Oh God. I slide off his lap and onto the couch next to him. I don’t know how to answer that. I stumble with my words. Nothing is really making any sense and a lot of uhmmm sounds are coming out of my mouth.
I finally look right at him and say, “Lane, I like you a lot.”
He smiles and puts his arm around my shoulder and pulls me closer to him. With his other hand he lifts my chin, focusing my attention on his beautiful hazel eyes. “Rebecca, I’m more than crazy about you.”
Wow, my mouth goes dry. That sends butterflies on roller coasters into my stomach, and my heart starts beating fast. I can’t process clear thoughts anymore. He’s still staring at me.
“I’m going to take that answer to mean I may have a chance with you.” He kisses the tip of my nose and says he doesn’t want me to be late for math and he’ll see me later. I never ever want to move from being this close to him, but he stands, offers me his hand and helps me up. He turns around, giving me a wink as he looks back over his shoulder, knowing I’m still watching.
I pick up my backpack and head to math. I walk in, right on time. Hopefully my teacher will have the same pity on us that Professor Brigg had and let us out a few minutes early. He does, and we get out ten minutes early, so I text Bella and Lexi that I’ll meet them at the rec center basketball courts.
I go into the bathroom to change into my jersey then stretch out with a few other Phi Mus on the court who are ready to play. When the rest of our team arrives, we play two thirty-minute sets of five-on-five. We win both, so we have to play the Tri Delta’s, that means we play against Cat and her team. This time we get beat by three points and are out of the tournament. Cat’s team keeps winning, so they play until they’re one of the top four teams. Bella and I watch Cat’s second game before we leave. By this time, it is almost 4:30. Walking past the other courts, I see the Chi Phis playing the Pikes. I tell Lexi and Bella to wait while I get Grant’s attention. He sees me and waves back. A feeling of guilt like hot liquid burns through me. He’s such a nice guy, why am I not totally into him?
I rush into the house then into the shower and shake off the negative feelings. I have to be in my dance uniform at Coleman ready for pictures with Big Al in less than an hour. I need to focus on getting ready, no time for weird feelings.
Amanda and I get into her car and make our way to Coleman. We scurry up the stairs and hop into place, ready to greet fans. We do fan meet-and-greets for forty-five minutes prior to game time, even signing our calendars for those who ask for autographs. Once the picture taking sessions are done, we walk to the dressing room together to freshen up and get ready to be announced before the start of the basketball game.
Five minutes before the start of the game, both teams are warming up on the court. The Crimson Cabaret are all lined up, ready to run out and perform our first dance. I’ve been telling myself all night, Don’t think about Grant watching, it’s just a normal night and a normal game.
The fight song starts, and we take our place at center court. They introduce us individually. I’m up and do a kick and a wave, when I hear, “We love you, Bex!” from somewhere in the crowd. We hit our routine and run off the court high fiving each other back in the dressing room. It feels good to hit. Now we just need to nail our halftime routine.
It is a great feeling to have the first game jitters behind me. The Cabaret cheers along the sideline for the rest of the game. During time outs, the cheerleaders and Big Al rush to the center court to do their thing.
Bama wins the first basketball game of the season. As I’m running into the locker room to change, I hear my name, and I look up to see Grant waving at me from the bleachers. I wave back and tell him I’ll be right out. After changing, I walk out with Amanda and a few teammates to find Grant waiting for me.
Grant takes my hand and says, “Your performance was great. You look amazing tonight, Bex. I love your hair.” He points to the stack of calendars I’m carrying, asking, “Can I have one?”
“I have to give some to my parents along with their tickets on Friday, so I was bringing them back to the house with me, but, yeah, I have an extra.”
I hand him a calendar. He flips through it to find I’m the month of July.
“Your picture is gorgeous.” He bends to kiss me as we walk out to the parking lot. He opens his jeep door, and I hop inside. When he pulls in front of the house, I give him a quick kiss. But he pulls me in closer and really kisses me.
When we break, I tell him, “I have to go, it’s late. I’ll see you Friday.”
