Samuel’s eyebrows tossed up and he nodded. “Me and Samantha like to have Katie.”
“I’ll bet,” Simon agreed.
Samuel stopped nodding, and his complexion paled. I knew the signal and rose to look for a bin. I hurried across the room to Samantha’s supplies and retrieved what I was searching for. Samuel’s quiet sickness started even before I’d turned back, but when I did, I teared up at the sight before me. Simon held a waist can in one hand, and he had his arm around Samuel to help him through his rough moment.
“You’re alright,” Simon said softly near Samuel’s ear. His eyes shifted to mine, and they held the same look every one of us who’d witnessed this held. The sorrow and helplessness were hard to fight in these bad moments, but our struggle wasn’t nearly as tough as the little blond boy’s, who was now crying and holding on to Simon.
I exchanged bins with Simon, setting it aside, and kneeled down. I looked up at Simon where he sat on the bed with Samuel in his arms and while my heart was breaking, it was also sewing itself whole again. Each sweet smile from Simon, each gesture and thought, was another stitch to the tear in my heart when he’d left. I couldn’t help slowly falling for him again. I’d never fully gotten over him in the first place, and now, as I witnessed his compassion for the little boy, I was falling even deeper.
Simon had his eyes closed with a pained frown, and I wondered if he felt for the boy on another level. It wasn’t the same situation, but I had to wonder if perhaps Simon saw himself in Samuel. I could see the similarities in the loneliness and perhaps hopelessness of their situations. Did he feel connected to Samuel, who only wanted to live his life the way he wanted to, but couldn’t?
I released a breath and worried maybe I was making connections where there weren’t any, for the sake of my own heart, a way of justifying what I was feeling for Simon.
“Do you know any Chris Ledoux?” Simon asked Samuel quietly.
I grinned and answered for Samuel. “He knows just about every song from that cowboy. Don’t you?”
Simon held Samuel as he began to sing a bit of a song, and after a minute, Samuel requested another. Simon obliged, and Samantha asked me to braid her hair. I sat behind her and listened between her chatter and Simon’s soft quiet singing. My heart was so full at that moment I thought it might burst. I was enjoying myself very much, but I was also grieving at the same time, because I knew this moment was just that, a moment in time.
A movement near the door caught my attention, and Jesse gestured for me. I settled Samantha then stepped out, leaning against the wall, and released a very heavy breath.
Jesse rubbed my arm with a worried frown. “How are you holding up?”
I laughed without humor and rubbed my face. “I don’t know.” I sighed and rested a hand on my sore shoulder. I shrugged. “I just wanted to see Samuel in case the worst happens and I’m not here.”
Jesse nodded and flicked his chin toward the door. “How did Simon end up in your hospital? Are things…” He left the question open for interpretation.
I shrugged again and pressed my lips together, unsure how to explain any of it. “I couldn’t tell you, Jesse. I just..” I bit my lip and shook my head. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know if he was asking if I was letting Simon into my life again, or if he just wanted a rundown of what had occurred so far. Either way, this was neither the time or place; Jesse’s questions were ones I wanted answers to myself.
Chapter 16
I stuck the key into my apartment door later that night and glanced at Simon’s tired face. He’d been a trooper to linger at the hospital all day with me. Although, he’d seemed to enjoy it as much as I did, and even when I’d mentioned that we’d better go, Simon had seemed reluctant to leave. It was too late to drive back to camp now, and I’d offered my apartment for the night. It’d seemed like a safe enough idea at the time—we were both tired and had our minds preoccupied with other things. Now, as I turned the lock, my heart was thudding in my chest. Simon and I had never been completely alone like this. The idea had wholly taken over my every thought on the way home from picking up dinner. I was nervous, excited, hesitant, but most of all, I wanted this. I wanted a night to talk with him the way I needed, for me.
I switched on the light in the entry and kicked off my shoes before taking the food from Simon with a shy smile. “The bathroom is that middle door there if you need it.”
