A beautiful voice came out from the room we’d just passed, a room I could have sworn had been empty.
“How about an Eleven?”
Chapter Twenty-five
“ELISE!” I stared in undisguised amazement. Elise at last stood before my digital eyes, her impossibly beautiful face smiling at me, her slender, graceful curves even more apparent under the thin robe of the white castle, her long black hair obscuring the desired view of her breasts.
“Hi! How’ve you been?”
“Good. . . .” My numerous adventures since I had last seen her flashed before my eyes.
“You look good.”
“Th—thanks. You too, but that’s not surprising. But how did you recognize me? I look totally different now.”
“Your voice. Just like in the real world, the voices are totally unique, even if you choose the same face and body as another player. So how about it? Got room in your party for a Grand Mistress of Enchantment?”
I looked at her, still stunned, before turning to the others. “I’m assuming you guys are cool with having a Level Eleven on our team?”
Anna inclined her head solemnly. “Her skills would serve us well.”
“That’d be wicked, brah.”
“Uh, this is Shawn, a tenth-level warrior, and Anna, a ninth-level archer. You really want to go on the quest with us? You’re an Eleven and all.”
“It’ll give me a chance to hang out with my favorite noob. Only, you’re not a noob anymore, are you? You’ve completely changed from the last time I saw you.”
“Yeah,” I said, still amazed that Elise stood before me. “It seems like ages ago.”
“Besides, I haven’t done the black-castle quest yet. The last time someone unlocked it I was on a ship sailing the Green Sea hunting a sea monster.”
“Well, we’re happy to have you.” Looking her in the eye, I added, “Really happy.”
* * *
“You know, the black-castle quest has only been unlocked once before, and that was by Tens. For a couple of Nines to do it is pretty impressive.”
We were dressing in our warm clothes and loading up the donkey. It gave me a wonderful warm feeling to know I had impressed a Level Eleven—not just any Level Eleven, but Elise.
“Well, I played a lot of games in real life. Probably more than I should have.”
“How about you Anna? Were you a gamer in life?”
Anna frowned in fake confusion. “I play no games, magic woman. The way of the bow is my life. It has always been so.”
Elise and I exchanged a brief look of amusement. Shawn inserted himself into the conversation. “Now me, I wasn’t no dork like Karl here. I was all about chasing girls, waves, and rays.”
Elise said, “You should’ve been careful about those rays.”
“Babe, you don’t need to tell me. That’s why I’m here.”
“How old were you?”
“Sixty-nine,” he replied, stretching the word out with a leer. “Graduated from life Class of 2035.”
“Wait, that’s forty years before the first mind uploads!”
“Cryogenics, bro.”
He sure didn’t act like a sixty-nine-year-old, but Uncle Cylock didn’t act his age either. I guess the body has a lot more to do with how we act than I ever thought. I felt my muscular body under the wool shirt as I slipped into the pimp coat, and realized how much of a difference the warrior’s body and handsome face had made with how I acted.
I slid on my Helmet With the Really Long Name and then Anna, seeing that we were all equipped, said “Let us be off on our quest. May glory and gold be ours!”
* * *
Coming down the mountain was a heck of a lot easier than going up, but we still had to be wary of slipping and falling to our deaths. An odd thing to have to worry about after dying, I know, but losing our weapons, and gold to buy more, would pretty much cancel our quest.
We made it to the bottom without issue, however, and stripped away the last of our heavy winter clothing. Elise was in her white robe, sadly a little less see-through than the castle’s standard-issue costume. Anna was back to her skin-baring strips of linen. Shawn wore a loincloth with a chunky belt, his massive arms and legs displaying the full effect of a tenth-level warrior who had chosen the biggest body type, and a helmet with huge horns. I had my wool breeches on, with my wrist guards and helmet, but no shirt—I didn’t want to hide my big chest and tight six-pack.
