by Lisa Oliver
“You have to admit,” Tobias looked around the table for some support. “We’ve all had a really rough time of it, over the past year or so…”
“And that’s the excuse we keep telling ourselves,” Shawn cut in sharply. “But it doesn’t make our actions right. Castor made a lot of sense when he asked how deep our mating bonds are when we let the actions of clay and sticks threaten the certainty we get when we’re blessed by the Fates.”
“But seeing it, seeing that golem in action, with Wes’s face,” Adair said hesitantly. “Damn, that was my brother’s mate getting assaulted by that pile of clay and sticks. Magic too. How can we…”
“We trust!” Shawn roared, causing the table and chairs to tremble. “We trust in the bonds granted to us, in the ties that bind us to our mates and our pack. That is the shifter way and we all lost sight of that. Every one of us at this table. We were so busy fighting the evils surrounding this pack, we lost track of what it meant to be a blessed shifter, in a pack full of love. But if we don’t get past this, then the dark elves, wherever they may lie in their suspended state, have won the war. Don’t any of you find it the slightest bit ironic, that even months after the enemy is vanquished, we all still wage a war inside ourselves?”
The men were silent for a moment, and then Thomas said, “I’m not sure I understand what you mean. I mean, I love my mate, and always will. I don’t doubt that or him for a second.”
“I do love you, I do,” Ivan said quietly.
“Lip service.” Marius looked around the table. “That’s what Castor said I was doing, Cathair too. Paying lip service to being okay. I wasn’t okay. I said the right things – told you all at the pack meeting that seeing Wes again would be difficult, but that Cathair and I were solid. We weren’t. I wanted Wesley dead, even though my logical mind told me he had nothing to do with the assault on my mate or my mating.”
“I had similar issues.” Cathair draped his arm around Marius’ shoulder. “I’ve always been attractive; men and women alike have fallen all over me since I was a teenager. After the attack, I worried deep inside, whether or not my looks were a curse; was there something inside of me that led the golem on, made me the weak link in our mating. I felt as though I’d betrayed my mate and wondered if I could ever trust myself around a single person again. To me, if Wes were dead, then those issues didn’t have to be voiced.”
“Fuck, that’s some heavy shit guys,” Josh said, holding onto his mate’s arm. “But how does baring your soul like this help, if the feelings are still the same inside?”
“Castor mentioned you, Josh,” Shawn said, “or rather he said Vadim was worried about the doubts you had about the strength of a mate bond. Who of you – be honest now – who of you worried that what happened to Marius and Cathair might happen to you and your mate, but that the next time, the golem or magic might be successful?”
“The bonds can’t be broken,” Matthew said hotly. “Furthermore, I resent the fact that I’m left sitting here without my mate…”
“Answer the damn question,” Kane snarled. “I’m guilty of thinking that way even though I never doubt Shawn’s love for me ever. But in the dead of night, when Shawn is sleeping, I wonder how I’d cope if I walked in and saw my mate under some magical hold, having sex with someone else. If my sanity could handle it, or if I’d drive Shawn away because of my own insecurities an act like that would bring up.” He put up his hand. “Who else?”
One by one, every single pack member sitting at the table put their hand up. Marius and Cathair were two of the first, Matthew one of the last. “I love my mate more than life itself,” Matthew said haltingly, “but I worry, because of the abuse Dean’s suffered in the past, how that might affect him if something like that happened to me or him. I guess it’s pretty much the same thing.”
“Well, look at that,” Aelfric said pertly, leaning forward from his seat and looking around the table. “This has to be the first time on record the entire pack has agreed on the same thing. The point is, what do we do about it? Fears are a natural part of a being’s experience. So, we worry that something could break the bonds with our mates – what does acknowledging that accomplish, except to make us all feel like shits?”
Putting his arm down, Shawn asked Vassago, “what did your seer say about Wes and his need to be here – exactly?”
“Oh shit.” Vassago rubbed the middle of his forehead. “They are so cryptic. Er… something like, ‘the missing wolf holds the heart, and brings dark fears to light. Gifts abound when he is found, but don’t let him go from sight’. Is that it?” He turned to Adair who nodded.
