by Emily N. Kay
I purse my lips. “By next year, you’ll find someone, and before I know it you’ll be married. With kids.”
He lets out a humorless laugh. “Believe me, Alice, it will take me a lot longer than that to move on from you.”
Chapter 38
Finally my “punishment” has been lifted. And it’s not even me who’s beaming with joy for this liberation.
“Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough or Half-Baked?” Mom’s holding up two pints of Ben & Jerry’s in each hand.
“Can’t I have both?”
She shoots me a stink-eye. “Greedy.” But she hands both of them over to me away.
I smile. “Love you.”
It’s perfect timing, really––being allowed back to our usual weekend morning routine. It’s a distraction that I desperately need. Especially when the dooms date is coming closer and closer. The clock is ticking, and all I can do is wait for the impact.
I told Zoe and Leo about Nick leaving, and they appeared to be sad for me. But let’s be real here. They’re secretly happy that I can finally move on from this scandalous relationship with my teacher and find a real boyfriend my age.
So, I’ve been miserable by myself. When I’m not with Nick, I’m either attempting to bake (and every time I failed miserably) or I’m in my room trying to occupy myself with homework so that I wouldn’t have to think about him. But that’s impossible, because the paper I was trying to write was for his damn class. And when I went on Netflix for a new show to binge, I thought of how I want more shows like Game of Thrones… and then I had to think of him. Everything revolves around him, even when I don’t want it to. Zoe was right; being in love is exhausting. And it’s even worse that the person you love is going away…
Last night, I even slept with his sweater on because I couldn’t stop thinking about him. And when my mom found me wearing it this morning, she demanded that I return it to Leo. So I told her that Leo gave it to me because he owns too many. What a shameless lie…
“Oh! I forgot to ask you something,” Mom suddenly says, pausing the scene where Rory Gilmore and her boyfriend at the time, Dean, are locking lips.
“What is it?” I bring my gaze away from the TV, shaking away the feeling of how soft Nick’s lips have felt on mine. I dig a spoon into the newly-opened pint of Half-Baked. Best. Feeling. Ever.
“I found a name card in your room…” she trails off, looking pointedly at me. “Of someone named Ralph or something. Who is he? Is he from a modelling agency?”
My hand stops what it’s doing.
Shit, I’ve forgotten about the whole modelling thing since I’ve been so preoccupied with Nick leaving.
I put down the ice cream.
“Oh,” I say casually, “his name’s Raul. And yes, he’s a manager…” My mom nods, urging me to go on. “He approached me the other day, and I told him I’d think about it.”
“Well did you?” Her eyes widen. “Did you think about it?”
“Yeah.” I shrug. “I’ve browsed through their website. They seem cool.”
My mom gapes, staring at me like I just told her I’m pregnant. “Then why didn’t you tell me about it? This is a big deal for you, right? You just told me you were so bummed you missed that audition. You don’t want to make the same mistake!”
“Yes, I remember, Mom! You don’t need to remind me of that every time,” I say, my voice coming out louder than I wanted. I take a breath. “Sorry, it’s just… there’s a lot going on right now.”
Her eyebrows knit together. “You don’t think I notice that? Something’s going on with my own daughter and I don’t even know what it is. It’s like you’re building this wall, and I can’t get through to you…”
My eyes start to sting, and I bite my lower lip. How I want to pour out my feelings to my mom. But I can’t…
She studies at me for a moment. “Well, to tell you the truth. I already did some snooping on this modelling agency when I saw the card.” She lifts her chin like she’s bracing for me to attack her.
My mouth drops. “Then why did you ask me about it?”
“Because I was hoping you’d come talk to me about it!” A sad expression crosses on her beautiful face, and my stomach flips.
“I’m sorry… I must’ve forgotten to mention it.”
Mom heaves a sigh. “Yeah, anyway, I think it’s a really good opportunity. It’s no coincidence this is the second time someone’s recruited you! I mean, that’s something, right…?”
