CHAPTER XIV
Late on Monday afternoon Lady Niton paid a call in Eaton Square. She andLady Lucy were very old friends, and rarely passed a week when they wereboth in town without seeing each other.
Mr. Ferrier lunched with her on Monday, and casually remarked that LadyLucy was not as well as usual. Lady Niton replied that she would lookher up that afternoon; and she added: "And what about thatprocrastinating fellow Oliver? Is he engaged yet?"
"Not to my knowledge," said Mr. Ferrier, after a pause.
"Then he ought to be! What on earth is he shilly-shallying for? In mydays young men had proper blood in their veins."
Ferrier did not pursue the subject, and Lady Niton at once jumped to theconclusion that something had happened. By five o'clock she was inEaton Square.
Only Alicia Drake was in the drawing-room when she was announced.
"I hear Lucy's seedy," said the old lady, abruptly, after vouchsafing acouple of fingers to Miss Drake. "I suppose she's been starving herself,as usual?"
Oliver's mother enjoyed an appetite as fastidious as her judgments onmen and morals, and Lady Niton had a running quarrel with her onthe subject.
Alicia replied that it had been, indeed, unusually difficult of late topersuade Lady Lucy to eat.
"The less you eat the less you may eat," said Lady Niton, with vigor."The stomach contracts unless you give it something to do. That's what'sthe matter with Lucy, my dear--though, of course, I never dare name theorgan. But I suppose she's been worrying herself about something?"
"I am afraid she has."
"Is Oliver engaged?" asked Lady Niton, suddenly, observing the younglady.
Alicia replied demurely that that question had perhaps better beaddressed to Lady Lucy.
"What's the matter? Can't the young people make up their minds? Do theywant Lucy to make them up for them?"
Alicia looked at her companion a little under her brows, and did notreply. Lady Niton was so piqued by the girl's expression that sheimmediately threw herself on the mystery she divined--tearing andscratching at it, like a dog in a rabbit-hole. And very soon she haddragged it to the light. Miss Drake merely remarked that it was verysad, but it appeared that Miss Mallory was not really a Mallory at all,but the daughter of a certain Mrs. Sparling--Juliet Sparling, who--"
"Juliet Sparling!" cried Lady Niton, her queer small eyes starting intheir sockets. "My dear, you must be mad!"
Alicia smiled, though gravely. She was afraid Lady Niton would find thatwhat she said was true.
A cross-examination followed, after which Lady Niton sat speechless fora while. She took a fan out of her large reticule and fanned herself, aproceeding by which she often protested against the temperature at whichLady Lucy kept her drawing-room. She then asked for a window to beopened, and when she had been sufficiently oxygenated shedelivered herself:
"Well, and why not? We really didn't have the picking and choosing ofour mothers or fathers, though Lucy always behaves as though we had--tothe fourth generation. Besides, I always took the side of that poorcreature, and Lucy believed the worst--as usual. Well, and so she'sgoing to make Oliver back out of it?"
At this point the door opened, and Lady Lucy glided in, clad in a frailmajesty which would have overawed any one but Elizabeth Niton. Aliciadiscreetly disappeared, and Lady Niton, after an inquiry as to herfriend's health--delivered, as it were, at the point of the bayonet, andfollowed by a flying remark on the absurdity of treating your body as ifit were only given you to be harried--plunged headlong into the greattopic. What an amazing business! Now at last one would see what Oliverwas made of!
Lady Lucy summoned all her dignity, expounded her view, and entirelydeclined to be laughed or rated out of it. For Elizabeth Niton, her wigmuch awry, her old eyes and cheeks blazing, took up the cause of Dianawith alternate sarcasm and eloquence. As for the socialdisrepute--stuff! All that was wanting to such a beautiful creature asDiana Mallory was a story and a scandal. Positively she would be therage, and Oliver's fortune was made.
Lady Lucy sat in pale endurance, throwing in an occasional protest, notbudging by one inch--and no doubt reminding herself from time to time,in the intervals of her old friend's attacks, of the letter she had justdespatched to Beechcote--until, at last, Lady Niton, having workedherself up into a fine frenzy to no purpose at all, thought it was timeto depart.