“I hate to leave you, but I know it’s late.” He looks crestfallen, so I give him a soft smile as I slide out of the jeep.
In the shower, I begin to wash off the sweat and makeup from the performance. I close my eyes and let the hot water run down my face. I start thinking about Lane and feel a little weird about my relationship with Grant. I’m really interested in Lane. Although he hasn't actually kissed me yet, he’s kissed my nose and my hand. He hasn’t officially asked me out, either. I’m trying to make sense of it and figure out if I am cheating on Grant. I’m sure cheating would only happen if Lane had already asked me out and we’d gone on a date. So, I’m probably not a cheater? I’m still feeling confused when I get out of the shower. I dry off and put on some Nike pros and an old t-shirt. I sit on my bed and pull out my agenda and start going over everything I need to do for tomorrow. My phone dings a text. Thinking it’s Grant saying good night again, I casually look at it. It’s from Lane.
Your performance was incredible.
I didn’t see u tonight.
I saw both of your performances before I had to leave. I’m sry I wasn’t able to stick around to see u afterwards, but I wanted to.
Whew, good thing he didn’t stick around. Another text from Lane comes in.
Let’s meet at the bonfire on Thursday night. Meet me at the top of the Gorgas library stairs behind the first column.
Mmmmm, I think a secret rendezvous sounds fun. I text back giddy with excitement. Okay, I’ll find u.
I’ll text u when I get there.
OK, I reply. Now I’m really starting to feel like a cheater, but I ignore the feeling and focus on my assignments and read through my plans for tomorrow. I have two classes I believe will be cut short due to Homecoming. I also have choreography competition at 6:30 tomorrow night. I have a note written out to the side to submit the Homecoming article to the Crimson White by 3:00 on Thursday. Looks like it’ll be a busy day.
Bella arrives back after hanging out with Jack after the game. I decide to put away the lustful feelings I have for two different guys and ask her about her date. When I start to nod off, I tell Bella goodnight and fall asleep dreaming of dancing in a ballroom with a mystery man who makes me feel like I’m floating on air.
14
#Yasqueen
I’m staring at my computer, thinking about my next paragraph when my phone rings, scaring me to death. I look at the screen. It’s Mom calling.
“Hey, Mom,” I answer.
“Hi, sweet girl, how’s your busy week going? What are you doing at the moment?” she asks.
“I’m working on the article for the newspaper I have to turn in this week, and tonight we have our choreography competition, so I don’t have time to talk. Can I call you back later?”
“Yes, of course, hon. Do your best tonight. We love you. Bye, darling, we’ll see you in a few days.”
“Bye, Mom.” I set my phone down and turn back to the assignment on my computer screen just as Lexi and Bella burst into the room.
“What time do we need to leave for the competition?” Lexi asks.
“We should be ready to leave before 6:00. We’ll take a few pictures first. The first act is supposed to start around 6:30.” I glance at the time then turn back to my computer and continue working.
Bella and Lexi are trying to be quiet, but I hear them talking anxiously about styling their hair in tight buns. Bella rummages around her dresser, looking for white glitter to spri
nkle in our hair. Bella pulls out her costume and mine and hangs them up. I give into their excitement, close my computer, and start working on my hair.
Sparkling with glitter in our hair, our competition team bunches together on the staircase for a group picture then another one outside in front of the lawn decoration. We carpool over to the theater, where we kill our routine. While watching the rest of the sororities, I notice Cat sitting in the back with Reese. I wave them over to come and sit with us.
They sit behind me. Cat leans over the seat and whispers, “You guys had an amazing performance, totally loved it.”
Coming from Cat, that’s a huge compliment. I whisper back, “Thanks for sticking around waiting on the results with us. We have our fingers crossed for first place.”
Amanda turns around in her seat and says, “I think we’ve got this, girls.” She was right, Phi Mu wins first place in Choreography.
We chant and sing all the way home. Back at the house, we center the trophy on the fireplace mantle after we’ve all taken kissy pictures with it. I post one of me, Bella, Lexi, and Amanda holding the trophy with our lips on it.
