“How so?” Adam asked, beginning to wish he hadn’t gone down this path. His part in this was about to make an appearance and he was unsure he wanted to take another beating.
“Hannah was furious that you were a no show. All the planning, commitments and effort that went into making it happen and then the only person on the planet she really wanted there was you. But I understand that it was way more than just a no show, it was a test of love, commitment and her importance – how important she was to you. In her mind, that was simply a function of you being there. You didn’t need to help, which you didn’t, or plan or get excited or even show much interest. You just needed to show up, a small somewhat infinitesimal tangible fragment of proof of what Hannah, Phil and Ali mean to you. And to the other people on this planet who truly know what a jerk you can be and choose – and I do mean choose – to love you anyway.
“I don’t think Hannah started out to test you but in combination with every other broken promise, no show and failure to demonstrate that anyone else in the world actually mattered to you, it just sort of happened that way. And she released every slight and inconsiderate move you ever made in one huge fucking explosion of which even she probably didn’t think herself capable.
“But the object of her temporary loss of sanity was absent, so her vitriol had to be directed somewhere and it found a path to the rest of our family. Maybe she thought you didn’t respect her, but how could the rest of us sit idly by and continue to make excuses for you. And, we did. Mom, Rod and I took turns trying to make the truth seem like your absence must, somehow, be totally justified.
“It was like her family didn’t matter; just another day at the track. I can’t say her reaction was expected but it certainly was far from unexpected.”
Edward paused and looked at his son, his gesture asking if he should go on. “There’s more.”
“Yes, continue,” Adam said, “I think I need to hear this, as miserable as I know this is going to make me feel.”
“As you wish then. Let me clue you into what she was feeling in that moment, before we get to what she said.
“So, Hannah fully gets that your childhood was not like anyone else’s and she truly has tried to understand what that must have been like for you. A college degree by fourteen, a Masters at sixteen and a Ph.D. at age eighteen. Special consideration all the way and allowances made for your uniqueness and intellect. She tried to grasp what a twelve-year old would think or feel like being in college with older kids, with a whole raft of emotional issues you should have been, by all rights, years away from needing to even consider. Then there’s the whole “my mother was murdered when I was two” part of your life.
“And she knows about the incidents that took place when you were eleven and that factors in too. And it was no big secret that your father wasn’t completely in his right mind with my own childhood issues and then your mother, Anna’s death. My demons were not yours, but your demons are every bit as real and I somehow let them grow unabated.
“Mom tried to make things normal for you and Rod has always been protective. Cindy, in her own way, feels the same as Rod and always felt she had a duty to be your sister, even when it wasn’t all that easy. So, we listened and rode out the ups and downs and took pride in your intellectual achievements while putting up with your tantrums, snotty behavior, your indifference to others and your biting tongue. We did so because we each, in our own way, love you more than anything we can imagine. Because you needed us and we each believed we understood you in ways nobody else could.
“And because Maria promised us all that this was just a phase that you would grow out of. So, she took you to Mass every Sunday and, to her surprise, you were always ready to go with her: to pray, to confess your sins and humble yourself before Almighty God. Was this not proof that God would one day touch your soul and bring you into the greater community of Man?
“So, Maria believed, by faith alone, that God would one day inspire you in ways we couldn’t understand. God would inspire you to be better, to grow into your great gifts that Maria was certain could only be the product of a divine hand. She always told me that God presents no challenge for which He doesn’t also provide the solution.
“She even saw the hand of God in your name: Adam – the chosen first, though fallen from Grace.
“And so, the years rolled by and we all waited until making allowances and excuses began to get old and the changes we expected to see didn’t seem to materialize. But your mind, that amazing intellect was so real and so tangible that we began to believe that your eccentricities were simply part of the bargain. So, we accepted you as you are and our love for you remained unchanged. For all us and you, our old habits simply, with the passage of time, became ingrained. You were selfish, self centered and an emotional disaster. We were overly accepting of this as normal and perfectly OK.
“On the plus side, you made your own way in the business and tech worlds which was anything but a total disaster. Your reputation as a monster to work for was duly earned; on the other hand, the product of your labors was immensely well received. You certainly are a genius, and a savant, and the promise of your intellect has been unquestioningly fulfilled. You have an army of fans and admirers in the tech world, at least among the few who can know about you and your work. In America, you are thought of in some circles as a national treasure.
“Apart from your intellect, you can be charming and fun to be around. But those days and that side of you are all too rarely seen. The sweet always seems to be inundated with the bitter and the scales seldom balance.
“Then Hannah arrived in your life and we all thought that this was the moment, this was the event that would begin your process of transformation – from caterpillar to butterfly. You met someone you really cared about, and we thought that maybe time, love and commitment would finally make you the better person hidden inside, waiting to emerge. And Hannah seemed like the girl for the job. Smart, beautiful and seemingly unwilling to take any nonsense from you, we believed that she could accomplish in her own way everything we could not in ours.