"Well, my dear," she said, leaning on her stick, the queerest rag-bag ofa figure--crooked wig, rusty black dress, and an unspeakablebonnet--"you are a saint, of course, and I am a quarrelsome old sinner;I like society, and you, I believe, regard it as a grove of barrenfig-trees. I don't care a rap for my neighbor if he doesn't amuse me,and you live in a puddle of good works. But, upon my word, I wouldn't beyou when it comes to the sheep and the goats business! Here is a younggirl, sweet and good and beautifully brought up--money and manners andeverything handsome about her--she is in love with Oliver, and he withher--and just because you happen to find out that she is the daughter ofa poor creature who made a tragic mess of her life, and suffered for itinfinitely more than you and I are ever likely to suffer for ourintolerably respectable peccadilloes--you will break her heart andhis--if he's the good-luck to have one!--and there you sit, looking likea suffering angel, and expecting all your old friends, I suppose, topity and admire you. Well, I won't, Lucy!--I won't! That's flat. There'smy hand. Good-bye!"
Lady Lucy took it patiently, though from no other person in the worldsave Elizabeth Niton would she have so taken it.
"I thought, Elizabeth, you would have tried to understand me."
Elizabeth Niton shook her head.
"There's only your Maker could do that, Lucy. And He must be prettypuzzled to account for you sometimes. Good-bye. I thought Alicia lookeduncommonly cheerful!"
This last remark was delivered as a parting shot as Lady Niton hobbledto the door. She could not, however, resist pausing to see its effect.Lady Lucy turned indignantly.
"I don't know what you mean by that remark. Alicia has behaved withgreat kindness and tact!"
"I dare say! We're all darlings when we get our way. What does Ferriersay?"
Lady Lucy hesitated.
"If my old friends cannot see it as I do--if they blame me--I am verysorry. But it is my responsibility."
"A precious good thing, my dear, for everybody else! But as far as I canmake out, they _are_ engaged?"
"Nothing is settled," said Lady Lucy, hastily; "and I need not say,Elizabeth, that if you have any affection for us--or any considerationfor Miss Mallory--you will not breathe a word of this most sad businessto anybody."
"Well, for Oliver's sake, if he doesn't intend to behave like a man, Ido certainly hope it may be kept dark!" cried Lady Niton. "For if hedoes desert her, under such circumstances, I suppose you know that agreat many people will be inclined to cut him? I shall hold my tongue.But, of course, it will come out."
With which final shaft she departed, leaving Lady Lucy a little uneasy.She mentioned Elizabeth Niton's "foolish remark" to Mrs. Fotheringham inthe course of the evening. Isabel Fotheringham laughed it to scorn.
"You may be quite sure there will be plenty of ill-natured talk eitherway, whether Oliver gives her up or doesn't. The real thing to bear inmind is that if Oliver yields to your wishes, mamma--as you certainlydeserve that he should, after all you have done for him--he will bedelivered from an ignorant and reactionary wife who might have spoiledhis career. I like to call a spade a spade. Oliver belongs to his_party_, and his party have a right to count upon him. He has no rightto jeopardize either his opinions or his money; _we_ have a claimon both."
Lady Lucy gave an unconscious sigh. She was glad of any arguments, fromanybody, that offered her support. But it did occur to her that if DianaMallory had not shown a weakness for the soldiers of her country, and ifher heart had been right on Women's Suffrage, Isabel would have judgedher case differently; so that her approval was not worth all it mighthave been.
* * * * *
On the Tuesday morning Marsham went down to the House, for a Committee,in a curious mood--half love, half martyrdom. The thought of Diana wasvery sweet; it warmed and thrilled his heart. But somehow, with everyhour, he realized more fully what a magnificent thing he was doing, andhow serious was his position.
In a few hurried words with Ferrier, before the meeting of the House,Marsham gave the result of his visit to Beechcote. Diana had been, ofcourse, very much shaken, but was bearing the thing bravely. They wereengaged, but nothing was to be said in public for at least six months,so as to give Lady Lucy time to reconsider.
"Though, of course, I know, as far as that is concerned, we might aswell be married to-morrow and have done with it!"
