talk to isn’t here. I do want to talk to him but I find it so difficult to be the one to do the approaching. Call it stupidity or stubbornness, I don't know. It might be a good idea to take to those closest to me. I’m bursting with the need to cry and have a good talk with someone. That’s why I keep hoping he’ll get back home soon and come running up and take me in his strong arms.
I look out of the living room window to see part of the marina. It’s a wonderful view from here but we can’t quite see our own boat. That's why we often take a walk over to see it. Maybe I should take the children there, it would do us all good to get some fresh air in our lungs. Then again, I don’t feel so good so maybe not. I wasn’t quite lying to the children when I said I didn't feel well, because I am off my food. It seems I haven’t quite got over the bad experience of Paul yet. And now, well...now I’m uptight because I have no answers to this dilemma. I’m going to go talk to my mom, she might be able to help me feel a little better.
I find her resting in bed, with her oxygen mask on. When I see her so vulnerable I hate to disturb her and cause her any worry. Rita's also busy over in the kitchen area, with the children. They’re all making cookies so I can hear laughter, yet it doesn’t make me feel any better. There's nothing as good as the sound of children laughing. Yet, my heart has sunk too low to appreciate the good things in life.
That’s it, I’m going to go on a bike ride. I'll even swing by my house to make sure all’s well there. Starting to put on my outdoor fleece, Rita leaves the children mixing their cookie dough and comes over to me.
“You have heard from Drew. Yes?” She asks.
“No, Rita. He’s more likely to contact you than me,” I say with a little despair in my tone. “I’m going out on a bike ride for some fresh air. You okay with that?”
“Of course, Chrissy. It is a good idea. It might help you feel better,” she replies with a warm smile.
Rita is a lovely person and I’ve been so grateful for getting to know her. She told me that she worked for Clara’s family and knew Clara as a girl. I don’t like to pry but she's an open kind of person and tells me things anyway. Saying that Clara knew of me because Drew sometimes spoke of me. Rita says that Clara always knew that Drew had a place in his heart for me and it never upset her. Clara was a person who believed that if more people loved each other, the world would be a better place. There was no room for hatred in her heart. She sounds like she was a lovely person. In a way, I wish I had known her.
“Are you okay with the children?” I double-check.
“You joke?” She laughs. “They love to bake and I love cookies, so we are good together.”
“If mom wakes up before I get back, tell her I’m checking on the house.”
“Don’t forget your key,” she reminds me.
“Oh Rita, I would have gone all that way without a key if you hadn’t said that. Silly me,” I smile as I pick up the house key from a key hanger in the hallway area.
“You go with care,” she says, looking at me in a loving fondness that makes me feel good.
“Always,” I reply, and open the door.
My bike is in a lobby cupboard downstairs so I’ll pick it up on my way out. At first, I wasn’t keen on going outdoors, but now, I’m looking forward to it. My house is surrounded by woodlands and that’s the best place in the world when I feel down. The smell of pine needles, the tall trees that stand like guards surrounding my small village. I love it out in the open, away from buzzing traffic. Though I will have to pass the place where Paul was staying, but when I get to my little home, I’ll feel safe.
Chapter 37
Not on This Trip, Honey
“Yes, I have to go, dad,” I say in an attempt to get him off the phone. “I’ve organized for a helicopter to pick us up in Parksville and take us to Vancouver airport. From there, we’ll get a flight through to Milan airport. You can meet us there, if you want to, or send a car, it’s up to you.”
He tells me how my mother is insisting on meeting us personally. It takes forever to get him off the phone. I don't have much time before we're due to be picked up at the heliport. Next, I ring Rita to tell her to pack quickly, we’re going to Italy to visit my parents. That sets her off in French as I hear the panic in her voice at such short notice, so I instruct her to stop talking and get off the phone. Needless to say, she doesn't like that and tells me so in no uncertain terms, so I cut her off. Hopefully, she's now packing.
Finally, I walk back to the apartment and I’m surprised when I get there to find that Chrissy is gone. Ah well, I'll leave her a note. Though I explain to Lisa that I’m taking Annie to see her grandparents. She doesn’t seem pleased at my news but says nothing as I go off to help Rita do the packing.
“Papa, why is Lucas staying at home?” Annie comes and asks me.
“Because this is a trip for you to see your grandparents,” I answer in a stern voice, to discourage any more questions.
It doesn’t work, “Lucas shares his grandma with me, so I want to share mine too. Please, I want Lucas to come, papa.” Annie continues following me around as I am packing too.
“Not on this trip, honey. I’ve only got three flight tickets. Some other time,” I smile as I turn my back on her.
That seems to do the trick as she leaves my bedroom and goes to speak with Rita. Good. Rita will no doubt warn her not to bother her papa and we can get moving. It's turned out good that Chrissy’s not home, I don’t have to explain anything to her right now. The fact that I’ve decided at the last minute, to go to Europe, will only make things worse, I know. But, I need to get away. If I'm honest with myself, I'm missing a few of my luxuries staying here. Some hot weather will be good, and the company of people I know and love will be good too. It’s time for me to get away from here so I can straighten out my head.
“Papa," Annie's voice rings in my head once again. "I ask Lucas and he says he wants to come too,” Annie tells me as she storms back into my bedroom.
This time, I stop what I’m doing so I can speak with her better.
“Annie, papa needs to go straight away and mommy isn’t around. Now go get any toys you wish to take because our car is waiting.”
She turns to do as I ask but I can see that she isn’t happy. The sulky look she throws my way is a giveaway sign. I can see Lucas peeking around the door, so I call him in.
“Listen, big man, you can come another time but you need to wait in for your mommy, okay?” I say as I hug him tight.
For Lucas, I do feel bad. He’s a great little guy and I would love to take him along, but Chrissy isn’t here to ask. Besides, she wouldn’t let me even if she was. She’d be asking me why I need to go, and quite frankly, I don’t want to tell her that I need to get away from this place. Chrissy would think I’m running from her, and I’m not, or am I? No, that's not it. I need some space to think through our future. Are we going to be good parents together? Are we the right match for one another? I’m not happy with her sister’s behavior and I can’t hide that fact. As Annie’s father, I get to choose the people in her life, and it’s not the likes of Trish.
She's not the kind of person I want around my daughter. As a young man, I recall that Trish had a rather promiscuous persona. There were rumors aplenty of how she gave hand-jobs in the shelter in the park. I'd even seen her drinking alcohol when around the boys. For all I knew, she might have started on drugs then, too. I don’t think Chrissy was aware of that side of her sister's nature. Even now, she seems blind to her sister's faults. Trish continued to mix with the wrong type of people. She'll always be the same and I don’t want my daughter coming into contact with that side of life if I can help it.