I shrugged. “All a part of my semi-futile attempt to understand human culture. But from what I can figure, a parasite leeches off its host. A symbiote is more of a partnership, a companionship.”
“Then I suppose,” Brucie said, “symbiote is appropriate. At least it used to be. We can live our own existences now.”
I bit my lip. “If that’s the case, why are you here?”
“I told you,” Brucie said, “I’m trying to mooch some smokes!”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
It was like I was floating on a pink cloud. Not just from meeting Devin, or from feeling closer to having a chance at staking Alice than I’d had in years. But also because of what Brucie said.
If humans are mostly water, and I’m totally water… Well, perhaps we aren’t so different after all. I had more in common with the people I’d come to care about, the people I’d met, than I didn’t.
Even if I used to eat people.
My bad.
Either way, I was more eager than usual to take the stage. I had a thousand emotions all swirling around my mind. I’m not good at articulating my feelings, but I know how to express them. Through song.
I was frolicking around our apartment in my heels and lingerie as I brushed my hair and did my makeup. I heard footsteps. Donnie was coming. Perfect! She could do my nails.
I did a three-sixty spin on one foot as I sang to myself. “I feel pretty, oh so pretty! So pretty, and witty, and… not technically gay, despite what ignorant and narrow-minded people tend to assume!”
Donnie chuckled as she stepped through the door. “That lyric really messes with the cadence of the song.”
“Yeah,” I said. “I just started singing the song before I realized where it was going.”
Donnie smiled. “What has you so… giddy tonight?”
I batted my eyes back at her. “I feel alive.”
“You met a boy!” Donnie said.
I waved my hand through the air. “Maybe. Probably won’t work out. But…”
“But maybe it could.”
“Maybe, and that’s more than I’ve felt about my chances at romance since, well… ever!” I grabbed a bottle of mascara from my makeup bag, which I’d brought out into the main living area of our apartment, and brushed it across my eyes as I leaned in toward a mirror on the wall. “Donnie, could you do my nails before tonight?”
“Of course, girl!”
“Great,” I said. “I want to go bold. Let’s go red!”
Donnie smiled wildly. “This sure is a change from the dark and broody Nicky I’ve grown accustomed to. No vampire hunting tonight?”
“Probably not,” I said. “Devin and I staked one already.”
“Devin?” Donnie pulled out her polish and such from one of the drawers.
I took a seat at our table and put my hands on top of it so she could get to work. “He’s a part of the Order. And I know what you’re thinking…”
“Those religious zealots?” Donnie asked. “How is that going to work?”
“Here’s the thing,” I said. “I had to go undercover, but they might have a lead on Alice.”
Donnie shook her head. “So you’re getting involved with a church boy. And when you met him, you were pretending to be a man?”
I bit my lip. “Yeah…”
“Bitch, what are you thinking?” Donnie unscrewed a bottle of red polish.
“I’m not thinking,” I said. “That’s the thing. Look, he’s totally closeted. But he’s eager to get out.”
“But you aren’t a gay man, Nicky,” Donnie said. “You just sang it yourself.”
I sighed. “I know. But maybe he’ll accept me how I am, you know?”
“Even while you’re seeking a vampire to kill so you can become someone else—the person you used to be?” Donnie asked, finishing up my pinky nail.
I shook my head. “I’ll never be able to be what I used to be. You know that. This whole life… it’s changed me.”
“So if you succeed, if you get your abilities back, you won’t change yourself?”
“That’s the thing,” I said. “I mean, I want to be a woman. And maybe if I could appear as a woman in public, if I could shift… Devin and I could be together, and he wouldn’t have to lose his family.”
Donnie rolled her eyes. “Bitch, you know it doesn’t work that way. He can’t keep you a secret.”
“But I can also become whatever he desires the most!” I said. “Not to eat him, but…”
“And you think treating him like how you used to treat a meal is going to be a good foundation for a relationship?”
