Kirheen shuddered and wrapped her arms around herself. Tomias…
She shifted, crawling on her hands and knees through the clearing. The ground was damp and spongy, and she grimaced every time her hand sank into the soft dirt. It was hard to see, the blinking light of the bugs and the soft glow of the pillars her only indication of what lie ahead. She could see a dark mound just a few feet away, she just needed to push herself a little further.
“Tomias,” she whispered, fumbling to find him in the dark. Please be okay. Please. “Tomias!” Her hands connected with the shadowed mass and he groaned. He struggled to sit up and Kirheen helped him, letting him have a moment to get his bearings.
“Kirheen?” he questioned, his words slightly slurred. “What happen-” he almost asked but after a moment of hesitation, the memory of what had transpired came back. “Damn it. Are you okay? Are you hurt?”
Kirheen shook her head. “I’m fine, Tomias. I-I don’t know what happened, but I don’t want to be here anymore. We need to get out of here.”
“Can you help me stand? My arm...”
“Of course,” she said. “Come on.” She helped him to his feet and together they shuffled through the dark, him leaning on her for support. They heard snorting up ahead, the nervous shuffling of an animal. “Benny,” Kirheen called into the dark. She was greeted by a soft whinny and a moment later, he trotted out of the dark and waited, swaying back and forth as he stamped his hooves. Tomias went to his side, stroking Benny while he dug through the packs. He cursed and after a brief struggle, a torch burst to life, fending off the darkness. Shadowy creatures shrank back from the light, hissing and howling as they went.
Kirheen shivered and stepped closer to Tomias. “You should ride Benny,” he said. “I can lead the way.”
She glanced over and winced, catching sight of Tomias’ arm. His shirt had been torn along with his flesh, gouges going from the top of his shoulder to his elbow. Though they’d scabbed, the deeper of the wounds still wept. “Tomias, you’re hurt,” she cried, grabbing his arm. He yanked it away from her, his eyes glazed over with pain.
“And we’ve no time to do anything about it. We can fuss over it later but right now, I want to get you out of this swamp and away from danger. So please, just this once, don’t argue. Get up on Benny.”
Telling her not to argue made her want to do just the opposite but she bit back her retort. Using a nearby stump, she hoisted herself up onto the horse. It felt nice to be off her wobbly legs, she only wished Tomias could have the same comfort. He dug through the packs and Kirheen caught the glint of a dagger. They wouldn’t be caught unaware again.
Tomias took the reins, coaxing the horse into motion. Their progress was slow. A misstep in the swamp in the middle of the night would have terrible consequences. Each step was deliberate and calculated and much of their time was spent checking if the path ahead was clear. Eventually the road took a slight incline and the trees began to thin, the trail becoming rocky and solid.
They found their other horse at the top of a rise, a gray mound writhing in the dirt. It had been injured during the scuffle and the blood had drawn predators. A large, wolf-like creature hunched over it, eyes glowing in the light of the torch. There was nothing they could do, no way to fend off the creature and get their supplies. They skirted around the great beast, trying not to draw its attention.
A breeze picked up and the foul air of the swamp was replaced with the pleasant damp smell of a forest that had seen recent rain. Kirheen breathed deeply, relaxing for the first time since they’d entered the swamp. A little further up the trail, Tomias brought Benny to a halt. She peered down at him from atop the horse, a question on her lips.
“We need to stop. I can’t go any further tonight. We’re clear of the swamp though and I can pull us off the trail so we’re out of sight.”
“I’ll help you,” Kirheen insisted, sliding out of the saddle. Her unsteady legs nearly dropped her on her bottom, but she caught herself before she could fall. She followed Tomias into the woods, leading Benny along with a gentle tug. There was a small break in the trees, just off the trail enough that a passing traveler wouldn’t see them or the horse. She removed the packs from Benny and tied him to a nearby tree, then got to work setting up the camp. They’d planned their stays to consist of beds in the comfort of an inn, not in the dark with just the light of a torch to see by. Tomias sank down at the base of a tree, grimacing as the movement jostled his arm. He closed his eyes, leaning his head back and sighing deeply. His wound needed tending to. Grabbing the medical supplies and food from their pack, she made her way over to him.
