by Croft, Rose
“Man, I don’t know. I hope so.” This was as real as I could be with my cousin. Vince, he, and I had always been the closest. I knew whatever happened, Adrian had my back.
“I’m here for you, primo. Always.”
We bro-hugged. “I know. Thanks.”
Adrian and I shot the shit for several more minutes because I made the mistake of asking him about some damn city proposal on an upcoming ballot. I immediately regretted my decision because he talked for-fucking-ever.
Finally, he stopped yakking while I silently prayed he’d leave. God answered my prayers… he did. I watched the headlights fade on Adrian’s car as I stepped back inside the house. Walking down the hallway, I heard voices in Eric’s room. Sofía’s voice cut through the air like an unforgettable song I could listen to all day.
I stood by the half-closed door, making sure I stayed silent as I watched she and Eric huddled together, focused on the book in her hands. I’d never heard this story before, but I listened, as enthralled as my son. She spoke as though she was acting. The inflection of her voice changed depending on the character.
However, I tensed, when I actually listened to the content about a young raccoon named Chester who was anxious about his first day of school, and his mother takes his hand and lays a kiss in his palm. Then, tells him when he gets scared, all he needed to think about was the kiss in his hand, so he’d know his mother was always with him. My breath caught while Sofía struggled over some of the words, but she recovered. Me? Not so much.
When she closed the book and set it aside, Eric nestled into her shoulder and asked, “Were you nervous your first day of school?”
I could tell she was trying to pull herself together as her brow furrowed, and she answered quietly, “A little bit. Were you?”
“Yeah, kind of.” Eric shifted and faced her with a worried look on his face. “I don’t have a mom.”
I could almost feel Sofía tremble from where I stood, and she schooled her panicked face. I panicked as well, about to step in and intervene, but she spoke, “Eric, you have the best father in the world who loves you more than anything.”
“Do you love me?” he asked with childlike innocence, and my jaw clenched.
She smiled, and her watery eyes glistened. “Yes. With all my heart.” Her voice was husky, and she drew him into a tight hug.
He pulled back and held out his hand, palm up. “Could you put a kiss in my hand like Chester?”
Sofía nodded and blinked slowly. “Of course, baby.” She took his hand and leaned over and planted a kiss in his palm. My world paused, entranced by the scene in front of me.
Eric laid his palm on his cheek, reenacting what Chester did in the story. He smiled wide. “It worked.” He peered up at Sofía. “I wish you could be my mommy.”
I stood frozen. Sofía inhaled shakily and enveloped him in her arms and squeezed her eyes shut, fighting the tears she didn’t want to show in front of Eric. She was bowed over him as her lips touched his head. I knew there were unspoken words she held inside. My heart shattered for her, but she kept her word. “I think you need to get some sleep, mi hijo,” she breathed out unsteadily. Mi hijo. My son. In the Hispanic community it wasn’t uncommon for adults to call all children mi hijo or mi hija as a term of endearment, but I knew in that moment Sofía meant it as her child.
“Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?”
“Of course,” she said, and they both settled into his small bed. Sofía nestled the sock monkey between them and laid a protective arm over his shoulder. “Good night, Eric.”
“Good night, Sofí.” Eric closed his eyes, and it wasn’t long before he was asleep. One thing about my son was he was a heavy sleeper. Once he was out, he was down for the count.
How long I stayed rooted in place and stared, I didn’t know. I couldn’t move, didn’t want to as though if I walked in, the scene would dissipate in front of me like it was all a pipe dream. However, I took my chances and quietly slipped into the room. Sofía had her back to me, and I could tell by the way her shoulder rose and fell evenly she’d fallen asleep, too. I leaned over and gently gathered her in my arms.
Her eyelids fluttered, and she whispered, “Eric wanted me to stay until he fell asleep.”
“I know,” I said as I passed through the hallway.
“You heard us?” She glanced at me cautiously.
“Yes.” I took her to my bedroom and set her down. “I read to him every night and have never seen that book.”
