by D. E. White
There was also a parcel on the table. It was clumsily wrapped, in brown paper and tape, and addressed to Holly. She grabbed a bottle from the fridge, poured a glass of wine and sat down at the table, intrigued.
Inside was one of Milo’s jumpers, and a printed note:
You have something I want, and I have something you want.
It was unsigned. The address was printed on a label too, so she couldn’t check if it was Tom’s handwriting. Panicked for a moment she slipped across the hallway, running lightly upstairs to Milo’s room, wincing at her leg. He was sleeping peacefully, one arm around the stuffed dolphin Tom had bought him in Disneyland. In her own room downstairs, her aunt also slept, her dark hair framing her face, the striped blanket pulled up around her shoulders. Holly let out a long breath and smiled.
Was Tom upping his game, or was this about Niko and Jayden? If her brother wanted revenge for Larissa’s murder, he might have figured out the truth … How great to have so many enemies you really couldn’t decide who was threatening you, Holly thought sarcastically. She poured another glass of wine, and deciding she was starving, shoved the lasagne in the microwave.
Should she believe Devril about his ‘tip-off’ on Jay? Holly almost choked on her mouthful of wine. Perhaps Devril’s tip-off had coincided with Niko’s release, in which case where did the hell did that leave her? They wouldn’t let her stay out of the game; that was becoming obvious.
A text flashed up on her phone:
Whore.
Chapter 14
Devril had saved her after her mum’s death, dragging her over to Shoey’s, the grubby, sweaty little gym on South Road, and encouraging her to kick the hell out of the pads, and later out of him. Boxing had become her life, and she was good. Really good. It had been something positive to get her out of bed in the morning. And then Jayden ruined her life again.
Exhausted, Holly struggled through the day, mechanically dealing with her accounts, getting dinner ready in the slow cooker for her aunt and Milo. Her voicemail was full, but she didn’t feel like talking to anyone. Her mind was on DC Karen Marriot. At least she had been straight with her, no bullshit and no fake smarm, which was what her mum had always accused the police of. Despite the fact Karen worked with Harper, Holly could feel herself warming to her, even trusting her a bit.
She flicked the TV on for company, and then wished she hadn’t as the news had just reached a piece about Yorke Prison. A reporter was talking to a prison official about the stabbing. It had made the main news items simply because of the horrific crime the brothers had committed.
Larissa’s photograph, that beautiful smiling photograph that had been used so many times before – after her brutal murder – flashed up on the screen and before she could stop herself Holly was slumped on the sofa, tears pouring down her cheeks. If her brother had been raising a child, she supposed he might have taken his time planning revenge, but surely the child would be a perfect chance to look forward, not back. If you got out of the Seaview alive, you didn’t look back, you just kept on running. Okay, so she had only made it a couple of miles down the road, but she’d done it. And Devril had done it.
Jayden had always been obsessive, consumed by whatever took his fancy. As a child it had been online games, war figures, and then as he grew old enough to be useful in the family business it was all hacking and drugs. Donnie was so proud, grooming him to take on a load of responsibility, but still jealous of the Nicholls brood with so many sons working the patch. It was a feudal way of thinking but that’s just how it was. After all this time, guilt churned in her belly. If Jayden was back and getting revenge, who would he pick off next? Did he even know exactly what had happened on the night Larissa died? She only just made it to the toilet where she threw up, gripping the cold bowl with shaking hands.
By sheer willpower she shoved the whole incident to the back of her mind, kept the TV turned off, and avoided social media for the rest of the day. Several times, she almost called Devril, but something stopped her each time she dialled the number.
By the time she went out to pick Milo up she had almost convinced herself that it was over. Alexi and Roman were dead. Larissa was avenged. But what about the child lying still in his hospital bed?
***
‘You never called me, Holly. Aren’t you the tiniest bit curious?’
Holly had been studiously avoiding the other mums by the school gates, waiting for Milo and scrolling through her phone as an excuse to avoid eye contact with anyone. But that meant she hadn’t noticed the tall figure walk up behind her.
