by L A Cotton
“Have I ever given you or the gang reason to think I don’t?” My brow arched.
The ‘gang’ was tight. They looked out for each other, hung out a lot, and shared the highs and lows of their emotionally demanding course. And until today, I’d never really questioned my position among them. But in less than a couple of hours, Mya had suggested that I didn’t have to tag along, and now Rex was acting like I didn’t belong.
Not how I saw the beginning of semester going.
As if she heard my thoughts, Mya glanced over at me and mouthed, “You good?”
I nodded, because I wasn’t about to let Rex, or anyone else for that matter, know how I really felt.
Maybe I should have taken Diego up on his offer after all.
Faith took the stage and we all clapped. Aside from Hailee and Felicity, she was Mya’s best friend. Freshman and sophomore year, we had hung out with her and her ex-boyfriend a lot. It had been nice, having another couple on campus to do things with. But Faith and Max had broken up before the end of sophomore year and that was that.
“Hey everyone. I’m Faith and this poem is called Freedom...”
* * *
Freedom is the power to breathe. To live and grow and feel.
Freedom is the power to speak. To think and consider and be.
Freedom is the power to love. To ask and give and hold.
* * *
You told me you loved me, but you hurt me the most. You took all that freedom and stripped it from my soul, leaving me weak and ruined.
You gave me your word, you promised me the world... and then stole it away in the blink of an eye.
* * *
Freedom is the power to change. To realize I’d become who you wanted me to be. Not who I needed to be.
Freedom is the right to say no. To protect my heart and body and soul and refuse to submit.
Freedom is the me saying I’m done... you don’t get to hold all the cards anymore.
* * *
I’m free.
* * *
And you’re no one.
* * *
The room was silent, the pain and passion in Faith’s words rippling in the air, making it thick and heavy. She was Mya’s friend, not mine, but it didn’t take much to figure out she was talking about her ex. I shifted uncomfortably in my chair. I knew Max. I’d witnessed them as a couple: saw the way he’d loved her, the way he’d made her laugh. He’d wanted more and she hadn’t. That’s what Faith had told Mya, so the fact she was standing up there, publicly dissecting their relationship, and making him sound like a possessive asshole, left a sour taste in my mouth.
From the earsplitting applause she received, it was apparent no one else agreed with my assessment of her poem.
“Holy. Shit. Girl,” Mya said, “that was awesome.”
“I’ve been feeling inspired.” Her twinkling gaze landed on mine and she narrowed her eyes. But as quickly as it was there, it was gone, as she lapped up the praise from her friends.
“Rex, help me get the drinks in?” Faith crooked her finger at him, and he went willingly.
Mya slid into his seat and looped her arms around my neck. “What did you think?”
“It was... a little harsh.”
She reared back, confusion clouding her eyes. “What do you mean?”
“Come on, babe. She made Max out to be a complete asshole.”
“It wasn’t necessarily about Max.”
“It was so about him. She dumped him, and yet she stood up there making it sound like he was some possessive narcissist, which we both know couldn’t be further from the truth.”
“Huh. I guess I didn’t think about it like that.”
“He wanted more, and Faith freaked.”
“It’s just slam poetry, Ash. You don’t need to get so upset over it.”
“I’m not upset,” I sighed, running a hand over my head. “I just think it’s a little unfair.”
“You know what she’s like.” Mya brushed her nose over mine, stealing a kiss. “She’s all for girl power and independence.”
“And making her ex out to sound like a total asshole apparently,” I grumbled.
“It’s their business. Who are we to say how someone should or shouldn’t feel? Max was a good guy, but he was kind of intense, always glued to her side. I guess she felt smothered.”
“Is that what earlier was about?” I asked, the chips falling into place with a resounding thud.
“What?” Mya’s gaze widened.
“When you said I didn’t have to come tonight. Did Faith say something to you about me?”