I unrolled the parchment and consulted the map. From the line indicating the road on which we now stood, another line veered off a short distance from the mountain.
“Hm. I don’t remember seeing any other road on the way here.” I turned to Anna. “Did you see one?”
“I saw naught.”
“Seriously, you’re saying ‘naught’ now?” I shook my head and rolled up the map. “Well, let’s all keep our eyes peeled.”
We walked slowly, our eyes locked to the right of the road. Suddenly Elise said, “Wait.”
We all turned. Elise was behind us staring off to the side of the road. She pointed as we came up. “Here.”
If it hadn’t been on the map, I could’ve walked by it a hundred times and not noticed it. But once Elise pointed it out, it was unmistakable: more the curve in the flow of the trees than anything on the ground, but I knew it was the trail we sought.
“Good eye.”
“Thanks. I played my share of games in life too.”
The four of us went down the trail. In a few minutes the trail met the river indicated on the map, confirming we were on the right track. We now followed the trail, which in turn followed alongside the river on our right, until we came to a bridge. I checked the map.
“Looks like we cross this bridge, take it to the next road, and then turn left.”
Elise asked, “Does it say anything about the bridge being guarded?”
I looked up sharply from the map to the figure in the middle of the narrow stone bridge, which I had until now given only a cursory glance from the corner of my eye. What I had taken for another player was, on closer inspection, not even human. I guess the green skin should’ve tipped me off.
The two bottom teeth, about two inches long, jutting up over his top lip was a pretty sure sign, too. He was short, with hair sticking out in black spikes from his head and more muscle than it seemed possible to fit on his frame. He had a spiked club in his hands, and I could tell he meant to use it.
Anna was already pulling an arrow from her quiver, but Shawn stopped her. “Hold on, babe, I got this one. Save your arrows for when we, like, really need them.”
Pretty sound advice, I had to admit. Shawn took the huge axe from off his back and stepped onto the bridge. He strode confidently forward, and the monster grunted and lifted his club, ready.
Shawn’s pace did not slow; if anything he stepped toward the monster even faster, and didn’t flinch even when the creature brought back his club to swing. To my surprise Shawn neither dodged nor swung his axe: instead he planted a kick in the monster’s chest, knocking it off balance with the strength of his tree-trunk sized legs. The creature fell back onto his ass, and before he could rise, Shawn’s axe split his head into two pieces and if the thing hadn’t had a ribcage the axe might have gone all the way through his body.
Shawn gave us a bright smile and a thumbs up. “Coast is clear, dudes!”
He kicked the creature off the bridge and into the river to make room for us to pass, and the four of us filed over the rickety boards to the other side.
* * *
A few minutes later we reached the road, turned left, and then headed to find what appeared on our map to be a town.
“I wonder how far away this town is,” I said.
“I hope it’s soon, ’cause I’m wicked hungry, brah.”
“Already? We ate a huge breakfast not that long ago.”
Shawn flexed a giant bicep. “These guns need a lot of fuel.”
I realized then that my appetite in the game was a l
ot bigger than it had been in real life or in Verterria, and had grown along with my body in the game.
Anna pointed to the horizon. “Smoke.”
I could just make out the white smoke rising in the distance. “Must be from the town”
The road ran up a slight hill, and when we reached the top we could see the town. We arrived ten minutes later.
The town looked completely forlorn. The buildings were in disrepair, and the NPC residents all looked miserable. There was a tavern, but the place was empty, and though we managed to get a little food the woman who brought it out was a non-player.
None of us ate much apart from Shawn, who told us he’d had a girlfriend in real life named Anna.
“She was a bitchin’ betty, but she left me for some rich kook.” We had absolutely no idea what he was talking about. “I had an Uncle Carl, too.”
“Did you know any Shawns?”
“Yeah brah. Me!”
It was crazy to think I was actually talking to someone born over a hundred years ago, and I had a ton of questions I wanted to ask, but Anna hurried us on.
