by Donn, KL
His sexy groan rumbles through his body. “Tilt your head,” he instructs, gripping my hair and pulling back to the angle he craves. “I need deep, moy. I need complete command of your actions.” I hum my approval.
“That’s my girl. So good,” he grumbles in Russian as I loosen my throat, allowing him deeper access. Breathing becomes difficult, and before I can panic, he’s coaxing me, “Breathe through your nose. Nice and slow.” I do as instructed and begin to relax again.
Closing my eyes, I allow him to use me as he pleases, thrusting in and out of my throat. I can feel my arousal coating my thighs, and I moan, needing my release as he rapidly approaches his.
“Holy fuck, Emmaline, tight as your virgin pussy will be.” His foreign words may not be understandable to me, but the meaning is clear.
He’s enjoying our sensual act.
“Nice and deep.” His grip on the back of my head tightens as he pushes me closer to his body, forcing his way farther down my throat. “Swallow me, Emmy.” His command makes me squirm, and I do as he begs. His shout of bliss makes me wish I could experience euphoria with him as I feel him release down my throat.
He slowly pulls out of my mouth, and I lick along his length, tasting his essence and wanting more.
“Beautiful, Emmaline,” he groans as I suck on the head before he can pull away. “Fuck,” he moans again.
Fisting my hair, he pulls me to my feet. His lips claim mine in a brutal kiss filled with all his desires and an innate yearning for more.
Plucking me off my feet, he lays me across his desk. Lifting my skirt, his hands grip my thighs, pulling them apart as he bends down to run his nose along my panty-covered pussy.
“Viktor,” I gasp, barely able to take a full breath. The sound of him ripping my underwear off amplifies my anticipation for more.
“Moya lyubov’,” he praises. “Utter perfection.” His scorching stare makes me vulnerable and empowered in the same inhale. “Very soon, I’m going to give us both exactly what we crave.”
“When?” I ask on a deep exhale.
“When you take my ring.” His answer is filled with confidence.
“Your ring?”
“Emmy,” he says, gazing up my body to meet my stare. “I did not accept you as payment merely because I was attracted. I felt a calling deep in my soul for you to belong to me in all ways. I want much more than a piece of paper will state, too.”
“Like what?” I can’t deny the effect his words are having on any remaining reservations I have about us together.
Rising up so he’s laying across my chest, he breathes against my lips. “Your heart, your soul. Children. I want the life that was stolen too quickly from my parents and I never thought I would be able to ascertain for myself.”
“Viktor.” I can’t stop the tears from gathering in my eyes. “For such an uncompromising man, you do know how to make your words pack one hell of a punch.” It’s unrealistic and foolish to be so head over heels for a man I’ve known less than two days, but I believe his declarations.
I don’t think he knows how to tell a lie, and when I gaze deeply into his mesmerizing orbs, I see his devotion to me. The pain he feels when I brush him off reflects on his face every time. You can’t fake that. Mom always says a person’s eyes are a window to their soul, and I understand her sentiment now.
“I believe you, Viktor.”
“Good.”
“But I hardly know you. I don’t understand the type of man you are behind the veneer. I’ve seen so many sides of you that I don’t recognize which is the real you and that scares me.” I have to be sensible. My head won’t allow me to be anything but after getting burned by my father so often.
He pauses before he speaks. “You don’t wish to be like your mother.”
Hit the nail on the head with that one. “I’ve spent my entire life trying to make up for everything Marshall did to her. She’s stuck because of him, and I can’t live like her. I can’t be so reliant on a man that I won’t be able to let him go when he eventually leaves me, too.”
“Eventually leaves.” It isn’t until he verbalizes those two words that I realize I said them out loud. He’s repeating me, and all my fears are on display in so few syllables. “You think I will leave you?”
“I think I’m a boring southern girl who has nothing to bring to this relationship. I’m only just eighteen, Viktor. I haven’t even graduated high school, and here you are.”