Simon’s lips twitched, no doubt upon seeing how nervous I was, and he headed toward the door I pointed out. I walked into the open area of the house where the dining and kitchen looked out over the living space.
As I set our food out on the table after washing up, I was in a daze. Had someone told me last week that I’d be hosting Simon Curtis, I’d have laughed in their face, and then cried myself to sleep that night once I was alone. I’d let my mind drift so many times when I’d cooked in this kitchen, daydreaming about cooking for the man currently leaning against the bathroom door frame with his arms folded and that small smile in place. I paused when I saw him standing there as though it was the most natural thing in the world. My hands trembled slightly when I pulled my chair out, my eyes never leaving Simon’s as he walked over and sat down.
“I really thought your house would be a little more of a mess,” Simon said as he picked up his burger. He took a bite and met my offended gaze. “What?” he asked innocently as he chewed.
I snorted a little and shook my head. “What makes you think that I’d keep a messy house?” I took a bite, scowling at him over my food.
Simon chuckled before taking a drink, and then grinned across the table. “I wasn’t talking about you, Kate. Don’t you live here with Amy? She just seems like the messy type.”
I laughed, throwing a hand over my mouth, and it took a moment before I could answer. “I’m training her. It’s a little harder on her in our own place than it was at home. If she didn’t keep clean there, she’d either get in trouble, or Aunt Chantelle would do it for her.”
Simon’s smile was evident as he took a bite and nodded. “I thought so. It’s no surprise to me that you’re clean and well kept. That suits you.”
I watched him for a moment, studying his features. I wanted to remember every little thing about him in my home. His dark hair was out of place, and a lock hung over his forehead. He needed a shave after so many days, but I found it much more enticing than I’d have thought. He looked so ruggedly, unfairly attractive under the glow of the light above us.
Those eyes, which had haunted all my daydreams, were watching me closely as I openly gazed at the man of my very real dreams. I didn’t shy away from him when he tilted his head and held a question in his eyes. My heart wasn’t tossed about in chaos like I thought it’d be in a moment like this. It was, in fact, quite calm. Warm, even. I stared at Simon, and he stared back at me.
“What are you doing here?” I whispered; I couldn’t wait any longer.
Simon frowned, confusion in his knit brows. “What do you mean?” he asked with hesitation.
I blinked. “Why are you here? Why now?” I shook my head slowly. “Why did you come back? After all this time…”
Simon stared unblinking for a moment and looked at the table. I thought he’d put me off at first but he glanced at me, stood, and his hand held out. “Come here, Kate.”
I stared at his hand and flicked my eyes to his before slipping my fingers through his. He directed me to the sofa. Simon sat down and I settled near him, though I purposely kept a bit of space between us. I didn’t want to get distracted by him physically. I needed some emotional care before I got too caught up in him.
Simon took a deep breath and let it out as he leaned over, elbows on his knees, and he looked at his wringing hands as he spoke. “Kate,” he started quietly. “You remember what I told you about my accident last year and falling out with my parents?” He didn’t look at me; he didn’t need to.
“I remember.”
Simon rubbed his hands together as though nervou
s and then rubbed his face, leaving his hands there. It was silent in the house, but Simon’s breathing had taken on a pace that was now audible. I saw his throat bob and wondered where on earth his mind was. He was more nervous than I’d ever seen him.
I reached out and took light hold of his upper arm, which caused a flush of heat to sweep through me when I felt how firm and strong he was beneath my fingers.
Simon released a breath, and his head dipped as he held the back of his neck.
“Simon?” I asked with concern. “Are you alright?”
He let go of his neck with one of his hands, rubbed his face once more, and turned his head enough to look at me, his hand still covering the lower half of his face. His eyes were shifting, and muffled under his hand, he said, “I’m here for you, Kate.”
I blinked, unsure I’d heard him correctly, but the sudden pace my heart had taken told me otherwise. He came for me? What did that even mean? My mouth moved soundlessly, unwilling to believe him, and I shook my head. “No,” I said in a small voice. “No…” I couldn’t believe it. My mind wouldn’t accept it. “That can’t be the reason. I-I can’t be the reason.”