I look at her, so full of hope, and I already feel better. It’s nice seeing someone believing in you when you can’t do it for yourself.
“I don’t know if I can even walk,” I say drily. I mean, a catwalk? I’d slip in a heartbeat.
Mom dramatically rolls her eyes. “There are different types of modeling, Alice. Not just the one walking the runway! You need to do more researching on this stuff if you’re really interested, my dear.”
I shift in my seat. She’s right. I’ve never cared to learn about modelling. I just thought that being a model means you have to do everything––from walking the runway to editorial photoshoot. But I guess no one is that perfect. There will always be a limit to a model (with the exception of the amazing Adriana Lima, of course).
Mom continues on, “Anyway, from what I saw on the website, if you get a contract you’ll have your own apartment in the city of your own choosing. Think about it, you can go live in Paris, LA, or even Tokyo––”
Suddenly my surroundings turn into a slow-motion. Mom’s words become hazy and I can’t seem to hear the words she’s pouring out. Everything just clicks. It’s like a light bulb just lights up in my head and wakes me up.
I block out my mom’s excited voice, and I tell her, “Mom, I need to do something.”
“Oh, okay… I mean, sure.”
I get up on my feet and brush past her, ignoring her confused expression. And once I’m in the privacy of my room, I take my time to breathe and process everything.
And after a considerable amount of thinking and panicking, I look everywhere for Raul’s card. I can’t find it anywhere and I don’t think I want to go out there and ask my mom for it. So I go on my laptop and search for the Top One Modelling Agency website. It takes me less than a minute to find Raul’s phone number.
Time to make some life-changing calls.
Chapter 39
Today is the last day before Nick leaves, so he is finally taking me out tonight. To a real restaurant.
“Wow…” Nick says, his gaze gliding from my head to toe when I step out of my apartment building. “You look… stunning.”
I blush. “And you,” I tell him with a smile.
He does look very handsome today––in a suit, with his hair neatly combed to the side and face clean shaven. No glasses today. And he looks so much younger without all that hair on his face.
“Hi.” He greets me with a wide smile. He leans down to kiss me, with one hand gently placing on my lower back.
I kiss him back, my arms draping across his neck.
“We shouldn’t be kissing out here,” I stop and tell him.
He looks around. “There’s no one around.”
“For now. My mom will come home any minute now.”
Mom just went out with her friends tonight, which is why I was able to snatch one of her party dresses to wear for this occasion. The dress is a simple, black, satin dress that hugs me at just the right places. It’s the perfect dress for the perfect nice.
“Alright, ma’am,” Nick says with a half-smile, doing a good job of hiding his disappointment that my mom still doesn’t know he exist.
He then opens the car door and holds it for me, like a real gentleman. My heart flutters at the gesture and how handsome he looks in that suit.
I curtsy before getting in. “Thank you, Mr. Chase.”
We arrive at Madison Avenue. Nick gives his car key to the valet, takes my hand, and we walk together into the restaurant. As a couple––finally.
“Do yo
u want to hear something funny,” I say, a grin playing on my lips.
“Yeah…?”
“I was here with my dad last year. For his birthday. Oh, and he brought his wife too. It was very awkward.”
Gracie was talking so much, most likely because she’s nervous, and my dad was quiet the whole night, having not the slightest idea of what to say. He couldn’t be too flirty with Gracie in front of me, and we weren’t really on friendly terms then.
“No way…”
“It’s true!” I giggle.
His mouth opens. “I thought it’s the most romantic place!”
I laugh, clutching his hand tighter. “It is! I love it, Nick. I love that you take me here.” I kiss his cheek, my heart expanding.
Nick smiles and kisses the top of my head. “I’m glad.”
