Stay Unbroken
Copyright 2014 David W. Gbadegbe
Acknowledgements
This one is for Doreen Homawoo
“Lojen, its one in the afternoon, are you awake?”
“Grandma? Is that you?” I shouted out, rubbing my face from the nightmare.
“Of course it’s me, what is wrong with you child? You’re still in bed.”
“What’s the time?”
“It’s one child, get up and go get your young grandma some groceries.”
“Alright, one sec.”
“I sure hope you can count” she chuckled behind the door, “my first husband said one sec too…but he never came back to the altar.”
I struggled out of bed whilst I grinned at Grandma Maleen’s tale. After I was done achieving a presentable outlook, I marched out of the house. The sun’s intensity was met by a cool breeze which made the atmosphere ripe of pleasure which I haven’t felt in a long time. I took it all in till it bloated my lungs. I strolled causally down the Hill as the blue ocean view along with its white sandy beach sank down the skyline. I stepped back to see the enthralment held by the waves, it left me wandering into a daydream. A daydream of the past once unbroken. The small and big houses had their own splendour about them. “The more I come to this island the better it seems to get,” I relished on the thought.
I became suddenly nervous, unexpectedly caught again by her. She was walking in my direction, with her groceries. We have never spoken, yet I continued to meet her on this same road. She had a familiar face of a woman I knew, who shared stories by my bed and sung a lullaby to melt away my nightmares. I questioned myself, “Should I say hi?” She was so pretty, nature's impeccable hands moulded her into a beauty intended for angels. I had to make a conscious effort to glance away. My walk was unsteady, and off an orderly combination. She was closer, her creamy yellow trousers, and blue t-shirt I had seen before. She wore it last week. “Say hi, say hi Lojen. Say it. Just say it.”
“Hi,” I squeaked under my breath.
She stopped and in a sweet soothing tone, she said:
“Sorry, did you say something?”
I could have sworn I felt water flush into my bladder.
“Yeah, I said hi.”
“Really? You should speak louder, but hi.”
“You're so beautiful.”
I paused as she stared into my eyes with a smile, words stuck to my throat, my mind lost in a desert where words are but sand. What to say next was absent.
“I... I... I always... see you... around,” I finally let out, but I wished I hadn’t, a lightning bolt should strike me, or a hurricane should eat me, even the sea should swallow me right now. Anything would do.
“Do you? I don't quite see you though,” she responded with a smirk.
“Oh, neither do I, you're just in the plane of sight.”
She laughed. “Then I guess I will vanish out of sight right now.”
“No—I mean can I get your name first, at least?”
“Shienna.”
“Mine is Lojen.”
“Nice to meet you Lojen, catch you later.”
It was distinct how my name slipped off her lips. It was dipped in passion, and light weighted. It carried itself with grace around my ears.
“Oh, you going?”
“Yes? Or is there something I can help you with?”
“No, not really.”
“Alright, catch you later. Bye Lojen.”
I stood there motionless as she walked away. I attempted to recuperate from the stupidity that slipped from my tongue. I reminisced on her caramel truffle voice, the dip in her cheeks when she smiled and the black entranced mark beside her upper lip. I walked a few yards whilst I still visualised our moment. I then paused to recall my purpose for being outside, but my mind shot blank bullets. I glanced up to the sky and realised I was at the entrance of the store. “Grandma’s groceries, yes that's it.” Relieved I was able to remember. Going back empty would have meant walking all the way back here. I sought after a break to lay in bed once more to recollect today's luck.
I walked back, slow and steady, purposely so that it increased my odds of meeting her again, Shienna.
“Shienna,” I whispered.
Smiles could not be withheld, as I knocked on the door. I looked back, and observed the area hoping a hint of her would show but only a red car zoomed by.
“I thought I gave you a key?”
“You did? O yes you did. Sorry I forgot.”
“You're looking suspicious, did you steal candy?” Grandma said.
“No, grandma that was a very long time ago.”
“Ahh, so you remember it. If it wasn't for your dad, I would have whipped your behind.”
“I'm glad he was around,” I said, pained.
She chuckled. “Lunch is ready, I'm sure you're hungry from doing nothing all day.”
“I got you groceries.”
“Child you smell of perfume, candy perfume,” Grandma Maleen said as she sniffed the air around me.
“Has she caught me?” I tried to change the subject before it progressed towards the love department.
“I was once in love—with a boy, lala la,” she sung and hummed the rest as she went to serve the food she had prepared. It smelt delicious, a classic favourite. My mouth released its flood gates as saliva submerged my tongue. The atmosphere was rich in an aroma that reeled my thoughts back to Shienna.
Night flew in with its coldness, the stars twinkled in their numbers. I gazed at them as they became a medium for my thoughts. There was an eagerness birthed within. To meet her again. Speaking to her has sparked a flickering fire that burned with a lasting bliss. I cushioned my fantasies on the pillow, as I wrestled to fall asleep, just so I would wake up to another day that blossomed a four-leaf clover.
