My hair and makeup were about finished when I heard everyone come back to camp. I left my hair down and wore shorts and a loose, flowy shirt. I checked the back of my hair one more time and went to get my purse from my duffel bag, all the while thinking about Simon.
While I’d showered, I’d thought long and hard about what my aunt and I had discussed. She’d said I should think about things, and I did. It wasn’t as though this was my only time thinking about a future with Simon. I’d spent hours of my life wishing for exactly that—a life with Simon. It didn’t even feel like much of a choice needed to be made. I’d loved him, and I still did. No, I didn’t know every second of his past. I wasn’t completely up to date on his daily life at home, but I did know him. I knew him to be a sweet, smart, kind, genuine, loving person. He knew who he was and what he wanted from life. Now, all I needed to figure out was if I was what he wanted. I still had my reservations; I wanted clarity about our past. But at this point, I wasn’t certain there was anything he could say that’d throw me off. However, declaring myself, just to have him turn me down and return to Montana, was something that’d certainly leave me brokenhearted once again.
Chapter 19
Simon pulled up to the gas pump and rolled the windows down before he turned off the truck. "I'll just be a minute. Do you want anything?" he asked with his hand on the door handle.
I was a little too distracted to answer him right away. Simon had showered and combed his dark hair back. His face was thick with days of stubble, and he was wearing a white T-shirt. The term tall, dark, and handsome, came to mind. No, not handsome…hot. Simon Curtis was hot. The face I was so caught up in started to slowly smile. I met his gray eyes, peering at me from under his long black lashes.
"Earth to Kate…"
"Huh?" I answered dazedly, and he chuckled.
"If you don't quit biting that bottom lip of yours, I'm going to come over and bite it for you." He spoke in a sly voice, but his face was serious.
I blushed at the temptation and looked down, trying to think back to his question. "Um, no. I'm good, thank you," I mumbled.
Simon’s sly voice went on. "No, you don't want me biting that lip, or no, you don't want anything from the gas station?"
I laughed and shoved his arm. "Go get your gas, Simon. I don't need anything." I peeked at him, and he shrugged.
"Alright,” he sang. “But it's your loss."
It certainly was my loss. I hit him again. "Go!"
He chuckled as he climbed out and shut his door.
I looked around his truck, remembering my tumble over the back seat that first day, and gasped. I had yet to get my sweater back from him. I unbuckled and kneeled up on the seat, seeing the familiar fabric folded neatly on the back seat. Rather than hesitating like before, I smiled and swiped it up, hugging it when I resumed my seat. I pressed my nose into it and enjoyed Simon's fragrance, which had permeated through the fabric. I wish somehow that I could always keep it smelling like Simon.
As I slipped my arms into the sweater, I was momentarily distracted by the missing picture that was on the dash first time I’d been in the truck. I thought back to each time I’d been in here since and couldn't recall seeing it after the first time. Maybe he didn't want me to see it for some reason and had put it away somewhere, though I couldn't imagine why.
After checking to see that Simon wasn’t in sight, I opened the glove box, but the picture wasn’t there. I pulled down the center console and opened it—nothing. Where could he have stashed it? I closed the console and put it back into place. I had no desire to get caught snooping. And once I saw Simon making his way back to the truck, I was too distracted to care about the picture anymore.
We stopped for lunch at a little sandwich shop on the way out of town, and I was giggling at the disgusted look on Simon’s face. We were seated a small table, and he was pulling the onions out of his sub. He tossed a grimace toward the workers behind the counter. “I said no onions,” he complained quietly to me as he put his sandwich back together again.
I grinned as I chewed, loving every second of this lunch. It was so different to be out with Simon like this. In the past, it’d always been camp or camping activities and meals over the fire; this was much better.
Simon took a bite and paused when he met my gaze. I loved him. It was as simple as that. I was sitting there completely wrapped up in the feeling. He sat a little straighter and glanced behind him before raising his brows at me. “What?” he asked with a hesitant smile.
He was so cute, so sweet, and all I could do was smile at him.
