by Amanda LeMay
My heart jumped in my chest each time Dain, my dad, or Arnou flew through the air, and I cringed every time one of them landed in the dirt with a hard thud. Not that any of them were ever injured or dared show a hint of pain when they got up from the ground. They’d brush themselves off with a manly grin, then thoroughly and mercilessly razz the next cowboy up.
Having grown up with three older brothers, I was familiar with male-bonding rituals. The males in front of me would most likely have a lot more fun harassing each other and bragging about how big their balls were if I left them alone to get on with it.
But, then again, I really enjoyed the scenery and didn’t want to give it up—my male, in chaps—yeah, what a glorious sight. I was more than willing to have Dain ride me for hours on end.
He picked himself up off the ground, again, brushed his gloved hands off on his chaps, and adjusted his hat as he laughed. And, damn, that deep laugh of his was so free and unbridled—it brought happy tears to my eyes. He climbed over the rails as Dad and Arnou attempted to corner the horse for another go-round. His arms wrapped around me and pulled me in tight against his hard, trembling body.
“Why are you shaking?” Concerned, I looked up into his eyes, “Are you hurt?”
“I’m not injured, if that’s what you’re asking.” His arms pulled me in tight trapping his hard length between us. A deep groan left his lips as he nipped at my ear. “But I am hurtin’.”
“Yes.” I giggled. “You’re definitely in need of attention.”
His mouth moved to the curve of my neck and shoulder, biting me, marking me. I gasped as I melted into a fiery mass of need in his powerful arms.
“Sweet heavens...”
Suddenly, he released me, and backed away, a wild, animal look in his perfect, human eyes. His teeth chattered, as if he stood naked in the snow—or scared to death. He lowered his head, his face shadowed beneath his hat, and when he looked back at me, the wildness was gone—or simply suppressed. He closed the space between us again, and pressed his soft lips against mine, gentle and full of tender emotions he didn’t try to hide.
“Holy hell, Jess.”
And now I understood—the full moon. The horse he’d worked to stay seated on would be the least of his rocky up and down challenges today. His self-control would be put to the test, or through the wringer, more like it, and he’d pull the split-personality act with his wolf half trying to assert its dominance more and more as the day wore on, until the sun fell from the sky and the full moon rose in all her silvery-white brilliance. Once his beast took hold of him, I’d be there, ready to take all he could give.
I. Could. Not. Wait.
“I’m going in the house,” I murmured against his lips. “See if your mom needs some help.” I needed to get away from him, before I hauled him into the barn or the house or around back by the chicken coop to ease his pain. And my own aching need.
“I love you.” His words rumbled out as a low growl that vibrated through my skin.
Those three little words ricocheted around in my head like shiny silver pinballs banging against my synapses. Ping. Ping. Ping. All bells and whistles and flashing neon bumpers.
“Say that again.”
I wasn’t sure the words had really left my lips until Dain took my face in his gloved hands and gently kissed me again.
“I love you, sweetheart.”
“Yep, that’s what I thought you said.”
The grin that replaced the dreamy look I’d been wearing must’ve given Dain some sense of how freaking happy he made me. He might repeat those three little words a thousand times and they’d still amaze me.
His eyes took on a strangely mischievous sparkle and a wicked little smile crossed his lips before he gave me a slight push toward the house.
The second I hit the first wooden step, my dad yelled out from behind me, “Find your balls! Find your balls!” Arnou shouted out a curse just before he hit the ground with another thud. Dad laughed and followed up with, “Yep, you lost ’em again!”
Laughing, I shook my head. Males.
After slipping my dirt-caked shoes off on the porch, I stepped inside. The aroma of rosemary, thyme, and garlic drifted throughout the house. I found Maygan, her hands covered in a mixture of dark green herbs and chunks of chopped garlic as she rubbed it liberally over the lamb Gunner had gifted to our feast.
My mouth watered. “That smells awesome.”