Grant sees my post and comments, “Congrats to my favorite house and favorite girl.” His comment makes me smile. I can’t believe Homecoming week is more than half over. As I lie in bed trying to fall asleep, I think of the night, the cheering crowds, and my best friends. And someone who won’t stay out of my dreams.
******
Classes are cut short on Thursday, so I get to walk back to the house to work on my article for the Crimson White.
Bella looks up when I walk in. “Hey, Bex, I was just about to walk to the kitchen to grab some lunch. Do you want anything? Or do you have more classes?”
“No, I’m done, just need to get this article submitted. Can you bring me a PB&J?”
I grab a bottle of water from our fridge in the room and sit down to work. Situating everything on my desk, I see a text from my mom that I didn’t notice, since my phone stays on silent during class. Glancing through the message, I see she’s just excited about seeing me this weekend. I whip off a quick text back to her.
Bella returns with a tray of food, hands me my sandwich then sits back on her bed to work on something.
“I’m going to the bathroom. Will you read over this and see if you can find anything wrong?” I hand her my laptop. When I return, she hands it back and says, “Love it, time to submit.”
Always the perfectionist, I re-read it one last time just to make sure.
A while later Lexi pops in. As she sits on our fuzzy rug and gets comfy, I offer her some grapes we just pulled from the fridge.
“You guys going to the bonfire?” Lexi asks.
“Yes, I’m meeting Lane there.” Bella and Lexi stop what they’re doing and stare at me, their eyes wide, their mouths agape. “What guys? Someone say something.”
Bella stutters, “Bex, wha, whatcha’ya mean, you’re meeting Lane there? Aren’t you dating Grant?”
Lexi adds, “Yeah, Bex, you’ve been dating Grant for two months now. He’s such a catch. Don’t screw it up.”
“I know. I really like Grant. But you guys just don’t understand how I feel when I’m with Lane.”
Lexi says, “Spill the tea girl.”
I describe how I get a thousand butterflies when he looks at me and how I feel like I’m transported into another dimension when I smell his cologne or get close to him. I tell them he’s so confident and shows so much genuine interest in what I say. It makes me feel like time stops when we’re together.
They’re still staring at me, so I say again, “It really feels like when I’m with him time is frozen.”
Bella says, “I don’t know, Bex. Grant is such a nice guy, and we don’t really know Lane. We only know that you’ve described a good-looking hottie that totally knocks your socks off. I guess I thought you were basically over him and really into Grant.”
“Yeah, I know we talked about how I needed to forget Lane because I was sounding like a crazed stalker smelling all the colognes at the mall. Which I know was definitely stalker-like. But I’ve seen him in class every Tuesday for months and I haven’t been able to get over him.”
Lexi’s eyes are big, “So you’ve been cheating on Grant this whole time?”
I shake my head. “No. I don’t think I’ve really cheated on Grant yet. Lane hasn’t actually kissed me, he’s kissed the top of my hand and my nose, and he’s asked if I really want to date Grant. He’s fished around that he’s interested in me. I got a text from him on Tuesday night. He saw my performance but left right after half time. Then he sent another text asking me to meet him at the bonfire.”
Bella interrupts, “So what you’re saying is you’re about to cheat on Grant?”
“I don’t know, guys. Is it cheating on Grant if Grant and I aren’t really that serious yet? I mean, he hasn’t given me his pin and he hasn’t asked me to be exclusive.”
Bella looks sympathetic. “Bex, I think you know Grant is totally into you. He may not have asked you to be his girlfriend yet, but it’s coming.”
“I agree with Bella. I think if you end up actually kissing Lane at the bonfire tonight, then you’ll have cheated on Grant.”
“Okay. I’m going to be committed to only talking to Lane at the bonfire tonight. Nothing else, I repeat, just talking.”
Bella smirks. “After all you’ve just told us about how you feel when you’re around Lane, you think you’ll be able to just talk to him?”
I put my hands over my face and scream in frustration, “Guys I really don’t know.”
Lexi puts her arm around my shoulders. “Look, Bex, we’re here for you. Text us if you need us. Do you know if Grant will be at the bonfire tonight?”
