CHAPTER SEVEN.
As soon as school was dismissed, I went straight to the rooms of CaptainBridgeman, and told him how I had been treated. As soon as he heard it,he exclaimed, "This is really too bad; I will go with you, and I willconsult with your aunt Amelia."
It so happened that aunt Milly was alone in the shop when we arrived,and after a detail of what had passed, she told Captain Bridgeman thatmy grandmother had put me to that school out of feelings of ill-will forthe tricks I had played, and had threatened that if I were removed shewould leave Chatham and take her away with her. My mother requiredassistance in the shop, and was afraid to affront my grandmother, whowas a very dictatorial, positive old woman, and would certainly keep herresolution; but that rather than I should be treated in such a barbarousmanner she would insist upon my mother taking me away, or would herselfleave the place.
"It would never do for you to leave us, Miss Amelia," replied CaptainBridgeman, "there are but few attractions in this place, and we cannotspare you; the whole corps would go into deep mourning."
"I don't want to leave the school," interrupted I; "I would not leave ittill I am revenged, for all the world. Now, I'll tell you what I wantto do--and do it I will, if he cuts me to pieces. He eats mysandwiches, and tells me if there's not more mustard to-morrow, he'llflog me. He shall have plenty of mustard, but he shall have somethingelse. What can I put into the sandwiches, so as to half kill him?"
"Not a bad idea, my little Percival," said Captain Bridgeman; "I'll justask the doctor how much calomel a man may take without a coroner'sinquest being required."
"Yes, that will do nicely," said my aunt; "I'll take care he shall havemustard enough not to perceive it."
"Well, I'll go to the barracks and be back directly," said CaptainBridgeman.
"And I'm ready for the flogging as soon as the sandwiches are down histhroat," replied I, laughing, "I don't care a fig for it."
Captain Bridgeman soon returned with forty grains of calomel, which hedelivered into aunt Milly's hands. "That is as much as we dare give thestrongest man without running great danger; we'll try the effect of thatupon him, and if he don't improve, I think I shall go up to the schoolmyself and threaten him."
"As for that," replied aunt Milly, "I'm sure that sister, if she hearswhat's going on, as she cannot take Percival away, will order herhusband, Ben, to go up and thrash him."
"Not a bad idea, Miss Amelia, we'll try that if we find it necessary; atall events, we'll see who can persecute most."
"Granny has told him to treat me ill," said I, "that's very clear, fromwhat he said; never mind, I'll make her sorry for it."
"Oh Percival! you must not do anything to granny," said aunt Milly,looking very archly; "I must not hear anything of the kind."
The next morning I set off with a full conviction that I should beflogged before night, and notwithstanding that, as full of joy as if Iwas going to the fair.
The morning passed as usual; I said my lesson, but not very well; I wasthinking so much of my anticipated revenge, that I could not payattention to my teacher, who was, as usual, one of the boys.
"Master Keene," said Mr O'Gallagher, "we'll let the account stand overtill the evening, and then I'll give you a receipt in full; I may haveone or two lines to add to it before the sun goes down; you'll notescape me this time, anyhow."
The boys went out at the dinner hour, leaving me, as before, to wait formy basket, after the tyrant had helped himself. I stood by him insilence while he was rummaging its contents.
"Now, Mr Keene, I'll see if you've remembered my particular injunctionrelative to the mustard."
"I told my aunt to put more mustard, sir," replied I, humbly, "it shethat cuts the sandwiches."
"Well, then, if your aunt has not complied with your request, see if Idon't flay you alive, you little imp of abomination."
The sandwiches were pulled out of the paper and tasted. "Down on yourknees, Mr Keene, and thank all the blessed saints that your aunt hassaved you from at least one-half of what I intended to administer to youthis blessed afternoon, for she has doubled the mustard, you tief," saidMr O'Gallagher, speaking with his mouth as full as it could hold. Downwent sandwich after sandwich, until they had all disappeared. Oh! whatjoy was mine! I could have tossed up my cap and leapt in the air.Having received the bread and cheese, for he permitted me to have thelatter on this occasion I went out and enjoyed my meal, delighted withMr O'Gallagher's having fallen into the trap I had laid for him.
The bell summoned us in, and all went on as usual for the first twohours, when I thought Mr O'Gallagher changed countenance and lookedvery pale. He continued, however, to hear the lessons, until at last Iperceived him pass his hand up and down and across his stomach, as if hehad had a twinge; a few minutes afterwards, he compressed his thicklips, and then put his hands to his abdomen.
"Ah! he begins to feel it now," thought I; and sure enough he did; forthe pain increased so rapidly that he lost all patience, and vented hisfeelings by beating with his ruler, on the heads of the whole class ofboys standing up before him, till one or two dropped down, stunned withthe blows. At last he dropped the ruler, and, pressing both hands tohis stomach, he rolled himself backwards and forwards, and then twistedand distorted his legs till he could bear the pain no longer; and hegave vent to a tremendous Irish howl--grinning and grinding his teethfor a few seconds, and then howling again, writhing and twisting inevident agony--while the perspiration ran off his forehead.