“I haven’t either. He must’ve brought it home from school. He asked me to read it to him and pulled the book out of his backpack. He told me his teacher read it on the first day of school.” She ducked her head looking remorseful. “I wasn’t trying to hurt him.”
Jesus Christ! My mind didn’t even go in that direction. I hated how I was so conflicted between seeing her form some bond with him and my caution to never let her hurt him. There was something buried deep inside me that didn’t believe Sofía had some hidden agenda. I was already resigning myself to the fact she wanted to spend time with her son. “I know.” My answer was lame and repetitive, but I didn’t know what else to say.
“Thank you, Emilio, for this.”
I didn’t want her gratitude. I didn’t know what I wanted. If I analyzed this shit too much, I just felt sadness. Sadness over wasted time.
“Get some sleep. It’s been a long day.”
“I’ll get my bag and sleep on the couch in the living room. I don’t want to mess up the bed in the guest room.”
“Your bag’s over there.” I pointed to the chair by the window. “Change, feel free to use my bathroom and just sleep here.”
Her eyes widened. “I can’t sleep here. What if Eric or Yovani sees us?”
“They won’t.” I closed the door and locked it. “I’ll be up before both of them.”
Fifteen minutes later, Sofía came out of my bathroom wearing a thin tank and those damn small-ass booty shorts that made my cock want to latch onto her like a magnet. Maybe I should’ve reconsidered. I motioned with my hand. “Get in bed.”
She slipped under the covers, while I hit the lights and pulled off my shirt. I had the wherewithal to keep my athletic shorts on. Normally, I liked sleeping in the nude, but considering I was trying not to fuck her until I sorted shit out, I thought keeping some clothes on might help.
Probably having her sleep in my room wasn’t the brightest idea, but I was afraid she might disappear into thin air again. After today, I was concerned over the disturbing texts she’d received.
I slid into the bed, situating my arms behind my head and stared at the shadows playing across the ceiling from the dim outdoor lights in the backyard. Sofía shifted and sighed beside me. Five minutes later, she shifted again. And again.
I rolled over and leaned on my arm facing her. “Can’t sleep?”
“No.”
“Do you want me to tell you a story? It works for Eric.”
She giggled easing the tension.
“Why are you laughing?” I said in faux shock. “I’m a great storyteller.”
“I know you are.” She mimicked me propping her head on her hand and gazed up at me wide-eyed letting her guard down. “I’m scared.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. I have this feeling something bad is going to happen.”
“C’mere.” As though the past never happened, I pulled her to me and wrapped my arms around her. It felt as natural as breathing. She’d been my rock in the past, and now… “I won’t let anything happen, Sofí. You’re safe.” A worrisome thought popped in my head. “Does Tito know you work at Eric’s school?”
“No. I told him I was volunteering at a school, but he doesn’t know where.” Her hands smoothed over my chest, and I had to concentrate on her words instead of pulling her underneath me. “He didn’t care what I did as long as I was around when he needed me.”
I had to bite my tongue from cursing out loud. “How many times did he hurt you
? Besides…”
“He’d never hurt me before. Physically.”
“Was he the one on stage with you that night?” I could feel my blood pressure rising when I thought about the night at the club.
“Yes,” she said in a small voice filled with shame. “He made me get on stage.”
“Tell me what happened.” I rolled on my back and bent my pillow pulling her with me.
“I worked there as a bartender, and that night Tito was drunk and high. We knew the club wasn’t making much money. Many of us were still waiting to get paid the measly salary we got on top of any tips we made. Tito had this idea in his head that if I went on stage, he could kill two birds with one stone. Make the club money and get a cut, too. I didn’t want to, but he was in one of his moods where I didn’t want to test him when he was in front of his boys. He’s not a stable person, and nothing was worse than defying him in front of people.”
“Son of a bitch.”
“It didn’t go far. I didn’t even strip. Tito, I guess, changed his mind and told me to get off the stage.”