I bit my lip. There was an obvious problem with what I’d imagined. If what Brucie said was true—if I couldn’t shift out of a form until I ate my target… If that was why I’d been shiftless…
“Alright,” I said. “Fair point. Maybe I won’t be able to shift around. But still, if he comes to love me for me, maybe my appearance won’t matter, no matter the form I take.”
“If he loves you eventually,” Donnie said, “he’ll want you to be whatever makes you happy. But that won’t change him if he’s gay. A lot of gay men in denial get married, they love their wives, even after they come to grips with their truth. But the end result…”
“There’s no rule how things like that have to pan out,” I said. “And besides, I’m not in love with Devin. Just… infatuated. For now.”
“But you’re in love with the idea of being in love,” Donnie said. “I remember my first love. And it almost always comes with one’s first heartbreak.”
“But there’s a reason why people call it a first love and not an only love, right?”
“Of course,” Donnie said. “You move on eventually. Doesn’t change that it hurts. And are you really ready to complicate everything you’ve been trying to accomplish by letting a confusing romance bud in the middle of it all?”
“Don’t poop on my parade, Donnie.”
“More likely than that, what if you have to deal with heartbreak while hunting Alice?” Donnie asked, ignoring my plea that she avoid playing the role of Debbie Downer.
“Bitch, please,” I said. “I know what you’re saying, but tonight, for at least one night in all of my conflicted existence, I want to look at the world in terms of possibilities. I’ll face the inevitabilities later. But tonight… I know you don’t like me singing at Leotards and Lace…”
“It’s not that I don’t like you singing there, Nicky.”
“It’s the consequences,” I said. “You’re always focused on consequences. Well, fuck the consequences. I’m tired of denying myself in the now for what may never happen in the future.”
Donnie finished painting my first hand and started on my second one. “Looking fabulous, darling.”
“See, that’s what I’m talking about!” I said. “Tonight I’m going to be hopeful. I’m going to choose to believe that good things lie ahead. No matter how complicated it might be, or how unrealistic… I need one night of wonder, one time when I can dare to dream without feeling jaded. Can you let me have that?”
Donnie smiled and nodded. “You’re glowing, Nicky. I suppose you’re right. You deserve a chance to embrace hope and everything fabulous about who you are. When they see you on that stage tonight, the boys will want to do you, and the girls will wish they could be you.”
“That’s what I’m talking about!” I blew gently on my painted nails.
“All done,” Donnie said, finishing my last nail on my second hand. “Now we need to pick out a dress… and a set of heels.”
“Honey,” I said, “tonight I’m giving those Louboutins another whirl. I barely wore them the other night and, damnit bitch, I’ve never looked so glamorous.”
Donnie laughed. “I’d come watch you… but you know how I feel about that place. Maybe I’ll get over it eventually. But you’re right, you deserve to be heard. And if the other clubs won’t have you… Well, it’s not right that the world should be deprived of a chance to hear you kill it on
stage.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
I wasn’t about to play it coy tonight; this wasn’t an evening for sweet serenades. I’d convinced Tevin to expand my set—to make up for the night before.
And I had just the number to kick it off…
“Genie in a Bottle,” by Christian Aguilera.
I hit the stage, rocking what might be the most glamorous get-up I’d ever graced the stage in. My red nails and lipstick matched my form-fitting dress. And in these heels, my legs went on for miles.
And my hair… it wouldn’t hold any dyes. It was what it was. Long, white, but with a little extra conditioner and treatment, flowing and silky smooth.
Singing this song, it used to be a novelty. It showed off my voice well enough, I suppose. But now the message just hit home.
I was like a genie in a bottle. Trapped—not in a bottle, but in this body. But tonight, I was on the verge of being set free.
If only he’d rub me the right way…
He wasn’t here. But a girl can dream, can’t she?
And that vision was all I needed to take the stage to the hoots and hollers of what was an increasingly raucous crowd.
Usually a hush came over them. I typically took the stage calmly and subtly. I allowed my voice to speak for itself. Sometimes I’d sit at a piano… Other times, it was just me and a microphone.