Maygan’s head came up as she looked at me and smiled. Beamed, really. Then she blinked and tears ran down her face. “I’m gonna have a baby.” Her smile widened as more tears fell.
“I am so happy for you!” I squealed and hugged her hard. She held her herb-and-oil-covered hands out to the sides and did her best to hug me back with her forearms. “Were you hoping to have offspring with my dad?”
“You betcha! As many as I can.” Maygan wiped her cheeks on her shoulders before she turned back to scoop more of the herb-and-oil mixture from a small bowl and rub it into the roast. “Last month was the first time my heat hit at the full moon since your dad and I have been mated. Waiting to find out if I conceived was making me crazy.” She shrugged her shoulders. “I thought, since Arnou was here, he might check and see.”
I leaned against the counter. “How do Breeders know? I mean, how do they check?”
“No one has figured out how they know yet, it’s just something Breeders are born with. Survival of the race. They don’t usually run around checking females, but since Arnou is family, Dain’s father...” She stopped, smiled, and wiped away another tear. “He was happy to do me and your dad this favor.”
“What? Does he just touch your hand or your belly and sense it?” I’d never seen or even heard how Breeders actually confirmed the female they bred with had conceived or not. Even though the Moon Dance was a pack affair, the confirmation ritual was always done in private.
“Well, he tried to confirm it without me getting all naked, but it didn’t work. He needed more skin-to-skin contact than that, which your dad didn’t appreciate, but he maintained himself pretty well for a male watching his mate lie down naked with another male between her legs.”
“Oooh, yeah, I can see how well that would go over.”
“It’s not like Arnou and I had sex, Jessy!” She laughed as she walked to the sink to wash her hands and then grabbed a kitchen towel and dried them. “Well, I mean, not this time.”
“Maygan!” We both cracked up, laughing. “So? What did he do?”
“He laid his head on my abdomen, and yeah, your dad wasn’t real happy when he put his hands on my breasts, but I did warn him.” She shrugged her shoulders and shook her head as she giggled. “He was a little tweaked about that. But, as soon as Arnou told him he was gonna be a father again, he got over it.” Her bottom lip quirked to the side before she added, “I think.”
I burst out laughing again. My dad sitting still, watching, as another male caressed his naked mate—his naked, pregnant mate? That would’ve been a sight.
“My dad must have some extreme self-control skills.”
“Yes, he does.”
Maygan’s face lit up in a way I hadn’t seen since the night she and Dad mated. I couldn’t have been happier for them. And dang, I would have another sibling...and so would Dain.
And that wasn’t weird at all.
Maygan moved around the kitchen, took foil from a drawer, pulled off a couple of sheets, and then wrapped them over the leg of lamb before placing it in the oven. I sat down at the table as she poured two large glasses of milk and set one in front of me along with a container of oatmeal cookies, so full of soft, chewy raisins they resembled cake more than a cookie.
“Jessy, I wanted to ask you something and I don’t want you to think I’m prying into your personal life, but I want to make sure you’re prepared.”
“Sure, what?”
“Have you ever spent a full moon with a male?”
“Never.” I shook my head as I reached for a cookie. “If my parents
hadn’t already drilled that lesson into my head, I had three older brothers who were never gonna let that happen.” I laughed. “Only one wolf had the balls to try and talk me into staying with him and he was old enough that he should’ve known better.” I took a bite of sweet, chewy cookie and washed it down with milk. “I wasn’t even dating the guy. Then that idiot went and told somebody, who told somebody else, and next thing you know, I’ve got three angry brothers beating the guy to a pulp, protecting my virtue.” I shook my head and smiled at the memory. “After that, I think the word got around I was off limits.”
I picked out a plump raisin and popped it in my mouth, but even all its sweetness couldn’t stop the flood of memories that crept up. And, damn, if I thought Dain was going to have a rough up-and-down ride today, I was sure I’d have one right along with him.