"Ah!--but it is due to her--to your mother."
"I suppose it is. But the whole situation is grotesque. I must look outfor some way of making money. Any suggestions thankfully received!"
Marsham spoke with an irritable flippancy. Ferrier's hazel eyes, set andalmost lost in spreading cheeks, dwelt upon him thoughtfully.
"All right; I will think of some. You explained the position to MissMallory?"
"No," said Marsham, shortly. "How could I?"
The alternatives flew through Ferrier's mind: "Cowardice?--or delicacy?"Aloud, he said: "I am afraid she will not be long in ignorance. It willbe a big fight for her, too."
Marsham shrugged his thin shoulders.
"Of course. And all for nothing. Hullo, Fleming!--do you want me?"
For the Liberal Chief Whip had paused beside them where they stood, in acorner of the smoking-room, as though wishing to speak to one or otherof them, yet not liking to break up their conversation.
"Don't let me interrupt," he said to Marsham. "But can I have a wordpresently?"
"Now, if you like."
"Come to the Terrace," said the other, and they went out into the grayof a March afternoon. There they walked up and down for some time,engaged in an extremely confidential conversation. Signs of a generalelection were beginning to be strong and numerous. The Tory Governmentwas weakening visibly, and the Liberals felt themselves in sight of anautumn, if not a summer, dissolution. But--funds!--there was the rub.The party coffers were very poorly supplied, and unless they could belargely replenished, and at once, the prospects of the election werenot rosy.
Marsham had hitherto counted as one of the men on whom the party couldrely. It was known that his own personal resources were not great, buthe commanded his mother's ample purse. Lady Lucy had always shownherself both loyal and generous, and at her death it was, of course,assumed that he would be her heir. Lady Lucy's check, in fact, sent,through her son, to the leading party club, had been of considerableimportance in the election five years before this date, in which Marshamhimself had been returned; the Chief Whip wanted to assure himself thatin case of need it would be repeated.
But for the first time in a conversation of this kind Marsham's replywas halting and uncertain. He would do his best, but he could not pledgehimself. When the Chief Whip, disappointed and astonished, broke uptheir conference, Marsham walked into the House after him, in the morbidbelief that a large part of his influence and prestige with his partywas already gone. Let those fellows, he thought, who imagine that thepopular party can be run without money, inform themselves, and not talklike asses!
* * * * *
In the afternoon, during an exciting debate on a subject Marsham hadmade to some extent his own, and in which he was expected to speak, twoletters were brought to him. One was from Diana. He put it into hispocket, feeling an instinctive recoil--with his speech in sight--fromthe emotion it must needs express and arouse. The other was from thechairman of a Committee in Dunscombe, the chief town of his division.The town was, so far, without any proper hall for public meetings. Itwas proposed to build a new Liberal Club with a hall attached. Theleading local supporter of the scheme wrote--with apologies--to askMarsham what he was prepared to subscribe. It was early days to make theinquiry, but--in confidence--he might state that he was afraid localsupport for the scheme would mean more talk than money. Marsham ponderedthe letter gloomily. A week earlier he would have gone to his mother fora thousand pounds without any doubt of her reply.
It was just toward the close of the dinner-hour that Marsham caught theSpeaker's eye. Perhaps the special effort that had been necessary torecall his thoughts to the point had given his nerves a stimulus. At anyrate, he spoke unusually well, and sat down amid the cheers of hisparty, conscious that he had advanced his Parliamentary career. A goodmany congratulations reached him during the evening; he "drank delightof battle with his peers," for the division went well, and when he leftthe House at one o'clock in the morning it was in a mood of tinglingexhilaration, and with a sense of heightened powers.
It was not till he reached his own room, in his mother's hushed anddarkened house, that he opened Diana's letter.
The mere sight of it, as he drew it out of his pocket, jarred upon himstrangely. It recalled to him the fears and discomforts, the sense ofsudden misfortune and of ugly associations, which had been, for a time,obliterated in the stress and interest of politics. He opened it almostreluctantly, wondering at himself.