‘Hallo, Devril, and no, I’m not at all curious.’ She was lying, of course, but the fear of releasing the past that they shared made her stomach heave. To get answers she would have to allow herself to go back. Yesterday, visiting Jayden’s son, feeling his soft skin beneath her fingertips as she stroked his head, she had almost been ready, but today the fire had gone out, and her fear of the past was far stronger than her curiosity.
She leant against the wall, watching Milo chatting with his friends, making his way slowly out of school. A kid with long red hair was bending down to sign his cast, a group of girls were laughing with an older woman, and, oh shit, further along the road, Tom was walking purposefully towards the school gates.
‘Got to go, Devril. I will call you, but I just need to get my head around this, okay?’
‘Holly, please. Do you know where Jayden is?’
‘What? No of course I don’t. I’m still not even quite sure if I believe he’s alive. I thought you … Look, Devril, please this isn’t a good time.’ Tom had seen her now, and he hesitated, half turning. Today was just getting better and better. ‘Okay, I’m sorry, Devril, and I do want to talk, but please could you just go away and I’ll call you later. I mean it!’
His eyes glittered now, as he pulled the hood of his jacket tightly round his face, ‘I’m worried about you, Holly. Christ, I thought you would have grown out of being so fucking defensive all the time. I never said a word at the trial, did I? You never gave me the chance to explain and now I’m just trying to look out for you and get some answers, and you won’t even talk to me.’
Shocked and a bit guilty, she turned back to say something, but he was moving away now, disappearing into the crowds. Was she really being selfish? Or was she just trying to keep the tendrils of the past away from her son? Anyway, she told herself crossly, it wasn’t her who was bringing the past back to life. Holly pulled her thoughts together, tried to stop panicking by breathing deeply, rubbing sweaty palms on her jeans.
‘Friend of yours?’ Tom was watching Devril disappear into the crowd of milling parents.
‘Hallo, Tom.’ She nodded at her ex-husband, ignoring his question. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘I said I’d pick Milo up today and take him to watch the match later. Remember?’ He was carefully dressed as usual, in what she thought of as his cool professor clothes. The tweed jacket, tight jeans and white shirt gave him an air of sexiness. Or just made him look like a total fuckwit trying to cling on to his youth, depending on how you looked at it. He smelt far too strongly of his favourite cologne.
Holly went with the latter opinion of his appearance. ‘No, you didn’t. You said tomorrow. It’s Thursday today.’
He was giving her that familiar pained expression, frowning like she was one of his less than intelligent students. How had she been in love with this man? ‘I said today, Holly. I wouldn’t get the match date wrong, and Beth puts everything in my diary.’
‘Good for Beth,’ Holly said lightly.
‘No need to be bitter. She’s very organised, and I know she’ll be a wonderful mother.’
Milo was approaching now, glancing apprehensively from one to the other of his parents, sensing animosity. Holly took a deep breath, and hissed at Tom, ‘Okay, maybe I made a mistake. If you’re sure the match is today, I’m not going to make Milo miss out.’
Her son smiled uncertainly at her. ‘Hi, Mum. Hi, Dad. I thought you s
aid you were coming to get me tomorrow?’
Holly could have sworn a flash of anger crossed Tom’s face, but he moved in quickly to hug Milo and take his bag from him before Holly could reach for her son. ‘No, mate, it’s tonight.’ He turned back to Holly. ‘Beth will bring him back for nine as it’s a school night.’
‘Fine.’ Milo crossed over to her for a hug and she kissed him lightly on the forehead, resisting the urge to cling to his solid little body, to whisk him away from Tom and take him home with her.
But if Milo was going to be out, she now had work to do tonight. As soon as Tom and Milo had vanished into the traffic, she pulled out her phone, moving away from the crowd, leaning against the metal railings.
‘Hi, Cath, can we meet up later? You’re not working, are you?’
There were sounds of screaming children in the background, but her friend sounded cheerful enough. ‘No, I’m not, the joys of being part-time, babes. You’ll have to come here obviously. Do you want to bring Milo and sleep over, or is Lydia going to have him?’
