“Might I speak to you for a moment, Miss Edgington?”
She caught herself at once, looking up into Lord Carrington’s face and seeing a small smile catching on one corner of his lips. Did he find it amusing seeing her shock and astonishment over his sudden change of character? Or was he merely pleased that she was finally seeing the results of her long, difficult struggle to help him see what had been missing from his life these last few months?
“I should be glad to, Your Grace,” she murmured, throwing a quick glance towards the children. Mary was busy watching them with interest, whilst John was busy lining up his toy soldiers. “The children will be quite all right for a few minutes.”
The Duke nodded and opened the door for her, allowing her to walk through. As she did so, Jenny felt her heart beat with a sudden flurry, her hands holding tight to one another as she battled against her flurry of nerves that had happened upon her so suddenly. This was merely another conversation with the Duke, which she had done many times before.
“Miss Edgington.” The Duke closed the door tightly as he said her name, which was then accompanied by a long clearing of his throat. His eyes dropped to the floor, his hands swinging behind his back and holding there fast. Jenny did not dare say a word, discovering that she was holding her breath as the Duke prepared himself, wondering what it was that he wished to tell her. Surely he would not send her from the house now? Her employment would not suddenly be brought to a swift end, would it?
“Miss Edgington,” the Duke said again, inclining his head towards her as though he wished to apologize for his delay in speaking. “I have had something of a revelation since our last conversation.” His eyes flicked to hers but darted away again, as though he could not hold her gaze steadily. “I would not have you concerned with your manner of speaking nor with your sharp words. They have, I think, brought a healing to my heart and soul that I did not once expect.”
Relief poured into her veins and she felt herself almost melt before him. “I am truly glad to hear you say such a thing, Your Grace,” she replied, quietly, remembering what Mrs. Blaine had told her about the stone marker and the news from the footman that the Duke had appeared upset. “Might I ask what it is that has helped such a transformation?” She made every attempt to keep her voice light but the tremble within it could not be hidden. What was it that she wanted him to say? What was it that she wanted him to reveal to her?
The Duke sighed heavily and ran one hand across his forehead. “I cannot say precisely, Miss Edgington, but the realization that I have been hiding from my children for fear of remembering more about their mother has always chased at my heels, ever since you first brought it to my attention.” A wry smile was shot in her direction before the Duke looked away again. “I have made my peace with her death, I believe and, in doing so, feel able to now return to my life and to see the many good things that are contained within it.”
“I am so very glad.”
Her voice was hoarse, her tears pressed away from her eyes with nothing more than sheer effort. She wanted to reach out and take his hand, wanted to press his fingers tightly so as to convey her joy, but instead, she forced herself to do nothing more than stand stock still and look up into his face. There was a new freedom in his expression, a new lightness in his eyes and Jenny found herself smiling at him with a new-found happiness that seemed to go out from within her and out towards him.
“I cannot tell you, Miss Edgington, just how grateful I am for what you have done,” the Duke continued, his voice low as he looked at her. “You must have found it exceedingly difficult at times to remain in this house when either myself or my children were behaving in a most inappropriate fashion.” To her surprise, the Duke reached out his hand and held it in front of her. Jenny found herself giving him her hand without hesitation. The sensation of her hand in his sent a flurry all through her heart and, much to her shock, she felt a heat rising in her cheeks that she could not prevent.
“You are remarkable, Miss Edgington.” The Duke bowed over her hand, his mouth just a breath away from her skin. “I cannot ever express my thankfulness for what you have done, although, of course, I shall do my utmost to try.” Raising his head, he looked at her again for a long moment, silence passing between them. Jenny drew in a long, steadying breath, telling herself that there was no need to feel such delight at the way he held her hand nor the words coming from his lips. She simply needed to accept his gratitude with quietness, not allow herself to react excessively.
“You are very kind, Your Grace,” she replied, softly, almost relieved when he let go of her hand. “I have just been doing the duties assigned to me.”
