by Doyle, Dawn
Maddoc shrugged. “I know,” he said, drawing out the ‘I.’ “But I wouldn’t be Mad-dog Dass if I weren’t.”
I shook my head, and led my donut through the forest, over the terrain, and up toward the peak. Not once did he complain, not once did he huff out like he was annoyed we hadn’t turned back, and the glances I stole, I was awed that he looked anything but bored.
God, I could fall in love with him so easily.
The truth was, I already had.
***
“You’re right, it’s awesome up here,” Maddoc said as he turned around. The scenery spanned for miles with nothing but a few trees obscuring our view over the forest and the rest of Kistonville. He took off the backpack and got out a couple of bottles of water. “Now I know why you love it.”
“Yeah, it’s amazing,” I replied as we sat on the hard, grass-covered ground. “I come here when I need to think, when classes are stressing me out, and when…” I paused, and turned my head to face him. I wrapped my arms around my knees. “When I’d think about you and how you were an ass.”
Maddoc’s smile slipped, but perked right back up as though I hadn’t said anything. “Explain, cupcake.”
I dropped my head for a few seconds, then breathed deeply. “You know already, I don’t have to explain anything.”
His heavy, thick arm rested on my shoulders and pulled me toward him. “Hey, I wasn’t trying to upset you, you have to know that.” He shifted, and moved behind me, encasing me in his long limbs, my back to his chest. He pulled my ponytail back and kissed my neck. “I never wanted to do that, Kaia.” I turned to look at him, and saw sadness lacing his features. “I annoyed you on purpose because I thought you were damn cute, but I didn’t know the extent of how it affected you.” He kissed me again, and I closed my eyes as his lips traced over my sensitive skin. “I’m sorry, cupcake. At the time, I had no idea how you felt. If I had, I never would’ve done it.”
“What would you have done?” I asked.
“I would’ve told you how I felt about you,” he whispered, his hot breath fanning across my cheek, and my eyes flew open. “That I’d do anything to get to kiss you again.” I looked over my shoulder and stared up at him, his gaze fixed on mine. Instead of a mischievous smirk, his face was still, serious, and the longer I watched him, the more his lips drew together as though there was a sadness lingering there. “But when I saw you, you looked at me like you couldn’t stand being near me.”
“You know why.”
“I do now.” His lips quirked up, and I lifted my hand, reaching back to run my fingers over his cheek, and to the back of his head.
I pulled gently toward me until his mouth was against mine. I parted my lips when his did, and kissed him harder, our tongues mingling. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“You can make it up to me,” he said, his smile wide again, the kind I loved, the kind that had my heart skipping, especially when his eyes seemed to dance with the light.
“What do you have in mind?”
A light dusting of pink bloomed across his cheeks. “You can agree to come out somewhere with me tonight.”
My stomach lurched. In this town, I’d be recognized, him too, and whoever I was out with, it would definitely get back to my family. I wasn’t concerned about my parents, but they’d no doubt discuss the fact with Daryl and Sean. “Where?”
Maddoc’s fingers brushed over my hair, and down the side of my neck to run over my exposed collar bones. “Somewhere nobody will know us.”
Alarm bells were going off in my head, ringing so damn loud along with the thoughts of my brothers coming for Maddoc, warning him away from me, and possibly attacking him for daring to touch me. The din began to subside as I was swept up in Maddoc’s embrace, his arms wrapping tightly around me, making the butterflies inside me swarm about in joyous momentum.
“I’d love to.”
He kissed the tip of my nose, then rested his forehead against mine. “I’ll try to behave.” His eyes flashed and I raised a brow. “Okay, I probably won’t, but I thought I should at least pretend to.”
I let out a quiet giggle, then tipped my head to rest against his hard chest. “You wouldn’t be you if you did.”
“You have a point.”
We were silent while we looked out onto the town, only our breathing and the birds singing filling the quiet air. There was so much so say, but for the first time in my life, I couldn’t find the words.
“Willow looks like she could be a model,” I said, breaking the silence with an unexpected statement, my thoughts rushing out of my mouth. “She’s so tall and pretty.”