The last two hellish years in the city flashed like painful strobe lights through my brain. I remembered each full moon that passed. I remembered how every muscle in my body ached so much, sleeping was impossible. I remembered pacing my little apartment, up and down the short hall that led from my tiny living room to my closet-sized bedroom. Leaving my apartment was out of the question. I’d been so scared of losing my own self-control and hurting an innocent bystander, or getting hurt myself because I needed something, or someone, so badly I could almost taste it—or him. And though I didn’t understand it at the time, the someone I’d needed was Dain.
I stared down at the cookie I had demolished on the plate. My emotions were doing the roller coaster thing too—running up angry hills, then sliding down into tearful valleys, with a break here and there to coast through a patch of level ground.
“I should’ve known what had happened to me the first time I saw Dain. I should’ve figured out why I had no interest in any other male. I should’ve been with him—saved him from having to lock himself up in the storm cellar for the last two years. Maybe if I’d realized we were meant to be together, this whole stupid situation with psycho cowboy could have been avoided.”
“Jessy...” Maygan touched my hand.
I looked at her beautifully kind face. “That asshole didn’t even want me. He was pissed off and desperate—I was just a means to lash out at Dain.”
“Why would he be pissed off at Dain?” Maygan’s brows bunched together and she narrowed her brown eyes. “Dain never did a damn thing to that twisted sonofabitch until last night.”
Well, there was that time at the beach bonfire Chuck had told me about, but Maygan must not have known about what happened or why.
“It’s not what Dain did, it’s more what he didn’t do.”
A low, menacing rumble came from deep inside Maygan’s petite frame. Her canines lengthened as she squeezed my hand painfully.
“You don’t have to say it. I know what he wanted.” Her normally sweet voice was low and threatening, her tone clipped. Her shoulders moved up and down with each angry breath she inhaled. She swallowed and seemed to focus on not shifting, though her muscles trembled beneath her skin.
“I caught Bobby...” Her upper lip twitched like she smelled something awful. “In the barn.” She took a breath. “With Rand—just after Dain turned eighteen.”
Her words hit like a heavy punch to my gut, slamming me back in my chair.
Oh. Hell. No.
I clenched my eyes shut as a sudden fire rained through my veins, along with quite a few colorful expletives including, but not limited to, “Are you fucking kidding me?”
I opened my eyes to see Maygan flushed with anger and shaking all over.
I shook my head. “Maygan...” I didn’t need to hear it. I really didn’t.
She pulled her hand away from mine and stared down at her own fingers as she clenched a tight fist. “When I caught them, Bobby was laying out spread-eagle on the back of his truck with his legs up in the air, his boots and jeans still on, bunched up at his ankles. Rand pounded into him as hard as he could and by the way Bobby was going on, he was having a hell of a good time. I...I didn’t look away. I watched. I watched them and when they finished, I walked back to the house without saying a word.”
A single tear slid down her cheek as she shifted her gaze to me. “I wasn’t even angry. I didn’t really feel anything—just kinda numb. I mean...” She inhaled a deep breath and the trembling seemed to subside. “Obviously, they enjoyed themselves and neither one seemed to be doing something they didn’t want to do. And by what they said to each other, the way they moved, it wasn’t the first time they’d been together.” She shook her head and shrugged. “I couldn’t even pretend Bobby was any different from all the other women Rand had been with over the years. Rand and I hadn’t had sex since the night I conceived Dain. I knew he was getting what he needed somewhere else. I’d just never...never caught him in the act before.”
Maygan shook her head as she glanced out the kitchen window. “I probably wouldn’t have said anything about it, but Rand was so... so mean. He knew I’d been there watching. After Bobby left, he came in, stinking of sex, and—taunted me. He said, if he would’ve known I liked to watch two males gettin’ it on so much...” She paused and closed her eyes, as another set of tears streamed down her pretty face. “If I liked it so much, he would’ve invited me along for Dain’s birthday.”
Oh. Hell. No.
He’d told her.
That sick waste of wolf tissue told her what he’d done to her son.