“Yes, here I am,” he snarks, stepping away from me and buckling his pants after pulling my skirt down.
“I don’t mean it like that,” I try to say, but he’s already striding towards the door.
“Niko!” He yells as I stand and straighten my clothes and hair. “Get the jet. Take her home.” He speaks in Russian so quickly, I can’t even guess what he says.
“You’re making a mistake,” Niko retorts, and they get into a heated argument before Niko turns and leaves.
Slamming the door shut, Viktor pivots towards me once again, but he’s looking through me, not at me, as he walks closer. Stopping a whisper’s breath in front of me standing beside his desk, he leans forward and places a light kiss on my lips, speaking in his language, “You will call for me when you decide if I am worth the leap,” before he spins on his heel and leaves the room.
“What did you say?” I call, but it’s too late. The door is closed, and I feel we are also.
How did everything go so wrong so quickly?
6
Emmy
He told me he wanted everything.
I spoke my fears.
And they all came true.
I’m back with Niko, where I was two days ago. On a flight to Atlanta. Only this time, I’m not scared of what’s to come because I already know.
Loneliness.
Depression.
Agony.
When Niko returned to Viktor’s office a few minutes after Viktor left me, he explained what was happening. He told me it was time to go home.
I should have been relieved. Happy to see my mother.
Instead, I’m miserable and hurt by his nonchalant dismissal of me once again. The confusion is what makes it all so much worse this time. He wanted honesty from the very beginning, and I gave it to him only for it to be thrown in my face.
“You should eat.” Niko pushes the plate of food towards me.
“Pass.” I don’t ever want to take anything from Viktor Vashchenko again.
“We’ll be landing soon,” he says.
“I thought you weren’t a talker?” I snip at him, continuing to stare out the small window.
His huff of exasperation is apparently only the beginning. “What did you say to piss him off?”
That gets my anger burning again. “What did I say? I voiced my fears about a relationship that was happening quickly. I told him I was afraid of becoming my mother. I told him I was worried that we didn’t know each other very well yet. I’m eighteen. A high school girl who has no idea what she wants from life. He’s some big mafia guy with the world in the palm of his hand. What could he possibly need with some nobody like me?”
“That all?” He smirks.
“No, Nikolai, that’s not all. Instead of telling me that it’s me he needs, that I’m special and somebody important to him, he called for you to throw me out like trash. He turned his back, commanded me in a language I don’t understand, and now?” I have to catch my breath because admitting this out loud while the feelings are so fresh, cuts the wounds deeper.
“And now?” he asks quietly.
“Now, I’m everything I feared I would become. I’m pining for a man who wants the illusion of what we could have been. I’m nobody, nothing special, and worst of all? Now I know I’m not even worthy of love.” Turning my body from him because I can’t handle the pity in his eyes, I watch the clouds roll by as we slice through them like the knife of betrayal in my heart.
* * *
Home is where the heart is.
Isn’t tha
t the saying of almost every Hallmark commercial? Love and devotion are shoved down our throats so early in life that they’re all the world aspire to.
It’s no wonder there is so much death.
The agony, the hatred, it all stems from one thing: love.
The desire to be loved. The betrayal of someone we once loved. It all ends in a cracked armor of hatred.
Regret boils my blood as Niko pulls into the driveway of my house, and I see Ben and Amanda outside playing in the grass with Sadie. Their attention turns to us as Niko steps out of the vehicle first.
Ben gets to his feet and strides over when he notices me. “Hey, Em, haven’t seen you in a couple days. We were getting worried.” Ben is the kind of man I always pictured myself spending forever with.
Until I met Viktor.
Now, I get nothing.
“Oh yeah, sorry, something came up with my dad, and it was all very rushed.” I half-lie.
He sees right through me. “Your mom has been pretty worried. She hasn’t heard from you since you were gone.” His gaze investigates Niko as he stands stoically beside me.