‘He’s with Tom tonight. Not back till about nine. They’ve gone to the match.’
‘Oh. And you’re happy with that?’
‘I’m trying to be super grown up and civilised about the whole thing. I’ll come over at six if that works. I can help you get Anna and Angel to bed.’
‘You are a superstar, but ditch the being grown up thing. Tom doesn’t deserve it and Milo loves you just how you are. I’ll see you at six.’
The stream of kids had dried to a mere trickle, now, and a few stragglers were dragging their school bags towards the seniors’ block, quickly finishing up cigarettes. Holly stuffed her phone back in her bag.
‘Holly.’
She swung round. She was getting used to being followed.
‘Devril? I thought you’d gone.’
His expression was serious, all the teasing and cheek gone from his eyes. ‘This needs to be said now.’
Holly tried to interrupt, to walk away, but he put a hand on her arm. Not forceful, but gentle, steering them both along the rain-soaked pavement to the little playground area next to the bus stop.
There were no kids playing and the rusty swing creaked, swaying slightly as the icy breeze ripped across the playground.
‘Five minutes, and then I have to go.’
‘We’ve never talked about what happened that night and I know that was partly my fault. But I tried to get hold of you and you just stonewalled me.’
She was shivering now, her breathing light and shallow. ‘I don’t want to talk about it, okay? I have enough problems at the moment, without bringing up the past. It’s … It’s too painful.’
He stared at her for a moment. ‘You still think it’s your fault, don’t you? Holly, I never told Niko. I never passed on your message. I tried to tell you but you just cut me off. And then you walked out of your dad’s place and just vanished. Holly? Say something. I never told Niko where Jay was, okay.’
‘What?’ Holly stared at him, her heart thundering, knuckles white on the climbing frame. She felt she must cling to something solid, something that was anchored to the ground as the flood of relief made her dizzy. All this time she had been convinced it was her fault, her betrayal that had led to the murders, and now it wasn’t. Holly had made the biggest mistake ever. She’d been pissed off enough to tell the Nicholls where to find her own brother. That made her the worst grass of all. Family betrayal just didn’t happen on Seaview, no matter what had gone on. ‘Why didn’t you tell Niko?’
He shrugged, face expressionless, framed by his hood. ‘Did you really think I had? I knew you were just letting off steam, and I knew what would happen if I told Niko where to find your brother.’
Ridiculous tears started falling, and she batted them away, furiously, half laughing and unable to stop the chattering in her brain. It wasn’t your fault, it wasn’t your fault … ‘You knew they’d kill him?’
Devril handed her a tissue. ‘Of course not. I knew they’d beat him up though. There was the money after all, and the contacts he’d pissed off with.’
‘Didn’t you hate me for what I did though? For grassing him up?’
‘Look, Holly, Jay was a mate, but I know what he was like back then. He stole money from everyone, he was an addict who didn’t want to get clean, but after he’d gone that first time, I hoped, like you, that he’d grown up and got off the gear. I know why you were so angry, okay? But it wasn’t us who told Niko where to find him. Niko might be my cousin but he’s a stupid little fucker. It wouldn’t have occurred to him that his brothers would kill a girl and a baby, I’m sure of it. I think he told the truth.’
‘Fuck me.’ She felt like she’d been kicked in the gut. All this time she’d believed she had Larissa’s blood on her hands. The baby’s blood. The relief was overwhelming, and after the initial shock, exhausting. Her legs felt weak, and her face was still wet with tears. Holly smiled, despite the cold, despite the current drama and danger. It wasn’t her fault.
‘You look just the same when you smile,’ Devril said, his own eyes softening at her reaction.
‘What do you mean?’ Self-consciously, Holly touched her lip.
‘You know. I always loved it when you were happy. I can see you’ve still got that dragon tattoo on your arm. You used to show them off all the time.’ He reached over gently to her wrist, sliding her jumper up.
‘Not in the winter, I didn’t.’ She pulled the sleeve down again, shrinking from the intimacy of the gesture. ‘If you never passed on the message then who did tell Niko where Jayden was that night?’