“No,” he said, fervently, shaking his head. “No, Miss Edgington. You have done far more than what has been required of you, and this family would not be so restored were it not for you. You need never fear leaving this house or being sent away from the children. You shall be governess to John and to Mary for as long as they require you, and then, thereafter, Mary’s companion if you wish it. I will have you as part of this family for many years to come, Miss Edgington, as recognition of the gift you have been to us all.”
Jenny could barely speak, her throat constricting as she took in all that the Duke had said.
“You will join me for dinner this evening, will you not?” the Duke finished, softly, holding her gaze with his own. “I have grown tired of dining alone.”
Jenny nodded at once. “If you wish it, Your Grace, then I should be glad to dine with you this evening,” she said, inclining her head. “I thank you.”
“I look forward to speaking with you again,” he said, something in his gaze that she could not make out. “Until this evening, then.”
“Until this evening.”
Chapter Fourteen
It had now been a week since Miss Edgington had first spoken to him with such harshness. A week since he had gone to his wife’s grave marker and felt his heart break to pieces within him. And, a week since he had looked at his life with eyes afresh and felt something like happiness begin to flood his soul.
Stephen allowed himself a small smile as he lifted his wine glass to his lips. He quietly thought to himself that Miss Edgington looked rather lovely this evening, even if she was wearing the usual drab color of gown and had her hair pulled back sharply from her face. He could not imagine what she might look like if she were allowed to wear whatever color she chose with a gown of the highest fashion. Would her hair tumble down her back in long, thick curls? Or was it straight and long, easily brushed and tied back?
Why do you wish to know?
The thought made him jump, his fork clattering on his plate as he did so.
Miss Edgington looked up.
“Are you quite all right, Your Grace?”
Clearing this throat, Stephen glanced at her and smiled somewhat self-consciously. “Yes, I am,” he replied, with a quick nod in her direction. “I am simply a little clumsy this evening.”
A small laugh came from one end of the table, where Mary sat. Grateful for his daughter’s interruption, Stephen allowed himself to share a grin with her. Seeing the way her eyes lit up with mirth, he found himself thinking the child was one of the most beautiful creatures he had ever seen.
“I still have not found a toy soldier with a cannon, father.”
He turned to look at John, who was looking back at him with a slight sadness in his eyes.
“I have a large collection of tin soldiers and I have looked through them all, but none have the cannon,” the boy continued, sighing. “I think I have seen one before, however, if you would be able to come with me one day, father?”
Stephen nodded at once, fully aware that he would have to keep his word to his son so as to prove to the boy that he was not about to let him down. He was still building up trust between himself and John, and whilst Stephen knew it would take time, he was glad that their relationship was improving steadily. “I would be glad to,” he replied, catching the swift smile that crossed John
’s face. “We can make arrangements tomorrow. How good it will be to find one similar to the very same I had when I was a boy!”
Miss Edgington smiled back at him and Stephen felt his heart lift suddenly. He held her gaze for a moment longer, feeling his own heart begin to clamor within him as he did so. It was the most extraordinary thing. In the week since he had set aside the past and chosen to look to the present, he had found his heart increasingly considerate of Miss Edgington. She was in his every thought, it seemed, for he often became distracted during his hours of work and would find himself reading the same piece of correspondence over and over again until he was able to push all thoughts of Miss Edgington from his mind.
“It is nearing time for you both to retire,” he heard Miss Edgington say to the children. He looked down at his plate for a moment so that he might regain his composure and not betray his flurrying emotions to any of them. “Do bid your father good evening.”
Mary was by him first, coming close to whisper a ‘good evening’ in his ear before flinging her arms about his neck with the happiness of a child who was content and happy. Stephen held her tightly for a few moments, brushing a kiss to her temple before letting her go.
“I bid you good night, sweet Mary,” he said, seeing her giggle. “And tomorrow, we shall go for a walk in the gardens and you shall tell me which of the flowers are your favorite.”