The more I heard about this asshole, my kill-switch mode flashed on fast.
“I hate him,” she whispered. “I can’t sleep knowing he’s still alive. I’ll never bow down to him again.”
“You won’t ever have to. Tito’s gonna get his.” I tugged her close, gripping her head against my shoulder. “Sleep, Sofí. We’ll talk more in the morning.”
Emilio
I woke up to the sounds of whimpers and someone thrashing beside me. “Get off me!”
I looked over to see Sofía’s eyes squeezed closed and her face twisted in agony. I leaned over and shook her. “Sofía. Wake up!”
Her eyes fluttered open, and she was disoriented, eerily haunted as though she’d seen her worst fucking demon.
“You had a nightmare.” I fingered her hair, smoothing it from her face.
It took a few moments for her to school her features like the devil was chasing her. She took a deep, shaky breath and swiped her face with her hand. “What time is it?”
It was still dark, and I glanced behind me at the digital clock by my bed. “Three thirty.”
She sat up and leaned her forehead on bent knees and fingered the ends of her hair absently, calming herself. After a few moments, she peered at me with hands still linked around her knees. “Have you ever had to do something unthinkable to survive?”
I pushed up into a sitting position. “Yes.”
She rested her cheek on one folded arm and asked whisper-soft, “Have you ever killed someone?”
I automatically reached over and touched her shoulder in comfort, surprisingly not surprised by our conversation. “Yes, in self-defense.” I shot Rafael when he tried to kill my brother Vince and Dani. “What happened, Sofí? Tell me about your bad dream.” I thought maybe she was haunted by what happened with Tito, which was clearly understandable.
“I was thirteen when I killed my uncle.” Her voice was emotionless, while her eyes never wavered from mine as though daring me to judge her.
“Did he hurt you?” Did he rape you? Is what we both knew I wanted to ask.
“He tried. He came in my room and was on top of me before I woke up. I fought him off and tried to escape, but he stopped me. He said I was just like my mother… she’d fought him too before she gave in… is what he said.” Her voice trailed off, and I knew in that instant, her uncle had murdered her mother. I think she knew it too deep down but was in denial. Sofía lifted her head and stared at her hand as she twisted her palm around like she was studying fine details in skin. “He thought I would give in, too. He was wrong.”
I moved in closer. “He deserved it, Sofí. Tell me everything.” I wanted to know all her troubled secrets, and I think she wanted to let it out or she wouldn’t have brought this up in the first place. She needed to tell someone, and I needed to hear it. My resolve to bring these fuckers down grew with each story she told.
The room changed from black to light gray, and the grackles were obnoxiously singing outside by the time Sofí’s eyes grew heavy. I tucked her in and watched her sleep. Her face was breathtakingly beautiful and so innocent for someone who’d been through what she had. Not able to stop myself, I leaned over and brushed her lips. “You don’t have to do this alone anymore,” I whispered. “I’m here.”
I was too wired to sleep and still shaken over what she’d told me. I had to burn off some of this energy. Quietly sliding off the bed, I slipped on some socks and sneakers. I grabbed my wireless earplugs and phone and glided out the front door for a morning run. Restless. I felt restless and impatient. I needed a physical outlet, or I would lose my damn mind.
In addition to weight training, I usually ran five miles, five days a week. However, today, I felt like I could run ten miles. I hooked a left on the trail that was sprinkled with a few other runners, walkers, and bikers at dawn on a Sunday morning. My mind kept drifting back to what she’d said earlier.
I was thirteen.
He ripped my shirt and tried to yank down my shorts and panties.
He slapped me and head-butted me when I fought.
He pulled out… his penis.
He told me to take my best shot because he was going to fuck me and then kill me.
I drove the broken glass into Tío Cesar’s jugular.
Oscar found me and got me out of there.
