His face grew blank as a wall.
I wrung my fingers as the scent of cedar and sea came back. “Did I jump into your dream?”
His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed hard.
“Falk?”
His eyes met mine a heartbeat before he gave a curt nod.
My face caught fire. “Oh, God.” I covered my face with my hands; the last time I jumped into a man’s dreams we…oh shit! “What did we do?”
He pulled my hands from my face and lifted my chin so I could see his hands. We talked.
I waited for him to finish, but he didn’t. “That’s all? We talked?”
He nodded.
“Okay…” Then something occurred to me. He was entirely too calm about this. “Falk, how many times have I jumped into your head?”
This is the second time.
I shifted on my feet. “Twice?”
He nodded.
I wasn’t supposed to jump into anyone’s dream twice. It could create a link. A permanent telepathic connection. The more often it happens… I fidgeted with my fingers. “What did we talk about?”
He considered me for several heartbeats before stepping closer. Look at my memories.
My heart pounded in my throat as his heat reached me. “Are you sure? I could screw up. I’m not great with precision work.”
His eyes held mine as he nodded. Thunder rolled through the sky, close enough that it vibrated over my skin.
Before I could overthink it, I moved closer and reached up to place my fingers against his temple. I cracked my barriers and sent a tendril of thought out. His mind was like stepping into a hot spring. Warm and welcoming. His memories flowed into mine. Images slipped through my head. Watching me walk out of the woods, the laughter rumbling from him. Sitting on the cliff. The tulips. Walking on the beach. With every image, every memory, his emotions swept through me, leaving me shaking from the strength. Welcome, warmth, longing, awe, fear. It was all mixed into every memory, every touch. His voice… My eyes burned. His voice had been incredible…
I looked up at him, drowning in the gentle waves. His expression never changed, never showed what he was thinking, feeling. His surface never matched his heart. And his heart was so…mine. He was mine. I was his. “Mate.”
His eyes were glowing amber as I pulled that tendril of thought back and closed my barriers.
We need to talk.
“Then talk.” That’s…that’s what Evelyn called Atticus… Everything she said about mates rushed back to me. Mates…
Lightning cracked across the sky. I looked up in time to get hit in the face with a big drop of rain. I wiped my face with trembling fingers as Falk took my arm and steered me off the park path. He led me under a wooden gazebo. I set my bag down as rain began to fall. It hit the roof, filling the silence.
“I don’t know where to start…what does this mean?” I swallowed hard as I tried not to panic.
It doesn’t need to mean anything.
“Falk. Obviously, it means something, or it wouldn’t exist.” I looked up at him and shook my head. “Don’t lie to me. Please.”
His hand rubbed across the stubble on the lower half of his face before he answered. It means we’d have healthy children, he signed. No more. No less.
“Chil-children?” My chest grew tighter. “I’m…I can barely remember to take care of myself half the time.”
The corner of his lips twitched before he stepped closer. You don’t have to worry; I’m not expecting you to accept this. I wasn’t even going to tell you.
All the energy drained out of me as I took a step back. “You weren’t going to tell me?” What he said about mates echoed back through my head. A direct link to his heart. And he wasn’t going to tell me. “You don’t want me…” My voice was a quiet rasp in the rain. My eyes filled. Why did it hurt? I braced myself against the pillar, trying to understand the chaos rushing through me.
He stepped closer, drawing my attention. It just won’t work. You’re human.
“And that’s not good enough for you.” My throat tightened; it shouldn’t hurt…I barely knew him. But it always sucked when you weren’t wanted.
That’s not it. I’ve tried this before. It doesn’t work, he signed as his face filled with shadows. You’ll hate me in the end, and I’ll deserve it.
“But you’re taking something away from me.” Kids. I always imagined having kids. Didn’t he see that?
His gaze stayed on mine as he signed, Matching is how gargoyles find the person who we can have healthy children with.
“And you’re going to walk away?”
