He pulls back, I want more. Now it’s me who goes on a hesitant attack, the growl in his throat tells me that’s what he’d wanted.
Men like him should come with a warning.
When we finally part, my lips are swollen, my face burns. He pulls my head onto his shoulder, and gently cradles me with his huge hand. “Babe, love your taste, love the smell of you. If we don’t do something else, gonna forget my promise to you. Let’s walk.”
It wouldn’t have taken much for me to give in. At the time I was pleased that he hadn’t pressured me. Later, well, that was another story. We’d walked, talked about everything and nothing. He’d told me some of his dreams, explained his father was the president of the club he was in, had started it along with some of his friends. Despite the familial relationship, Carter wasn’t having anything handed to him on a plate, having to start at the bottom as a prospect. He’d had me laughing with some of the jobs he was asked to do, or at least those he could discuss. Other things he wouldn’t talk about, but that was fine with me. I simply enjoyed listening to his deep, sexy voice.
When he asked me what I wanted from life, I came up with a long list that young girls often have. I wanted to travel. See other states. Other countries. No real idea how I’d be able to afford it, but not having had the best home life myself nor attending much to my education, I was thinking of perhaps at least qualifying as a nanny, and getting a job with a rich family.
He listened as if my dreams were perfectly achievable, offering no judgement at all. It was one of the best afternoons of my life.
I went home with stars in my eyes and dreams filling my head of my handsome biker.
Chapter 4
Jayden
“Thank you very much!” I round on my sister as she comes in with Slick. For now they’re sharing the suite opposite mine. We used to live off the compound in a nice house, but now we’re cramped in this small building. I’ve no idea of the reason why we moved, I wasn’t included in the decision.
Like I hadn’t been involved in them turning up tonight and spoiling the first date of my life.
“Why did you help me get dressed up and ready? You knew it was a sham all along.” After I’ve thrown that at Ella, I turn to Slick, the man who’s been like a father to me. It’s times like these I wish he hadn’t stepped into the role.
“Jayden,” Slick starts, his hand smoothing over his bald head. “Wanted to make sure you were safe.”
I feel like stomping my foot, but manage not to. “I was with Paladin! How could I be safer than that? If you’re talking about my fucking virtue—which I haven’t got by the way—Paladin wouldn’t make one wrong move. He respects his patch too much to risk losing it. And me.” I add the last as an afterthought. But it’s true. I know Paladin would do everything by the book.
Ella’s blanched at my comment about my lack of innocence. I almost want to apologise but I don’t. I lived it, had the therapy to learn to cope with it. For the most part, I’ve managed to put it behind me, but El, well, she can’t seem to lose the guilt that she’d been too wrapped up in herself at the time to do anything to prevent it. No matter how often I tell her I’d probably have done the same stupid things, even if she’d been around.
Yeah, I’ve put it behind me, as much as I can. The memories don’t overpower me anymore, but I still can’t quite shake them. The loss of control, the way my virginity was bought and stolen, as if I was no more than a piece of meat. I wasn’t valued as a person, just a body to abuse. What actually happened, men putting their hands, their cocks, where I didn’t want them, well, I’ve locked those memories in a box and have thrown away the key. It only opens occasionally in my nightmares. The only way to move forward is to try to forget what I’d gone through.
Paladin is safe. He’d never hurt me or force me to do something I didn’t want to. I’m certain of that. When I eventually come of age, he’ll give me the choice, let anything we might do be my decision. Which is why I’m so angry that Ella and Slick don’t trust him. My judgement tells me he’s a good man, my eyes do to. Since he brought me to the compound almost three years ago, I’m sure he’s remained true to his word and as far as I know, has stayed faithful. I know Slick would delight in telling me if he hadn’t. I can also tell he hasn’t betrayed me by the way Slick has grown to admire him.
I’d never admit it to Ella, but I’m scared deep inside. Afraid that the box holds things that would stop me moving forward, becoming a real woman. The idea of having time to get to know Paladin, not just as a friend, but as a man, has been comforting. Dating with no expectations. I could do that. But it was ruined. Take things slowly? Hell, if tonight was anything to go by, any slower and we’d be moving backward.