The more I processed this. The angrier I grew. Her family was straight-up pyscho-animals. Anyone who abused a child should be killed twice. Men who hurt women deserved to die as well. I was well aware of assholes who preyed on the weak and less fortunate. Rafael had used my mother and held his power over our head. But in the end, we got him.
I hoped Tito didn’t track Sofía’s phone or know where she worked. However, he’d found her before and without a doubt he would try to find her again. This time she would be as good as dead if he did. I shook it off. That won’t happen. Never will it happen. Never will he hurt her or touch my family.
I needed to check the cameras on our properties when I got back to the house. So far, no more incidents had occurred, and I wanted to keep it that way. Soon, I was back on my street and pushed myself into a sprint because I still had a lot in the tank. When I made it to my front porch, I paced around a minute and stretched out my legs. I wasn’t breathing as hard as normal although I’d sweated my ass off. It was the end of September and still very warm and humid in Texas.
I grabbed a bottle of water and went straight back to my bedroom to check on Sofía. Eric wouldn’t wake up for another hour, and Yovani could sleep until noon. If he weren’t my younger brother and making bank with his video games, I would throw his ass out of the house. Who am I kidding? No, I wouldn’t. He was a good guy who helped out with Eric in a pinch but had no concept of time or sense of urgency.
I guzzled down half the bottle, and Sofía was on her side sleeping as peacefully as I left her. I stood by the edge of the bed and took another sip watching her like she was a rare portrait I would never see again. Memorizing every fine detail. Sometimes she took my fucking breath away, and I had an urge to crawl back in bed and spend the rest of the day with her like this.
I finished off my water and went to the bathroom to shower. She was still sleeping when I dressed in underwear and black shorts. One last time I swept my eyes over her like a lovesick idiot before I left the bedroom to do some work and make breakfast.
Like clockwork, Eric was up at his usual seven thirty in the morning on weekends. Usually, we hung out on the couch and watched live European soccer games on TV. Then, I made him breakfast, which on Saturdays usually consisted of eggs, bacon, and toast. Sundays were reserved for pancakes. More specifically, chocolate chip pancakes. Blame me. One day, I added chocolate morsels to pancakes, and Eric insisted on having them ever since.
“Morning, buddy.” I sat down next to him on the couch as he already had the game on.
“Morning. Where’s Sofí? Did she go home?” His voice was laced with s
adness.
“No. She’s still asleep.” I didn’t have to explain where she slept. I didn’t think so at least. Eric knew about kissing, and we hadn’t been kissing in front of each other.
He stretched out on the couch and snuggled under his blanket and put his feet in my lap. “Good. I like spending time with her.”
Eric was already getting attached. Hell, I was more than attached to her. I was borderline close to drowning in her and knew I wasn’t going to let her go. Soon, we’d need to have a serious conversation about Eric and what we’d tell him. Soon. I didn’t want to lie to my son. I jostled one of his feet. “You want pancakes?”
“It’s Sunday, bro.” He bro’d me? Eric sounded like Yovani. Maybe I should reconsider kicking my younger brother out of the house, but I’d have to wake his dead-to-the-world ass up first, and it wouldn’t be easy.
“Good morning,” Sofía said softly behind us. She looked like a sexy angel who’d just woken up from her dream cloud. I sounded like a pussy. Whatever. She was rocking some hot as fuck bed hair and still wore her tank and pajama shorts and my cock hardened in my shorts. Shit! At least she put on a bra.
Eric popped up like that mole-in-a-hole game and leaned over the back of the couch. “Sofí! You like chocolate chip pancakes? That’s what we usually have for breakfast.”
“Sounds delicious.” She circled around the sofa, and I had to fight an overwhelming urge to wrap my hands around her hips and pull her into my lap.
Instead, I shifted allowing more space on the couch. My arm was draped over the back. “Sit.”
She lowered herself down and crossed her lithe legs in a yoga pose while my hands itched to touch her smooth skin. I drew my eyes up to her face. “I made coffee. You want some?” Sofía always needed a cup of coffee in the morning when we were together before.