“I don’t think so. He’ll be coming back from an out-of-state swim meet. The bonfire starts at 7:30. Let’s plan to walk over there together. He told me to meet him at the top of the steps of Gorgas behind the first column.”
Lexi makes a face. “That’s weird. He doesn’t want to meet you out in the open?”
“I get the feeling there’s a girl that likes him, and he doesn't want to see her. He may think I need to hide from Grant because I did tell him that I was dating him.”
Bella closes her homework. “What did he say when you told him that?”
“He asked me do I really want to be dating Grant.”
“What did you say?”
“I said, ‘I’m not sure, but I really like you.’ So, I really didn’t answer his question directly. I think he got the impression I like both him and Grant. Look guys, my brain is total mush when I’m around him.”
Bella rolls her eyes toward the ceiling. “Oh, good grief.”
“Well girlfriend, hottie or not, text us when you feel comfortable with him. If you don’t text us, we’re bringing in reinforcements and coming to look for you,” Lexi says with a fierce mama-bear face.
“My girls, all for one, one for all. Love you guys,” I say, reaching over to Lexi and Bella. We collide into a group hug before I fling the closet doors open to decide what to wear to the bonfire.
I work on my makeup and curl my hair similar to the way I wore it on Tuesday night during the Crimson Cabaret performance. I choose a solid V-neck t-shirt and pair it with a soft flannel, add my favorite ripped jeans, monogramed leather boots and knee- high boot socks. I grab my Denim jacket, spray my favorite perfume, then turn around, and ask Bella what she thinks.
“I think you’re going to be in trouble. And you better keep in touch by texting us like Lexi said, or we may have the campus police come looking for you.”
“I promise I’ll stay in touch, and I’ll keep the volume on my phone turned all the way up.”
We meet Lexi in the living room then walk outside and down the sidewalk toward the quad and the bonfire, which will be lit by the time we arrive.
As we’re walking near the bonfire, I feel my phone buzz in my pocket. I pull it out and look at the screen. It’s a text from
Lane saying he’s at the top of the steps of Gorgas. I text him back. “I’m walking past the bonfire now.”
“Hey, guys, Lane is here.”
They both reach out to squeeze my hands, and say, “Be careful.”
“I’ll text you guys if I need you, I promise,” I say as I turn and walk away.
I walk up the steps of Gorgas, and when I get to the top step, someone grabs my arm and pulls me. I gasp in fear and let out a small yip sound. Then I realize it’s Lane. He pulls me to him, wraps both his arms around my waist, and is looking down into my eyes with a big grin on his face.
“Hey, you.”
My skin is all tingly. I stand frozen staring at him. He moves his hands from my waist up to my face, cups my face in his hands, and says, “I want to kiss you so bad.”
Tears pool in my eyes, because God knows I really want to kiss him, too.
He pulls me tight to his chest and says, “Shhhhhhhhh, it’s okay. Tell me what’s wrong.”
He strokes my hair with one hand and continues to console me softly with his voice.
“Please, baby, tell me what’s wrong.”
Looking into his beautiful eyes, I say, “I want to kiss you, too, but I can’t.” I cry harder.
He pulls me toward him and holds me for a long time, stroking my hair.
He kisses the top of my head and says, “Rebecca I would never do anything to hurt you. I want you to know that.”
I look at him, “I know, it’s just that I’m dating Grant, and he doesn’t know how I feel about you. And I don’t know what to do. I really want to be with you. I also don’t want to hurt Grant. He’s a really great guy.”
Lane pulls me in closer, gives me a tight squeeze and looks down at me with sympathy in his face.
“I know that’s a hard decision. I know you have a pure heart and that’s why you are so upset over how this is making you feel. It’s one of the reasons I care about you and one of the reasons I’m so crazy for you, Rebecca. You are pure in heart and soul. Everything about you is wholesome.”
He wipes the tears off my cheeks and pulls out a pocket square from his jacket and hands it to me. I dab it under my eyes, then he takes my hand and leads me to the steps.
Walking the Crimson Road Page 7