“But we continued to make excuses as usual and over time you made no real effort to change. Hannah wasn’t the one and even Maria lost hope for your match. We began to think that the event of destruction was predictable; only the date was uncertain.
“But, your relationship languished beyond its presumed expiration date and there is a lot to be said for longevity. When Black Sunday happened, nobody was surprised with the events except you.
“So, Hannah gave us a lesson in family responsibility, believing wrongly as she does that we have more influence over you than we actually do and believing that your behavior was somehow news to us. She had every right to say what she said and to place the blame on our own failures as a family. We tolerated your chauvinistic attitude toward her and said nothing. Worse, we watched it happen and said nothing, either to you or to her. And for that, I have nothing but regret.
“Everyone was stung that day except the only person who really deserved the beating – you. I’ll be brief about her diatribe as I think you get the drift already.
“To Maria, Hannah said that she couldn’t understand how she could successfully raise Rod, a truly good man, with such love and discipline then coddle the one son who most needed structure. Stop babying him, she said. Maybe then he’ll grow up.
“And Hannah couldn’t fathom how Maria could watch Adam treat her so badly, say nothing and do even less. Was Hannah so underserving of Maria’s love as that she could allow this to happen and stand idly by? Hannah was quite clear that if this was what Maria thought of Hannah, then Hannah was glad to be gone. Hannah said she would never have allowed anyone in her family to treat Maria in that fashion.
“To Rod, she basically said ditto. If Adam had ever treated Cindy the way Adam treated her, Hannah had no doubt Rod would not have been so passive. So, again, Hannah asked Rod what was it about her that made her so undeserving of simple kindnes
s and respect? Stop defending his worst instincts; it doesn’t help your brother and only encourages his immature and self-indulgent behavior.
“To Pops, Hannah said that saying and doing nothing while hiding in his lab isn’t an example of parenting. It is the abdication of parenting and an example of a sickness in the family.
“To me, she said that she believed I genuinely cared for her and felt I was the only one who ever spoke to her or her family, talked about your shortcomings and warned her not to tolerate your behavior. She thanked me but still said I failed you in this. Telling her was one thing, she said, but not telling you was quite another. She said she understood that my situation was difficult and having a son like you is an immense and unique challenge. But even though she understood that I was also damaged, it was no excuse for what I had allowed you to become.
“To Cindy, she simply said there were times she wished she could have traded places with her in the affections of our family. Now, however, she was relieved to have dodged that bullet.
“She picked up her things, gathered her folks, said one last thing, then left. The room was quiet and we all sat for a while then gathered our stuff and began the journey home to Barrows.
Adam only asked one thing. “What was the last thing Hannah said?”
“Hannah said you should stop blaming me for your mother’s death, grow up and get help. And I should tell you to fuck off. She may have mentioned you didn’t deserve her and, after this, you would never ever see her again.”
Adam turned and walked away, blistered by what he heard but knowing that every word of it was true. That his father had delivered the sermon was Adam’s own fault for asking. Rationalizing his own behavior would now do no good and his worst nightmare was a painful reality he didn’t know how to even begin to address.
I’m an ass, and I fucked up, Adam thought. Now what do I do?
Chapter 23
Paulo sat in his office alone, thinking through the incredible events that had transpired in the lives of his people over the past few months. He had been concerned, but not overly so, when the news arrived that Tomas had fallen ill and was slowly wasting away. But Paulo had been preoccupied with urgent matters over too many months and failed to keep proper track of the events in Tomas’ life. His sudden death went unnoticed; an error Paulo now knew was his personal responsibility. Had Tomas been more faithful to his Gens kin, he would have lived much longer, as Paulo had foolishly assumed he would.
Paulo had miscalculated and miscalculated badly.
Edna, his wife of forty years was, by all accounts, a lovely woman but wasn’t of their kind. Even after her death, Thomas had steadfastly refused to undergo even ritual transformation to heal his failing body. Thomas had been a pioneer of sorts for his people and was among a handful of his kind who had almost never undergone transformation to natural state in decades, certainly after moving to America. Since his childhood in Italy, he had opted to remain in the same form as he had always lived as an adult: a proto human.
To most of his people this was a betrayal of everything the Gens Collective philosophically, and even morally, stood for; to many, it was a rejection of his own kind. Many questioned his fitness to be the Custodian of Knowledge and almost everyone, even the younger more progressive Gens couldn’t imagine a permanent coupling with a human. And yet it was so.
Paulo’s brother, Enzo, arrived, right on time, for their weekly management meeting with the research team. He found Paulo deep in thought and the other researchers absent.
“Has the meeting been cancelled or are you still obsessing over the missing Library?”
“Still obsessing, if you must know. I fail to grasp how you can be so disinterested or unconcerned about the gravity of the situation. I mean, aren’t you worried? At all? This could be not only a disaster but Armageddon for our kind. And you blithely go about your business researching cough remedies.”
