“I have to go soon,” I tell him, my voice dripping with sadness. I don’t want to leave. I want to stay the night in Eli’s bed. His mattress is extra cozy. His mouth on my skin sets me on fire. It’s like nothing else I’ve ever experienced.
I don’t want this night to end.
“That fucking sucks,” he says as he bends over me and licks my nipple.
A shiver steals over me, and he smiles before he does it again.
He doesn’t stop. He just keeps licking and biting, sucking and nibbling. Lavishing all of his attention upon my chest. I stop worrying about the time and when I need to leave. I’m too wrapped up in Eli and the words he whispers as he worships my body with his hands and mouth. I don’t worry about saving my virginity any longer either. I’m over it. I don’t want it anymore.
I will gladly hand it over to Eli.
“I have condoms,” he says at one point, when he’s lying on top of me and his erection is pressing against my core. He suddenly changes positions so he’s on his knees, crouching in front of me, his fingers wrapped around his shaft as he drags the head of his erection back and forth, through my folds.
“I think you need to get one and put it on,” I say on a choked gasp.
He moves as quick as lightning, grabbing a box of condoms out of the bedside table drawer and pulling one out. He tears the wrapper off and sheaths himself, all the while I’m watching him in utter fascination.
I never gave much thought about the human body. We just—have them. Yes, there are more beautiful bodies out there than others. I find mine pretty average.
Eli is beautiful. Smooth skin stretched over sinewy muscle. Strong shoulders and arms, broad chest. Long torso and ridged abs. Those thick thighs—I’m almost embarrassed by how much I love his big thighs. Only a few minutes ago, I was on top of him, grinding myself against the solid muscle covered in hair, trying to make myself come.
Such good friction, but not quite enough.
“Are you sure?” he asks me once he’s hovering above me yet again, his hands braced on either side of my head, his unsure gaze meeting mine. His #1 pendant hangs from his neck, dangling in the air, and I curl my finger around the thin gold chain and carefully pull until he’s within kissing distance.
“I’m sure,” I whisper just before I bring his mouth to mine. His tongue thrusts into my mouth as he slowly, carefully enters me. One slow inch at a time. My body stiffens when I feel the pinch. Oh God, it kind of hurts. He’s filling me. Filling me…
I rest my hands on his chest, and he comes to a complete stop. “Hold on,” I whisper, and he remains still, his entire body trembling as he restrains himself.
“Am I hurting you?” He sounds as if he’s in pure agony. As if it hurts him to hurt me, which nearly shatters me.
“No. Not really. It just.” I shift beneath him, trying to get more comfortable. The movement sends him a little deeper, making him groan. Making me wince. “It kind of pinches a little.”
Okay, a lot.
“I’ll go slow,” he says as he slowly withdraws before he pushes forward.
Oh. That felt nice. More than nice. “Do that again,” I tell him, and he does.
Again.
And.
Again.
And.
Again.
Until it doesn’t hurt at all. It feels good. I move with him. Spread my legs wider. Wrap my arms around his neck, my fingers in his hair. He kisses me. Buries his face in my neck. Licks my ear. He’s sweating. I’m sweating. His pace increases, and the bed starts to squeak.
“I love you,” he whispers, and I open my eyes to find he’s already watching me. “I love you so fucking much, Ava.”
“I love you, too,” I tell him just before he thrusts inside me extra hard and goes completely still.
His mouth hangs open as he pants out each heavy breath, his eyes tightly shut. An agonized sound comes from deep in his chest, rumbling all over me as his hips start to move in short, shallow jabs. Once. Twice. Three times.
“Fuck, I’m coming,” he announces just before he does exactly that. His body shudders and shakes, and I clutch him to me, running my hand up and down his smooth back. His hips jerk against mine, and I hold him close, my entire body tingling when I fully realize what just happened.
Eli and I had sex. We actually did it.
“Are you all right?” he asks once he’s come back to his senses. He lifts away from me, his gaze searching mine.
“I’m good.” My smile is lazy as I stretch beneath him.
