by Layla Hagen
I knew that while he was sorry he’d hurt me, he still thought he had a point. At least he hadn’t repeated that insane point out loud. I was getting mad just remembering our fight and shook my head. I couldn’t get angry again, or I’d start a fight with myself.
Since music wasn’t helping, I decided on a new tactic and called my assistant while I made a sweep through the house.
“Anne, walk me through the to-do list for the next three days.”
“Are you multitasking again?”
“You know me.”
She rattled off a mile-long list of tasks, concluding with, “And the contract was just delivered. It would be great if you could sign it before going out of town.”
“Sure, I’ll stop by. I don’t know why we can’t all embrace the era of electronic signatures,” I mumbled. “Would save time, space, and trees.”
I made no progress packing while I was on the phone, so I ended the call. Honestly, I’d just hoped talking to her would interrupt the incessant stream of negative thoughts.
It quickly became apparent that I’d brought far more than a few essentials to Carter’s place.
God, my stuff was everywhere. I had clothes on almost every surface in the bedroom, and even on an armchair in the living room. My makeup and skincare products occupied two shelves out of three behind the mirror in the bathroom. My scrubs and hair masks were spread out in the shower. His shower gel and shampoo were squished in one corner. I even found some of my clothes in Peyton’s room.
When had I taken over his apartment?
Had I made myself too comfortable? Been too intrusive?
Oh, God, I had, hadn’t I? Taking over the girls’ schedule, even getting involved in choosing a nanny. He’d repeatedly told me that I didn’t have to take on so many tasks.... I’d thought I was doing a good thing, that I’d made myself useful. If anyone looked up intrusive in the dictionary, my picture would be right next to it. I’d been that way as a kid, and after my parents passed away, that trait had intensified. Partly because I’d needed to take charge of everyone’s lives, and partly because it was simply my nature.
It was the only way I knew how to love. I went all in, involving myself in every aspect of their life.
I broke out in a cold sweat as for the first time since our fight, I thought about another angle. The voucher burned in my pocket. I tried to calm myself down. It had been a thoughtful gift. I forbade myself to dissect it and turn it into something it wasn’t. But he’d also told me to use the time to think if I was really okay with this, if it’s what I wanted. What if he’d asked me to reconsider if I was happy because he was reconsidering things as well?
Was this a gentle way of indicating he was rethinking our relationship? My heart almost stopped at that. It couldn’t be. Carter didn’t do gentle. He was determined and passionate. When he had something to say, he didn’t mince words. But maybe he made exceptions....
I didn’t doubt that Carter loved me, but maybe he hadn’t counted on my intrusive nature. Maybe once that side of me became too obvious, he realized it overshadowed the happiness I brought him. Had I been too suffocating?
I sank onto Peyton’s bed, hugging her teddy bear. It smelled of cherries, just like Peyton, and brought a small smile to my lips. My heart was heavy, though, and my mind full of questions and insecurities.
All I could see were my piles of stuff spread out everywhere. They weighed even me down. When I stood up from the bed, I swayed a little, suddenly feeling lightheaded.
I didn’t even know where to start packing. I started in our bedroom, before remembering some of the things I’d thrown around in the living room. And all those shoes in the foyer... I’d forgotten about them. I made a mental inventory of what I’d have to pack for the trip.
As I looked around the bedroom again, my heart was beating so fast, I feared it was going to jump out of my chest.
Then I decided I was going to gather all my things, just in case Carter needed his territory back and hadn’t wanted to hurt my feelings by saying it.
My limbs felt heavy as I dragged myself around the house, picking up clothes and random possessions. My eyes were burning, and my entire chest felt as if I was being squeezed by a tight corset.
I stopped by the office to sign the papers, and before leaving I descended to the lab. My head chemist was still there.
“Nicole, if you need any input, you can always call me.”
Nicole shook her head. “I’ll survive three days on my own. But, before you go, I do have some goodies for you.”
She showed me two small vials, then sprayed a puff from each on a paper tester.
“Newly concocted today.”
I held them to my nose, and immediately wanted to hug her.
“You so deserve a raise. These are fantastic.”
“See? I can handle things around here without you. Now go, have fun.”
Nicole handed me the vials, and I pocketed them before leaving. Sampling was one of my favorite things to do in the world, but even that wasn’t enough to keep my worry from spiraling into panic as I headed home. I needed to drop off there the stuff I’d packed that I wasn’t taking on the trip.
I took a cab to LAX, wishing my sisters could join me tonight, even though I wasn’t brave enough yet to share my fears with them.
I was ashamed that I was allowing my insecurities to overpower me.
I ran a successful business, and I’d overcome many adversities in my life. My self-esteem was at a healthy level most of the time. Right now, though? My mind was a dangerous place. I knew that, but I couldn’t help that it worked a certain way.
I worried myself sick, wondering if my meddling nature had pushed away the man I loved; if I had suffocated his feelings for me.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Carter
I landed at LAX at 3:00 a.m. The girls were with my parents until the end of the week, which meant Val and I would have four full days for ourselves once she was back. I’d missed her so much. I’d wanted to share everything with her: a joke Peyton made, a cake I thought she would like.