"Och! murder! I'm poisoned sure. Lord save my sinful soul! Oh--oh--oh! eh--eh--eh! mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy! Oh holy St. Patrick!I'm kilt entirely:"--and so subdued was he at last by the pain, that heburst out into a flood of tears, crying and roaring like a child.
Again the paroxysms came on--"Murder, murder, murder!" shrieked thewretch at the highest pitch of his voice, so that he was heard at somedistance, and some of the neighbours came in to inquire what was thematter.
Mr O'Gallagher was now in a fainting state, and leaning against thetable, he could merely say in a low voice, "A doctor--quick--a doctor."
The neighbours perceiving how ill he was, led him out of theschool-rooms into his own apartment, one going for a doctor, and theothers telling the boys they might all go home, a notice of which theygladly availed themselves.
I need hardly say, that I made all the haste I could to communicate thesuccessful result of my trick to Milly and Captain Bridgeman. Themedical man who was summoned, gave Mr O'Gallagher some very activemedicine, which assisted to rid him of the calomel; of his having takenwhich, of course, the medical man was ignorant. The violence of thedose was, however, so great, and left him in such a state, that MrO'Gallagher could not leave his room for three days, nor resume his seatin the school until a week had elapsed, during which I remained at homeplotting still further mischief.
Mr O'Gallagher resumed his occupations, and I was again sent off toschool. When I entered the school-room I found him looking very paleand cadaverous; as soon as he saw me his lips were drawn apart, and heshowed his large white teeth, reminding me of the grinning of a hyena;he did not, however, say anything to me. My studies were resumed; Isaid my lesson perfectly, but was fully prepared for punishment. I was,however, agreeably disappointed; he did not punish either me or any ofthe other boys.
I afterwards found out the reason was, that, although necessitycompelled him to re-open his school as soon as he could, he was too weakto undergo the fatigue of following up his favourite diversion.
When the dinner-hour arrived, and the boys were dismissed, I waitedpatiently to see what he would do with my basket, which stood besidehim. "Take your basket, and eat your dinner, Master Keene," said he,walking out of the school-room into his own apartments. I could nothelp saying, "Won't you have the sandwiches, sir?"
He turned round and gave me a look so penetrating and so diabolical,that I felt sure that he knew to whom he had been indebted for his latesevere illness.
From this day forward Mr O
'G never interfered with the contents of mybasket and I had my dinner all to myself. The shock which had beengiven to his constitution was so great, that for three or four months hemay be said to have crawled to his school room, and I really began tothink that the affair would turn out more serious than was intended; butgradually he regained his strength, and as he recovered his vigour, sodid he resume his severity.
But I was a great gainer during the three or four months of quiet whichreigned during Mr O'Gallagher's convalescence. Since I have been grownup, I have often thought, and am indeed confirmed in my opinion, that welose rather than gain by being educated at too early an age. Commencewith one child at three years, and with another at seven years old, andin ten years, the one whose brain was left fallow even till seven yearsold, will be quite as far, if not further advanced, than the child whoseintellect was prematurely forced at the earlier age; this is a factwhich I have since seen proved in many instances, and it certainly wascorroborated in mine.
In six months I could read and write very fairly, and had commencedarithmetic; true, I was stimulated on by the advice of CaptainBridgeman, the love I bore my aunt Milly, and the hatred which I had formy master, which made me resolve that I would not deserve punishment onthat score.
It was in May that I administered the dose to Mr O'Gallagher; inSeptember he was quite well again, and the ruler, the ferrule, and therod, were triumphantly at work. It is useless to say how often I waspunished, for it was every day; always once, sometimes twice; I becamecompletely callous to it, nay, laughed at it, but my mind was ever atwork upon some mischief, in the way of retaliation.
I put little pancakes of cobblers' wax on Mr O'Gallagher's throne, andhe had the pleasure of finding himself stuck fast by the breeches whenhe rose up to punish. I anointed the handle of the ferrule and rod withbird-lime; put dead cats under the claret cases, which composed his seatof authority, so that the smell would drive him distracted before hefound it out. I drew up with a squirt, all the ink which was in theinkstands fixed in the writing-desks, so as not to be taken out of thesockets, and made good the deficiency with water, which put him to nolittle expense.
I once made him almost frantic, by rubbing his handkerchief which alwayslaid by his side, and with which he was accustomed to wipe his faceevery five minutes (for he was profuse in his perspiration), with whatis called cow-itch: not being aware of what was the cause, he wiped hisface more and more, until he was as red as a peony, and the itchingbecame intolerable.
On such occasions he never inquired who was the party, but called me andPhil Mooney. I, on the other hand, never said a word in way ofexpostulation. I took my flogging, which was as severe as he could giveit, as a matter of course, quite satisfied with the exchange.
As Walter Puddock had told me, and, as I have no doubt, the Eton boyswill confirm, after a certain quantity of flagellations, the skinbecomes so hard as to make the punishment almost a matter ofindifference and so I found it. So passed the time until the month ofNovember, when I was fully enabled to pay off my worthy pedagogue forall that I was indebted to him.
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