“I...” Mya let out a small breath. “Not exactly,” she admitted. “She’s just in a weird place and wants to make the most of her newfound freedom.”
“So she did say something to you?”
Un-fucking-believable.
“She didn’t mean anything by it.”
“Did you?” My body vibrated with a sense of impending doom. I couldn’t really explain it, but I knew this wasn’t going to end well. Yet, for some reason, I couldn’t let it go.
“Asher, stop... this is silly.”
“I don’t think it is,” I said.
First Mya, then Diego and Rex, and now Faith’s stupid poem.
“Do you feel smothered by me?” Before I could stop them, the words spilled from my lips, and Mya’s breath hitched.
“Where is all this coming from?”
“Answer the question, Mya,” I ground out. The chatter and laughter went on around us, but it barely penetrated the roar of blood between my ears.
“You’re being ridiculous.” Her gaze went over my shoulder. “They’re coming back. Please don’t make this into something it isn’t.”
But the seed was planted, and I couldn’t shake the feeling, I wasn’t really welcome here tonight after all.
Standing, I shoved my hands in my pockets. “I’m going to hang out with Diego and the guys. I’ll see you back at the apartment later.”
“Leaving so soon?” Faith shot me a smug look.
“Yeah,” I replied. “I guess it wasn’t my scene after all.”
And then I got the hell out of there.
Mya
“I should go after him.” My chest constricted as I watched Asher walk away from us. He’d been so upset, so weird over Faith’s poem.
But then, I’d screwed up earlier.
I’d seen the dejection in his eyes when I'd suggested he didn’t have to come.
God, I should never have said anything. We always spent Sunday together. And I loved it. But Faith was in a weird place and Asher was a lot like Max. When he loved, he loved with his entire being. It had taken some getting used to, being the center of his universe, but I never felt smothered.
Overwhelmed sometimes, sure, but never smothered.
“Let him go.” Faith shrugged, taking a long slurp of her drink. “You guys can kiss and make up later.”
“She’s right, you know,” Bella, our other friend, said. “A little time and space never hurt... besides, makeup sex.” She waggled her brows.
“Ugh, no thanks.” Faith rolled her eyes. “Max was always so clingy after an argument.”
“So, the poem,” I asked, changing the subject. “Was that—”
“About Max? Yeah... he was just so stifling sometimes. It was like I couldn’t breathe. He’d want to talk about our life after college, having a family and settling down...”
“He thought you were the one,” Rex said, frowning.
“I guess. But it’s college... we’re supposed to find ourselves and spread our wings. Not... clip them.”
“It’s why I stick to my three-date rule.” Bella nodded.
“But what if you met the right person?” I asked.
“Like you and Asher?” She gave me a warm smile. Unlike Faith who glowered.
“What?” I glared back.
“Asher is a nice guy, but do you really think he’s the one?”
“Faith,” Rex hissed under his breath.
<
br /> “No, it’s okay,” I said, feeling a trickle of irritation up my spine. “Let her make her point.”
“All I’m saying is, you met in high school, under… difficult circumstances. You went through something huge together. That kind of trauma can bind two people together. We see it all the time in class. That shared experience can become a dependency... a crutch. But unless you give yourself time and space to come to terms with that trauma, you can’t really know who you are or what you want.”
Faith had a point. We’d studied enough about attachment, shared trauma, and trauma bonding for me to know that people often did mistake shared trauma for compatibility. But what me and Asher had wasn’t some product of our experiences.
When my ex, Jermaine, had found me in Rixon and shot Asher’s mom, part of me had felt sure Asher would never be able to forgive me. At the time, I hadn’t been sure I would ever forgive myself. But Asher loved me in spite of that. He’d done nothing but prove to me he was in.
All in.
When I didn’t answer, Faith let out an exasperated breath. “Look, all I’m saying is, we’re halfway into college. Do you really want to spend your entire college experience tied to another person who may or may not end up being the one? Because I sure as hell don’t.”