Falk shook his head. You’re human. This limitation is from my species. Not yours.
I shook my head. What was he trying to say?
You can have a normal life with someone you choose.
I held his gaze as his meaning sunk in. He wasn’t taking away my chance for children, he was taking away his own. Stunned, all I could do was look at him. His wild hair moved in the wind, the angles of his face, the line of his jaw… In that moment, I saw him for who he was. A man that put everyone else first. Yeah, he was the executioner. He did the job that no one wanted to do. His people were afraid of him because of it. He was willing to walk away from me because he thought I’d be happier with a normal human. I shook my head at him, amazed. “You were just going to walk away.”
It will be better for you.
“What about you?”
His jaw clenched. I’ll continue as I always have.
Alone. Giving to people who don’t appreciate what he does so they can sleep well at night. My throat grew dry. Something about that made my chest ache. “Is that what you want?”
He took several steps back away from me.
I pushed off the pillar and moved with him, demanding an answer. I stayed with him, wrapping my jacket around me, suddenly chilled.
He stopped moving. Not saying a word as he looked out over my head, just watching the rain—or looking for a possible threat, I wasn’t sure. Though he did take a deep breath that made his chest brush against mine.
“Is that what you really want, Falk?” My voice was a wisp; soft, barely there. The memory of the way he smiled down at me in his dream came back to me. The way he held my hand on that beach. The way he always thought about me first as we traveled… Those weren’t the actions of a man who wanted to walk away. He was a man desperately clinging to what he thought was right because he couldn’t feel what right was anymore. “What do you want? Not what you think is best for me. Not whatever idea of the ‘right thing’ you have in your head is. What do you want?”
It was several heartbeats before he looked down at me. His hand came up to my face to gently brush along my cheekbone. Warmth and that sensation of home filled me. I reached out a tendril to his mind and found him waiting.
“No. It’s not what I want,” he sent. “But it would be better for you. You’d be happier.”
“Or I could be miserable. You can’t see the future.” I held his gaze as rain continued to fall around us. “I don’t even know how I feel about this yet.”
“Then why are you so angry?” His soft touched moved over my mind.
“Because you’re trying to walk away without even giving it a shot.” I shook my head. “You’ve accepted that this will be the outcome, without ever giving me a chance to decide for myself.”
He cradled my face in his palm. “I want you to have a happy, fulfilling life more than anything else in existence.”
“Then let me decide for myself.” I swallowed hard. “Don’t hide. Don’t run. Stand here with me and let me see you. And I’ll let you see me.” I waited, heart pounding in my chest in the silence.
“All right.” His eyes held mine. “But we’re taking this slow.”
I smiled up at him. “I’m only twenty-two, Falk. I’m still trying to figure me out. Slow is good.”
His lips moved to a small smirk before he nodded and dropped his hands from my face.
I cringed u
p at him. “You do realize I’ve never been in a relationship in my life. And my chances of screwing this up are astronomical.”
He chuckled that raspy laugh.
I smiled as I tried to pull back from his mind. Only this time, the connection didn’t fade. The blood drained from my face.
“I don’t like that face; something must be wrong.”
He signed, asking me what was wrong. Clearly not realizing I’d heard him.
“Oh shit.” I buried my face in my hands as my stomach knotted. “I screwed up.”
“Rina? You can hear me?”
“Yeah.” I dropped my hands and looked up at him. “I’m sorry, I must have…I didn’t mean to make it permanent.”
“It’s okay.” His hands were warm as they slid over my arms. “It’ll make communicating with you easier.”
“I’m sorry, Falk.” I couldn’t seem to stop apologizing.
“It’s all right.” He dropped his hands from me and looked around at the rain.
I turned to look out at the world that seemed to suddenly emerge. “It’s really coming down right now.”
“We need to get moving; we’ve been here too long already.” Falk stepped away from me and went to his bag. He pulled several small plastic squares from inside.