‘Niko said it was an anonymous tip-off, didn’t he? He thought it was one of his dealing contacts.’
‘Yeah, I suppose it could have been someone hoping to score points with the Balintas,’ Holly said thoughtfully. The sweetness of guilt being lifted from her conscience, and energy returning. Maybe she could get through this after all.
‘Could have been anyone. Maybe even the same person who saw Alexi and Roman running away from the flat. That person was never named were they? They were just a “reliable witness”.’
‘Suppose Niko was actually there? It kept coming up, didn’t it, that he’d sent Roman and Alexi round to collect the cash, but he swore he didn’t go,’ Holly pointed out, leaning her cheek against the cold metal of the climbing frame. They both glanced up as a couple of skinny swaggering teenagers shambled across the far side, near the slide. The boys dodged round the swing and disappeared into the alleyway behind Tesco off into the woods.
Devril shrugged. ‘No evidence though, was there? I’ve been asking around for a long time. It never did make sense, and Jayden was my best mate at one time, and you …’
Holly took a long breath of icy air. She was free. All this time. One night, one mistake, her fault. But it wasn’t.
***
‘So what’s up?’ Cath was already pouring the wine when Holly arrived. Ronnie and Sean were busy on the Xbox and the younger children were hitting each other on the rug.
Holly separated the fractious group on the floor and picked up Angel. She was a sweet kid, with huge dark eyes, and baby blonde hair, which would surely darken with age. How could Liam not want to visit a daughter like this?
‘Here you go.’ Cathryn passed her a large full glass, and took a gulp of her own. ‘I just need a moment before we get the babies bathed and into bed. She shot a sharp look at the older twins, who were engaged in a ferocious battle, staring fixedly at the screen. ‘You two need to get off there, and do your homework. Now!’
Muttering and complaining they logged off and slouched upstairs. From the back they could have been Jayden as a teenager. Tousled blonde hair, and skinny legs. Holly swallowed a wave of emotion and swigged her wine, bouncing Angel on her knee.
Twelve-year-old Kian was absorbed with his Lego, which Anna was trying to systematically destroy. He was a quiet boy, good at school and less boisterous than his older brothers. Nothing like his dad, Niko.
‘Cath, I’m sorry. I can’t stay after all.’ Holly took a last swig of wine for courage and stood up.
Her friend looked up from the floor, where she was picking up discarded toys. ‘I thought Milo was at Tom’s tonight?’
‘Yeah, he is. I just think I need to go and see Lydia. She’s not coping well with all this, and I should take her up to the hospital to see the boy.’ It was a half lie – she was going to see her aunt, she was just visiting a few other people on the way.
‘Oh, well, if you’re sure. Didn’t you say that the hospital only let you visit before nine? Lydia’s a tough old bird but I love her to bits. Be careful though, Holly.’ Cath was watching her through narrowed eyes, but Holly kept her expression innocent.
‘I’ll be fine.’
Holly checked her watch as she stepped outside into the cold night air. The lightness she had felt, that floating feeling, hadn’t left her. It wasn’t her fault, but something was going on. Time to check in on a few of her old neighbours.
She walked quickly, her trainers barely making a sound on the road. She pulled her thick coat around her to stop the icy wind cutting into her body. Her hair fanned out in the sea breeze, and the salt on her lips made her think of her childhood.
A quick call to Lydia confirmed her aunt would be ready in half an hour for a hospital visit. Like Cath, Lydia asked if Holly was okay, perhaps sensing she was up to something, just like she had when Holly was a kid.
Instinctively she cut across the playground, avoiding the high, dark walkways where the junkies and dealers lurked, keeping in the open, and staying alert. But she felt crazy, invincible, which was why she didn’t stop to think just how much danger she might be walking into.
There were yells coming from the enclosed yard, quickly muffled. The noise of a car engine revving, and cheers. Puzzled, Holly slipped into the shadows by the gate. On this side of the estate, the houses backed onto Nicholls’ haulage yard. The other side of the yard was the tower block where the Mancinis lived.