He tilted his chin down and eyed me from under his lashes. “Kate,” he sang. “Tell me…”
My heart was full and happy. It was going to burst for love of him. So before I could chicken out, I shrugged, kept his gaze, and said simply. “I’m so in love with you.”
Simon’s shock couldn’t have been clearer. He stared at me with his mouth slack and a sandwich in his hands. He didn’t speak, but I still wasn’t sorry for saying it. It felt like a weight I’d been carrying around my entire life was suddenly gone; it was freeing. That feeling of freedom and love caused me to smile softly at Simon, who hadn’t collected himself just yet.
I took a bite of my sandwich and chewed, no regret whatsoever as I looked out the window to give him all the time he needed to process. I’d just taken a drink and set it down, my attention still out the window, when Simon was suddenly in the booth beside me. I looked over, and his misting eyes and tight smile caught me off guard.
He took my face gently in his hands and shook his head. “If you knew how I felt right now…” he murmured. His eyes searched mine. “If you knew what it meant to me to hear that, you never would’ve said it over a sandwich in a place like this.”
I smiled under his hands and leaned in to kiss him softly. “I couldn’t keep it any longer, Simon.” I met his eyes again. “I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember, and I’m done keeping it to myself.” I put a hand over his, on my face, and kissed his fingers. Simon’s eyes were full, as though he had so many things he wanted to say. It occurred to me he might be feeling obligated to say it in return, and my stomach fluttered nervously. “You don’t have to say anyth—”
Simon cut me off when his lips settled on mine for a moment. He stroked my cheek and looked into my eyes, sincerity pouring out of them like I’d never seen before. “I love you more than anything, Kate.” He let out a breath and half smiled with relief. “It feels incredible to say those words to you.”
My chest was on fire with the heat I felt. Simon loved me. After years of wondering when I was young, after years of missing and needing him. Simon was here, and he loved me. I could hardly take it. “Simon,” I whispered, shaking my head lightly. “I’ve wanted you to love me forever; it's hard to believe it.”
He smiled sweetly and kissed the tip of my nose. “Believe it, Kate. I’ve never loved another.” He swallowed, an unsure frown now present. "I want you to remember that," he said seriously.
I grinned and kissed him again, feeling like I was on cloud nine.
Simon bought me a snow cone after lunch, and I made a quick call to Jesse as I ate. Samuel was still not doing well, but he assured me they were cautiously optimistic about a new treatment for him. I was relieved and hopeful as well.
On our ride, Simon talked briefly about Olivia again and her new husband. I couldn't get used to the idea of her being married.
“It still seems crazy to me. She just wasn’t the marriage type,” I said as I finished the last of my snow cone. I set the empty cup in the cup holder. "Thanks, that was good," I said and smiled.
"You're welc—" Simon glanced at me and snorted. He put a fist to his mouth and turned his head toward his window.
I raised my eyebrows at him. "What?" I watched his shoulders shaking and heard his muffled laughter. "Simon, what’s so funny?" I asked with a confused smile.
He turned to me again and roared with laughter.
; I blinked in total confusion.
Looking down, I checked my clothing to make sure I hadn’t spilled on myself, but I couldn't see anything. Simon shook his head, still laughing, and reached over. He pulled the visor down in front of me and opened the mirror. "L-Loo—" He couldn't even speak.
I looked in the mirror and gasped. No wonder Simon was in such a fit; my lips were blue.
I turned to him, shaking my head, and laughed; now that I was finally caught up, it was pretty funny.
Simon’s laughter ceased as I wiped my lips the best I could with my napkin and set it aside. He smiled over at me. "Hey, why don't you slide those blue lips on over here?"
"I don't believe I should." I pouted. I couldn’t help feeling a little ridiculous.
"Oh, come on. I'm sorry." He looked at me with that crooked smile I could never seem to resist, and before I knew it, I was sidled up right next to him. Simon put his arm around me, and I decided I should torture him a little, for all the laughter at my expense. I leaned in close, kissing the soft skin in front of his ear and slowly down his jaw.