Maygan swallowed hard. Her lips quivered. The anger that had been in her eyes shifted to sadness as she looked up at me. “He...oh sweet ancient gods, Jessy, I can’t even say the words.”
I wanted to cry and scream and roar to the heavens. Damn him. Damn that sonofabitch-cocksucking-bastard for laying that shit on her.
More tears rolled down her cheeks in two small streams as she tried to catch her breath. She stood up, crossed the kitchen to the sink, and held on to the tile counter as if what she remembered made her sick to her stomach. The more she cried, the angrier I got. Not with her, but with the frustration and rage she must have felt, because I sure as hell felt the same damn things.
“Please don’t think badly about my son. Please don’t let what Rand did change the way you feel toward him. It’s not something—”
“He told me,” I interrupted. “Dain is my sakana. I love him with my entire being. Whatever happened in the past, however it may affect our future, we’ll work it out.”
“Dain doesn’t know Rand told me.”
“I figured that. Dain almost killed him. Did Rand tell you that part?” I stopped myself before blurting out anything else Maygan might not know about her son, like the fact he could shift into a Breeder form and that Rand did eventually die by Dain’s hands. Jaws. Whatever.
She gasped and shook her head. “No.”
“Listen, Maygan, none of that matters. Rand was a cruel, vindictive bastard. He wronged both you and Dain in so many ways.” I sighed, trying hard to find some way to ease her feelings and with my own spiking emotions, I failed miserably.
She turned her back to me and faced the kitchen window. Her shoulders trembled as she quietly wiped her face. “Rand had always been cruel. And vicious. And selfish. When I met him, he already had a horrible reputation of setting challenges. I don’t know how many wolves he killed before he met me. I’m not sure if he knew. Where any other wolf would have mated with the female he challenged for, Rand just used them for sex and left when he got tired of them. I thought, maybe he’d settle down—change—become the loving mate he should’ve been through our sakana bond, but...he didn’t.”
Her hands clutched at the counter, like she needed something to hold on to as she dredged up the past. She took a slow, deep breath and continued.
“He was built like Arnou, looked similar, but with an ugly, sly, cruel side I refused to see. Rand had none of Arnou’s gentleness or loving personality. He was just a mean bastard. I was so young and stupid and blind. I was actually flattered when he asked me to mate. But...he was never happy. Never.
He hadn’t set a challenge since we were mated and he missed the fights. He missed killing. He took that need out on me every chance he got. If I wasn’t a wolf, he would’ve killed me a long time ago. I fought back and he fed off of it. I was afraid to tell Gunner. I knew what he’d do.”
Yeah, abuse of a mate or an offspring was never tolerated. Gunner would’ve punished the hell out of Rand. And if Gunner had found out what Rand did to Dain, Rand would’ve died a lot sooner.
“The two times I went into heat and didn’t conceive, Rand got worse. I thought if I just gave him an offspring, he’d stop being so...angry. Once I became pregnant with Dain, he didn’t touch me again. Ever. He twisted our sakana bond into something tainted with hate.
“After he told me what he did to Dain, I couldn’t stand to look at him. I couldn’t stand the thought that he got away with so much, and hurt, and killed so many. After that, every time that sick bastard looked at my son, I’d see the lust in his eyes, see the anger he wouldn’t be able to control, and one day, one of them would die. It sure as hell wasn’t going to be my only son.”
She pivoted around, her brown eyes locking with mine as tears flowed down her face. She seemed to calm a little more with each breath she took. Her canines receded, but a few tears still leaked out of her eyes.
“So, I did what I had to. I set Rand up. He issued that challenge because I made sure he wouldn’t be able to resist the temptation. I never dreamed they would leave him alive. I’m sure they thought he was dead before they called, or so close to death that it wouldn’t matter because he would be dead before someone got to him. I sent Dain. Sent him to see the man who had violated him would never touch him again.” She wiped her cheeks with her hands. “I had to, Jessy. I had to.”
The love of a mother protecting her young was all over her face and in the way she proudly held her head.