by Tracy Wolff
When it’s finally complete, when I’m finally convinced I’ve done the picture in my mind justice, I put down the paintbrushes. And nearly weep with the relief that comes from lowering my arms.
I stretch out all the kinks, then close my eyes to give my tired brain a break. But when I finally open them, it’s to find Hudson looking straight at me.
“So you remember?” he asks in a tone so tentative that I can’t believe it even came from him.
“No.” I glance back at the painting, my stomach clenching a little at the idea that I might have finally remembered something…even if I can’t identify it yet. Even if it’s just my subconscious poking at me, trying to tell me something. Trying to get me to do what I so desperately want to do—remember. “Do you recognize it?”
“It’s impossible.” Hudson shakes his head as if to clear it. “You couldn’t possibly have painted this if you don’t remember. Not this accurately. Not this perfectly.”
“I felt it,” I tell him, struggling to find a description that will make sense to both of us. “I don’t know how else to describe it. From the moment I’ve been back, this place has been building in my head until I couldn’t not paint it. From the moment I picked up my paintbrush, it was the only thing that felt right.”
I don’t say anything else—there’s nothing else for me to say—and for long seconds, neither does Hudson. Eventually, though, he inclines his head and says, “It’s perfect.”
“You know where it is.” It’s not a question, even though my voice is quieter than his.
“Yes,” he answers.
My breath catches in my chest, my throat. Finally, I’ll know something. Finally, I’ll have one memory to hold on to. It’s not much, but it’s more than I had when I woke up this morning. More than I had when I brushed my teeth or took a shower or picked up my favorite Pop-Tarts in the cafeteria.
But the seconds tick by, and still Hudson doesn’t say anything until, finally, I feel like I can’t take it anymore. Until I feel like even my skin doesn’t fit.
“Are you going to tell me?” I demand, after time has passed and done nothing to alleviate the nerves.
Another silence, this one even longer than the one that came before it. “It’s my lair,” he answers, and there’s a lifetime in those three words.
89
Bend Till You Break
“Don’t be nervous,” Jaxon tells me several hours later as I fiddle with my uniform tie for what feels like the hundredth time. But I can’t help it. My stomach’s been churning since Macy told me about the assembly this morning. That feeling only doubled when Hudson told me I’d painted his lair from memory, until right here, right now, I feel like exploding.
“Be very nervous,” Hudson tells me from his spot lounging against the door. “In fact, maybe you should just call in sick.”
Jaxon’s phone rings—his mom is calling—and he walks into his bedroom to answer it.
“I think you’re the one who’s nervous,” I answer as soon as Jaxon is out of earshot.
“Umm, yeah. Because, you know, at least two people in that room want to kill you. Probably more.” Hudson pauses and thinks. “Yeah, definitely more.”
“Well then, it’s sad for them, isn’t it, that I have no intention of dying today. Or anytime soon.”
“Yeah, we’ll see,” he mutters.
“You need to be a little more positive, you know that?” I’m so annoyed that I say this louder than I intend as Jaxon strides back over to me.
“What did I do?” Jaxon asks, looking very confused.
“That wasn’t to you,” I explain. “That was to your brother.”
“Oh.” Jaxon rears back, like he forgot Hudson exists. Or like he can’t believe I might be talking to both of them at the same time. Like I haven’t done that every day since I made it back to my human form or anything.
“What’s he saying?”
“That it’s a bad idea to go to this assembly. But he said it about the last one, too, so I don’t have a lot of faith in his opinion. Besides, how else are we going to get the bloodstone?”
“There are eight of you,” Hudson tells me testily. “You could let any one of the other seven pick it up.”
“And let Cyrus know I’m afraid of him?” I shake my head at Hudson. “I don’t think so.”
“You should be afraid of him. And even if you’re not, you should act like you are. Anything else will just piss him off.”
“Apparently everything is going to piss him off.” I put both my hands on my hips. “So why does it matter what I do?”
“You’re right, it probably doesn’t. Which is another reason why you shouldn’t go!” Hudson practically growls with aggravation.
“Why don’t you go visit someone else for a while? Bring your doom and gloom there?” I make an obnoxious face. “Oh wait, you can’t. That’s why we need to get the stone.”
He arches a brow. “You know that joke was old the first time you told it, right?”
“Yeah, well, you—”
“Not to interrupt what I’m sure is a scintillating conversation,” Jaxon says so coolly that I feel the chill in my bones, “but I thought maybe you might like to talk to me instead of my brother. I mean, since you’re actually in my room.”
Of course. Because what I need today is for both the Vega brothers to freak out on me, even if it is for different reasons.
“Yeah, well, I wouldn’t have to freak out if you would take your own safety a little more seriously,” Hudson tells me. “I can’t help you if you won’t help yourself.”
I didn’t ask you to help me! I answer in my head so Jaxon doesn’t get upset.
“Maybe you should,” he shoots back.
“Seriously?” Jaxon says. “You can’t stop talking to him for two seconds? I’m trying to have a conversation with you here.”