“Thanks for looking out for her, Ben, and I’m sorry I left in such a hurry. It won’t be happening again.”
“It’s alright, we just wanted to be sure you were alright.” His gaze narrows and glares when Niko grabs my elbow.
“Let’s go inside now. You owe him no answers.” His words are whispered in Russian, and I flip out.
“Stop it, Nikolai!” I yell at him. “Stop speaking to me in a language I don’t understand! You’re just like Viktor, and he did enough damage!” Tears stream down my face as pain assaults my heart.
“Whoa,” Ben soothes, pulling me into his arms. “Who the hell is Viktor?” he growls.
“Nyet.” Niko bites out.
“He’s a man who made me fall in love with him and then tossed me out like trash.” I cry into Ben’s chest as Amanda and Sadie come over to find out why I’m yelling.
“Who are you?” Amanda barks at Niko, getting in his face.
“Nikolai Vashchenko,” he replies.
“As in Viktor Vashchenko?” Ben asks, anger in his tone.
“Da.”
“That son of a bitch,” Ben growls, confusing me.
“Watch it,” Niko warns.
“You tell him Ben Williams says hello, will you? I’ll see him soon, too.” Ben sounds pissed. “Go on inside, Em. I’ll make sure this guy leaves.” Picking up Sadie, Amanda follows me in.
Stepping through the door, I see my mother sitting on the couch with Dora knitting something fluffy. Tears well in my eyes again because she looks…happy.
I’ve never seen her at peace like this before, and a thought strikes me.
Maybe I’m the reason she’s been hanging onto her pain for so long? Maybe by being here, I’m doing her more harm than good.
“Emmy, so nice to see you.” Her tone is cordial enough, but I see a dimness in her gaze that I’ve never encountered before when she realizes I’m home. She’s never been anything but loving towards me. “How was your trip?”
“Fine, Mom.” She dismisses me by looking back to what she’s working on, and Dora places her craft down before standing and walking towards me.
“I heard what happened, dear. He’ll come around,” she whispers in my ear.
I nod my head. “Right. I’m going to go up to bed. That flight was tiring for some reason.” Mom doesn’t look up at me. “Well, okay then,” I murmur.
Shoving the hurt deep down, I walk on leaden legs up to my room, recognizing now more than ever that it’s me who’s the problem. I’m the one bringing nothing but agony to the people in my life.
Closing my door, I lean my head against the wood and decide it’s time to move on. I have enough money saved up from odd jobs and babysitting over the years to get a small apartment on the other side of town.
Quietly packing my suitcase, I grab only the necessities I’ll need. Clothes, a few mementos, some jewelry I could pawn if need be. Grasping the white frame of a photo from last summer of Mom and me when we went on a trip to Savannah, regret churns my belly. If I’d discerned that I was the weak link for so long, I would have left sooner. I would have given anything to save her from the pain she’s been living with.
* * *
Viktor
A storm rages outside my office window, matching the anger residing in my veins. She’s likely landed in Atlanta by now, and I’m more furious with myself for being so foolish as to allow her to leave than at her ease of acceptance in leaving.
Secretly, I wanted her to fight Niko on it.
Honestly, I hadn’t given her a reason to.
Why would she want to stay when I’ve shut her out twice after promising her the world? I’m a pridurok, a fool. A complete imbecile. Everything happening now is of my own making, and I’ve no clue how to fix it.
“Viktor?” Madelyn’s voice interrupts, and I’m so shocked by her use of my first name that I say nothing at all. “Niko is on his way back. He left me with a message to give to you, but I’m not sure I’d relay it right, so, here.” Her shadow shifts forward to place a note on my desk before leaving once again.
As thunder crashes and lightning strikes, I turn and read the note. By the time I get to the end, my anger has intensified.
Emmaline is heartbroken. Feeling rejected by me.
Used.
Unwanted.
Unloved.