Paulo’s voice increased in volume as he spoke, and a tinge of anger filtered into the conversation, an aspect of working with his brother Enzo had grown accustomed to over many long years.
“I’m not unaware nor am I unconcerned. I just don’t see what all the panic is about. So, they have some dusty old documents. Even if I thought they could translate our language, which they can’t, the stuff they possess would never be taken seriously by anyone in the human community. They will think, and we will confirm for them, that these dusty old books and manuscripts are nothing but an old collection of family ghost stories and monster yarns that we tell our kids, so they’ll behave. No one will believe it’s the truth. It’s not in the nature of humans to believe such mythologies in the 21st century. It’s unscientific and uncorroborated. We’re cryptids, nothing more.”
“I hope you’re right and yet I fear the worst. They’re clever these humans, too clever by half and they breed like fucking rats. We have lost the ability to control them and you know it.”
“Yes, and once again, so what? So, what if they find every repository and every tome ever written by the Gens Collective about Gens history and culture? So, what if they vastly outnumber us? They don’t pay attention to the natural world as we do and never have. They are severed permanently from it and have made science and technology their new God. That’s what they believe in, not the existence of our kind.”
“I’m far less worried about humanity and far more about a few curious humans. Just one of these breeders can cause unimaginable harm to our society given the right tools and a little luck. I’m telling you, they are a problem and it is a problem we will need to address sooner rather than later.”
“Paulo, so long as they consider themselves the top of the food chain, we have nothing to fear. We have slowly and carefully built a ‘back story’ over many, many years just for occasions such as this. Bram Stoker was one of us. Hollywood made the fantasy global and undeniably fictional. No sane human believes in vampires. Or Gens. So, let’s not panic just yet. Besides, wouldn’t it be better just to find this annoying pest and dispose of him properly. He’s one guy, that’s all. We’ll send a team.”
Paulo looked at his brother and wanted urgently to believe that nothing was wrong. And to believe it as absolutely as did Enzo. But he didn’t. Something was different this time, but he wasn’t completely sure what it was. But something.
“I can’t find him. And I don’t know who he really is. Everything we learned about the Human was fabricated and didn’t check out. Worse, he really may be connected to the DataLab Project, as he suggested. It might be the only thing he said that was true from our conversation. But why was he there and why did he want these materials so badly? What does he know?
“It’s maddening to think he may soon learn everything about us. Or is he part of this brewing rebellion we know so little about. If so, it’s a problem because whoever they are, they will have the keys to unlocking and exposing our history. If it’s the humans, it’s war. If it’s these rebels, it’s war. Either way whoever they are, they will be able to possess a complete record of our people from the stolen Library and from the other Great Libraries. If the Human finds the Libraries and our existence becomes known to the world of humanity, then we’re completely screwed. Royally, as my son likes to say.”
“Garbage in, garbage out. Right?” Enzo knew how his brother could be when he was in one of his moods. “It’s like collecting all the phone books from 1964 and compiling a database of useless but highly organized information. I’m sure the fiction section of any municipal library has far more believable stuff than what Tomas wrote in his Book or collected in his little Library”
“Right.” Paulo was willing to be convinced, or at least assuaged. Maybe then he’d be able to sleep at night. Maybe then his family life could be happy again.
Enzo could see the stress in his brother’s face. Paulo was tired, angry at Tomas for his final act of carelessness and was increasingly deeply worried. Not a good combination for a man habitually wound up tighter than a watch spring.
Paulo was smart, disciplined and insightful. But his one failing, Enzo thought, was in over-thinking every problem and making each one bigger and more complicated than it needed to be.
Enzo replied, attempting to calm his agitated brother, “Then listen to me for once. Don’t make this any worse by giving them credit for insights they don’t have. Just ignore them, and this mishap for now, and believe me, it will all go away in the fullness of time.”
“And if it doesn’t?” asked Paulo, refusing to be completely calmed by his brother’s soothing words.
“Then it’s the Book of Revelation. Eschatology of human faith. The end times. Sometimes their mythologies come true. For them.”
“I’m not so sure,” said Paulo wistfully. And he wasn’t.
Chapter 24
What Paulo believed, and what Enzo failed completely to grasp, was the rapidity and acceleration in the growth and sophistication of new human technology. This pace of change had implications for a symbiotic relationship that had endured for well over eighty thousand years, since the small numbers of early homo sapiens first came out of Africa and entered a Gens Homeland in what is now North Africa and the Middle East. Paulo reasoned that even if current and developing technology failed to uncover the existence of his kind ninety-nine times, but somehow did on the 100th time, what were the chances that some random human would simply chalk it up to an anomalous finding and ignore it as improbable fiction? It was a problem he had to seriously consider but a problem for which he had no definitive answer.
What should he do when faced with discovery?
In Paulo’s world, it only took one inquisitive and motivated human to change the world, his world, in ways the Collective would lament. And those damn humans are inquisitive.
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