When we arrive at our reserved table. I let Nick do the ordering, because I swear their menu doesn’t have a single English word on there. The place is as fancy as I remember it. There is a small lit candle and a cute little vase of lavenders on the table on top of the linen tablecloth. The waiters are all dressed up in tuxedo, looking polished and unnaturally well-mannered.
Also, I might be imagining things but I can feel glances directed toward us. Do I look too young for Nick? The looks I get remind me of the times when I was escorting much older looking men. But Nick doesn’t even look that old!
Nick must have known what I’m thinking as he says, “They think you’re beautiful.”
“Oh, I’m sure,” I say sarcastically while swirling my glass of sparkling wine.
Yes. Nick lets me drink tonight. Thank God. Because we definitely need it tonight, for what I’m about to tell him.
He just chuckles and sips on his drink.
“You’ve been here before?” I ask.
“No, but it’s Tyler’s favorite.”
“Hm. I bet he brings all his… partners here,” I tease, taking a sip. It’s a really good wine.
Nick laughs. “Can’t judge him. It’s a good place to impress someone.”
The waiter brings us a basket of fresh bread with some butter and olive oil and balsamic vinegar. “Enjoy.”
I decide that we should finish our meal before I tell him.
Only it doesn’t stop there. After we’re done eating––entrée after entrée, course after course––that even my stomach cannot take it anymore, Nick says he has a surprise for me.
And although I really hate surprises, I let Nick take my hand. Nick leads me to the back of the restaurant. He whispers something to one of the waiters, and we are led in through the kitchen, the chefs and a few kitchen staffs are throwing us confused looks, but they say nothing. I give them a sheepish smile as we’re led out to the back door. The waiter takes us up the stairs to the balcony.
And… It’s beautiful…
The little space is decorated to look like a small garden. There are little light bulbs hanging along the wall, and there is a long, swinging chair in the middle, facing toward the city view. This looks exactly like what I’ve seen on Tumblr. It’s perfect.
“Thank you, Jared,” Nick tells the waiter while handing him a fifty-dollar bill.
“Nick…” I breathe. “This… is beautiful. How did you––”
“Tyler.”
I let out an incredulous laugh. Tyler is officially our fairy godfather. I owe him everything.
“I love this. Thank you, thank you, thank you!” I beam as I go on my toes and kiss him.
It’s flawless––this moment with the man I love.
We come to sit at the swinging chair. Nick’s arm slings across my shoulder, hugging me tight, completely disregarding the throw blanket Jared has prepared for us. But the warmth from his touch is enough. I lean my head on his shoulder. The two of us look toward the city lights in silence.
“Nick,” I start.
“Hmm?” he utters, his hand wrapping me above my collarbones.
“I’m going to LA.”
Silence.
I sit up, sliding myself out of his hold to look at him directly.
Nick stares back at me in shock. “You’re joking.”
I shake my head. “I’m serious. I’m going after graduation.” A smile creeps on my face. “You remember when Raul asked me if I’m interested in modelling?”
He slowly nods.
“Yeah, well… he gave me his card. I haven’t thought much about it until my mom found it and brought it up to me. And then I realized that there is a branch in LA. So if I get the contract, I’ll be living there. So I called Raul the other day, and he said that I could send him some pictures of me, like an unofficial portfolio, then he’ll see what he can do…”
“And?” He leans closer, breathless. His face is lit up by the yellow light, making him look even more intense.
I smile. “And I got it.”
“You––you got it?”
“Yes!” I laugh, unable to refrain my excitement. “Raul said I can start the real work as soon as I graduated and move there. To LA! Until then, he’ll manage me from here. Like, I’ll have to go in for some auditions and fittings and things like that to see which line of work I’m suited for. But it’s pretty much all set. Unless I screw up really bad.”
Nick lets out a disbelieving sound. “I can’t believe this is real…” He shakes his head, a dimple appearing on his cheek.