***
Days passed. Two days and my patience was growing weary. I have stood outside, for as long as I could endure. I scouted for her but her sight nowhere near to be made visible. I strolled back and forth on the same road but nothing. I continuously saw a red car that zoomed by, it drummed frustration into my head. How I demanded it should take a different route, it wasn’t what I wanted to see.
“Lojen, let's go. I refuse to be late for the sermon. Again.”
“I'm already done,” I shouted back in reply.
“Then why are you still inside? Get out here boy. I thought at twenty-two you would dress faster than me. I cannot believe I'm still classified as over sixty, I need a lawyer.”
At the church service, I saw a girl, her hair curled in the same manner as Shienna’s, it had to be her. She sat in the front row in a white dress, a black necklace with a crystal pendant that matched. I’m sure it's her celestial candy perfume that held me, it was heaven.
The church service ended, it was filled with daydreams. I heard angels sing a love song, it set the tone and pace for my heart to beat gently. Shienna came to greet us along with her parents, Mr and Mrs Geen. The mother seemed more tensed. She was petite unlike the tall bolder figure of her husband. Shienna's hazel deep-set eyes teased, and exposed the stardust that peeked out of her soul to sparkle. “Are you Lojen's daughter?” Shienna asked, it flattered Grandma Maleen.
“Oh child, I'm not that young... you must be the girl keeping my son in his room.”
They all chuckled, but the stare from Mrs Geen was not pleasant. Her guise protected Shienna’s beauty from being savoured on. How could I relocate or alter my perception from such a divine splendour? It moved with a force without measure like a tsunami intended to shift my world on its axis.
“You should come visit some time, it gets lonely. Lojen does not have much, if any friends on this island. And it would be nice to talk to the girl who stole my son’s heart.”
“She's so pretty, such a genuine soul,” Grandma Maleen said.
“Yeah, she is just that and more.”
“You almost ruined my reputation grandma,” I said as I lightly confronted her.
“Child, I gave you hope. Now carry mother's bag.”
***
Four days later she came to knock on my door. The desperation halted. I smiled continuously but forced myself to disguise it with a poker face. Every second that went by struck waves of heat that clung onto my skin. I felt the nervous itch.
“Is your grandma in?” Shienna enquired.
“I guess you're not looking for me?”
“That is correct, technically it was your grandma who invited me,” Shienna said keenly.
“I was going to... someday but she got ahead of me.”
“I will wait for that someday then, if it ever arrives.”
“It sure will.”
“They say tomorrow never comes, therefore live for today,” she said knowledgeably as she passed by. She did not see my eagerness, how I desired to fling my arms around her. Too late.
“Hi Grandma.”
They hugged, a lamp lit in my grandma's eyes, she was thrilled. My shear existent was no longer in their world as it seems. “I wouldn’t mind a hug too.”
“Call me Maleen, my dear.”
“You have a beautiful home.”
“Thank you, at least somebody's taste buds are working around here. Come, come sit down,” Grandma Maleen insisted.
Shienna scanned the white painted room, as she sat on the beige couch with emerald green, patterned pillow. A black wooden coffee table in front, and lamps at each corner of the living-room. She admired the flower painting. Shienna spoke in great satisfaction of the detail, the depth of the red, the visual structure and how the flower grew out of a rose. I knew now she loves tulips. Though the art was never a magnet to my eyes, I loved the appreciation in her voice. It added a layer to the composition and transformed it into a masterpiece. Grandma Maleen joined in, as she spoke of the length she had to go to paint it. And the visual field was a bit messy on the background…I had no idea what that meant.
“Anyways child, would you like something to drink?”
“No thank you, I'm alright.”
I stood bemused by what to do, then I attempted to offer my own hospitality.
“Would you like a glass of water?” I said nervously.
“Your grandma already offered but thanks.”
She kept a composure in her smile, Grandma Maleen gazed at me. She arched her eyebrows and shook her head in discomfort—I was doing it all wrong.
“I have never seen you at the church before, are you also on holiday?”
The chatting began, nothing else I yearned to do but to listen to her speak a frequency that captures my ears. I leaned towards the door-way frame, to rest my body as I became tune into her like a favourite movie was being displayed.
“Lojen?”
I shook myself out of the surrealism I dwelt in.
“Are you still on earth?” Grandma asked curiously.
I nodded. “mhmm, I am.”
“Then what did Shienna say?”
“Something about holiday.”
They both laughed quietly, I joined in with a grin.
“I said, would you like to go to the beach? The sun is still up. I know a great spot.”
“By myself?”
“If you like but you can with me,” Shienna replied.
“O yes. Yes I don't mind.”
“Alright, let's go... I will catch up with you soon Grandma Maleen.”
“Take care Shienna, and Lojen make sure she gets home safely.”
***
“What keeps you at peace?” she asked randomly. I was expecting a quiet walk.
“The ocean view,” I responded, “I used to come here with my parents at a younger age and I would just stare at the ocean stretch into the horizon.”
“Really? You was a weird child I presume.”
“Yeah, I guess I was. What about you?”
“I have a thing for danger,” she chuckled momentarily, “but that isn't entirely true, I also love watching the ocean, the breeze from it really imparts a freedom into me.”