"MY DEAR OLIVER,--This letter from your mother reached me last night. I don't know what to say, though I have thought for many hours. I ought not to do you this great injury; that seems plain to me. Yet, then, I think of all you said to me, and I feel you must decide. You must do what is best for your future and your career; and I shall never blame you, _whatever_ you think right. I wish I had known, or realized, the whole truth about your mother when you were still here. It was my stupidity.
"I have no claim--none--against what is best for you. Just two words, Oliver!--and I think they _ought_ to be 'Good-bye.'
"Sir James Chide came after you left, and was most dear and kind. To-day I have my father's letter--and one from my mother--that she wrote for me--twenty years ago. I mustn't write any more. My eyes are so tired.
"Your grateful DIANA."
He laid down the blurred note, and turned to the enclosure. Then he readhis mother's letter. And he had imagined, in his folly, that hismother's refinement would at least make use of some other weapon thanthe money! Why, it was _all_ money!--a blunderbuss of the crudest kind,held at Diana's head in the crudest way. This is how the saintsbehave--the people of delicacy--when it comes to a pinch! He saw hismother stripped of all her pretensions, her spiritual airs, and for thefirst time in his life--his life of unwilling subordination--he dared todespise her.
But neither contempt nor indignation helped him much. How was he toanswer Diana? He paced up and down for an hour considering it, then satdown and wrote.
His letter ran as follows:
"DEAREST DIANA,--I asked you to be my wife, and I stand by my word. I did not like to say too much about my mother's state of mind when we were together yesterday, but I am afraid it is very true that she will withdraw her present allowance to me, and deprive me of the money which my father left. Most unjustly, as it has always seemed to me, she has complete control over it. Never mind. I must see what can be done. No doubt my political career will be, for a time, much affected. We must hope it will only be for a time.
"Ferrier and Sir James believe that my mother cannot maintain her present attitude. But I do not, alack! share their belief. I realize, as no one can who does not live in the same house with her, the strength and obstinacy of her will. She will, I suppose, leave my father's half-million to some of the charitable societies in which she believes, and we must try and behave as though it had never existed. I don't regret it for myself. But, of course, there are many public causes one would have liked to help.
"If I can, I will come down to Beechcote on Saturda
y again. Meanwhile, do let me urge you to take care of your health, and not to dwell too much on a past that nothing can alter. I understand, of course, how it must affect you; but I am sure it will be best--best, indeed, for us both--that you should now put it as much as possible out of your mind. It may not be possible to hide the sad truth. I fear it will not be. But I am sure that the less said--or even thought--about it, the better. You won't think me unkind, will you?
"You will see a report of my speech in the debate to-morrow. It certainly made an impression, and I must manage, if I can, to stick to Parliament. But we will consult when we meet.
"Your most loving OLIVER."
As he wrote it Marsham had been uncomfortably conscious of another selfbeside him--mocking, or critical.
"I don't regret it for myself." Pshaw! What was there to choose betweenhim and his mother? There, on his writing-table, lay a number of recentbills, and some correspondence as to a Scotch moor he had persuaded hismother to take for the coming season. There was now to be an end, hesupposed, to the expenditure which the bills represented, and an end toexpensive moors. "I don't regret it for myself." Damned humbug! When didany man, brought up in wealth, make the cold descent to poverty andself-denial without caring? Yet he let the sentence stand. He was toosleepy, too inert, to rewrite it.
And how cold were all his references to the catastrophe! He groaned ashe thought of Diana--as though he actually saw the vulture gnawing atthe tender breast. Had she slept?--had the tears stopped? Let him tearup the beastly thing, and begin again!
No. His head fell forward on his arm. Some dull weight of character--ofdisillusion--interposed. He could do no better. He shut, stamped, andposted what he had written.
* * * * *
At mid-day, in her Brookshire village, Diana received the letter--withanother from London, in a handwriting she did not know.