Simon sat up and angled toward me, our knees now touching. He took my hand and looked directly into my eyes—no teasing, no lightheartedness in any of his features. If anything, he looked scared, vulnerable. He swallowed. “These past years have been the bleakest of my life. I’ve thought of you every day and missed you more than I can even try and describe.” He shook his head sadly and looked down, rubbing my hand. I stared at him, heart pounding, eyes watering as he went on. “After my accident, I knew I couldn’t keep living without you. I couldn’t keep living under my parent’s thumb, their rule, anymore. I couldn’t go through with the plans I’d made for my life.” Simon sniffed, and my mouth fell open. “I wanted you, Kate. I thought I’d die from that accident, and the most painful part of the whole thing was the regret.” He looked at me from under his damp lashes, and the sob I’d been choking back escaped quietly. “I regret ever staying away from you. I need you in my life no matter what role I have to take.”
I wiped my cheek on my shoulder. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, but I wanted it. I wanted to trust that he truly felt this way, but I wasn’t sure how easily that trust would come. “I don’t know what to say,” I choked out. “I’ve missed you so much. I’ve wanted you, needed you so many times.” I shrugged and smiled through my tears. “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cried in bed because, there are too many to count.”
Simon’s jaw clenched. He pressed his lips together tightly and nodded. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have stayed away.”
That his regret was genuine was clear, which I was glad for, but… “I don’t know what more to say, Simon. I have so much hurt, and I have resentment that I don’t know will go away for a long time.” I looked down at his familiar hands and stroked his fingers. “You left me,” I breathed. It was probably unfair of me to lay that on him in the moment, but we were laying everything out on the table. “You left me, Simon. I know we were just kids, but you had to know there was more between us than just friendship. You and I shared something that was taken away when you left. You saw me that day when I tried to chase down as you were leaving, and—” My chin quivered and I couldn’t say anymore, so I just looked at him through my tears.
Simon swallowed, his eyes misting once more. “There always was something between us,” he agreed. “You know how special to me you always were. Please don’t doubt that because of my absence. It was never because I didn’t care that I stayed away.”
I loved hearing that I was special to him. My sixteen-year-old self would’ve loved it, but we weren’t there anymore. “I don’t know you, Simon. Not like I once did.”
“Yes, you do,” he insisted gently. “You know me better than anyone. I’m older, and so are you. We’ve both changed in some ways, but we both know each other in the way that matters. Neither of us have changed enough to say that we’re strangers.” Simon’s face was suddenly closer, and his cheek rested on mine.
Everything about him was so familiar. Like coming home after a long time of being away, and I wanted to stay home forever.
Simon cleared his throat and tilted his head to catch my eye. “I’m not asking you to give me everything. I just need you to know I’m here now. And I’m not going to be out of your life again. I don’t know if you even want me in your life anymore, but I hope so. I need you, Kate.” He said it with so much heart that my chin trembled again.
I swallowed, my throat throbbing, and tried to speak but I couldn’t, not yet. Instead, I scooted closer, climbing onto his lap, and we wrapped our arms around one another. I rubbed my cheek along his stubble and kissed his neck a few times as he held me. I felt so safe, so wanted by him at that moment. It was easy to fall back in with him in these open moments between us.
After I’d settled my tears, I sat quietly against Simon. His broad chest was rising and falling with mine, his strong shoulders holding my head. Simon’s arms enveloped me completely, and the warmth spreading through me came out in the form of another kiss to Simon’s neck. I moved slowly, trailing slow kisses up to his jaw, and met his gray eyes. We looked at each other for a moment with tension building between us. It caused my hands to tremble lightly, and I gripped his shirt slowly. Simon’s breathing picked up, his chest filling and releasing against me. In a sudden move, his lips pelted mine, and I welcomed him as he explored every bit of my lips and took the kiss farther. It was more than just a kiss between two people. It was years of secret glances, slight touches, unsaid words, now being expressed in the only way they could be. I was wrapped up in Simon in a way I never wanted to come back from.