“How are you feeling?” she asked, settling down at his side. He opened his eyes and gave her a weary smile. Before he spoke, he reached for the pack of dried meat, fishing out the biggest piece he could find before handing it back to her.
“I’ll be fine, Kir. Don’t fret. I’m just glad we’re safe, at least for now.”
“I didn’t fret earlier so let me fret now. Your wound is…disgusting. Let me take care of it so I don’t have to look at it anymore.”
He laughed softly, the sound like music in the dark. “You’re not going to relent, are you?”
“Nor should I. Unless you want your arm to rot off, be my guest.”
He held up his hand, waving the chunk of dried meat around as if it were a ward to fend off her nagging. “Do what you must,” he chuckled, giving a contented sigh as he started in on the jerky.
Kirheen set to work. She stripped away the shredded sleeve of his shirt, tossing the bloodied scrap of cloth aside. Dampening a spare rag from her pack, she gently dabbed at his injury, trying to remove as much of the crusted blood as she could.
“You’re so gentle,” he said between bites. “Trista would have damned near ripped my arm off by now.”
She smiled. “Let me know if I’m hurting you. I’m trying not to.”
“You’re doing fine,” he said, shaking his head. “It was a compliment.”
Once the wounds were cleaned, she opened a jar of green salve. She slathered it over his arm, the substance smelling of mint and shade bloom. It made her hands tingle. If Tomias felt any discomfort, he hid it well. She bound his arm in clean strips of cloth, tying them tightly so they wouldn’t slip. Finished, she stepped back to survey her work.
“Not bad,” she said. “I’ve seen you look worse.”
He looked down to check the bindings on his arm. “Thank you. It feels better, at least as good as gaping bloody lines on your arm can feel. You may have missed your calling in life.”
“Yeah, I don’t know about that.” She cleaned up, burying the scraps of bloodied cloth at the outskirts of their camp. They didn’t need anything lured to their camp in the middle of the night, drawn by the scent of blood. Grabbing a water skin out of their packs, she settled next to Tomias. She sipped at the water and then passed it to him, snagging a piece of jerky and the torch as she did. She chewed, thinking of what they’d need to be comfortable for the night. There was little sense in back tracking for their other horse and with that came the loss of half of their supplies. They wouldn’t be fully stocked until the next town and that scared her.
Tomias seemed to note her troubled expression. “I know that look. What’s on your mind?”
“Oh, nothing, just the fact that half of our supplies just got devoured by some monstrosity I wish I hadn’t seen. Now we have inadequate food and water and a single bed roll. We’re going to die in this forest, Tomias. I hope you’ve led a fulfilling life.”
“Well, aren’t you the optimist,” he snorted. “With you keeping moral up, I say we’ll be dead by morning.”
“Oh, very funny.”
“As far as I can tell from the smell, we’re past the swamps now. The next town can’t be that far away. We’ll make it last and we’ll restock when we get to Aspen. It’ll be fine.”
“What if your arm rots off in the middle of the night?”
He chuckled. “I’m sure I’ll
survive. You patched me up good so there isn’t any need to worry. What about you? What happened back there?”
Kirheen shrugged. It was all just a blur, streaks of movement in the dark and that overwhelming pressure in her head. “I’m not sure. None of it makes any sense. I think that sound broke through. It used my powers and did something to those men. I remember hearing a voice speaking to me, but I can’t remember much else. I’m not going to try and make sense of it and I don’t think it did any lasting harm. We’re safe and right now that’s all I care about.”
“I won’t argue with that,” he said, leaning his head back against the tree.
“I’m going to get set up for the night. We need rest.” Kirheen handed him the torch again and began unpacking their supplies. She gathered the bedroll and laid it out on the only flat spot she could find, trying to stay within the shelter of light. She was thankful for the size of the bedroll, made big enough to fit the two of them side by side. When she’d gotten everything laid out, she called Tomias over.