“Of course I can. I’m sorry.” I take a deep breath, blow it out slowly. “What do you want to talk about, Jaxon?”
“Has he always been this whiny?” Hudson demands. “Honestly, I don’t know how you stand it.”
“Stop,” I tell him and intentionally give him my back, determined not to engage with him any more right now.
But he’s not having it. He walks around Jaxon so I’m facing both brothers now. “I’m only trying to be helpful, Grace. I know better than most just how spoiled Jaxon can be.”
He’s not spoiled. I jump in to defend Jaxon instantly and then realize, almost as quickly, that I’ve just been totally played. Hudson was trying to get a rise out of me. You’re kind of a jackass. You know that, right?
“Know it?” He looks down his nose at me in a kind of snooty, kind of playful manner. “I pride myself on it.”
Yeah, but—
“So.” Jaxon looks really nervous. “What do you think?”
“About what?” I ask before I can think better of it.
“You weren’t listening?” He looks vaguely homicidal. “You didn’t hear anything I said?”
“I did. I just—”
He sighs disgustedly. “What I said was that there’s another way to get Hudson out of your head. Besides the spell with the five artifacts.”
“Seriously? And you’re just bringing this up now?” I grab on to his hand. “What is it?”
“It’s fairly drastic—”
“Yeah, because going up against something called the Unkillable Beast isn’t drastic at all,” I answer, totally deadpan. “Why didn’t you tell me earlier? I mean, we already have all four of the necessary—”
“Five,” Jaxon growls. “We need five items. There’s no way we’re bringing him back if he’s not human. No way.”
I think back to what the Bloodletter said, to what everyone has said about Hudson—except Hudson. Every time I start to think that maybe he’s not so bad, I force myself to remember wh
at it felt like to be standing in that assembly with him and be unable to move. “Okay, okay. I know you’re right about the whole power thing. So what is this other way?”
Jaxon looks a little sick, and this time he’s the one taking the deep breath. Which makes my stomach plummet.
“What is it?” I ask, suddenly a lot more frightened than I was just a minute ago.
“We could break the mating bond.”
The words fall like a nuclear bomb between us, the shock and pain of them radiating through me in a way nothing ever has in my whole life—even my parents’ deaths.
“I don’t— I can’t—”
“Holy shit. Exactly how much does my brother hate me?” Hudson whispers.
I take a moment to answer Hudson and…also try to figure out how to breathe. Seriously? That’s what you’re asking now? I would assume a lot, since he, you know, killed you.
“Killing is pretty normal in our world. Trying to break a mating bond? That’s unheard of. Mainly because it’s literally impossible. Trust me, if it were possible, my mom would have definitely divorced her jackass mate.” Hudson starts to pace. “This must be some scary-as-shit magic if it can sever a mating bond.”
Wow. Okay, then.
I press a hand to my stomach, still trying to absorb the blow of Jaxon’s words. And worse, the fact that he brought this up at all.
“So…” I have a million things I want to ask but no idea how to ask them. So I start with the most basic. “You don’t want to be mated to me anymore?”
“Of course I want to be mated to you!” he exclaims, and this time he’s the one who grabs my hands. “I want it more than anything.”
“Then why would you even suggest…” There’s a strange ringing in my ears, and I shake my head to clear it. “I thought mating bonds were unbreakable.”
“I thought so, too. But I asked the Bloodletter—”
“You asked her? When we were there?” The pain deep inside me gets worse and worse. “When? When she put me to sleep? When she locked me in that cage?”
“No, not then. Of course not.” He gives me a pleading look. “It was way before.”
Somehow, that sounds even worse. “How ‘way before,’ considering I was here for a week, then gone for nearly four months, then here for a few days? When exactly did you ask her? And why?”
“I asked her after you first got here and I realized we were mated. I’d nearly killed you with the window… It just seemed like a really bad idea to be mated to a human who might die because of me. So I went to her and asked for a spell to break the bond.”
There’s so much to unpack there that I don’t even know where to start. And for once, Hudson is completely silent, absolutely no help at all. The traitor.
I still can’t believe Jaxon didn’t tell me up front that we were mated. I mean, I get why he didn’t say anything that first day, but why not after the snowball fight or when we started dating?
But I also can’t believe he was going to break the bond—without even asking me. He was going to do something so irrevocable, so painful, so terrible, and he wasn’t even going to get my opinion on the matter. It would have affected me, too, I’m sure of it, and he wasn’t even going to ask?
And now, after we’ve come so far, he brings up breaking the bond again because having Hudson in my head is an inconvenience to him? Even though we’re so close to getting him out another way? A way that leaves the bond completely intact?
“Did she give you the spell?” I finally whisper, because there’s so much to say, I don’t know where to start.
“She did,” he tells me.
My breath catches. “Seriously?” It feels like he just hit me again. “And you took it?”
“I was scared. I’d nearly killed you. I didn’t want to hurt you, Grace.”
“Yeah, because this is a picnic.” I look wildly around his room. “Where is it? Where are you keeping it?”