“She was,” Maddoc replied, and I tipped my head to the side to see him. “My mom had her signed up with an agency as soon as she could walk. Apart from shooting for kids boutique crap, she was pushed toward the music business like Mom had tried to do with me. Piano lessons, singing lessons, trying to mould her into something like the next Christina Aguilera or Britney Spears.” He cringed, and the way he did, his eyes scrunching, his mouth pursing, and taking a calming breath, my heart lurched for him. “When Will was ten, she got sick.” He looked down, his brows furrowing as though remembering, and I wished I could’ve taken back my stupid words, but when I was about to apologize, Maddoc said, “She contracted bacterial meningitis, and almost died.”
“Oh my God!” I gasped, sitting up and spinning round to face him. “That’s awful.” I took his large hand as he rested his arms around his bent knees.
“Yeah, it was,” he said, nodding. “It was so bad that the doctors said she might not recover, that we should prepare for the worst. When she defied the odds, they did a series of tests on her to assess any lasting damage the disease had done.” He pointed to one of his ears. “That’s how she lost her hearing.” He took a deep breath, then let it out in one, quick huff. “She had an implant fitted when I was in senior year. But, because she’d been deaf for four years, she got self conscious over her voice, thinking it’d been affected because she could no longer hear herself. That’s why she doesn’t talk to anyone she doesn’t know, even when she’s wearing the processor. She doesn’t wear it all the time because prolonged use gives her headaches.” He smiled a little. “She says she likes the silence anyway.”
Senior year, when Cash had asked how Willow was doing, when Maddoc said she was recovering… I’d been so stupid.
“God, I’m so sorry, Maddoc,” I choked, and moved closer, kneeling between his legs. I placed my hands on the exposed skin of his shins, and smoothed upward over the hard bones, to his knees.
He wrapped his arms around my back, and rested his forehead against mine. “When Will was sick, my mom mourned her like she had died, acting like her daughter was now defective because she couldn’t play or sing anymore. She started to put even more pressure on me to perform. She wanted a music star for her to micro-manage, for my dad to write for, and for me to get on stage without question.”
“And you didn’t want that,” I said, repeating what he’d told me before.
Maddoc shook his head. “I’m not a performer, Kaia. Not in that way, anyway. I can make an ass of myself at any given moment, and without a problem as you know. Give me skates and a stick and I can play in front of thousands of people without batting an eye. But playing piano in front of people staring at me, judging me, just waiting for me to screw up…” He shook his head the tiniest bit. “All I can say is honey cookies.”
“You puke?”
“And then some. My first exam, I didn’t even sit on the seat before I ruined a great piano. I barfed all over my teacher, myself, and the stage, too. It took weeks to clean the vomit out from between the keys and strings.” He snorted a dry laugh while my heart squeezed tight in my chest. “I was so bad, shaking and sweating, that the examining board thought my mom had brought me there while I was sick, but I wasn’t. My mom lost her shit. I was rescheduled, but when I got there, although I tried to hold it back, it happened again.” He shook his head. “I wasn’t sick, Kaia, I was scared
shitless.” His mouth turned up into a lop-sided smile. “Pathetic, right? I had to play one piece, just one, and I flaked.”
“No, of course not,” I replied, taking his face in my hands. “I understand completely. It wasn’t your choice. You were pushed to do something you weren’t comfortable with—something you didn’t want to do, and you froze.”
I knew that all too well. At nineteen years old, I’d agreed to go ahead with something I wasn’t quite ready for. I’d decided to have sex with my then boyfriend after four months of waiting. I wasn’t one-hundred percent into it, and I’d clammed up. After that, I’d been told I needed to loosen up more, to get into it, but I wasn’t into it at all. No matter how much I tried, it didn’t feel right.
“You’re right, I didn’t,” he said, stroking his hands up my arms. “I liked playing piano—still do—but I resented it when it was demanded of me. I never wanted to play in public, and I certainly didn’t want to get up and sing for anyone like my parents wanted.”
I blanched. “You sang too?” I asked, shocked. Maddoc had played beautifully, and anybody with that talent would have to have the vocal chords to match. I imagined his voice in time with the melody he played on the piano. Soft notes to start, then power notes that gave you chills, making your skin prickle and your hairs to stand on end.