After he handed me one, I smiled. It was a poncho. “You really do think of everything.”
The corner of his lips twitched as warmth moved through my head. “It’s part of my job.”
I pulled my pack on, then my poncho. We hurried out into the rain, his hand wrapped around mine.
10
Astrid
Groaning, I rolled over and threw the covers off; there was an annoying pounding on the door. Already growling, I stumbled across the room and jerked open the door.
Some Templar that looked like he was barely old enough to shave held out a note. I took it before he scurried back down the hall.
Ben’s been found. Dead. And not alone.
An address followed.
“Fuck!” I bit out before shutting the door and turning to my empty bed. I had slept alone last night—if rolling and punching my pillow to a pulp was sleeping. I missed Ran…
I quickly got dressed before I went through the dormitory, ignoring the looks the Templars threw at me. When I reached the doors, I hesitated. I had agreed to not leave without Ranulf. But right now…I didn’t even want to speak to him.
Saying fuck it, I left the church muttering under my breath the entire way to the crime scene. The sun was up, but it was still gray and overcast. The clouds were black, and all but blotted out the sun.
The address was in one of the picturesque suburbs outside the city. Between the snow and the morning traffic, it took longer than I would have liked to get there. It gave me too much time. Trying to get Ran off my mind, I started tapping the steering wheel. Where the hell were Rina and Falk? Wait…we all knew the cell phones weren’t working from the storm… I turned on the radio.
“—storm has spread over several states, destroying any hope of cell or satellite communication. All planes have been grounded as cities prepare for conditions to grow worse.” Hearing enough, I shut off the radio. How the hell were Rina and Falk going to get back through that?
Worried, I pulled up behind a Mercedes Benz at the address. The car was David’s. Great, they weren’t outside. Which meant they were contaminating the hell out of my crime scene. Super. I got out, pulled my field kit out of my trunk, and headed up the walkway.
The neighbors were probably watching from inside their houses, pulling the curtains back and whispering to each other. The area was picture-perfect for raising a family. I stopped before my hand touched the doorknob. Please, please tell me there weren’t kids inside… I took a deep breath. The overwhelming coppery scent of blood told me there was a lot of it. With only two dead, they would have to have been adults for that much blood. Or…no. No or! I let out a breath and turned the knob. David and Jax were waiting in the small family room. I closed the door behind me.
“About time,” David snapped from the kitchen doorway.
“I’m sorry, David,” I said in a sickly sweet voice. “My bar was burned down early this morning. Forgive me for getting some sleep.”
Jax’s jaw dropped. “The bar’s gone?” Was that seriously the only thing he asked about? Fucking wolves…
“Yeah, that high demon I warned you about paid a visit,” I muttered as I opened my kit and pulled out my gloves.
“That’s what happens when you’re friendly with gargoyles,” David said in an arrogant voice.
I shot him a look as I pulled on my gloves. “Say another word and I walk away.”
Jax’s eyebrows went up. Fortunately, David kept his mouth shut.
“Where are the bodies? I have more shit to take care of today.” I snapped my glove.
Jax gestured to the back of the one-story house. “This way.”
He led me through the living room and into a nice kitchen past David. I expected to head out back but instead he opened the door into a sunroom. The smell hit me hard. A metallic scent and sickness slid over my tongue. I swallowed hard as I looked around. The body of two wolves hung upside down in the middle of a circle of blood and chalk. Two skinless bodies. I pressed the back of my hand to my mouth as I realized what I was looking at. Blood covered the stone tile, spreading out across the symbols and floor. They had been alive… for that much blood… they had to have been alive.
I suddenly wasn’t in that sunroom; I was back in the woods. Heart pounding, throat raw from screaming as they took a blade to Erica’s wolf. My insides shook as I backed out of the room and swallowed back bile. My skin broke out into a cold sweat as I took another step, and another. I couldn’t do this. I left Jax in the doorway. I made it to the kitchen before I was sick in the sink. Memories poured through my head, echoes of her yelps and whimpers.