We left the tavern and walked around the town. I thought I’d check out the weapon shop, but when I pulled at the door it wouldn’t open.
Anna called out to a ragged-looking man nailing boards over a window. “What town is this?”
The man turned to her with weary eyes and said, “Woe, it be called.”
“Why be so many of the shops closed?”
“The owners have deserted them. And wise to do so. No sense staying in this town, what with the—” He shook his head and turned away, going back to his work with the sad sound of his hammer echoing through the street, where a disturbingly thin man carried a leaking sack of grain, followed by a thin, mangy dog. In front of a building, a pair of depressed-looking women wove drab-colored cloth on card weavers.
After half an hour I was certain enough to announce, “Everybody in this town is an NPC. . . .”
Shawn was unconcerned by this. “Well of course, brah. Like, we’re the only dudes who’ve got the map.”
Elise nodded, but with little confidence. “That could be it. . . .”
“Let us be away from this sullen town.”
“No, wait.” I held up a hand to Anna. “Maybe there’s gold or something hidden somewhere. There’s got to be a reason this town is here.”
And then the reason made itself known. I heard the deep thuds grow up from the other end of the street, like wrecking balls being dropped to the ground, and a shadow passed over us, and before I turned around I saw Shawn’s eyes stretch open.
I turned to see the massive form standing in the street, and despite it being perhaps twenty yards away I had to look up to see the big bald head.
A giant.
Chapter Thirty-six
I realized, even as my heart rate shot up and the giant gave an angry unintelligible roar, that I recognized the giant from the view on the path leaving Noob Town. I had wondered then if all that scenery was just for show. That’s gonna be a big “No.”
The giant’s head towered over the single-story roofs of the town, reaching nearly to the peaks of the two-story buildings. He wore sandals on his gigantic feet, and strips of leather hung from his belt. Two black leather straps crossed over his chest. His body reminded me of a powerlifter: not cut and defined, just big, and really, really strong. Strong enough to lift the hammer, the hammer with a head the size of three milk crates stacked end to end, and bring it down on the nearest building.
The building collapsed under the blow. I don’t know what the giant had been so mad about, but now he smiled like a happy toddler and gave a deep laugh; apparently smashing the building had improved his mood. So much so, in fact, that he decided to demolish the building on the other side with a wide swing of his huge hammer.
We were all stunned, but Anna, despite her tension-filled face, loosed an arrow. Before the first arrow even landed, a second was already on her cord and within ten seconds three arrows, all with a glittering gold magic, hit the giant. Two, however, struck the thick leather straps. Only the last shaft stuck firmly in his ribcage.
It seemed to have no effect beyond producing a frown and a roar from the giant.
“Great,” I said with a shaking voice. “Now he’s mad again.”
“Shut up.” She broke character, but I didn’t have time to be pleased by this; the thing stepped at us with big, earth-moving steps, coming toward Anna with punishment in his eyes and in his hammer.
He swung down, and Anna and I jumped in opposite directions. When the giant lifted the hammer, a crater filled the spot where we had stood.
With a sweep of her hands, Elise produced a glowing green ball and flung it at the giant’s body before he could strike again. It looked like green lightning ran over his body, and he shook and roared, but when the light faded he swept his hammer low across the ground at the Enchantress.
I practically tackled Elise to move her out of the hammer’s path. The head crashed into the nearest building and took out the entire façade. I set Elise back on her feet and turned to see Shawn rush in as the giant started to pull his hammer from the wreckage. Shawn jumped five feet off the ground with his axe in the air and brought it down on the giant’s arm with a blow that would have beheaded a hippo.
The axe buried into the giant’s arm, but did not take the arm off—it hardly went more than an eighth of the way into the giant’s beefy tricep. The giant yanked back the hammer, elbowing Shawn with a blow that sent the warrior smacking into the wood boards of the tavern. A few boards broke, and I feared that the same was true of a few of Shawn’s ribs.