But tonight, when the house band started playing and I heard the thump of the bass, I couldn't help but shake it.
And the crowd was eating it up!
To think, just hours ago I was hauling a staked vampire across town, dropping its body on a couch in front of the ladies of the Order. I was trapped, confined behind the image of “Nick,” who was less than a shell of what I was now.
But now, I was a real force of nature. And when I finished the number, I’d never heard so many cheers.
And then I noticed the phones. People were livestreaming my show.
Shit…
What if someone from the Order saw it? What if Devin saw it?
I shook my head as I absorbed the cheers from the crowd. I was worrying too much. I mean, what were the chances anyone from that church would frequent livestreams from Leotards and Lace?
I was being unnecessarily paranoid.
Until I noticed another familiar, shadowy figure lurking around the back of the room.
Wolfgang…
But this time he wasn’t stalking anyone. He wasn’t looking for a meal. He wanted me to see him, and I did.
But I’d be damned if I allowed him to spoil my show a second time.
My second number: “Crazy in Love” by Beyoncé. I’d never shaken my ass so much in such a short span of time. But hell, when you’ve got the assets, you owe it to yourself to put them to work!
Sure, my songs were all a bit dated. But they don’t make diva numbers like they used to. Not the kind that do my voice justice. Of course, I wrapped up my slate with my signature song. And hardly a soul in the building wasn’t wrapped in another’s embrace by the end.
Except for me.
But this time I wasn’t envious of those who’d already found love in the crowd. My time would come. I believed it. I knew it.
I’d never felt more alive…
I mean, performing was always a thrill. I was more myself on stage than anywhere else. But tonight was different. I mean, before I’d felt like myself on stage, but it was almost like I was a stranger in my own body.
Tonight I was myself, and I knew who I was… I felt it. Donnie was right: I was probably still swooning, irrationally, over Devin.
Hell, we hadn’t even kissed. We’d barely flirted. But there were sparks… I felt it. And I’m pretty sure he did, too.
But I still had to deal with that vampire.
I suppose I could have just said forget it. But Wolfgang had said he had skills I’d need to take Alice down. Abilities. Not sure what they were, but I wasn’t going to underestimate what Alice might be capable of. Not after she’d successfully evaded capture the first time I found her.
I stepped down from the stage. Hands were all over me. It wasn’t too awkward… nothing any more untoward than a butt grab or two. And I’d gotten used to that. It was par for the course at Leotards and Lace. I could have gotten the bouncers involved, but all in all, it didn’t bother me that much. So long as it ended there.
And it wasn’t the first time. Though, due to my particularly enthusiastic performance, the boys in the crowd were a bit more handsy than usual.
I pressed through it until I met Wolfgang in the back of the room. He was seated at the bar and, as luck would have it, a stool was open next to him.
I cleared my dress beneath my butt and sat on the stool next to the vampire.
“How’d it go with the Order?” Wolfgang asked, not even turning his head to look at me.
“Any clue what ritual they do with the staked vamps?” I asked. “They assigned me to a young hunter—he was supposed to be something of a mentor. And he said they were to deliver the bodies staked. We couldn’t cut out the hearts ourselves.”
Wolfgang nodded. “This is no surprise. Such practices have happened, intermittently, throughout the Order of the Morning Dawn’s history.”
“So if I get a chance to hunt Alice, how in the world—”
“You go along with it,” Wolfgang said. “I imagine if you’re to the point where you’re given a contract for Alice, you’ll be on the edge of acceptance into the organization’s inner circle. And if you stake her, they’ll invite you without question.”
I raised my eyebrow. “Despite the fact that they barely know me?”
“The Order of the Morning Dawn is not a social club,” Wolfgang explained. “Results are all that matters to them.”
“And you can’t say what they do with the bodies in their rituals?”
Wolfgang shook his head. “All I know is I’ve yet to hear of a vampire who was staked by the Order who wasn’t either converted into a nightwalker or disappeared entirely.”
“You said they did this intermittently?”