When she had read Marsham's it dropped from her hand. The color floodedher cheeks--as though the heart leaped beneath a fresh blow which itcould not realize or measure. Was it so she would have written toOliver if--
She was sitting at her writing-table in the drawing-room. Her eyeswandered through the mullioned window beside her to the hill-side andthe woods. This was Wednesday. Four days since, among those trees,Oliver had spoken to her. During those four days it seemed to her that,in the old Hebrew phrase, she had gone down into the pit. All thenameless dreads and terrors of her youth, all the intensified fears ofthe last few weeks, had in a few minutes become real and verified--onlyin a shape infinitely more terrible than any fear among them all hadever dared to prophesy. The story of her mother--the more she knew ofit, the more she realized it, the more sharply it bit into the tissuesof life; the more it seemed to set Juliet Sparling and Juliet Sparling'schild alone by themselves--in a dark world. Diana had never yet had thecourage to venture out-of-doors since the news came to her; she fearedto see even her old friends the Roughsedges, and had been invisible tothem since the Saturday; she feared even the faces of thevillage children.
All through she seemed to have been clinging to Marsham's supportinghand as to the clew which might--when nature had had its way--lead herback out of this labyrinth of pain. But surely he would let her sorrowawhile!--would sorrow with her. Under the strange coldness and brevityof his letter, she felt like the children in the market-place ofold--"We have mourned unto you, and ye have not wept."
Yet if her story was not to be a source of sorrow--of divine pity--itcould only be a source of disgrace and shame. Tears might wash it out!But to hate and resent it--so it seemed to her--must be--in a world,where every detail of such a thing was or would be known--to go throughlife branded and crushed by it. If the man who was to be her husbandcould only face it thus (by a stern ostracism of the dead, by silencingall mention of them between himself and her), her cheeks could nevercease to burn, her heart to shrink.
Now at last she felt herself weighed indeed to the earth, becauseMarsham, in that measured letter, had made her realize the load on him.
All that huge wealth he was to give up for her? His mother had actuallythe power to strip him of his inheritance?--and would certainly exerciseit to punish him for marrying her--Diana?
Humiliation came upon her like a flood, and a bitter insight followed.Between the lines of the letter she read the reluctance, the regrets ofthe man who had written it. She saw that he would be faithful to her ifhe could, but that in her own concentration of love she had acceptedwhat Oliver had not in truth the strength to give her. The Marsham sheloved had suddenly disappeared, and in his place was a Marsham whom shemight--at a personal cost he would never forget, and might neverforgive--persuade or compel to marry her.
She sprang up. For the first time since the blow had fallen, vigor hadreturned to her movements and life to her eyes.
"Ah, no!" she said to herself, panting a little. "_No!_"
A letter fell to the ground--the letter in the unknown handwriting. Somepremonition made her open it and prepared her for the signature.
"MY DEAR MISS MALLORY,--I heard of the sad discovery which had taken place, from my cousin, Miss Drake, on Sunday morning, and came up at once from the country to be with my mother; for I know well with what sympathy she had been following Oliver's wishes and desires. It is a very painful business. I do most truly regret the perplexing situation in which you find yourself, and I am sure you will not resent it if, as Oliver's sister, I write you my views on the matter.
"I am afraid it is useless to expect that my mother should give way. And, then, the question is, What is the right course for you and Oliver to pursue? I understand that he proposed to you, and you accepted him, in ignorance of the melancholy truth. And, like a man of honor, he proposes to stand by his engagement--unless, of course, you release him.
"Now, if I were in your place, I should expect to consider such a matter not as affecting myself only, but in its relation to society--and the community. Our first duty is to Society. We owe it everything, and we must not act selfishly toward it. Consider Oliver's position. He has his foot on the political ladder. Every session his influence in Parliament increases. His speech to-night was--as I hear from a man who has just come from the debate--the most brilliant he has yet made. It is extremely likely that when our party comes in again he will have office, and in ten or fifteen years' time what is there to prevent his being even Prime Minister?--with all the mighty influence over millions of human beings which that means?
"But to give him every chance in his career money is, unfortunately, indispensable. Every English Prime Minister has been a rich man. It may be a blot on our English life. I think it is. But, then, I have been all my life on the side of the poor. You, who are a Tory and an Imperialist, who sympathize with militarism and with war, will agree that it is important our politicians should be among the 'Haves,' that a man's possessions _do_ matter to his party and his cause.
"They matter especially--at the present moment--to _our_ party and _our_ cause. We are the poor party, and our rich men are few and far between.