“You're not so normal after all.”
“I'm normal in my own way.”
“That applies to me also.”
She glanced at me with a soft eye. “Nah, I stand by what I said.”
I clenched my fingers, thought about giving her a playful punch. “What if her reaction was not as I intended?” Thus I merely snarled, and kicked a shell towards her.
“Here we are.”
“No way,” I murmured in amazement.
We stepped uphill on a rock, which led to a narrow straight cliff, cleaved into the ocean few meters. My mouth almost dropped from its attachment, I was afraid, yet adorned by the emotions I was receptive to from the water below. The waves crushed against the cliff side, and the sun was directly blushing towards us like a giant white orb.
“You seem scared, don't worry its safe. You can swim right?” Shienna asked.
“Well not professionally.”
“Oh, so by that you mean you can wiggle your legs as you scream?”
“You're very close...” I mumbled as to not be heard.
“Then it is not safe for you. Next time we will bring you a life jacket,” she said whilst she patted my back, and rubbed it as she lifted her hand off.
We perched on the grassy ground, whilst we admired the alluring sight. Seagulls flew high and below, circling as they scouted for food. The vigorous tides began to overturn into a wave of quiet stream. The winds calmed but its coolness brought in an elegant and profound awareness. My heart understood the love sinking in. My senses submitted to the comfort. I wanted to confess the physiological reaction in my body. “I know it’s soon but I—”
“It's beautiful isn't it?” she said with tenderness.
“Yes you are... I meant yes it is.”
I visualised myself dive into the water below, she smiled without a response.
“Why are you not here with your parents?”
“They're busy,” I snapped in response.
“Doing?”
“Work I guess.”
“You guess?”
“Yes.”
“Okay.”
“Sorry,” I said with an urgency, but silence had already inflicted an awkward tension between us.
“Nothing to apologise for. Do you want to go back?”
“No, a little… longer? Please. I just don't want to go into detail, it’s a long story.”
“Another time then?”
“Maybe, if another time ever arrives.”
She chuckled. “I see what you did there.”
We waited till the sun turned into an orange hue that blanketed over the ocean. As the waves rode across the surface of the water, it reeled in a symphony that invaded a hidden place. A hidden dark valley, now lit by the twinkle in her smile. I watched as a lock of hair swept in a side to side motion, whenever it covered half her face, I would wait anxiously for it to be revealed. Just so it would complete and perfect my sight. The coldness grew and the moment I could not seize from ending.
“We should get going,” I interrupted.
She twisted her head gradually towards me and spoke in a casual tone:
“You sure?”
“Yeah,” but my answer was really no, “Grandma Maleen will be up waiting for me.”
“That's fine... I like her, she's approachable, and kind-hearted. I have not met many people like her.”
I forced up using my arms, and stretched a hand to help. I held her delicate hand and pulled her up as gracefully as I could. We strolled through the beach, our footprints forgotten on t
he sand unwillingness to retain memories.
“I have to take you home by the way,” I said.
“It's fine, not necessary.”
“There isn’t another choice, grandma didn't leave me with an otherwise and by the looks of things you don't have a choice either.”
“Okay, but we should hurry so you get home early for bed,” she said, as she laughed with satisfaction.
We took a long route before turning towards her house. Its whiteness glowed under the moonlight. And diverse flowers lined in an orderly fashion around each corner of the house.
“This is it,” Shienna muttered.
“Hmm, not bad. It's missing my footprint.”
“Was nice today, you are not so weird after all. I enjoyed the company, not many guys would do that for me.”
“Yeah, it was okay. An ice cream would have been enjoyable.”
She stared at me for a moment, the look induced nerves to be out of control. A temperature rose within my body, I raised my hand to conclude the evening with a high-five. I shied away from a hug. A high-five could never be rejected. Shienna slapped it and our hands fell under gravity as our fingers locked. The lock was released as she walked away. Shienna rotated her head once more with a smile that restricted the ability for my legs to move. She waved and disappeared behind the closed door.
***
“Grandma, you awake!?” I shouted.
“I'm in the living room, come. We are having a cup of tea so you can tell me how your date went.”
“Yes for the cup of tea and no it wasn't a date.”
“Sure, whatever you want to call it Lojen Junre.”
“Grandma, what's the rose on the table for?”
“No its nothing, how was your date? Or hang out as the youth say,” she said whilst she stirred honey into the tea.
“It was nice, she's different. But I’m not sure.”
“You will know when the time is right, you can’t force it. Love and the genuine affection that you seek can never be forced. I know you like her, your grandma sees but remember it may not come as easy as you want it to be. Love takes time, and adversities may grind you to your knees. You will be walking about with those ashy knees but don’t be discouraged. Worth the while my child.”
She told me old tales, the love between her and grandpa. He had passed away for seven years. More years I remembered, the birthdays, Christmas and gifts. The loud days, saturated in laughter, sweet tears that established memories I refused to forget. We were a family that never drifted apart. But it seems a lot has left us, only Grandma Maleen remained closed by.
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