Maddoc shook his head quickly, dissolving my daydream. “Not a chance. Nobody wants to hear that, cupcake.”
“I do,” I said eagerly. “Just a little.” I held my fingers in a pinch for emphasis.
Maddoc laughed. “It’d have to be a life or death situation for me to sing a single note in front of anybody. The piano thing was bad enough, I assure you. The second I’d open my mouth, it wouldn’t be music coming out.” He pushed his tongue and and made retching noises.
I stuck out my lip. “Well, at least you’ll play BSB songs for me.” I sighed dramatically. I tried to hide my smile, but it broke free when Maddoc’s lips turned up as he raised a brow. “I suppose I can live with you being almost perfect.”
He laughed again, louder this time, and pulled me toward him. He pressed his lips to my neck, then brushed upwards to my ear. “Almost is good enough for me, cupcake.”
Maddoc
“Jesus fucking Christ.” My eyes damn near popped out of my fucking head. When Kaia said she wanted to go home to get some different clothes she had, I never thought anything of it, but now that she was walking toward my truck, I realized why. “God, please don’t let me cream in my jeans tonight.” I jumped out of the driver’s and moved around to open the passenger door for her.
“You don’t have to do that,” she said with a cute giggle.
“But I want to,” I replied as I tried my fucking hardest not to stare down at the tight black turtle neck sweater she was wearing. I swear I could see the outlines of her bra through it, which only made my boner flinch in recognition, the pain hitting me with every lift. “Your chariot, m’lady.” I gestured to the open cab, and bowed forward, mainly to hide my solid cock.
Kaia took me in, roaming all over me, her gaze staying a little longer on the front of my black jeans, then back up to the blue and white checkered shirt. The way she did, biting her lip as she went, had me wanting to forget I’d asked her out and go straight home to take off her gray plaid skirt. She could keep the black over-knee boots on, though; they were sexy as hell.
“You look…” Her words trailed off for a beat, then her head snapped up. “You’re so sexy,” she rushed out.
“And you look…” I let go of the door, and snaked my hands around her waist, pulling her flush to me, the familiar scent of violets hitting me right in the fucking face. “Cupcake, if you don’t get in the truck right now”—I ran down to her ass, gripping her cheeks—“I won’t be held accountable for my actions.” I moved down further, and skimmed my fingers up the back of her smooth, bare thighs, just under her skirt. I grinned when her eyes widened. I leaned forward to growl into her ear. “Get in, Kaia.”
Her breath hitched, and warmth seeped from her, into me. “Bossy,” she whispered. She raised her heeled boot and stepped up. I couldn’t help but to guide her by holding onto her ass. “And handsy.”
“And the night is young, babe.” I winked, then shut her door. I groaned as I tried to adjust my dick so it wasn’t straining so damn much, but he second I opened my door, and saw Kaia watching me, it was just as bad as ever. “Let’s go.”
“Where to?” she asked, her head tilted to the side.
Her loose waves hung down like lengths of dark silk, the overhead lights reflecting off of the tresses, the angelic aura radiating…
Fuck, what the hell is it about her that has me waxing poetic all the goddamn time?
Fuck, I knew. I knew it, but I’d refused to believe it. This wasn’t possible—not yet, anyway. She was gorgeous, sure, had me standing to attention with just a smile, and her body… Fuck, it was like she was made to fit against me, curling into me as she slept, the perfect fit as I wrapped myself around her. My heart rate sped up, the beats painful and hard against my chest. My lungs constricted, stealing my breath as I realized I hadn’t even hesitated when I played piano for her. Shit, I’d gladly played, and one of her favorite fucking songs, too! Then I was stupid enough to blurt out why I’d learned it, why I couldn’t get it out of my head, that she was constantly on my mind. I’d even told her all about Willow and my mom, revealing things nobody other than Cash knew about. I didn’t talk about that to anyone; I didn’t give them the ammunition to use over my fucking head. And now I had. Kaia knew it all. On the way to her parents’ house, I’d even told her that my mom resented me for giving up on something she wanted for me, and said I’d chosen something that was a waste of my life, that I was a disappointment for letting her down on the dreams she’d had for me. Kaia knew everything. The worst part—I’d wanted her to know.