"You’re, uh…making me a distracted driver…" he mumbled.
"Mm-hmm," I replied softly. I tilted my head and kissed his neck, lingering there.
Simon's chest rumbled. "You’d better quit before we get into a wreck."
"Oh, I don't think so," I whispered in his ear.
“Kate,” he groaned. The truck swerved, and I fell across the seat. We screeched to a stop, and before I knew it, Simon was hovering over me.
"Much safer," he whispered on my lips, and then he kissed me.
Chapter 20
My back was against Simon’s chest, and his arms were around me. We were sitting in our mine room and I was looking up at the sky, which was slowly losing its light. We’d been there for a while when Simon had made a comment about having a lot to do when he went home. His words had made my heart pummel my chest and anxiety sweep through me. If I was going to have the conversation about our future, now would be the perfect opportunity. I didn't know how to bring it up, and the longer I sat there, the more my fears took over me.
What if he didn’t want me in his life like that?
I didn't think I could take rejection from Simon a second time. He admitted to loving me, but would that be enough to start a life with me? What was it, exactly, that he was offering here?
I sat there going around and around in my thoughts, and I was left with a burning desire for his honesty. That day he’d left had ruined me for a long time, and I needed to know the truth behind it.
"Simon?" I breathed with my heart thumping.
"Hmm?" he said near my ear. His chest rumbled against my back, and I closed my eyes, bracing myself.
"Can I ask you something?"
He turned his face to mine a little more and trailed small kisses from my cheek to the edge of my mouth. "Mm-hmm," he answered.
I swallowed and summoned a little courage. “What happened that day you left? Why did our families fall out?”
Simon froze with his lips on my cheek, and I pulled away slightly to read him. The look of mild shock on his face surprised and frightened me for reasons I didn’t take the time to make sense of. “You don’t know?” he rasped.
I blinked. He thought I knew? Was that what he’d thought this entire time, all these years? I wanted to now, more than ever. “Simon?” I whispered and touched his face. “Why did you leave me?”
His eyes softened after a moment, and a look of pity came over him. He tucked my hair back behind my ear and met my gaze once more. “Kate, the fight that summer, the breaking of our families…it all came down to you.” He nodded toward me.
“Me?” Somehow, I’d known I had something to do with it. I just couldn’t fathom what… I waited with bated breath for the information I’d longed to know for years.
He nodded solemnly. “My parents and your aunt and uncle got into an argument after your aunt told my mom you have feelings for me.” Simon kissed my nose and smiled sadly. “And my parents weren’t having that.”
That made no sense to me. “But why? What has your mom always had against me?” And she did have something against me; I could tell. She wasn’t unkind. It was more that she behaved like I didn’t exist. Simon’s look of reluctance had me drawing back further, and I sat up straighter. I didn’t want him keeping anything from me, even if it would hurt. “I can take it,” I assured him.
He sighed and rubbed my arm. “From what I understand, my mom never did like your mother. My mom was in love with your dad in high school, but he left her for your mom. My mom pretended to be fine about the whole thing; you know how prideful she can be. But below the surface she never got over it. I think she holds the grudge against you now, which is ridiculous.” He shook his head in disgust.
My mouth went slack. My mind was spinning; his mom and my dad? I couldn’t picture it. Donna Curtis was always so proud and smug, nothing at all like my own mother. It still didn’t add up, though—that didn’t seem like enough to cause such a drift between the families. “So that’s it? That’s why you left? Your parents didn't like that I had feelings for you? It seems a little dramatic to break a lifelong friendship with my family over that.”
Simon looked at me seriously, and I wondered what else I was about to hear. His eyes were soft, but I could see the stress behind them. “It wasn’t just that you had feelings for me, Kate. It’s that I had feelings for you…and they knew it. She didn’t want us together, and as long as you didn’t reciprocate…” He shrugged with a bitter smile. “We were safe.”
