“There is nothing you can do right now. You are not in a place of power and your family would cast you out as a traitor if you ever expressed such thoughts. The tides are shifting though and one day, you may see yourself on the throne. When that time comes, when that happens, remember this. Remember this and make sure this never happens again.”
“I’ll remember,” she whispered. “When my time comes, I will see this end.”
CHAPTER 23
Her face was a mask of dirt and blood, the horrors witnessed that day a taint upon her skin. Those memories would never go away, would never be forgotten. It was etched into her soul. She’d almost seen her friend die, had watched a stranger be murdered and burned. Tomias had disappeared and there was no way of knowing if he even lived.
Kirheen surveyed herself in the mirror, frowning at what she saw. Tiny scrapes covered her face, a purple bruise forming where an elbow had collided with her cheekbone. Blood was splattered over her right cheek, congealed in her scar. The sight of it made her nauseous, made her think of Fenir, his mind no longer his own, a knife slashing through the air.
“Damn it, Kirheen,” she murmured to herself. “Focus.”
She winced as she dipped the rag she’d been given in a bucket of warm water. The scabs on her hands burned from the contact, softening in the heat. Her body was a patchwork of bruises and hurt, each ache fighting for her attention. Reaching up, she dragged the damp rag across her face, working away the blood and dirt. As the blood was pushed and smeared, her thoughts drifted, and she began to wonder whose blood it was. Was it hers or had it been shed by another?
A panicked breath escaped her lungs as she fought to control her emotions. She’d felt this way after Sanctuary had fallen. When the battle had died down and she’d realized all she had lost, feelings held at bay had come crashing down, great waves chipping away at her soul.
The rag she’d been holding slipped from her fingers and into the bucket of water. She watched as the blood mixed with the water, slowly turning it red. When she looked back at the mirror, Daris was standing in the doorway, watching her with unnerving black eyes.
“It never gets easier,” he said.
“What?” Kirheen asked. She felt far away, lost in a dream.
“Death,” he said softly. “The madness of this city. It changes you.” He knew what she’d experienced, had probably seen it himself. She could still hear the screams, the explosion, the sound of fire melting skin off of bone. Squeezing her eyes shut, she tried to force her mental walls into place. She was greeted with pain, her powers resisting her just as her body did. She wobbled, feeling unsteady. Daris pointed to the stool to her left. “Sit.”
She obeyed, stumbling over to it and perching on the edge. He walked to the bucket of water and wrung out the rag. Stepping closer to her he held out his hand cautiously, testing her reaction. She tensed as his warm hand wrapped around the back of her neck, holding her still. He set to work wiping the blood and dirt off of her face, each stroke surprisingly gentle. He was careful, far more so than she ever imagined he could be. “Everything fell apart after Sanctuary,” he said. “Vi- My bond mate felt betrayed by what had happened, by what had been revealed. Suddenly, life didn’t have a meaning. It didn’t have a purpose. We came here looking for it, looking for a reason to exist.” He dipped the rag, wrung it out once more.
Kirheen looked up at him, saw pain and regret shifting his features. “Why are you telling me this?”
He returned her gaze, hand gripping her chin. “Don’t find your purpose here, Kirheen. This place will break you.”
She grimaced, pulling out of his grasp. “It’s too late for that,” she whispered. “I can’t leave. Not until I find him.”
He gave her an understanding nod. “We’ll find him. This city is big, but we have eyes everywhere. For now, you need to rest. You need to process,” he said and held out his hand. She couldn’t focus on her surroundings, couldn’t see anything but the fire and smoke, the smell of burnt flesh and the coppery tang of spilled blood.
Daris led her to a cot, pulled back the blanket. “Sleep now. We’ll all be here when you wake up.”
She slid beneath the blanket and let herself drift off to sleep. Her dreams were a nightmarish landscape of ash and dust, of blood and fire. Guilt twisted like vines, ensnaring her, keeping her rooted as the flames burned, melting her down to her very core.