“And you Cathair,” Shawn looked to the other side of the table. “What did your seers say?”
“They weren’t as poetic,” Cathair said. “All they said was ‘he bears gifts for all and must be found to ensure the continuation of the pack’. But he’s done that. He found the kiddies which are huge gifts for those who want them, and they’re safe here now, so the seers’ prophecy has already come to being. That bit about the djinn seer saying he brings dark fears to light has also happened, because we’re all sitting around here talking about it. I don’t see what dragging Wesley back here, especially if he doesn’t want to face us is going to achieve for any of us.”
“Fuck, you guys all piss me off sometimes.” Shawn thumped the table hard, making everyone jump. “Wes is the heart – did you all miss that bit?”
“Er, Shawn, alpha mate, simmer down, okay?” Matthew said warningly. “No disrespect intended to Wesley, but my mate Dean is the heart of the pack and always has been. Wesley isn’t an omega, so he can’t be the heart.”
“Except for the younger generation maybe, something you’ve all forgotten in this equation.” Shawn looked over at the door. “Frankie, sweetheart, come on in and say your piece. There’s no point in lurking by the door.”
“I couldn’t help overhearing. Some of you are really loud.” Frankie stepped into the room, twisting his hands in front of him. “I heard you talking about Wesley and there’s something you should know. Wesley was really good to all of us when he found us; caring for us, making us feel loved and wanted for the first time since our parents were all killed in front of us.”
“I’m not doubting Wesley wasn’t good for you and the others, Frankie, son,” Vassago said. “And I’m real proud of you for speaking up for him. But you and the others have a permanent home here with us, that no one can take away. The issue with Wesley and the rest of us is complicated, but even if Wes never comes back to the pack, you’ll always be loved and have a home here with us.”
Frankie stuck his narrow chin in the air. “I don’t care about the complicated stuff you’re all bothered about. I agreed me and the others would come to this pack because it was Wesley’s home and he always spoke about how great it was here.”
“You’ll always be safe here.” Kane nodded. “You have my word as an alpha wolf.”
“Safe is something we haven’t had for a long time,” Frankie agreed, “but it’s not the same as being with the people who helped us most. Wesley never thought about being rescued when he was with us. He only talked about caring for us. He put us first. And because of that, me and the demon Cass made a deal. If you don’t sort your shit out, and find a way for Wesley to come home, then I’ll call Cass and he’ll take me and the other little ones to live with him and Wes in a home far away.”
“Frankie!” Adair looked horrified. “How could you make a deal with a demon? Don’t you know how dangerous that is? And Cass and Wes aren’t a couple. Cass was going back to rescue Wes, presumably, but it’s not like he’s going to stick around and care for him once he’s back on earth. Demons don’t do that.”
“Cass and Wes are true mates, just like you guys. I heard them talking in the laundry.” Frankie clenched his hands by his side. “I heard how upset Wes was, thinking no one here wanted him anymore and how his life was over. He told Cass…”
Frankie’s voice hitched, and Dean came running in
, dropping his arm around Frankie’s shoulder. “You shouldn’t be in here, Frankie,” Dean said calmly. “This is a pack meeting for adults and doesn’t concern you, sweetie.”
“It does!” Frankie pushed Dean away. “It concerns me and all the littlies. Wes didn’t do anything wrong, and from what I heard here it’s you guys who are broken, not him. Cass will… he will… he promised he’d come and get us if I called him, and I trust him to do it. I don’t want the safety of these little ones in the hands of people who believe in throwing others away like you’re doing with Wes.” Frankie was openly crying now. “All we wanted was a home with people who will be kind and care for us. But how can we trust your kindness when you throw a good person like Wes away?”
Throwing a helpless look at the pack members sitting stunned around the table, Dean led Frankie out of the room. It was Shawn who spoke first. “‘You guys who are broken’, huh. I couldn’t have said it better myself.” He shook his head, before looking at Kane, who nodded.