I’d barely restrained myself from texting her continuously so she could relax properly. She’d sent me a few pictures of the vineyard and the hotel, and I was glad she was enjoying herself. She deserved it.
And once she got back, I’d have her all to myself.
At my apartment, I went directly to the bedroom, planning to sleep right away. But I stopped in the doorway, taking in the room. Something was off. I glanced around. The apartment was far too orderly. Val liked to leave her things all around, which didn’t bother me. The girls did the same. It made the place look lived in. Had she tidied up before leaving? Or had the cleaning company been in here in the meantime?
But they never moved the clothes, unless they were on the floor, and then they placed everything on the bed. No, this must have been Val’s doing.
I looked inside the dresser. None of her clothes were there. Had she needed all her things on the trip? Unlikely. Val had brought enough clothes here for three people. My pulse sped up when I checked the bathroom. She’d had what had seemed like a million bottles of all shapes and sizes spread everywhere, and now they were all gone. I popped open the top button of my shirt, suddenly feeling as if I couldn’t breathe right.
Why had she taken everything? She couldn’t possibly need them all on her trip.
An impossible thought wiggled its way into my mind as fear clawed at my gut. Had she left me?
I gripped the bathroom sink with both hands until my knuckles went white.
That couldn’t be right. We’d spoken every day. Our conversations had been short, and Val had talked longer to the girls than to me, but I hadn’t thought much of it. Should I have?
Since our fight, Val had been a little colder, but honestly, I’d deserved it. I’d planned to pamper her like a princess once she got back from the vineyard and we could be alone, to show her just how important she was to me.
She hadn’t changed her mi
nd, had she? I moved to the living room and poured myself a glass of bourbon. I had told her to take the time and think if she was happy with the fact that I was a package deal, if that was what she wanted.
Had she discovered she wasn’t happy after all? Had she decided she didn’t want the girls and me?
It seemed impossible. I remembered her fury the night I’d suggested it, the indignation in her voice when she told me she loved the girls. But maybe once she’d stepped away from the grind of the daily life and had some time to reflect, things became clearer.
I was still standing at the small bar, with my back to the living room, not wanting to see how empty the apartment was. I didn’t want to register what it could possibly mean, because I couldn’t handle it.
If Val wanted to end things, there were better ways to do it than just packing up her things and leaving. What was I supposed to tell the girls? Or was she going to do us the courtesy of sitting down with us and explaining everything? I didn’t know which was worse. Hearing from her mouth that she wanted to bow out, or living with the uncertainty.
The girls loved Val. They counted on her. God damn it, I loved Val.
After giving up on love, I’d found her. And she’d become such an integral part of my life, of me, that I wasn’t even sure who I was without her anymore.
“Carter Sloane strikes again,” Zachary exclaimed the next morning. I wasn’t in the mood to have any sort of conversation with him. I’d been up all night, unable to set my fears straight.
We were on a conference call because I’d announced I was working from home.
“I should have trusted your gut. The Connor case was very good for us.”
Zachary was reading the newest press coverage about the firm. I didn’t bother faking interest. I wanted to get off this call as soon as possible. My head wasn’t in the game today.
“By the way, we received a request for representation from... guess who?” With pride in his voice, he named a Fortune 500 company.
Right now, I didn’t give a damn about that either, which was saying something, since I’d wanted an account like that since we opened the firm.
“That’s good to hear,” I said finally.
“What’s wrong with you?”
“It’s just not a great day.”
I felt a hollow ache in my entire body, as if I was coming down with the flu. Hearing Val’s name had only intensified it. After finishing the conference call, I made to open my laptop, then closed it again. I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to work, damn it.
I kept staring at the empty apartment, driving myself crazy trying to find an explanation. I was overwhelmed by a bone-deep desperation I couldn’t shake off. Not knowing was excruciating. Eventually, I broke down and texted Val.
Carter: Got home last night and saw that all your stuff was gone. Laundry day?
I gripped the phone tightly when the words “Val is typing” appeared on the screen.
Val: Not exactly.
A white-hot pain gripped me, as if someone had stuck a burning needle in my chest, pushing it all the way to my back.
Carter: What do you mean?
Val: My things were everywhere... I’d practically moved into your apartment, and we’d never discussed that. And I’ve been poking my nose in the girls’ business a lot... I thought that maybe you didn’t like that I was so intrusive.
I stared at the words. She had thought what?
“Intrusive,” my ass.
I clenched and unclenched my hand before running my fingers through my hair. So I’d been correct in my assumption that she hadn’t just taken all her clothes for no reason. Was this just an excuse to blow me off instead of telling it to me straight?
Closing my eyes, I leaned my head back, breathing in deeply. Was there a possibility that I’d lost her already?
No, it just couldn’t be....