Voices broke through her dreams, a steady trickle of sound dragging her away from that dark place she’d fled to. A woman spoke, her voice surprised by whatever she’d heard. “She’s here? Do you think that’s wise?”
“What else was I supposed to do? Leave her?”
“I don’t know,” the woman said. “I just… it’s been a while. It’s hard to know where her heart is in all of this. That might not be the same woman we remember.”
Kirheen recognized the voice. Eyes fluttered and Kirheen found herself staring at a ceiling high above her. The roof had started to collapse at some point, gaping holes allowing light to pour into the room. Dust floated in the shafts of light, floating lazily. She watched it, letting her eyes trail after the little particles.
She shifted and winced. Her body felt like it had been tenderized, every muscle throbbing as she sat up. The scabs on her hands and knees had dried out and they cracked painfully as she swung her legs off the cot. Her movement halted the conversation. Blinking away sleep, she looked towards the source of the familiar voice, surprised to find Irena talking to Daris. She was still as beautiful as ever, her honey colored hair shimmering in the sunlight. Crystalline eyes shifted and looked upon Kirheen with suspicion.
Daris frowned, shaking his head as he stepped away from Irena. He stopped in front of Kirheen and knelt. His black hair was disheveled, his face unshaven. “How are you feeling?”
It was so strange. He’d been her enemy, an egotistical jerk that hadn’t liked to play by the rules. This was not the same man before her, not the bloodthirsty wolf that hated everyone but the woman he’d been bound to. Something had happened, something that had changed him into someone else entirely.
“I’m fine,” she lied. “Where are we?”
Daris hesitated, his eyes searching for the truth of her intentions. “We’re at a hideout-”
A hiss from Irena cut him off and she approached, arms crossed over her chest. “Daris, are you sure about this?”
He stood with a weary sigh and turned to face Irena. She came up short, glaring up at him. “Irena, do you not remember what happened? We wouldn’t even be here if not for Kirheen, so shut up for five seconds and let me talk to her.”
Irena frowned but backed off, glancing uneasily between them before retreating to the other side of the room. She took up vigil, peering behind a dingy curtain at the street beyond. Kirheen couldn’t blame her for her lack of trust. So much had changed and who was to say she hadn’t changed too. She was used to the blame and the guilt and the animosity at this point. The lack of trust was just another result of her part in the fall of Sanctuary.
“So, a hideout for what? The rebels?”
Daris nodded. “I’m sure you’ve heard all sorts of tales at this point. Us here, we’re just a very small part of something much bigger. This is just one of many meeting places scattered throughout the city.”
It shouldn’t have come as a surprise. After the fall of Sanctuary, what purpose did they have? They’d been raised to believe they would be part of some great fight against an imaginary threat. It was only logical that they’d go out into the world seeking a real threat to face. “How many of you? How many came here after Sanctuary?”
“Not many of us. Irena and Tegan both play a part in this. Myself. There were others, but I can’t even bring myself to say their names. They turned out to be nothing but traitors. Got a lot of good people killed.”
He hadn’t mentioned Vienna and now she knew why. It hurt knowing one of their own had turned against them. “I’m sorry,” Kirheen said. “I had no idea any of you were
here, that any of you were fighting this.”
“What choice did we have? We could have stayed and went into hiding. We could have turned our back on our powers. It just didn’t feel right. Once we started to hear more about what was happening here, it was hard to ignore it. Why did you come here? Truth be told, I’m not really all that surprised to see you, I just didn’t think it would take this long.”
She winced. “I didn’t come here seeking this. It’s… complicated. I wanted to see it all before I made any decisions, before I decided what I was going to do with my life. Seems things just keep being decided for me.”
“And what do you plan to do now?”
“Tomias is my first and only priority right now. I don’t know where he is or if he’s even… alive.” The words were so hard to say. She tried to think of her life without Tomias, to think of the future without him. Tears flooded her vision and she bit her cheek, tried to force them back down. “I will tear this city apart until I at least have an answer.”