With eager fingers, she unlaced her boots and set them aside, then slid under the cover of the bed roll. The torch was dumped into the dirt and Tomias put it out before sliding in next to her, hissing with discomfort as he tried to find a tolerable position for his arm. Though made for two, it was still a tight squeeze and it took some maneuvering before they were both comfortable. Tomias helped, sliding his arm under her neck and resting his injured arm over her waist. He pulled her close, resting his chin on top of her head.
“Good night, Kir.”
“Good night, Tomias.”
Though exhausted and hurting from the events of the day, she found it hard to sleep. Her thoughts tugged her in strange directions, pulling her towards the past. She thought of Sanctuary, a land of glowing trees and lies. So much had happened. She’d caused so much hurt, however unintentional, and the guilt of her actions clung to her soul, a solemn weight she hadn’t been able to shake. She wondered if she’d ever be able to move on, to free herself enough to start anew. After what had happened with Garild and Ian, would she ever be able to be that vulnerable again?
Her selfish desires had brought her world down around her head and they had all paid the price. She’d crushed the heart of her friend, betrayed him in one of the worst ways possible and in doing so, she had lost his trust and his kindness. She wondered if they’d ever be able to work through it, to patch up the wounds of the past and be friends again.
In her heart, she knew Garild would never be anything more than just that - her friend. She didn’t want him to be. That had been her choice and she couldn’t regret it, even if it had hurt him. Despite that, she’d always love him in her own way, even though his current mood made hating him a far easier option. They’d been through entirely too much together for him to just fade from her life and her heart completely. He was, in truth, one of her closest friends.
As was Tomias.
He was a complication. Circumstances had seen them thrown into the fire together. They’d both lost so much to Sanctuary. What once had been her mentor had become her friend and confidant, her comfort through a time of grief and sorrow and change.
They’d grown so close over the past few months. There was a physical closeness, a deep sense of trust and love, but to have him as something more? She’d never really considered her feelings on the matter, hadn’t allowed herself the thought. They’d both been so caught up in their loss, lost in their little realm of grief. She’d didn’t know whether or not she’d actually want him to be something beyond what he was. After what had happened to Ian, lust or not, the thought of being that close to someone was both a terrifying and exciting prospect.
She could remember kissing Ian as if the action were burned into her memory and her flesh. She could remember the feel of his hands roaming her body, cupping her and possessing her and igniting her blood. Her eyes wandered, tracing the outline of Tomias’ lips. She concentrated on his hands, one tangled in her hair, the other resting against her back. She began to wonder what it might feel like if their lips met, if his hands gripped her and pulled her close. Would she feel the same excitement, that same heat that had set her blood on fire? By the Allseer, woman -stop!
He was suddenly too close, his lips mere inches from her face, and she wanted to embrace and flee from the strange sensation working its way through her body. She shifted, trying to distance herself from him just a fraction, just enough to calm her blood.
“Kir?” he questioned, and she nearly leapt out of her skin. Her heart hammered wildly, and she was grateful for the lack of light. It would be hard to see the blush creeping across her face in the dark. “Everything okay? You’re burning up.”
Gods! “No! I mean, yes! I’m fine. Just trying to get comfortable.”
He gave a derisive snort. “Really? Lying to someone that knows you well is kind of foolish, Kir.”
“Point taken,” she grunted, pushing herself away from him. You idiot! She shifted out of his grasp as much as she could, putting her back to him while she tried to calm her heart. Tomias let out a groggy sigh and propped himself up on his elbow. She could feel him looming over her shoulder.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not really.”
He was quiet, seemingly mulling over his own thoughts. “Do you still think about him?”
She went stiff, thrown off by the question. She hadn’t expected it, not in the least. “What are you talking about?” she questioned, peering over her shoulder.