“Did you ah, come?” His brows lower. He looks worried.
“Ah, no.”
Now he is worried. “I suck. Hold on.” He pulls out of me and gets out of bed, heading for the bathroom that’s connected to his room. I hear some rustling—I assume he’s tossing the used condom—and then he’s back in his bedroom, coming for me completely naked and semi-erect.
“Let me help you with that problem,” he says as he slides back under the covers.
I rest my hand on his chest, keeping him away from me. I would love for him to help me with that problem, but I know I have to leave soon. “I should probably go. It’s late.”
“It’s not too bad. It’s only...” He leans over to grab his phone, checking the time. “Oh shit, it’s almost midnight.”
I hop out of bed like my butt’s on fire. “I have to go.”
Eli helps me find all of my things. My homecoming tiara somehow ended up beneath his bed, and I couldn’t stop laughing as he crawled beneath the mattress to retrieve it, his bare butt on perfect display.
He really has a nice butt.
Once I’m somewhat put back together, he walks me out to my car. Kisses me until I feel stupid with lust. Practically shoves me into the driver’s seat and shuts the door for me. “Text me when you get home,” he says. “I want to make sure you’re safe.”
I smile, feeling drunk. Drunk on Eli. “I will.”
“Be careful out there,” he warns, his expression stern.
I salute him. “Yes sir.” That was such an Eli move.
He smiles. Kisses my nose. Kisses my lips. “Love you.”
I feel all gooey inside. Like I’m melting everywhere. “Love you, too.”
I drive home as fast as possible, but also keeping just under the speed limit. I’m late. Maybe my parents already fell asleep. Maybe I can sneak into the house and no one will notice. I’m sure that’s what’s going to happen.
It’s 12:22 when I pull into the driveway. I tiptoe through the house and up the stairs, careful not to step on that one creaky stair that’s the second from the top. Autumn warned me about it a few years ago.
She’s a good big sister.
Finally breathing a sigh of relief, I enter my bedroom, close the door and flick on the light.
To find my mother sitting on the edge of the bed.
“Oh my God!” I gasp, resting my hand against my chest, my breaths coming in short, sharp bursts. “You scared the crap out of me!”
She crosses her arms, her gaze narrowed. Her hair is piled on top of her head in a messy bun, and she’s wearing this cute pale gray pajama short set. She looks incredibly young.
My mama also looks incredibly pissed.
“You’re late. It’s past curfew.”
“I know. I’m so sorry. We lost track of time and…” My voice drifts and everything inside of me feels kind of soft and hazy. Like I’m sitting on a giant fluffy cloud like a sweet little angel baby. I suppose this is what sex does to a person.
Sex and exhaustion.
“Where were you?” Mom asks.
“Ellie’s house,” I say, the lie falling automatically out of my mouth.
One brow shoots up. “Really.”
Her tone is flat. She doesn’t believe me.
“Yeah.” I purposely keep my voice light, my expression as neutral as possible.
“I don’t believe you.”
My shoulders sag, and I set the sash and tiara that I’m clutching in my hand onto my desk. “Fin
e. I went to Eli’s.”
“Ava,” she whispers harshly. “You’re still seeing him?”
I nod. Hang my head. I can’t look at her, especially after what Eli and I just did. I probably still smell like sex. Is that a thing? I think it is. I can still feel his mouth on my skin, and I burn between my legs.
But it’s a good burn. It was a good night.
The best night ever.
Mom sighs. I wonder if she’s disappointed in me. “You’re lucky your father is still asleep, or he’d be furious to find you sneaking into your own house.”
“I didn’t want to wake anybody up.”
“You didn’t want to get caught coming in after curfew.”
There is that. “I’m sorry, Mom.”
“Are you two serious?”
I lift my head, meeting her gaze. Press my lips together and nod once.
“Really.” Her expression softens some. I wonder if she feels sorry for me. I know it’s not a mistake, me loving Eli, but I don’t like keeping it a secret any longer. Talking with Mom right now, I feel like I did something bad. As if loving Eli and being with him is wrong. I know it’s not, but I can’t help the way I feel.