“You might not have to go that far. I have Tegan out gathering information right now. Wherever he is, we’ll find him,” he said gently, reaching out a hand and squeezing her shoulder. “It’ll be okay.”
“Thank you both. I hate to think where I’d be right now if you hadn’t found me.”
Daris grinned. “Probably in the company of the Seekers, I imagine.”
A scraping sound near the front of the building caught their attention and they looked towards the noise just as Tegan strode into the room. The little mouse had grown up. He was taller, his shoulders broader, his brown hair long and curled around his ears. No longer did he look hunched over and frightened, constantly uneasy in the world. Now he walked with purpose, his shoulders squared, his head level and eyes clear.
He stopped for a moment to exchange words with Irena. There was a strange tension between them, a simmering frustration raging just beneath the surface. Their words were tense and clipped, each syllable forced off uneager tongues. Tegan had almost died on the Scarlet Square. Whatever he’d done, however he’d ended up on that platform, it hung between them, a heavy chain of tension they’d eventually have to break or be broken by.
Irena turned away from him first, her eyes cold. She continued her vigil, watching out for unwelcome visitors. Tegan lingered for a moment, his expression pained. With a huff, he turned and walked towards Kirheen and Daris.
“Well, look who finally decided to join us,” Tegan smiled. “Took you long enough.” Whatever tension had been there had melted away, his frustrations left behind with Irena. He bent down, wrapping Kirheen in a welcoming embrace. “It’s good to see you.”
Kirheen couldn’t help but smile. “And it’s good to see you under better circumstances. You had me worried.”
“It all turned out okay in the end. I’m here and I’m alive and that’s what matters.”
“Wish we’d been able to stop it sooner,” Daris said, his tone grim. “Those were two of Regan’s that got the knife.”
Tegan winced. “I know. I wish we had too.” He turned his attention back to Kirheen. “I heard about Tomias. I spent all morning asking around and I think we’ve been able to pinpoint where he is being held.”
Kirheen perked up at his name. “He’s alive?”
“For now, yes. Listen, time isn’t on our side here. He’s been imprisoned to the north east, in the gutted part of Val’shar. It’s not good. It’s a prison for people like us and is overrun with Seekers.”
Kirheen let her shoulders relax. If he lived, there was a chance to save him. There was still hope. Even if she had to burn down the whole of Val’shar, she’d do it to free him. “I have to go after him, Tegan. I can’t leave him there.”
Tegan met her gaze, his brown eyes warm with sympathy. “I know. I don’t expect you to just leave him there, I just need you to be prepared. This isn’t going to be easy. Breaking him out of there is going to be extremely dangerous for all of us.”
Irena whirled from her spot at the window, her face a mask of unbound fury. “Absolutely not.” she shouted at Tegan. “We are not getting involved with this.”
Tegan muttered a curse and turned to face her. He was calm but his eyes betrayed the hurt lurking beneath. “Irena, I can’t just stand by knowing one of our own is rotting away in a prison.”
“You can. You can help by just saying no. Give her whatever information you have and be done with it. You are not putting yourself in danger again. You can’t.” Irena shook, her body trembling. Her eyes were bright, highlighting her pain and fear. “You al-almost died,” she choked. “I can’t watch that happen again. I won’t.”
The room went utterly still, the air fleeing into the void between them. Nobody moved or breathed as Irena began to cry, her hands rising to cover her face. It came as a shock to them all. Daris grabbed Kirheen by the sleeve, tugging her with him towards the front of the warehouse.
Kirheen didn’t look back over her shoulder. She didn’t want to. Whatever words were exchanged lived between them. And in her heart, she knew what the answer would be, what consequences would exist because of it. It wasn’t just a faceless rebellion anymore. These were her people fighting and having seen that, she couldn’t possibly turn her back. And if she could fight for them, how could they not fight for her?