Shawn scrambled to his feet, his face a mask of pain and fear, and he broke into a run but it was too late. Despite being hit by a quick burst of green magic from Elise and a volley of arrows from Anna, the giant’s swing was unchecked and the hammer hit Shawn like a speeding bus.
I saw a splash of red as Shawn’s body disappeared through the hole in the wall opened by the hammer. Shawn was gone.
Shit, I thought. He was a Ten, and he’s already out of commission. My heart pounded as the giant gave his laughing-baby grin. I looked back to make sure Anna and Elise had gained some distance, then wondered what the hell I should do. My weapons only worked at close range.
When the hammer came down I knew the only thing to do was get the hell away before I became a human pancake. I heard the hammerhead smack into the ground behind me as I leaped like I was trying to steal third base.
The dirt thrown up by the blow showered onto my back. I yanked myself off the ground and looked over my shoulder as I did a twenty-yard dash away from the giant. I stopped alongside Anna and Elise, panting and terrified.
“How do we kill this bastard?”
Elise said, “I don’t know,” and Anna didn’t say anything at all. Elise summoned a big ball of magic, blindingly bright white, and shot it at the giant’s head. I was sure it would do some serious damage, but the giant shielded his big ugly head with the hammer.
He stumbled back a good thirty feet, but stayed on his feet and kept his grip on the weapon. He gave his head a violent shake and then roared with fury.
Swinging his hammer from his left side like he was driving a golf ball, the giant hit the face of the two-story building on our right. Elise disappeared under a shower of wood and roof shingles but I could do nothing—one of the thick beams that had supported the overhanging second-floor knocked me over and, along with about half the roof, pinned me to the ground. My upper body stuck out like a piece of bait for the hammer-wielding giant.
As the giant came bounding at me with giant steps of giant feet, Anna’s arrows sticking like mere splinters in his massive frame, I used every bit of my strength to free myself from the heavy load crushing my legs. I was almost there, but almost isn’t good enough when a giant has his hammer raised and is about to smash you like a pumpkin.
It was too late.
The hammer came down.
Chapter Thirty
-seven
I closed my eyes and braced myself for the split second of pain before oblivion. Yet a full two seconds later and I was still conscious. I opened my eyes and then I kept opening them until they wouldn’t open anymore.
The hammer hung about three feet above me. It wasn’t moving. The giant wasn’t moving. Yellow and blue lines of light zipped over his big body.
I didn’t pause to ask why. I tore myself from under the wreckage and dragged my aching body off the ground. I thought maybe Elise had cast a spell on the giant to freeze him, but then I saw her only now climbing out of the pile of debris. I turned to see a wizard in a flowing black robe with a long white beard and a high, pointed cap, standing maybe thirty feet away and brandishing a long, gnarled staff.
“The balls, warrior—when the spell wears off, make for the balls!” He turned to Anna. “And when he cries out in agony, as all men must, send an arrow into his gullet!”
Anna nocked one of her red arrows. The wizard turned to Elise. “If you can restrain his right leg with a spell, I shall restrain his left.”
“Got it.” Elise readied herself, summoning up the magic between her palms.
The lights sweeping over the giant’s body began to fade. I ran toward him. The lights vanished and the hammer smashed into the ground with a sickening thud. Even as I ran I shuddered to imagine my supine body still lying in that spot.
I saw a tangle of blue magic cords ensnare the giant’s left ankle, a binding of green on his right, and I dashed between the giant legs, under the leather strips, and with a roar I whipped my big mace like I was sending one into the bleachers.
The mace head burned violet and smashed into the giant’s gonads with a sound like a ten-pound walnut being cracked.
The giant’s awful scream shook the very air. I raced out from under the giant as Anna aimed her arrow, which shot from her bow with a burning red trail, and I turned just in time to see it sail through the giant’s gaping mouth.
Conquest Page 18