“Ava, what’s wrong? Honey, you look like you’re going to cry.”
My face crumples, and I rush past her, throwing myself onto my bed and crying into my pillow. The tears come and come, shaking my shoulders, as I sob into my bed, and I can feel Mom moving around before she settles in next to me, her hand resting on my shoulder as she gives it a gentle squeeze.
“I love him,” I wail into the pillow I’m clutching.
“Oh baby.” Swear to God, it almost sounds like my mother is laughing.
“I do. I love him so much, it hurts.” I roll over and crack open my eyes to find her watching me with a slightly horrified expression on her face. “Right here.” I rest my hand against my chest, right where my heart is.
“How does he feel about you?”
“He loves me, too.” I sit up once more, wiping my fingers beneath my eyes. With all the makeup I have on, I’m sure I look a mess. “We’re in love. Jake’s going to be so pissed. Dad might be too.”
“Don’t worry about them,” Mom says, her voice stern. “Worry about you and your feelings. And Eli’s.” She grabs hold of my shoulders and ducks her head, her gaze meeting mine. “Does he treat you well?”
I nod.
“Is he sweet to you? Kind?”
I nod some more.
“Protective but not too jealous?”
I shrug. “He’s working on that.”
Mom smiles. “No surprise. Teenaged boys are the worst sometimes.”
So freaking true. “There’s just something about him that makes me so…happy. Just thinking about him makes me smile.” I point at my face, my curving lips. “Like that.”
“Like that, huh?” Mom tilts her head, contemplating me. “You’re so young, Ava. Only sixteen.”
I want to tell her what happened tonight, but then again, I don’t. She’ll probably freak out if she knew and then Dad would get involved and it could turn messy quick. “I know what I want.”
“And that’s Eli?”
I nod. “I love him,” I say, like that should solve everything.
She brushes my hair away from my face, tucking a few strands behind my ear. Her gaze is thoughtful, though I see worry there, as well. I guess it can’t be helped. She’s my mom. Of course, she’s going to worry about me. “You’ve always been a girl who knows what she wants. Just—be careful.”
I frown. “Be careful of what?”
“Of loving him so much, you might end up losing yourself.”
Forty
Ava
“Oh my gosh, thank you so much for picking me up,” my brother’s girlfriend, Hannah, says as she slips into the passenger seat of my car.
“No problem.” I smile at her, and she smiles in return. She’s not what I would consider Jake’s type. She’s quiet. Long reddish hair and freckles. Really pretty. Big blue eyes. We’re in leadership class together, and we talk sometimes, but not enough. We should definitely talk more, especially now that Jake’s with her.
“How was the team dinner?” she asks.
“It was good! We had fun.” Thursday night is when the weekly football team dinner is held and considering it’s homecoming week, the team invited cheer and band to attend. It was fun. The food was good—Mexican donated by the owners of a local restaurant who are huge supporters of the sports program at school. The boys were hyped, excited to play their biggest rivals tomorrow. Everyone was in good spirits, except me.
All I could think about was Eli. I miss him. I’m so over the sneaking around. What we shared last night was life changing. I can’t go back to pretending he’s my sometime secret boyfriend. Eli is my actual boyfriend. We’re in love with each other.
Everyone should know this. Know about us.
Earlier today, I did a thing. I went up to the administration office and met with Mrs. Adney, our vice principal. Certain school dances, they open up to students from other schools. The homecoming dance this Friday is one of them, and all you need is to fill out a short form in order for that person to be included on the approved attendance list.
I asked for one of those forms from Mrs. Adney. When she made a face of displeasure and started in on me wasting her time when I could talk to someone from the front office, I pushed the filled-out form toward her on her desk, so she could see who I wanted to bring to the dance.
Mrs. Adney sighed. “Really, Ava? Eli Bennett?”
I nod. Kept my head held up high. “Yes. We’re together.”