Daris was quiet as he slipped on a black robe and mask. He handed another to Kirheen and she slipped it over her head. They looked like Zekarien priests, the perfect disguise. Something about the robe was oddly comforting, reminding her of the clothing she’d once wore back in Sanctuary. The mask, however, was uncomfortable and the feeling of having something covering her face made her feel anxious.
They slipped outside into the midday sun. The sky was filled with fat, puffy clouds that threatened to drive away the light and bring a heavy rain. The surrounding buildings were the color of damp earth, constructed of wood and mud and stone. Everything felt earthy and solid, each construct built to honor the god Ignis, shaper of the world.
“We’re going to help you,” Daris said, leading the way through twisting streets and alleyways. “Now is not the time to turn our backs. We need to help each other now more than ever.”
Kirheen frowned. “You know I don’t expect that of you. None of you owe me for Sanctuary. Just get me the information I need and I will try and get him out. This is my mess, let me handle it.”
Daris shook his head. “If only it were so simple. I’ve seen such horror in this place. I’ve seen friends become enemies, watched people I was close to burn and bleed and be broken. I’ve dealt with a lover turning into a traitor, almost faced death myself because of it. I will not sit by and let more suffering occur, not to my friends, not to the people that helped us be free. If this is our choice, then let it be. You did your part, let us do ours.”
It struck her again just how much pain and suffering they’d endured. While she’d sat in that tiny village, moping and feeling sorry for herself, her friends had been hurt. They’d died. They’d faced Sanctuary all over again, only this time on a much larger scale. Now it was the world at stake - their future. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner.”
“Don’t apologize,” Daris said. “Let’s just make this right.”
CHAPTER 24
The stacks of books had grown like trees, sprouting from the ground and growing around him. They were stacked along the walls, on tables, and on chairs. Garild had read them all - read them all and found nothing.
“Garild, what has gotten into you?” Trista asked from the doorway, her eyes taking in the books he’d ravenously devoured. Her brow was furrowed, concern making her frown as she looked over him. “You need to take a break. Come outside.”
No matter how much he’d tried to explain to them, he couldn’t seem to make them understand how much Hetra had unsettled him with her words, how much it scared him to think of that corruption being real.
“Garild.”
He just needed to keep searching. A whole
island full of books had to have something about it. Even if he had to read each and every one, he’d find what he needed. His eyes burned and his body ached. Sleep would claim him soon - that and the nightmares.
“Garild!” Trista lashed out, knocking the book he’d been reading off the table and onto the floor.
“Trista! What was that for?” he shouted, feeling irrationally angry at what she’d done. He pushed himself away from the table, rising to fetch the book. The scholars would have her head if they’d seen what she’d just done.
“Enough! What are you trying to accomplish? What are you trying to prove?”
“You know exactly what I’m trying to prove,” he growled, hugging the book to his chest.
“What, that the Darkness is real? You want to know if there is some ancient power coming to swallow us whole. You want to know if maybe it wasn’t all lies after all. Even if you find it, even if you prove that it exists, hiding away under a mountain of books isn’t going to stop it,” she shouted, her hands slamming onto the table.
“What if there is something here, Trista? What if I find something that could stop it? I could save everyone. I could…”
“This is guilt talking. You’re letting guilt control you right now. Guilt over Sanctuary. Guilt over Kirheen. Will you just stop and think about this rationally for five seconds? You can dig and dig and dig at this until your fingers bleed, but it doesn’t mean it will change anything. It doesn’t mean anything can be fixed. There is enough chaos in the world right now without worrying about the end of the world. Let’s fix what we can fix now and stop worrying about what might happen later.”
“I’ll give you this, Garild,” Samira said, striding into the room holding a stack of books. She was swathed in a dress of white and gold, her dark hair pulled back away from her face. “You’re not a complete and utter fool.”
The Allseer Trilogy Page 55