Mary’s eyes lit up with excitement. “Then I shall go to sleep straight away so that tomorrow might come with all the more swiftness,” she said, stepping away from him and making her way to the door. “Do come on, John!”
John was by Stephen’s elbow and, even though he knew that there was still something of a reservation there with his son, Stephen reached out and held his son tightly for a moment or two. His son was a little abashed and perhaps soon would be too old for such gestures of affection, but for the moment, John seemed content.
“Good evening, father,” John murmured, looking towards Miss Edgington. “And good evening Miss Edgington.”
“Good evening, John,” Miss Edgington replied, with a slight smile on her face. “I shall look in on you both before I retire.”
“Good evening, John,” Stephen said, as John turned away. “And we shall arrange our trip to town very soon. I promise.”
John smiled over his shoulder, nodded and then quit the room. Stephen waited until the door was closed before turning back to Miss Edgington, seeing her eyes still lingering on the closed door and a small smile playing about her mouth.
“Might I trouble you for your thoughts, Miss Edgington?” Stephen found himself asking, suddenly intrigued by what it was she was thinking at that very moment. “You look to be lost in memories.”
She laughed then, the sound making him grin in response. Her eyes were twinkling as she looked back at him, a few tendrils of hair bouncing lightly about her temples as she smiled. “I was just considering how changed John is,” she replied, with a quiet lift of one shoulder. Her smile faded to a look of calm reflection, her gaze tugging away from his. “You may find it rather difficult to believe, Your Grace, since you were not at home to witness it, but your son was……”
“A tyrant?” Stephen suggested, making Miss Edgington’s eyes jump back to his, her lips curving into a broad smile. “I have heard from Thomas and from Mrs. Blaine that they were exceptionally difficult.”
A long sigh escaped from Miss Edgington and she shook her head, although a faint note of amusement crept into her voice. “I fear you have stumbled upon the truth,” she admitted, with a sparkle in her eyes that did not, Stephen thought to himself, reveal the truth of how difficult she must have found it. “Neither of them wished me to be here. Mary would lie on the floor and scream, refusing to do a single thing that was asked of her. At times, she would not even allow the maid to dress her!” She shot a rueful glance towards Stephen, who felt himself suddenly ashamed of his own children’s behavior. “John made his displeasure at my presence here more than apparent.” Again, she shook her head, as though lost in memories. Silence enveloped them for a few moments as she considered all that had gone before. “How glad I am to see them so changed now,” she finished, softly, her eyes filled with love for her charges. “It has been a delight to witness.”
“I am truly sorry for what they did to upset you,” Stephen replied, fervently, feeling responsible for the actions of both John and Mary even though he had not been present. “I did not consider what effect it would have upon them for me to remove them from their home and return them to England.”
Miss Edgington looked surprised. “You need not apologize, Your Grace,” she said, plainly, holding up one hand to him. “Please. The children are a joy to me, truly. Nor would I have left this place when things were difficult for them both, for I knew all too well that their grief and pain was too troubling for them to endure.” Again, her gaze softened. “They are markedly changed now and for that, I am truly glad.”
Stephen looked into Miss Edgington’s face and felt his heart swell with a fondness that took his breath away. He had not expected to feel anything such as this towards anyone again, given that he knew he would always love his late wife. Surely, it could not be that he was drawn toward Miss Edgington in much the same manner as he had once been drawn to Martha?
His thoughts began to become tangled, his heart quickening as he tried to consider what he felt. Aware of the guilt that was beginning to crowd into his heart, Stephen drew in a long, slow breath, grateful that the staff was busy removing crockery and the like from the table since the meal was now at an end. To be fond of another seemed almost wrong, for was it not a betrayal of his late wife? He had loved Martha with a deep, abiding love that still held his heart, so there surely could not be room for affection for another?