"You may say that you would help him, and that your own money would be at his disposal. But could a man live upon his wife, in such circumstances, with any self-respect? Of course, I know that you are very young, and I trust that your views on many subjects, social and political, will change, and change materially, before long. It is a serious thing for women nowadays to throw themselves across the path of progress. At the same time I see that you have a strong--if I may say so--a vehement character. It may not be easy for you to cast off at once what, I understand, has been your father's influence. And meanwhile Oliver would be fighting all your father's and your ideas--largely on your money; for he has only a thousand a year of his own.
"Please let me assure
you that I am not influenced by my mother's views. She attaches importance--an exaggerated--if she were not my mother, I should say an absurd--importance, to the family. Whereas, ideas--the great possibilities of the future--when free men and women shall lead a free and noble life--these are what influence _me_--these are what I live for.
"It will cause you both pain to separate. I know that. But summon a rational will to your aid, and you will soon see that passion is a poor thing compared to impersonal and unselfish aims. The cause of women--their political and social enfranchisement--the freeing of men from the curse of militarism--of both men and women from the patriotic lies which make us bullies and cowards--it is to these I would invite you--when you have overcome a mere personal grief.
"I fear I shall seem to you a voice crying in the wilderness; but I write in Oliver's interest--and your own.
"Yours sincerely,
"ISABEL FOTHERINGHAM.
"P.S. Our secretary, Mrs. Derrick Smith, at the Mary Wollstonecraft Club, will always be glad to send you any literature you might require."
Diana read to the end. She put it down with something like a smile. Asshe paced the room, her head thrown back, her hands behind her, theweight had been lifted from her; she breathed from a freer breast.
Very soon she went back to her desk and began to write.
"My dear Oliver,--I did not realize how things were when you came yesterday. Now I see. You must not marry me. I could not bear to bring poverty upon you, and--to-day--I do not feel that I have the strength to meet your mother's and your sister's opposition.
"Will you please tell Lady Lucy and Mrs. Fotheringham that I have received their letters? It will not be necessary to answer them. You will tell them that I have broken off the engagement.
"You were very good to me yesterday. I thank you with all my heart. But it is not in my power--yet--to forget it all. My mother was so young--and it seems but the other day.
"I would not injure your career for the world. I hope that all good will come to you--always.
"Probably Mrs. Colwood and I shall go abroad for a little while. I want to be alone--and it will be easiest so. Indeed, if possible, we shall leave London to-morrow night. Good-bye.
"DIANA."
She rose, and stood looking down upon the letter. A thought struck her.Would he take the sentence giving the probable time of her departure asan invitation to him to come and meet her at the station?--as showing ahope that he might yet persist--and prevail?
She stooped impetuously to rewrite the letter. Instead, her tears fellon it. Sobbing, she put it up--she pressed it to her lips. If he didcome--might they not press hands?--look into each other's eyes?--justonce, once more?
* * * * *
An hour later the home was in a bustle of packing and housekeepingarrangements. Muriel Colwood, with a small set face and lips, and eyesthat would this time have scorned to cry, was writing notes and givingdirections. Meanwhile, Diana had written to Mrs. Roughsedge, and,instead of answering the letter, the recipient appeared in person,breathless with the haste she had made, the gray curls displaced.
Diana told her story, her slender fingers quivering in the largemotherly hand whose grasp soothed her, her eyes avoiding the tenderdismay and pity writ large on the old face beside her; and at the endshe said, with an effort:
"Perhaps you have all expected me to be engaged to Mr. Marsham. He didpropose to me--but--I have refused him."
She faltered a little as she told her first falsehood, but she told it.
"My dear!" cried Mrs. Roughsedge, "he can't--he won't--accept that! Ifhe ever cared for you, he will care for you tenfold more now!"
"It was I," said Diana, hurriedly--"I have done it. And, please, I wouldrather it were now all forgotten. Nobody else need know, need they, thathe proposed?"