Fuck, why did I do that?
“Maddoc?” Kaia asked, her voice almost a whisper and filled with concern. “Are you okay? You look a little pale.” She lifted her hand and pressed it to my forehead, then swept down the side of my cheek.
“Uh, yeah,” I managed, swallowing to coat my dry throat.
“Are you sure? We could go back to your house if you’re not feeling good.” She leaned closer. “Did you eat any honey?”
I blinked quickly, then the corners of my mouth curled up at her question. “Honey?”
She nodded. “Yes. When you mentioned being sick from honey cookies, it sounded like it could be an allergic reaction.” She studied me again. “Do you need to see the doctor?”
A laugh bubbled up, and escaped as I shook my head. “No, I haven’t, and I’m fine, I swear.”
Kaia sighed, then sat back in her seat. “Good. You had me worried there.”
“You don’t have to worry about me, cupcake,” I said, and started my truck. “I’m all good.”
I think I might be in love with you.
I drove out of town and up the highway for about a half hour, then took the ramp to the place I’d looked up after I’d dropped Kaia at home. Green Acres Park, a place that had all the things the trail had had, but without the long walk.
“I love it here!” Kaia gasped when I turned into the park, then continued driving to the rear of the lot, right under the huge trees that were great for concealing us. “The willow trees are great for hiding underneath when you don’t want to be bothered.”
“Exactly why I’m parking here,” I said, reversing right up to the furthest one next to the lot. The long vine-like branches hung down, the green-yellow leaves almost touching the asphalt. “If anybody we know shows up, we’ll see them first.”
Kaia beamed. “You’ve thought of everything.”
I shrugged. “I know how you prefer to keep things private, and apart from going back to campus, this looked to be perfect.”
Kaia leaned over the console and kissed me, her lips smashing against mine, taking me by surprise. “Thank you,” she whispered against my mouth when
she pulled back. “It is perfect.”
I ran my hand up her thigh, and gently squeezed, loving how she stopped breathing as I slid upward. “Hungry, babe?” I pumped my brows, letting her know exactly what I meant, and from the grin playing at her lips, she did.
“I’m fucking famished.”
I guided the roller back, opening up the bed to the truck, and lowered the tail. I climbed up, and while Kaia watched, I set out thick blankets, opened the cooler, then jumped down.
“Wow, you thought of all this?” she asked, gesturing to the supplies I’d brought. “I’m impressed.”
I placed my hand on my chest. “You may not have heard, but I’m the king of organizing.”
Kaia shook her head. “Yeah, organizing chaos, but this…” Her eyes slid to the makeshift picnic I’d set up, complete with a personal touch. “You put a lot of thought into this.”
I shoved my hands into my pockets, and dipped my chin. I tried to swallow the nervous pressure in my chest, but it wouldn’t budge. Why the fuck was I nervous? Again. “I wanted you to like it,” I replied, and I felt vulnerable as fuck as I waited for her to turn to me. When she continued taking in what I’d set out, I was sure I’d fucked up somehow, that there was something I’d missed, that I’d brought something she didn’t like, or—
“I love it,” she said finally. She turned and pushed her arms through mine, and hugged me tight. I wrapped mine around her and allowed myself a brief moment to feel her against me. And then, I knew without a doubt, I was definitely in love with Kaia Levine.
Oh shit.
I snapped out of it, then hoisted her up. She took one side, and I took the other, sitting down on the red plaid blanket and leaned back on the large black cushions propped against the cab. With the tail lowered, we both fit with no problem, just the way I wanted.
We talked about everything in college. Classes, our friends, hockey, and even about her brothers dominating at their last game. They had, and Willow hadn’t stopped going on about it all that night, all while teasing me about not paying attention to anything other than Kaia, just like last time. She wasn’t wrong. I couldn’t focus much on anything else while she sat with my sister like they’d been friends for years, the easy way Kaia had reacted to Willow’s deafness and didn’t once get frustrated when Willow typed out her words.