I forced myself to remain as logical as possible even as my entire body was constricting with panic. I’d known Val for months, and I could say with certainty that she wasn’t one to play games. If she had wanted to end things, she wouldn’t have just up and left.
Unless she thought it would be easier not to do it face-to-face.
Jesus, why was I jumping to the worst conclusions? Maybe because I’d gone through my fair share of disappointments. But so had Val, hadn’t she? I reviewed the message. Her text read as if she’d given this a lot of thought. I knew my Val well enough to piece things together, understand what was going on through her mind.
Carter: We’ll have a serious talk when you come back. I’m picking you up from LAX.
Val: You don’t have to.
Carter: It wasn’t a question.
I’d offered to do that before, but she’d insisted there was no need for me to endure the traffic. I didn’t want to be apart from her a minute longer than I had to.
I counted down the hours until her landing and arrived at the airport early.
When Val finally walked out, I let out a long exhale. She was alone, because her sisters were returning with a later flight.
Fuck, she was beautiful in that bright yellow dress. I couldn’t wait to get her home. I wanted to taste her mouth and her skin. I wanted to sink inside her until she called out my name and understood that she was mine. I’d show her exactly how perfect we were for each other.
***
Val
Without a word, Carter grabbed my luggage and my hand, intertwining our fingers.
“Hello to you too,” I said. “Where are we going?”
“To the car, and then my apartment. We need to talk.”
My heart had been in my throat ever since our text exchange. He hadn’t even made one move to kiss me, but he’d taken my hand. That had to be a good sign, right?
I took in the sight of him, all tall and handsome, walking with determined strides. God, how I loved this man.
The drive was a nerve-wracking and awkward affair. He’d said he wanted to talk, but he wasn’t saying anything. He was so close, and yet he seemed far. To mask my growing restlessness, I started talking about my trip. By the time we entered the apartment, I was on pins and needles.
When he closed the door to the apartment, I blurted, “Carter, are you angry with me?”
He placed the luggage next to the door before turning to me. His jaw was tight. “What do you think?”
I swallowed, leaning back against the wall, looking down at my hands. When I heard him approach, I blinked up. He braced both palms on the wall, next to my shoulders. He was so close now that our lips were almost touching.
“I thought you were leaving me, Val. Do you know how that felt?”
My eyes widened. “Oh, God, Carter. I hadn’t thought about that. I’m sorry. That was never my intention. I’d just thought....”
“What?”
In a small voice, I admitted, “I was afraid that maybe you’d asked me to reconsider things because you were reconsidering them too. I know I can be overbearing and poke my nose in everything, and... I mean, I practically moved in. We’d never even talked about it, but my shit was everywhere.”
He unhitched his hands from the wall, cupping my face instead. He captured my mouth with his, and the contact electrified me. He was passionate and demanding, his tongue stroking mine until my hands were fumbling at the hem of his T-shirt, desperate to feel skin. Before I knew it, Carter had lifted me off the ground, throwing me over his shoulder.
“Carter, are you crazy?” I half laughed, half shrieked.
“You are driving me crazy.”
He walked to the bedroom, lowering me directly on the bed, then climbing over me, pinning me to the mattress. His knees were at the sides of my thighs, his forearms caging in my torso.
“Trust me to love every part of you, Val, because I swear that I will. Forever.”
I melted into him, wrapping my arms around his neck, holding him close. “I promise to trust you, but I want the same promise from you in return.”
“I promise.”
>
“You thought I left?”
He closed his eyes. “It was a weak moment. Won’t happen again.”
He kissed me again, just as urgently as before, then moved his mouth to my throat, descending to my chest. He’d somehow managed to gather my dress around my waist, and then he pulled it over my head. His gaze roamed over me once, and then he rained kisses on my collarbone, stopping at the ribbon holding together my bra cups and popping it open. He tormented one nipple with his tongue, the other with his fingers. I bucked my hips, but Carter pushed them into the mattress with one hand, taking control.
“As to the other part, you’re right. We’ve never discussed you living here. Let’s rectify that immediately.”
“Right now?” I cried.
“I have the upper hand right now, so hell, yes.”
“No, you don’t,” I challenged, even though my entire body felt ablaze.
He looked at me with a devilish smile, moving to kiss between my breasts. I kept my composure and quirked a brow to prove my point. In response, Carter nudged my thighs apart, settling between them.
“Back to our discussion. Let’s make moving in together official. I don’t care if we live here, at your house, or if we buy something new.”
“I don’t care either. I just want us to be together.”
“I would walk into City Hall with you right now and marry you.”
“You would?”
“Yes.”
Oh, be still my beating heart.
“I’d love to,” I whispered. “But I think Lori might kill us both. She’s been mentally planning my and Hailey’s weddings for years.”
He laughed against my skin, then moved his mouth lower along my body until his jaw was pressing against my pubic bone, and then lower still, peeling off my panties. We were a tangle of limbs as we removed his clothes together. I went on a mission to map his body. I managed a trail of kisses to his navel before Carter pushed me on my back, aligning our bodies.