“Jayden,” Ella starts.
I’m still furious. I interrupt. “I’m sixteen, El. Nearly seventeen. Yet I’m not allowed to have any type of life. I’m kept captive on this fucking compound.”
“Don’t swear,” she says automatically, tempting me to give her the finger. Keep me among bikers, well, I’m going to pick up some stuff. “Jay, you go to school…”
“Yeah,” I huff. “Escorted there and back.”
Slick clearly doesn’t like the tone I’m using with Ella. Ella’s looking upset, and it’s making her old man annoyed. “Jayden,” he starts, sharply. “Don’t raise your voice with Ella. She’s pregnant.”
I snap my mouth closed to prevent the words escaping which would tell him we all know that. We’re reminded every day. If he could wrap her in cotton wool, he would.
“We’re just watching out for you, Jayden.” Ella’s soft voice sounds behind me.
I swing around. “Well you can stop. Think about the baby, not me. I’m not a young kid anymore.”
To my surprise, Slick agrees. “No, you’re not.” He pinches the bridge of his nose between forefinger and thumb, and seems to have a silent conversation over my head with Ella. A suggestion, an answer. I sigh. Seems like I might be in for a lecture.
“Come sit down, Jayden.” Ella indicates the bed, the fight now leaving me, I go and sit on it. She seats herself by my side while Slick paces the room.
“Jayden, sweetheart. We didn’t explain why we moved back to the compound.”
“You did,” I contradict. “You said it was easier for Slick to be near his brothers. And that you wanted to be with the other old ladies. It was all for you.” My temper hasn’t abated as much as I thought. “You never think about me. What I wanted. The house wasn’t a prison like this place is.”
Slick moves so fast I rear back as suddenly he’s to my front, leaning over, his arms straight, palms on the bed either side of me. “It wasn’t for us, Jayden. Not for one minute. It was for you.”
For me? “I didn’t ask you to.” I can’t stop.
“Because we didn’t tell you the fuckin’ reason,” Slick shouts. “If you knew, you’d have been beggin’ us to bring you here.”
I try to push him away. It’s like he’s an unmovable object and doesn’t budge. “What the fuck do you mean?”
This time Ella doesn’t admonish me for swearing. With one hand and a gentle nudge she gets Slick to straighten up and at last stop crowding me. Then she half turns, pulls her leg onto the bed, bending her knee. “Jayden,” she starts gently. “There’s no easy way to tell you this, but the club’s had word the Herreras might be looking to take you again.”
What? The wind now completely gone out of my sails, I bow my head, then shake it. In the back of my mind I can almost hear demons trying to escape the box. I swallow hard, fighting to keep those thoughts out of my head. The most terrifying thing that haunts me are wrapped up in the words Ella’s just spoken. That I could be taken and abused all over again. It takes a moment before I can even attempt to speak. “Why?” I clear my throat and start again. “Why? Why would they want me? The men who took me are dead. You told me that.” I look at Slick accusingly. Has he been lying to me all this time?
“They are.” Slick takes a deep breath then lets i
t out on a sigh, his shoulders relaxing as he does so. He kneels at my feet, taking both my hands in his, then waits until I meet his eyes. “It’s us, the Satan’s Devils they want to punish for killing them. There’s been a change of command, the old head of the family is gone, the new one? Well, we don’t know a lot about him. Seems he wants vengeance, and the way he wants it is to take something precious from the club. To take back the one who got away.”
“Me? But I can’t be that important, surely?” My eyes silently beg for confirmation. When I don’t get it, I start to feel sick.
“Jayden, I’m so sorry.”
I turn to my sister. “Why didn’t you tell me? I have a right to know.”
“Sweetheart. We didn’t want to worry you.”