When I finished, I turned on the faucet and ran cool water over my face and the back of my neck. My hands shook as I turned it off and picked up a kitchen towel.
Someone walked in behind me as I finished drying my face. “Did you take your samples?” David demanded.
I growled at him. “You knew what I was walking into in there.”
“Yes.”
“And you didn’t fucking warn me.” I set the towel next to the sink before turning around and leaning against the counter.
David watched me with indifference.
He knew my past. Knew what I’d been through. He knew what I saw. He had been the only one that I ever trusted with that piece of me. He knew how bad it had been. How much it still haunted me. And he still let me walk in there without a warning. Holding that cold gaze, I began to pull my gloves off.
He frowned. “What are you doing?”
“I’m leaving,” I bit out between clenched teeth.
“We need evidence, Astrid.” His voice was hard.
I walked around the counter and shoved my gloves into his chest. “Be my guest.” I was at the door before he recovered.
“Astrid. Get back here and do your job!” he barked; his voice was deep with his wolf.
I looked over my shoulder at him. “No.” I slammed the door behind me and strode down the walkway. I was pulling out in my car when he finally pulled the front door open. I peeled out and drove away.
Memories tore through my head all the way back to the church. What he had done in there… I had to keep wiping my face as I drove and parked in the parking lot. I barely managed to push those memories back behind their door before getting out of my car.
I strode into the church only to come up short. Ranulf was waiting in the chapel with crossed arms and a scowl. Memories slammed through my head. I didn’t want to remember; I couldn’t handle it. Right now, I needed him to touch me. To make the memories go away. Need clawed at me as I met his gaze.
His eyes softened a fraction before he strode towards me. “I swear, if you take off like that again, I’ll bend you over my knee.”
My heart raced as my panties soaked. I breathed, “Please… now…”
His eyes narrowed on me, then began to burn. He turned and pulled me with him to the side of the church. Ranulf jerked open the confessional booth, the hinges protesting before he pushed me inside. It was small; my knees hit the chair as he closed the door behind us.
His fingers buried in my hair and pulled until I was looking up at the ceiling, my breathing getting faster. The wolf inside me might as well have purred with the feel of him. “Take off your pants,” he growled into my ear. Hot shivers ran down my spine.
I didn’t even think. My hands went to my jeans, undid them, and shoved them down my hips.
He used my hair to push me forward until I was kneeling on the chair with my hands on the back of it. My breathing grew faster; sweat rolled down my skin as his fingers stroked over my ass. Sparks ran over my skin to my breasts, my nipples pressed against the fabric of my bra. “Ran…”
His fingers dipped between my legs, stroking through my folds. I whimpered as he found me wet and aching. His fingers slipped out from between my thighs to run over one cheek. His hand disappeared, then came down hard with a smack. Stinging pain covered one fleshy cheek along with electricity shooting down my nerves. My knees pressed together as my core throbbed. More…I needed to feel more. I moaned as his hand left me, then came down hard. I bit back a cry as he hit my other cheek, harder, from a different angle. The heat built higher and higher as his hand came down over and over. Whimpers came from my throat as every inch of me burned. I pushed back, craving more. More touch, more pain. It drove everything else away with every hard, open-fingered slap to my ass. Liquid ran down the inside of my thigh as I began to tremble. My ass was on fire, my core clenching when he stopped. His fingers gently ran over the bright-red flesh.
Gasping, I pressed back against him even more. “Don’t stop…”
His fingers dipped between my legs again. A shaking moan slipped out. His fist in my hair pulled me back onto my knees and leaning back against him before disappearing from my hair, only to cover my mouth. The other wrapped around my hip to slip inside me. Oh fuck! Two fingers. That’s all it took to make me want to scream. My breath came faster and faster through my nose as his hand worked me. Higher and higher, blood pounding in my ears. My heart raced in my chest as I clung to him.
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