“There’s something I need to share with you. A long while ago, I had a vision, my own gift from the fates.” Shawn smiled. “I shared it with Kane, because at the time he needed to know all the rapid changes that were going on in the pack were a sign of us working towards something positive. I wanted him to know that the Fates hadn’t forgotten us, and that something good would come out of our fight against evil.”
“Shawn told me of a Christmas scene,” Kane carried on where his mate had left off. “Involving mountains of presents under a huge tree, the sound of little feet running in the hallway. Children’s laughter and the blanket of love filled the air. When Castor arrived with the children this afternoon, I truly believed that vision had come to pass.”
“And what? Now, if we don’t cave into the kids’ demands for Wesley, we’re going to lose all this?” Griff tugged on his hair. “That’s not fair, man. We’ve all worked hard. These kids need the life we can provide for them. Frankie’s not old enough to know what’s best for him or the others. We’re the adults. It’s up to us to make the hard decisions and they’ll just have to accept it.”
“It would devastate Luke if Em was taken away from him now,” Kurt said grimly. “I can’t believe the Fates would be that cruel as to dangle the promise of children in front of us and then take them away.”
“The Fates made a good point to me this afternoon.” Shawn looked around at his pack mates. “Paranormals, especially mated ones, get complacent. The rules for mates are very clear. The nature of a shifter bite, or whatever we use during a claim means that we know our loved ones can’t stray. Kill one, the other one dies. Our love for our mates is automatic, because there’s nothing that can ever cause us to question it.”
“Until someone comes along with a packet of zombie dust,” Marius said glumly.
“Exactly,” Shawn said, “and that’s the point that me, Castor and to a lesser degree Frankie was trying to make. The Fates are disappointed because we doubt our loved ones. We never voice it; we’ve never shared our concerns before today. The love we have for our mates is strong, but it’s still conditional and that is not the environment these children deserve.”
“Hey, now, come on.” Troy glared at the alpha mate. “That’s being overly harsh. A lot of us, many of us, came from situations where our parents didn’t love us unconditionally – we were thrown out because we were gay, or a half-breed or whatever. How could you suggest for a second we wouldn’t love these kids unconditionally after what we’ve all been through?”
“Because of the what if’s that lurk in our heart, I suppose.” Nereus looked pretty relaxed, leaning back in his chair, his arm resting loosely over Raff’s shoulder. “I’m probably the eldest in this room, so I think I’m kinda qualified to speak here. I don’t doubt my mates’ love for me, or mine for them. If I did see my mates in some thrall, or under the influence of zombie dust, doing the dirty with someone else, I’d hope that I’d realize that an action forced on my loved one wouldn’t mean I’d love him any less. I don’t know for sure, which is why I put my hand up with the rest of you. Rape or any form of violation is horrible enough on its own, without me making it worse by not being able to accept it after the fact if it should ever happen.”
“I don’t need reminding.” Cathair shuddered.
“Actually, you do. We all do.” Shawn’s voice was firm. “The fact is, all of us in our own way, were concerned about what facing Wesley would do to those feelings we’re trying to hide and the impact those feelings coming to light might have on our mating. What the golem did is probably the first time in history the sanctity of a true mating has been violated, testing those sacred bonds, and in this test we all failed.”
“That’s not true, at least about the attack on Cathair being an isolated one.” Vadim spoke grimly. “Back through history, many true mates were violated by alphas, coven leaders, or others in a position of authority, usually causing those mates and their partners to die. Same sex matings weren’t accepted or even allowed until recent times. Women, who’d found their same sex mate, were often forced into bond-matings with males and raped repeatedly. Males who were found with another man were killed on the spot and usually horrifically violated first. I’ve always believed that’s why the Fates reincarnate a true mate pair; so, they have a chance to find a better life the next time around. Finding a mate, especially throughout history, was never a guarantee of a happy ever after, and I think we’ve forgotten that.”
A somber mood fell over the table.