My teenage mood swiftly changes. Unable to cope with my fear, I swap it for anger once again. “I’m not worried. You wouldn’t let them take me. It’s that you lied to me and that’s what I don’t like.” Yeah. That’s what I got out of that. I should have been included. I don’t feel a part of this family, just some baggage they have to carry around. An inconvenience they had to take on after my mom got shot of me just as soon as she could. She’s living with a new man now, neither Ella nor I know who or care.
“Jayden…”
“No, Ella.” I swing around. “Why don’t you go back to the house? I’ll be okay here on my own in the compound. You’re here every day anyway. Wouldn’t you be more comfortable back at home?” Maybe then I’d be able to spend more time with Paladin without their interference. Hmm. That sounds like a really good idea. He’ll keep me safe. He wouldn’t let anything hurt me. I try to persuade them. “I’ll be fine. You can start decorating the nursery.” I pause. Damn, I wanted to be part of that. I shake off my burst of remorse. “You’ll be better off there than here.”
Slick looks like he’s veering between anger and compassion. In the end, it seems sympathy wins out. “Sweetheart. Wouldn’t be anything wrong with that if we could guarantee you’d be safe on the compound.”
What does he mean?
“Of course I’m safe,” I scoff. “I’m part of the club. You’ve told me that. So all the Devils would protect me.” Especially Paladin. No one would get through him. Would they? Again that box rattles.
Once more there’s a loud sigh from Slick. Ella’s shaking her head, but he narrows his eyes at her. “You heard the girl, El. If she’s not armed with the facts, she can’t make any choices. She’s right, she’s old enough to have some say in decisions concerning herself.”
I frown, biting my lip to stop the words, ‘I didn’t mean it,’ coming out of my mouth. I love living with Slick and Ella, don’t really want them to go back to the house in Tucson and leave me alone here. I’m scared enough as it is.
“Okay.” Ella looks like she’s going to cry.
Slick’s head dips up and down, then he draws up a chair and sits in front of us. “If the Herreras decide to launch an attack on the compound, Devils might not be able to hold them off. They outnumber us, sweetheart.”
The implications sink in quickly. An attack on the compound? The men could be injured, or worse. The children. All the babies and toddlers I babysit and watch so often. They could be at risk. The men, the old ladies. While to me, my own safety is paramount, I couldn’t live with being responsible for any of them getting hurt. There’s only one solution. “If that’s the case, it’s best I go away. Away from Tucson.”
To my surprise, while Ella lets out a sob, Slick nods. “That’s the gist of it, sweetheart. Wish things were different, but it could be safer for you, and everyone else here.”
Where would I go? My hands are trembling. How far is far enough to be out of danger?
“We could go somewhere with you,” Ella suggests. “All of us, start over.”
“We could,” Slick agrees. “But there is another option on the table.”
“One I don’t like, Slick.” Ella doesn’t often glare at her man. She does now.
“Ella,” Slick groans. He throws up his hands. “Don’t you think she should make her own choice? Have the chance to say no for herself?”
For a moment they have a staring match, then Ella turns away. Slick seems to take it as permission as he resumes.
“Paladin is prepared to transfer to the Colorado chapter. Their prez, Hellfire, is happy for you to go with him.”
I can feel the lines on my brow deepening. “Me go, with Paladin?” There’s a little buzz of excitement inside me which I try to hide all visible signs of. “Why Colorado?”
“Why exactly,” butts in Ella. “I’m sure Red would have them in Vegas.”
Again Slick frowns at her. “Because Hellfire has brought up a family. Red, hasn’t. Nor any of the other presidents. We all know what could happen if Jayden and Paladin go off together without a chaperone.”
A chaperone? They’re saying I couldn’t be trusted? But I trust Paladin. Don’t I? My eyes go to one then the other.
As my mouth opens wide, Ella purses her lips. “Then we all go. Together.”
Slick places his hands over hers. “El, darlin’. I know you want to keep Jayden close by forever, but you’ve got to let her fly on her own sometime.”
“But Colorado…” Ella protests.
“What’s wrong with Colorado?” I butt in, thinking it must be something significant. A warning? Something I need to know before I decide?
“What’s wrong with it,” my sister answers, folding her arms and staring into the eyes of her husband, “is that the age of consent in that state is seventeen.”