I don’t know why it matters, but it does. If he knows where it is, if it’s right at his damn fingertips…
“I threw it away.”
“What?” That’s not the answer I was expecting.
“I threw it away the same day she gave it to me. I couldn’t bring myself to do it, Grace. To either of us. Not before we’d even had a chance to try. Not without your permission.”
I blow out a breath slowly as the pain finally ebbs. It doesn’t go away completely, but it slowly dissipates. Because he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t break what was between us before it even got started, and especially without telling me. That makes a difference. If he could, if he’d kept it…I don’t know if I’d ever be able to get past it.
“We’re not breaking the mating bond, Jaxon.”
“It could starve him. Without the energy from the bond to feed on, he would die quickly, right? I think you’d be okay in that scenario. It’s the draining that is slowly killing us all.”
His words poke at all my still-tender spots. “And I’d have to sit by and watch him die. While also being traumatized at the loss of my mate.”
“You wouldn’t lose me. I’d still be here—”
“Just not my mate anymore.” I look at him with what I know is my heart in my eyes and whisper, “Is that really what you want?”
“Of course it’s not what I want!” he practically shouts.
“Good. Then don’t bring it up again.”
“Grace—”
“No.” I want to throw myself at him, to wrap my arms around his waist, but I’m still aching.
“I’m sorry.” He pulls me close, holds me as tightly as I wanted to hold him. “I was only trying to make things better for you.”
“I don’t need that kind of help,” I answer, even as I wonder if that’s really true. If making things better for me is the only reason he brought this up.
“I’m sorry,” he says again. “I’m so sorry.”
I don’t know if it’s enough. Honestly, I don’t know what would be enough right now, but it’s a start. That has to count for something.
“Okay,” I tell him, even though I’m feeling anything but. Still, we’re out of time. We have to get to the assembly.
Maybe if I just breathe for a little while, the pain will go away. And so will the sense of betrayal that’s ricocheting through me.
As I head for the door, I dread having to field Hudson’s snark in the middle of all this. But for once, he doesn’t make a sound.
90
Fire and Bloodstone
I’m still reeling ten minutes later as we make our way to the ceremony. I tell myself that it’s no big deal, that everything is going to be okay—with Jaxon, with the ceremony, with the Unkillable Beast. But how okay can I convince myself things are going to be if Jaxon was willing to sever our mating bond?
Everything feels wrong now, off-kilter. And the fact that Hudson is back to haranguing me definitely doesn’t help.
“Which part of my father murdered every gargoyle in existence do you not understand?” Hudson demands as we make our way down to the auditorium. “Do you think he killed all of them in secret? He did it right out in the open and dared anyone to question him. And if they did, he killed them, too—or at least discredited them. You think he can’t make one silly little girl go away?
“His words, not mine,” he hastens to add when I turn on him, infuriated. “I’m just saying, that’s what he’ll be thinking. It’s not true, but that’s how he’ll see it.”
“Yeah, well, that’s ridiculous,” I mutter and glance up at Jaxon talking to Mekhi.
“Absolutely. But he’s a ridiculous man. Evil. Monstrous. But ridiculous. You’ll do well to remember that.”
He doesn’t say anything else, but then neither do Jaxon, Mekhi, or I as we take the last flight of stairs two at a time. The others are waiting for us at the bottom, looking a million times
happier than I feel. Then again, the king probably doesn’t want to kill them.
“Looking good, Grace,” Flint tells me, holding up a hand for a fist bump.
“You’re looking pretty good yourself,” I tell him, because it’s true. All the guys look amazing in their dress uniforms, especially since they get to wear blazers tonight instead of those absurd purple robes.
“Everybody ready for this dog and vampire show?” Mekhi asks as he holds an arm out for Eden. She looks a little surprised at the gesture—I’m guessing the combat boots and kick-ass attitude tend to limit the gallant gestures aimed her way—but then she smiles wider than I’ve ever seen her.
“Damn straight!” she tells him, taking his offered arm.
Xavier offers his arm to Macy, and she giggles like a schoolgirl before she also takes it. But I can’t help grinning at the way she and Xavier keep stealing glances at each other out of the corners of their eyes when they think the other one isn’t looking.
“Guess that leaves you and me,” Flint says to Gwen with a waggle of his eyebrows.
She looks at him like he’s a little strange, but she nods as she gingerly takes his arm. She’s doing so much better, but her arm is still badly bruised and cut up.
Jaxon reaches up and smooths my curls off my face. “It’s going to be okay,” he tells me. “I promise, I won’t let anything happen to you.”
“I know you won’t,” I answer as he takes my hand in his. But his words from earlier keep playing in my head.
Sometimes it feels like Jaxon tries to protect me from everyone but himself.
But as our palms meet, I can’t help but realize how drained he is. I fed him energy down the mating bond right after we got back from the Boneyard earlier, and he seemed to be doing better, but right now I’m not so sure.
We have to get the last item. We don’t have any time to waste.
“So anxious to get me out, huh?” Hudson asks.
So anxious to get your brother back to normal, I answer. It’s not the same thing.