All of us students love Adney. She’s hard on us, but it’s more of a tough love kind of situation. Plus, she’s become pretty close with my dad over the years. When she says stuff like this, it never feels like an interference in our lives.
More like she’s showing she cares and worries about us.
“You’re together? Oh dear.” Mrs. Adney shook her head, her gaze still locked on the piece of paper I gave her. “This ought to be interesting.”
I’m bringing him to that dance. I haven’t asked him about it yet, but I’m going. And he’s going with me.
Determination filling me, I press my foot against the gas, the car speeding up.
“I really appreciate you letting me check out this dress,” Hannah says, pulling me out of my thoughts. “I hope it fits.”
“It should,” I tell her as we head out of town. “We’re about the same height and build. If this was my sister’s dress, you’d be out of luck.”
She laughs. “Good thing it’s not hers then.”
We chat the entire drive back to my house. Hannah is easy to talk to. She’s very excited about the halftime ceremony tomorrow. She’s also very nervous, not that I can blame her.
“I’m not used to the attention,” she says, her cheeks turning pink just talking about it. “I know Jake is Mr. Popular and everyone loves you, so you guys are comfortable in the spotlight.”
“Uh, not everyone loves me,” I say, flicking on my blinker to turn onto our road.
“Oh, come on. You just won homecoming princess!”
“I don’t even know how that happened. Most of the time, people pretty much ignore me. Or they only know who I am because of my dad, my brother, and my sister. I’m not just Ava. I’m Drew Callahan’s daughter or Autumn’s sister or Jake’s sister,” I explain.
“I never thought of it like that before,” Hannah says softly. “Does it bother you, people thinking of you like that?”
“It’s not so bad,” I say with a shrug, but I’m lying.
I hate it. It’s one of those things I never noticed before, because it just…was. But now as I get older, and really listen to what people are saying to me, I’ve realized that I’m not necessarily looked at as my own person. I’m always connected to someone else.
Is that going to happen when it comes out that I’m with Eli? Will I become Eli Bennett’s girlfriend versus jus
t Ava Callahan?
God, I hope not.
I pull into our driveway and cut the engine. Once we’re out of the car, Hannah and I head for the garage, so we can enter the house. My phone starts to ring, and I tell her to go into the kitchen where I’m sure my mom is waiting so I can answer it outside.
Don’t want anyone to hear our conversation because it’s Eli.
“Princess,” he greets when I say hello. “I miss you.”
My entire body erupts in goosebumps at the warm tone of his voice. “Miss you too. Have a good day?”
“Yeah. Another really good practice too. We feel ready. Pumped.”
“Our team is ready too,” I tell him with a little laugh as I walk around the house into the backyard.
He makes a dismissive noise. “We’ll see.”
“Uh huh.” I peek in the kitchen window and see Mom talking to Hannah. Perfect. “Hey. I have a question to ask you.”
“Yes, my dick really is that big,” he says firmly.
I burst out laughing, turning so my back is to the window. “I know exactly what size it is, remember?”
“Fuck yeah, I do.”
“Okay, no more jokes. I wanted to know if you’ll go to our homecoming dance with me Saturday night.”
He’s quiet. Like I shocked him. Or maybe the line dropped.
“Eli? Did you hear me?”
“Oh, I heard you.” He pauses. “You actually want me to go with you to your dance? As your date?”
“Yes,” I say softly, my fingers clutching my phone extra tight. “I do.”
“What about your brother?”
“What about him?” I retort.
“He hates me.”
“You hate him, too. So what?” They’ll come to terms with this eventually. They have to.
“What about your friends?” he asks.
“I’m sure they’ll love you,” I reassure him, because I kind of think they will.
“What about everyone else at that school? Won’t they hate you for being with—me?”
He sounds so unsure. A little worried. Not at all like the normal, cocky, self-assured Eli I know.
“I just don’t want them to take out their hate for me on you,” he adds, sounding tortured. “You’re their princess. I don’t want to tarnish your crown.”
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