“I know it’s hard to believe.” I smile my widest smile. “I’ve kept this to myself for a while now,” I confess. “I had to wait to hear back from Raul before I can say anything to you. I didn’t want to get your hopes up or anything… But it’s real, Nick. Don’t you see? Everything works out fine. Like you said, everything really happens for a reason.”
He stares at me for a long while, and his smile dissipates. “But what about NYU? Wasn’t that your plan all along? You said you didn’t want to move out of the City?”
I bite the inside of my cheek. “Well, plans do change, Nick. And to be honest I didn’t even know what I really wanted. But I just know that I can’t let it be over between us when I know that there is a way to make us work.”
Nick draws in a shaky breath. “And what about college? Your studies?”
“I’ll figure that out later,” I answer. “For now, I want to focus on modelling. Again, like you said, I’m only eighteen.” I grin.
His eyebrows are drawn together. “Alice, I don’t want to be the reason you’re––”
I cut him off instantly. “Hey, I didn’t do all this for you!”
Nick blinks, taken aback by my response.
“No offense,” I add with a smirk.
He lets out a single laugh. “I have to say that I’m a little offended,” he says, a soft smile dancing on his lips.
“What I’m trying to say is––this is another opportunity for me. I screwed up when I didn’t show up to that audition. And maybe modelling is not for me. I don’t know. But you said yourself that I should stop being scared, and that I have to go out there and do stuff.” I smile, thinking back to our conversation. “And I’m finally doing it. I don’t want to regret anything anymore. I’m sick of that. I mean, yes, you’re a big reason why I decided to pursue this. But I’m doing this for myself too.”
Saying that out loud makes me feel like I’m finally allowing myself to be free. Like there is nothing holding me back anymore. I don’t know what the future may hold, but I’m ready to find out.
A corner of his lip curves up. “Then I’m really proud of you.”
“Thank you.” I smile with relief.
“Have you talked to your mom about this?”
“Yeah, believe it or not she’s the one who pushed me. Honestly, I thought she wouldn’t let me go because then she’ll be left all alone, but… she seems fine with it.” I chuckle.
“She still doesn’t know about me…” he says, and the disappointment in his voice makes my heart clench.
“No, she doesn’t. But I will tell her. One day,” I tell him with determination. “Once everyt
hing’s settled. I will finally tell her about us, Nick. All of it.”
He lets out a smile at that––it’s a hopeful smile. “I can’t wait for that day to come.”
“Me too…” I say, smiling back. “I also called my dad…”
“Oh yeah? What did he say?”
I look down and shrug. “He seemed thrilled… at least on the phone. Maybe he’s faking it.” I snort. “Because that means I’ll get to see him a lot more often if I’m in LA, but I don’t know if that’s actually a good thing…”
Nick’s grin widens. “You’re happy.”
“No, you’re happy.” I lightly shove his shoulder.
“Can you blame me?” He laughs, and the sound of his laugh is priceless.
This is all I want––for him to be happy.
Nick puts his arms around me, drawing me closer. I melt into his embrace, seating myself on his lap with my legs tightened around him.
“We still have to be apart for a full semester though…” Nick murmurs in my ear.
I hold him tighter. “Yeah… and I’ll miss you,” I say, glancing up at him through my lashes. “But hey, at least you get the time to sort out your life, finish your book, and… be with you father…” I trail off, not wanting to remind him of his sick father.
But he pulls back to look at me with a smile. “Are you saying you’re such a good distraction that I can’t sort out my life?”
I laugh. “Am I wrong, though?”
“No, you’re not,” he says with a grin. “You make me forget all the shitty things in my life. And with what you just told me… I say life just got a whole lot better.”
My heart flutters. “Everything will be all right, Nick. I’m here with you.” I smile, gazing into his eyes, my insides warming up. “I love you.”
He breaks a smile. “And for that, I couldn’t be more grateful.”
And the way he looks at me––it makes my head spin with jittery joy. His deep ocean-blue eyes are now full of hope, full of light, and they’re so pretty it hurts.