Wolfgang nodded. “There have been times in the Order’s history when they were more or less motivated by their religion. At times, religion was but an excuse they used to justify their disdain for our kind. But when religion has been forefront in the Order’s mind, rites such as these have become more standard.”
“They said it has to do with saving the souls of those who had once been human.”
Wolfgang shrugged. “I can’t say much about that, other than that salvation comes in many forms, I suppose. They told me, when I was a nightwalker, that I’d redeem myself from hell by delivering more of my own kind to them.”
“And you went along with this?”
Wolfgang shrugged. “I didn’t have any real affinity for other vampires. I didn’t owe them any loyalty. No more than one human owes another anything simply because they both happen to be humans.”
“Can I get you two something?” Joey the bartender asked. It was a bit of an interruption, but not an altogether unwelcome one.
“Get the lady whatever she likes, and I’ll have the same,” Wolfgang said.
“Two Bloody Marys,” I immediately said.
Joey nodded. “Amazing performance tonight, Nicky.”
“Thanks.” I smiled.
I didn’t drink a lot. I mean, when your blood is mostly water it doesn’t take much in the way of booze for me to feel the effects. And vampires, so far as I knew, weren’t major drinkers, either. I didn’t know how alcohol affected them, if at all, but I doubted Wolfgang would be as susceptible to intoxication as I was. Hell, one drink for me was the equivalent to three for a human.
It was enough to make me a little silly. Two drinks would certainly have me wobbling on my heels. And three… well, the clothes might start coming off.
I had a personal policy not to indulge in more than one drink on any given night. Not unless I had a reason to celebrate. And even then, I never really understood the appeal of dri
nking on enjoyable occasions. I have a tendency to forget a lot of what happens under the influence. And I’d rather remember the good times. But to each her own, I suppose.
“Ironic choice of beverage.” Wolfgang smirked.
I smiled. “I suppose I meant it to be ironic.”
“I can appreciate the humor in it.”
Joey was fast. For many of the reasons I’d already indicated, I was never much of a bar person, so perhaps my sample size of observations was limited, but I’d never see anyone who could make drinks so fast. If I didn’t know better, and if he didn’t smell so nice, I’d wonder if he was a vampire. It wasn’t just Joey’s speed that was impressive—it was his precision.
Never seen him spill a drop, either. And the mixtures were always spot-on.
With a few bottle twirls, Joey doing a twirl or two of his own, and the “pop” of him opening a can of tomato juice, our drinks were ready almost before I could blink.
As he set the drinks down, Wolfgang reached out and grabbed Joey’s hand. He locked eyes with him. It was a bit awkward. Did these two have a history or something?
I cocked my head.
“These drinks are on the house,” Wolfgang said.
“Of course they are,” Joey said, nodding.
I furrowed my brow. “You just told him that they were free, and they were?”
Wolfgang laughed. “You’d be surprised what people will agree to if you’re firm and direct. If you tell them how it is rather than phrase it as a question.”
“Yeah,” I said. “I suppose. But that was… different. Joey doesn’t make a habit of giving away free drinks.”
Wolfgang shrugged. “Perhaps since I was buying them for the star of the show, he was more inclined to agree.”
I bit my lip. I only knew one other vampire who had the ability to persuade—more like compel—others. And when I knew her, Mercy had lost the ability. Stolen by a demon-possessed vampire which, to hear her tell it, was quite the story.
But it wasn’t unheard of, at least. And if Wolfgang had that ability, well… it would explain a lot. It would certainly clarify why the Order was more inclined to cooperate with him, to offer him a deal in exchange for immunity, than to eliminate him. The way I saw it, an ability like that was among the most dangerous a vampire might acquire. Not that vamps, generally speaking, picked their abilities. It was often a matter of luck—a taste of the magic infused in a particular human’s soul, amplified once consumed by the vamp.
Scared Shiftless: An Ex-Shifter turned Vampire Hunter Urban Fantasy (The Legend of Nyx Book 1) Page 12