She stroked her friend's hand piteously. Mrs. Roughsedge, foreseeing thestorm of gossip that would be sweeping in a day or two through thevillage and the neighborhood, could not command herself to speak. Herquestions--her indignation--choked her. At the end of the conversation,when Diana had described such plans as she had, and the elder lady roseto go, she said, faltering:
"May Hugh come and say good-bye?"
Diana shrank a moment, and then assented. Mrs. Roughsedge folded thegirl to her heart, and fairly broke down. Diana comforted her; but itseemed as if her own tears were now dry. When they were parting, shecalled her friend back a moment.
"I think," she said, steadily, "it would be best now that everybody hereshould know what my name was, and who I am. Will you tell the Vicar, andanybody else you think of? I shall come back to live here. I knoweverybody will be kind--" Her voice died away.
The March sun had set and the lamps were lit when Hugh Roughsedgeentered the drawing-room where Diana sat writing letters, paying bills,absorbing herself in all the details of departure. The meeting betweenthem was short. Diana was embarrassed, above all, by the tumult ofsuppressed feeling she divined in Roughsedge. For the first time shemust perforce recognize what hitherto she had preferred not to see: whatnow she was determined not to know. The young soldier, on his side, wasstifled by his own emotions--wrath--contempt--pity; and by a maddeningdesire to wrap this pale stricken creature in his arms, and so protecther from an abominable world. But something told him--to hisdespair--that she had been in Marsham's arms; had given her heartirrevocably; and that, Marsham's wife or no, all was done and over forhim, Hugh Roughsedge.
Yet surely in time--in time! That was the inner clamor of the mind, ashe bid her good-bye, after twenty minutes' disjointed talk, in which,finally, neither dared to go beyond commonplace. Only at the last, as heheld her hand, he asked her:
"I may write to you from Nigeria?"
Rather shyly, she assented; adding, with a smile:
"But I am a bad letter-writer!"
"You are an angel!" he said, hoarsely, lifted her hand, kissed it, andrushed away.
She was shaken by the scene, and had hardly composed herself again to aweary grappling with business when the front door bell rang once more,and the butler appeared.
"Mr. Lavery wishes to know, miss, if you will see him."
The Vicar! Diana's heart sank. Must she? But some deep instinct--someyearning--interfered, and she bade him be admitted.
Then she stood waiting, dreading some onslaught on the secrets of hermind and heart--some presumption in the name of religion.
The tall form entered, in the close-buttoned coat, the gaunt oblong ofthe face poked forward, between the large protruding ears, thespectacled eyes blinking.
"May I come in? I will only keep you a few minutes."
She came forward and gave him her hand. The door shut behind him.
"Won't you sit down?"
"I think not. You must be very busy. I only came to say a few words.Miss Mallory!"
He still held her hand. Diana trembled, and looked up.
"--I fear you may have thought me harsh. _I_ blame myself in manyrespects. Will you forgive me? Mrs. Roughsedge has told me what youwished her to tell me. Before you go, will you still let me give youChrist's message?"
The tears rushed back to Diana's eyes; she looked at him silently.
"'Blessed are they that mourn,'" he said, gently, with a tender dignity,"'for they shall be comforted!'"
Their eyes met. From the man's face and manner everything had droppedbut the passion of Christian charity, mingled with a touch ofremorse--as though, in what had been revealed to him, the servant hadrealized some mysterious rebuke of his Lord.
"Remember that!" he went on. "Your mourning is your blessing. God's lovewill come to you through it--and the sense of fellowship with Christ.Don't cast it from you--don't put it away."
"I know," she said, brokenly. "It is agony, but it is sacred."
His eyes grew dim. She withdrew her ha
nd, and they talked a little abouther journey.
"But you will come back," he said to her, presently, with earnestness;"your friends here will think it an honor and a privilege towelcome you."
"Oh yes, I shall come back. Unless--I have some friends in London--EastLondon. Perhaps I might work there."
He shook his head.
"No, you are not strong enough. Come back here. There is God's work tobe done in this village, Miss Mallory. Come and put your hand to it. Butnot yet--not yet."
Then her weariness told him that he had said enough, and he went.
* * * * *
Late that night Diana tore herself from Muriel Colwood, went alone toher room, and locked her door. Then she drew back the curtains, andgazed once more on the same line of hills she had seen rise out of thewintry mists on Christmas morning. The moon was still behind the down,and a few stars showed among the clouds.