Again, my jaw drops. Various thoughts whirl around my head. Only a few more months and if I move states, Paladin and I could be together. But it’s too soon. I’m not ready. I thought I’d have far longer. What if Paladin wants to bring the agenda forward? I thought I had time before I needed to open that box.
Slick stands up and pulls Ella with him. “Why don’t you sleep on it, Jayden? Give it some thought. There are pros and cons. As El said, we could all make a fresh start somewhere different. Timing could be better, but hey, we can make it work. Talk to Paladin if you want.”
“He knows?” Of course he does. One thing about bikers, they know how to keep their mouths closed. I don’t have to see Slick’s nod.
The door shuts behind them, and I’m left stunned. A lot’s been laid on me tonight. I’ve gone from being a tantrum-throwing teenager to a woman who’s been given the choice, an opportunity to be with her man. My head’s reeling at all the possibilities. What would the Colorado club be like? Would I like it there? Would Paladin and I live together? And if so, how could he wait? How could I explain my nervousness to him? Everyone seems to expect we’ll, he’ll take advantage.
Going into my bathroom, I go through the normal motions of preparing for bed. Exiting, I leave the light on as I always do, unable to sleep in the dark. Tonight there’s even more reason. I’m scared of just closing my eyes, worried the conversation I’ve just taken part in will result in a nightmare.
Instead of sleeping, I do some soul searching. Had I set my sights on Paladin simply because I decided he was what I wanted when I was fourteen? When I’d just come around from experiencing the worst that can happen to a young girl, had I focused on him because he was handsome and kind? How do I know that it’s him who gets my blood rushing, in the way the women do in Ella’s novels I sneak from time to time? I’ve never been allowed to get close to him. We haven’t touched or kissed. Tonight’s experience at the restaurant showed how overprotective not just Ella and Slick were, but all the brothers here. If it had been just for my safety, men could have been there but stayed discreet.
Paladin’s been a good friend, but how can I, with what I lived through, allow that friendship to develop into anything further? With him, or with any man?
I need to know where his head’s at. Find out his expectations. Talk to Paladin tomorrow I resolve.
Chapter 5
Hellfire
The decision for me to have a houseguest
or two is mine and mine alone. But the suggestion of Paladin patching over needs a club vote.
As I reach the clubhouse, I walk in shaking sleet off my hat and jacket, and strip off my waterproof riding trousers in the foyer, putting them over my peg. I smile quickly to myself, wondering if the lad knows what he’ll be giving up for this. Sure, it rains in Tucson, but it’s always a lot warmer.
“Hey, Prez. Getting nasty out there.”
“Bomber.” I slap my hand on his back. “Yeah, reckon it will start freezing soon.” Apart from myself, Bomber’s one of the other two remaining members from the original club. He’s older than me, and sometimes you can hear his bones creaking, though he swears it’s the weather and nothing to do with his age. We all turn a blind eye to the fact he drives a truck in the winter months rather than riding his bike.
“Jeannie was wonderin’ how Moira is. Been some time since she’s visited the clubhouse, Hell.”
It has. His comment makes my brow furrow as I try to remember when she was last here. Moira used to be a fixture in the club, over the past year, she’s hardly visited at all. “Moira’s…” Fine, I was going to tell him. But he’s married to her best friend. “Fuck it, I don’t know Bomber. She says the right things, but she’s breaking inside and I don’t know what to do to help her.”
“Brother, have you talked to her?”
Sure, we talk all the time. Don’t we? “I think it’s just we’re all growing older, things changing. Bodies changing. That shit can hit hard.”
“Sure can.” Bomber’s nodding. “Just asked, ‘cos Jeannie wants to know if there’s anything she can do.”
“You know Moira, Brother. Deals with shit by herself.” She’d cut Jeannie out when it had happened, as though it had all been her fault—which it had in a way. Took years to get back to being friendly with her. Girls seem good enough friends nowadays, but don’t live in each other’s pockets.
Paladin's Hell Page 4