And yet, as he looked at Miss Edgington, seeing her smile up at one of the footmen who took her plate and glass, Stephen felt another wave of affection crash over him. It was both unsettling and astonishing in equal measures, for to consider Miss Edgington in such a manner meant that he would have to, one day, think on what their future might be like together. Would he marry again? Would Miss Edgington have him as her husband? Yes, he was a Duke and she a simple governess, but her status did not matter to him. It was her character that held his heart, for his admiration for her knew no bounds. Besides which, he was certain that his children loved her dearly, and that was of the utmost importance to him.
“Your Grace?”
Miss Edgington’s eyes were filled with concern as she caught his attention. Realizing that he had been staring at her, Stephen flushed and dropped his gaze.
“Do forgive me, Miss Edgington,” he said, aware of heat climbing into his face and neck. “I was simply lost in thought for a few moments.”
“Are you quite all right?” she asked softly, still looking at him with a little concern. “You are not unwell or lost in….” She trailed off, her gaze dropping to her hands which lay in her lap.
Stephen smiled softly, aware of what she feared and finding that he wanted to reassure her, to remove her doubts entirely. “I shall never return to that darkness, Miss Edgington,” he said, quietly. “I shall never be as lost as I once was. I have truly set that behind me, and from the day that I did so, I vowed to look to the present and to those who surround me still.” Which includes you, he thought to himself, aware that his desire to be in her company was growing steadily.
“I am glad to hear you confirm such things,” Miss Edgington replied, excusing herself and rising from the table. “I must now go to look in on the children. Good evening, Your Grace, and thank you for a wonderful dinner.”
He rose too, feeling a trifle unsteady. “Which I hope you will join me for again tomorrow evening, Miss Edgington?”
A faint blush rose in her cheeks and she nodded, her lips curving gently as she looked away. “I would be glad to, Your Grace.”
“And perhaps a ride?”
Where such a suggestion had come from, Stephen did not know, but the
urge to find ways to spend more time in her company had grown so steadily within him that he could not contain himself. Miss Edgington looked up into his face with evident surprise, although her eyes were bright.
“I know that you enjoy riding, Miss Edgington,” Stephen said, by way of explanation. “Perhaps you might care for a ride tomorrow afternoon when the children are partaking of luncheon? I should be glad to show you any parts of the estate you have not yet explored.”
“It is vast,” she agreed, her cheeks now a dusty pink which, Stephen thought, added a gentle beauty to her features. “I thank you for your kind suggestion, your Grace. Yes, I would be glad to join you. I thank you.”
“Of course.” He bowed, feeling his heart soar with delight. “Until tomorrow then, Miss Edgington. I look forward to continuing our conversations.”
“As am I,” she replied, with a warmth that brought a happiness to his heart. “Good evening, Your Grace.”
“Good evening.”
Stephen sat back down heavily in his chair after Miss Edgington quit the room, surprised at how empty he felt now that she had left the room. A small smile lit his features as he thought of tomorrow, glad that he would have some of the afternoon with Miss Edgington as well as sharing dinner. Perhaps, he considered, toying with his linen napkin, he might ensure that one of the maids was asked to stay with the children for most of the afternoon so that Miss Edgington would have no need to return to the estate with any swiftness. Stephen smiled to himself, aware that the longer he could be in her company, the happier he would be. His heart was beginning to fill with her, and even though it both confused and even troubled him, Stephen was determined not to allow it to pull him down to the depths of confusion. He would allow his heart to draw towards Miss Edgington and would quietly consider what was to be done about his growing feelings, if they came to anything. It seemed his heart was able to hold a love for his late wife and a growing affection towards Miss Edgington. And even though guilt and a twinge of uncertainty came with it, Stephen refused to let it trouble him. He would simply accept what it was he felt and allow things to progress in their own way. This house, his children and even his own heart could not be without Miss Edgington, it seemed. She was to be a part of their life for many years to come and, if he were honest, Stephen knew that he did not even want a day to go by without being in her company.
A New Home for the Duke: A Regency Romance: The Returned Lords of Grosvenor Square (Book 4) Page 12