I made her feel as though she does not matter at all.
The trouble is, her insecurities ignited my own feelings of inadequacy where she is concerned. I’m not good enough for the sweetness that is Emmaline Taylor.
She’s pure and innocent.
I’m dark and volatile.
We’re oil and water.
Fire and ice.
My rage takes over as I contemplate all I’ve lost after finally finding heaven, and I trash my office. My desk is cleared, shattering objects as they land on the floor. Furniture is in shambles as I toss it across the room. Books from the shelves hit the floor with clattering thuds.
My breaths heave from my body as I stare out the window once again. I’m unsure of how much time passes when I see headlights shining through the torrential rain.
Striding out of my office, I open the front door amidst questioning stares from the staff, and I wait on the top step for Nikolai to exit the vehicle.
When he sees me, he glares and slams his door shut. Taking the steps two at a time, he stands in front of me. Our glares like fierce gladiators, neither willing to heel.
“Ben Williams says hello, and he’ll see you soon.” His words make me see red. “You broke her heart with your parting words in our native tongue. I think she could forgive everything but that.”
“Who is Ben to her?” That son of a bitch has been a thorn in my side on many occasions. As a former FBI agent, he investigated me a time or two, but he never found anything to put me away. No bodies. No illegal activities. Nothing. I made sure of it because his partner was on my payroll at one time. It’s why Ben quit.
“Her neighbor. They seem close.” He smirks as I growl. “Oh, something else you should know. Dora is staying for a bit. Kelsey had an odd reaction to Emmy returning home, and sadly, it made your girl feel even less wanted than you did.” Niko walks inside before I can say anything. Ask any questions.
Regret is a bitter bitch as I’m left in the cold rain.
Right where I belong.
7
Emmy
I waited for Mom and Dora to fall asleep before sneaking out. After an impersonal dinner with little conversation and no eye contact from my mother, I was positive it was time for me to move on.
At a little after one in the morning, I’m sneaking out my bedroom window like some wayward teenager and hiking my backpack onto my shoulders as I rush to the bus stop two streets behind us. I can’t risk someone from my house or the neighbors waking up in the middle of the night and seeing me. I’m uncertain where I will go t
onight, but I can’t wait until morning.
After riding the bus for over an hour, I see an all-night diner and decide to stop in and grab something to eat. I can probably kill a couple hours there if the waitress is nice.
“Good morning!” the chipper woman at the counter greets as I walk in. Two other customers are seated, and she gestures for me to pick a table.
Grabbing one in the back corner, I push my bag into the booth first. Waiting on the waitress to bring a menu as I stare outside, I’m given a moment to reflect on the action I’m taking.
Running away.
I’m eighteen, so I’m not certain that the police will even look for me. I should have left a note, though. But would Mom even care?
“Here you are, honey. Take a look, and I’ll grab you some water and an orange juice.” She hands me a menu and is gone again before I can say thank you.
Staring down at the menu, my options are spread out in a sticky plastic case. Deciding fairly quickly on one of the largest breakfast dishes they carry, even knowing I probably won’t eat half of it, I fold my hands on the table and consider how I’m going to pull this off.
I’ve never been on my own before. Never left my mother for longer than…well…my time with Viktor. Thinking of him only makes my throat tighten. Sadness envelops me as I reminisce about what could have been if he’d only been slightly kinder to me.
Or I’d have been stronger.
I’m so damn starved for love and attention, it wouldn’t have taken very much for me to fall in love with him. To become devoted to a man who appears incapable of love.
“I know that look.” The waitress is back. “A man did you wrong.” I can’t deny it. “Don’t you worry none; it’s his loss. Pretty thing like you will get snapped up in no time at all. You know what you want?” Her topic change nearly gives me whiplash as I nod and place my order.
With a questioning look and a promise to be back once it’s ready, she tends to her other customers. Spying a newspaper on the table in front of me, I grab it quickly before sitting back down.