Simon’s hand ran through my hair and his other hand pulled me closer. I kissed him a few moments longer and broke away, resting my head on his shoulder, completely, and embarrassingly short of breath.
A deep chuckle vibrated beneath me. “You sound like you’ve just hiked up to the cliffs at the lake.”
I scowled against his shoulder and then nipped it between my teeth.
“Hey.” Simon chuckled with surprise and drew back.
I met his gaze and although I was blushing, I smirked at him. “You’re the one who took me to this level,” I panted.
His smile was a bit smug and he leaned in against my lips. “Yes, it was me.” He kissed me deeply and pulled back, resting his forehead on mine. “And don’t you forget it.”
“That isn’t true! Take it back!” I squeaked, hiding my face against Simon’s chest. We were in my bed for the night, and Simon was teasing me about when I was sixteen. I was torn between embarrassment and being wrongly flattered.
Simon chuckled and forced my face back to see me through the dark of my room. His eyes were bright with adoration. “Hey, you were the one changing in front of the window in your trailer. What kind of teenager would I have been not to enjoy every second of it?” He grinned devilishly, no remorse whatsoever.
I pursed my lips, eyes narrowed, and shook my head against the pillow. “I can’t believe you. I always thought you were a good boy, and there you were.”
He grinned broadly. “Kate topless is one of my favorite memories.”
My eyes flew wide and I gasped, hitting his chest. “Stop it! I can’t handle you talking about it. Oh, how mortifying.”
“There’s nothing to be mortified about. It was years ago.”
I rolled my eyes at him before they narrowed in his direction. “Anyway, I was only sixteen. It couldn’t have been that great, back then.”
He laughed and leaned in closer, his lips on mine. “Is that an invitation for another pe—”
“Stop!” I giggled against him. He cut me off with a kiss, and I let myself get lost with him for a while.
It was much too late to still be awake, but Simon and I were still whispering to one another. I couldn’t help but dread the morning. In the dark like this, alone and secluded, everything was good. Every
thing seemed exactly as it should be, as I’d always wanted it to be. I studied his face, tracing the curve of his jaw, and wished this could be us forever. My lips turned up when I wondered how many times I’d thought that exact thing.
“What are you thinking about that has you smiling?” he whispered.
My smile grew. “You. I was wondering how many times in the past that I wished the moment would last forever.” I looked up and ran a hand through his hair. “There were so many. I never wanted our camping trips to end.” I met his soft eyes and tucked my hand under my chin. “Poor Amy tried so hard to perk me up after we’d go home each year, but it took a long time for me to pull out of my melancholy.”
Simon kissed me softly for a moment. “I’m sorry. I freely admit to crying like a little girl a few times myself over the years because of you.”
I pictured Simon younger, crying over me, and couldn’t help but grin. “Really?”
“I can see how happy my misery makes you.” He chuckled.
I laughed. “I’m sorry. It’s just so strange to think you felt something for me the way I was for you.”
He looked closely into my eyes and whispered, “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted you, Kate.” He kissed my nose, and I closed my eyes, reveling in this moment.
“I don’t want morning to come,” I replied and snuggled in closely. “I want to stay like this with you.”
“We’ll have a good time back at camp.” He kissed my forehead. “Until your cousins drown me in the lake for spending the night with you.”
I grinned and promised, “I’ll protect you. They wouldn’t dare cross me.”
Simon kissed me again and looked into my eyes. “Go to sleep. I’ll keep you close, baby.”
My heart warmed at his sweet term of endearment, and I settled in closer.
Chapter 17
We left the hospital after another visit in the morning. Simon was as invested in the kids today as he’d been the day before, and I was glad. The kids were happy I’d brought him to visit again, albeit not as happy as a couple of my friends, who giggled and stared openly at him. They could look all they liked, I supposed, but after last night, Simon was mine.
Everything for You (Unforgettable) Page 14