She turned away, unlocked a drawer, and, falling upon her knees by thebed, she spread out before her the fragile and time-stained paper thatheld her mother's last words to her.
"MY LITTLE DIANA--my precious child,--It may be--it will be--years before this reaches you. I have made your father promise to let you grow up without any knowledge or reminder of me. It was difficult, but at last--he promised. Yet there must come a time when it will hurt you to think of your mother. When it does--listen, my darling. Your father knows that I loved him always! He knows--and he has forgiven. He knows too what I did--and how--so does Sir James. There is no place, no pardon for me on earth--but you may still love me, Diana--still love me--and pray for me. Oh, my little one!--they brought you in to kiss me a little while ago--and you looked at me with your blue deep eyes--and then you kissed me--so softly--a little strangely--with your cool lips--and now I have made the nurse lift me up that I may write. A few days--perhaps even a few hours--will bring me rest. I long for it. And yet it is sweet to be with your father, and to hear your little feet on the stairs. But most sweet, perhaps, because it must end so soon. Death makes these days possible, and for that I bless and welcome death. I seem to be slipping away on the great stream--so gently--tired--only your father's hand. Good-bye--my precious Diana--your dying--and very weary
"MOTHER."
The words sank into Diana's young heart. They dulled the smart of hercrushed love; they awakened a sense of those forces ineffable andmajestic, terrible and yet "to be entreated," which hold and stamp thehuman life. Oliver had forsaken her. His kiss was still on her lips. Yethe had forsaken her. She must stand alone. Only--in the spirit--she putout clinging hands; she drew her mother to her breast; she smiled intoher father's eyes. One with them; and so one with all who suffer! Sheoffered her life to those great Forces; to the hidden Will. And thus,after three days of torture, agony passed into a trance of ecstasy--ofaspiration.
* * * * *
But these were the exaltations of night and silence. With the returningday, Diana was again the mere girl, struggling with misery and nervousshock. In the middle of the morning arrived a special messenger with aletter from Marsham. It contained arguments and protestations which inthe living mouth might have had some power. That the living mouth wasnot there to make them was a fact more eloquent than any letter. For thefirst time Diana was conscious of impatience, of a natural indignation.She merely asked the messenger to say that "there was no answer."
Yet, as they crossed London her heart fluttered within her. One momenther eyes were at the window scanning the bustle of the streets; the nextshe would force herself to talk and smile with Muriel Colwood.
Mrs. Colwood insisted on dinner at the Charing Cross Hotel. Dianasubmitted. Afterward they made their way, along the departure platform,to the Dover-Calais train. They took their seats. Muriel Colwoodknew--felt it indeed, through every nerve--that the girl with her wasstill watching, still hoping, still straining each bodily perception ina listening expectancy.
The train was very full, and the platform crowded with friends, luggage,and officials. Upon the tumult the great electric lamps threw their coldugly light. The roar and whistling of the trains filled the vaststation. Diana, meanwhile, sat motionless in her corner, looking out,one hand propping her face.
But no one came. The signal was given for departure. The train glidedout. Diana's head slipped back and her eyes closed. Muriel, stifling hertears, dared not approach her.
* * * * *
Northward and eastward from Dover Harbor, sweep beyond sweep, rose thewhite cliffs that are to the arriving and departing Englishman thesymbols of his country.
Diana, on deck, wrapped in veil and cloak, watched them disappear, inmists already touched by the moonrise. Six months before she had seenthem for the first time, had fed her eyes upon the "dear, dear land," ascliffs and fields and houses flashed upon the sight, yearning toward itwith the passion of a daughter and an exile.
In those six months she had lived out the first chapter of her youth.She stood between two shores of life, like the vessel from which shegazed; vanishing lights and shapes behind her; darkness in front.
"Where lies the land to which the ship must go? Far, far ahead is all the seamen know!"
Part III
"_Love's eye is not so true as all men's: no, How can it? O how can Love's eye be true That is so vexed with watching and with tears?_"
The Testing of Diana Mallory Page 14