Shawn nodded. “I stand corrected, and I’m sorry for my insensitivity. To forget our history is to condemn us all to repeat it, so someone once said. But I think what you’ve said Vadim makes my point as well. You said, most of the outcomes for those mates in the past weren’t positive, and usually ended in death.
“And while I’m very thankful Cathair and Marius have managed to get past the attack to a point, the fact still remains if we can’t cope with the aftermath of an intimate attack like the one committed by the golem, then what does that say about our love for our mates. Doesn’t that make our love conditional, even if it’s only conditional on our loved ones not falling prey to a sexual predator with zombie dust? I mean, the situation is rare enough, thank goodness, but does an issue with an attack like that suggest there is limits to the love we share? And isn’t that the real fear we all hold inside of ourselves?”
“Shawn and I discussed this, and we believe that is the crux of the seers’ message about Wesley being the heart,” Kane said, catching Shawn’s hand in his. “He brought us the gift of blessed children, who’d be a joy to love and raise, but if we accept that gift, then, well, you heard Frankie. We have to face Wesley too, and that means putting our own fears to rest and searching our heart long and hard about the meaning of unconditional love and the true value of the bonds we share as a pack.”
“It’s late.” Shawn raised Kane’s hand to his lips and kissed the knuckles softly. “Go home, cuddle your new families and think long and hard about what we’ve said.”
“I’m not sure I’m happy about the kids being used as a lever forcing us to accept Wesley,” Adair grumped as he got up from his chair. “That’s emotional blackmail in the worst way.”
“Frankie isn’t blackmailing anyone,” Shawn said. “He’s showing loyalty to a man who was kind to him, in the strongest possible way he knows how. A loyalty some of you seem to have forgotten.”
“Er,” Raff raised his hand. “Can I ask just one question? If the demon Castor is Wes’s mate, and we all vote to have him back, does that mean Castor will be part of the pack too? Because if he could search for my family in the Underworld…”
“I’m sorry, Raff,” Kane interrupted kindly. “I know how important finding your family is to you, but until a decision is made about Wesley, we honestly can’t say. It’s late. We’ve all got a lot of soul searching to do and young ones to tend to. No matter what Frankie says, or how he said it, for the moment these children are our family and pack too. I w
ant us all to be part of a pack run in three days’ time. That will give you all a chance to talk with your loved ones, and hopefully start healing yourselves individually and as mates. It is my hope that the run might help us reinforce those bonds we took for granted. I don’t like letting the Fates down when we’ve all been so blessed.”
“Great. Now we’ve got to vote on having a demon in the pack too,” Adair griped as Vassago dragged him out of the room. “A freaking demon who can see our darkest secrets,” he yelled over his shoulder. “He’ll know everything.”
Chapter Ten
Back in the Underworld.
“Honestly, can we make this the very last bite, please,” Wes chuckled as he took a last piece of roast potato from Cass’s fingers. “I haven’t eaten this much in one meal in months. Truly. My stomach is full.”
“Then part one of the ritual is over.” Cass was secretly thrilled Wes let him feed him the entire meal. Mama’s instructions said the first bite was the most important, as it allowed Cass to say the words – showing intent. Usually, after the first bite, the couple fed themselves. But Cass wanted more… I am a demon after all.
“What comes next?” Wes leaned back on the couch, rubbing his stomach with a contented grin. “We might have to wait five minutes, if this is the sex and biting part. I’ve got to let this delicious meal settle.”
“I have pleased your wolf by hunting for you and fed your body. Now, I need to show I can provide for you. That’s a demon thing, not a wolf thing,” Cass added hurriedly. “Demons in the Underworld don’t have money. We have no need for it. We barter favors, chores, even pay our gambling bets with favors. That’s how I ended up looking for you, to be honest, and boy, Myka was pissed to hear I got a mate out of it, I can tell you.”
“Myka?” Wes frowned. “I know that name. Is that the demon who was in, god’s I can’t remember his name, but some dude’s body from the shifter council months ago. Pelham, I think the wolf was. But Vassago knew the demon who possessed him.”