I let out a long-winded breath and rubbed my face, trying to make sense of it all. I still felt like there were pieces missing. It’d been such a rash move to leave the way they had, and all over a teenage romance?
“Kate?”
I looked up with a confused frown, and suddenly my eyes were stinging. “It wasn’t fair,” I said thickly. “That wasn’t her call to make on how we felt for one another.” I sniffed, and the tears finally escaped as I shook my head, looking at Simon. “Why didn’t you fight for me? If you loved me like you say, then why—” My voice squeaked, and I closed my eyes, tipping my face down so he couldn’t see the depth of the hurt I’d harbored all this time.
Simon’s strong arms came around me, and he stroked the back of my head. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I tried fighting it out with them, but if you only knew how I’d fought for you over the years. That wasn’t the first time I argued with them over you, Kate. I’ve had that fight more times than I can count.”
“You have?” I rasped against him.
“Yes. I’m sure it was a shock for your family to see that kind of reaction from them, over you, but for me—” he kissed my hair. “It was just another Kate fight. They always tried to push me into situations with…” he paused for a split-second, “…the daughter of a family friend, but I wouldn’t give you up. I couldn’t.”
My eyes burned again, and I choked on a quiet sob as I thought about these past years. “But you did,” I cried against him. “You gave me up. You never called, or came for me.” I pulled back to see him and shook my head grimly. “Simon, you left me. Do you have any idea what I’ve been through? I thought you didn’t care! I thought you forgot about me, and it wasn’t fair.” I wept and closed my eyes against the pained look on Simon’s face. It was like a dam had burst within me for all the loss; of him, of what and where we could be now. Simon had left my heart stranded.
“I’m so sorry,” he said in a gruff voice. “I can only say I needed to get over you. You know how I was with pleasing my parents back then, Kate. I’m so sorry.”
The tears didn’t slow. I did know he always wanted to please them, but it still hurt.
“Come here, baby.”
My eyelids were heavy as I blinked against the tears and finally looked up at his misty-eyed frown. I buried myself against him. “I wanted you every day.”
He rocked me. “I know, but I’m here now. I chose you. My parents aren�
�t part of my life anymore over my decision, but I don’t regret it. I love you, Kate.”
I wrapped my arms around him, taking what comfort I could from his regrets and that he was here. He’d proven as much as he could that he was here for me. I thought about all he’d been through but when I processed what he’d just said, I leaned back, my heart sinking into despair, and stared at Simon with my mouth slack. “It’s because of me?” I breathed. “Your family’s broken because of me?”
Simon’s lips moved soundlessly, but there was no denying it. It hadn’t been Simon’s career change then, or his move across the country. It was me.
How could I allow him to part with them for me? This was his family, and who was I? Some insignificant woman who’d once been part of Simon’s life and wasn’t anymore.
Simon understood in a moment where my mind was, and he immediately shook his head while grasping my shoulders. “Kate, don’t,” he warned through his voice laced with fear. The distress in his eyes was unnerving.
“You can’t do this,” I rasped and shook my head. “Simon, you can’t throw your parents aside for me. Do you know how badly they’re probably suffering over not having you?”
“That’s their decision,” he argued. “There’s no reason for them to react so harshly about this.”
I stared at him, uncomfortable for being the cause of the breach in his family. What would happen further down the road? If we moved forward with one another, would he come to resent me for this? I couldn’t stand the thought. I bit my lip and ran my fingers down the side of his cheek and jaw. “Simon,” I started.
His eyes seared with caution as he narrowed them at me. “Kate, don’t even try it. I’m not going anywhere.”
I smiled sadly and rubbed my thumb lightly across his bottom lip. “You’ll end up resenting me, and I can’t stand the thought.”
“I won’t,” he argued. “How can you think that after loving you my entire life, I’d end up hating you that way? I’d never…”
“You’re wrong,” I said knowingly. “I’ve loved you with everything I have, and I was bitter toward you. I still have reservations in my heart because of it. This is your family, Simon.”
Everything for You (Unforgettable) Page 17