“Ian. Do you still think about him? It- I guess it occurred to me that we’ve never talked about it. You’ve been so busy helping everyone else grapple with what happened, but you’ve never so much as talked about what happened to you. I want to know, Kir. I want you to talk to me.”
“What is there to talk about?” she said sharply. She wanted to hide, to flee his grip and the weight of his gaze. He deserved to know, deserved for her to be open with him as he was with her, but it was so hard. He was getting too close, prodding at things that were still so sensitive, things that she had just been thinking about. Had her guard slipped? Had she spilled those questions into his head?
“I’m not trying to pry. I just thought… I don’t know. Maybe I’m just being stupid.”
“Maybe you are.” She sat up with a huff and Tomias rose with her.
“Kir, what is going on with you?” he asked softly, reaching out and grabbing her wrist. “If it’s what happened in the swamp… I’m sorry. I should have been more cautious, I should have paid more attention. I should have protect-”
“-Tomias, stop,” she said abruptly, cutting him off. “Just stop.” She felt guilt, hot and sharp, pierce through her heart. He didn’t deserve the cold edge she used to protect herself from the world. He’d never cut her with his words like she did him, never shut her out or kept her away from his feelings. It wasn’t fair. She was being ridiculous. She took a deep breath, let it out. “It wasn’t the swamp. That rattled me, yes, it just-- Yes. Yes, I still think about him.”
“I’m sorry. I know you… you loved him.”
“I don’t think it was love,” she whispered. It was easier to speak in the dark, to pretend it was just the creatures of the night listening to her and not this man that complicated her emotions so. “Regardless, he didn’t deserve what happened to him and that is something I will always regret. Nobody deserved what happened.”
“You did-”
“-all that I could. I know.” She was so hard on herself, letting her guilt manifest and eat away at her soul. Fighting away her emotions was difficult. Logically, she knew it was true. She had done all she could, but try as she might, she seemed unable to actually convince her own brain of that fact. It was nice to hear it from someone else, a little easier to fight back against the guilt. “Thank you,” she whispered.
“Hm? For what? A moment ago you were telling me to shut up.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I mean it though. Thank you for being here and for caring. I-”
“I do care, Kir,” he said. He leaned forward, his lips brushing against her cheek. He lingered for a moment, his face hovering so close to hers. She found herself unable to move, to breathe. The seconds ticked by agonizingly slow, the tension of the moment wiping out any thoughts from her mind. And just when she thought he’d lean in closer, he pulled away, sidling back into the comfort of the bed roll.
A pent-up breath was loosed from aching lungs. She recollected her scattered thoughts, brushing away the wave of disappointment that swept through her. She tried to focus on something else, anything else, as she shimmied back into the bedroll next to Tomias. He adjusted, allowing her to get comfortable again, his arms draping around her as they had before. They felt like molten bindings, setting her skin alight where they touched.
“Good night,” he whispered.
“Good night, Tomias.”
She forced her mind to the journey ahead, to what had happened in the swamp, to anything but the man whose arms she currently rested in. It was hours of restless thoughts before sleep claimed her.
CHAPTER 10
“It would be wise if I guided you home. Such an event is beneath you, Your Highness. Your enemies have become brazen. It’d be safer if -”
His words were cut short by the raising of a gloved hand. Lillana was annoyed, the words of her escort rattling inside her ears like the buzzing of a bee. He stood at her side, shaved head glistening much like the black cloth of his robes. His arms were crossed over his chest, hands hidden in his sleeves. His eyes were as blue as the sea, and they shone with concern from within the frame of his shimmering black mask.
He was a glorified babysitter. How a devout Zekarian priest was supposed to protect her from harm was beyond her. He was her teacher, a scholar, and he spent most days reciting scripture and teaching her about the land she’d someday rule. The man was weak of mind and spirit, easily bending to her will. He allowed her far more leniency than her mother would have liked, but who was he to argue with a princess? She held authority over him and if anything were to come of her frequent rule breaking, it would be his head on a spike, not hers.
The Allseer Trilogy Page 38