I pressed my lips together, considering her words. Asher had gone against his father’s plans for him and followed me to Temple University.
He put me first every single time.
Above the team. Above his family and friends.
Faith was wrong. I didn’t need to spend the next two years questioning anything. Because I knew. In my heart of hearts, I knew how Asher felt about me. And I knew how I felt about him.
“You’re wrong,” I said, standing.
“Seriously? You’re going after him?” Faith gawked at me, while Bella gave me a discreet thumbs up.
“I get Max wasn’t it for you, but Asher is it for me. You’re one of my best friends and I’ll always be here for you... but don’t project your shit onto me, okay?”
Faith smothered a gasp and I offered her a weak smile. “I’ll see you in class.”
I didn’t wait around to hear her reply. I had to go after my guy.
Asher
“Yo, man. We weren’t expecting you.” Diego swaggered over to me. He had an Owls ball cap pulled on backwards and his jeans slung low on his hips.
“Do you ever wear a shirt?” I asked, meeting his fist bump with my own.
“And deny the ladies all this?” He swept a hand down his cut abs. “Nah, bro. So, what’s up? I thought you and Mya had plans?”
“We did.” I pressed my lips together, smothering a groan.
“Oh shit, trouble in paradise?”
“Honestly, I don’t know what the fuck happened. One minute, everything was fine, the next...”
“You need a drink. Yo, Broderick,” he hollered over his shoulder. “Get my guy, Asher, a beer.”
Ten seconds later, Broderick appeared. “Hey, man.”
“What’s up?” I gave him a small nod.
“Not a lot. Just shooting some pool and deciding who to take for a ride tonight.” He smirked, and the two of them high-fived, laughing and jostling each other.
“Ash and Mya had a fight,” Diego said.
“Oh shit. You need me to hook you up? Jada is here and she brought plenty of friends.”
“I’m good, thanks.” Jada was a cheerleader and more than happy to service the football team.
“You need to relax, man,” he said. “Have a drink. Get your dick suck—”
“Do not finish that sentence,” a familiar voice said, and Diego let out a low whistle.
“Mya?” I turned to meet her narrowed gaze. “What are you—”
“Can we talk?” Her brow went up.
“We’ll give the two of you some space.” Diego dragged Broderick away.
“You left,” she said.
“I didn’t think I was welcome there.” I rubbed my bottom lip, hating the distance between us.
If Cameron and Jason were here, I knew they would tell me to grow some balls. But I’d always worn my heart on my sleeve, I wasn’t about to change now.
“Ash.” She inched closer, so close I could smell her perfume. “What has gotten into you?”
I reached for her, but Mya batted my hand away, pressing her palms flat against my chest and pushing me into the wall.
“You knew what you were signing on for with me,” I said. “I’m intense and needy and so fucking gone for you.”
“Faith said some things...” Her eyes glittered with emotion. “But she doesn’t get it. No one does. The way I feel about you. The way you make me feel...” Mya leaned in, letting her mouth hover over mine. “You’re it for me, Asher Bennet.”
“Yeah?” My throat felt dry, my heart beating hard beneath my ribcage.
She nodded. “I’m sorry I made you doubt how I feel about us.”
My hand slipped around Mya’s neck, holding her there and touching my head to hers. “I’m sorry I overreacted about Faith’s poem. But the idea you might not feel the same—”
“I do.” A grin spread across her gorgeous face. “And I’m right here.”
I captured her lips, pushing my tongue into her mouth. She tasted so fucking good. I wanted to take my time exploring every inch of her.
“Erm, babe, unless you want an audience, maybe we should take this back to our place.” Mya buried her face into the crook of my neck, and I wound my hands around her body.
“I love you.”
“I love you too, Asher.” She lifted her eyes to mine. “So much.”
“This year is going to be amazing. I promise.”
“I know.” I saw nothing but complete conviction there, and it was such a fucking relief.
“And I promise to give you space, even if I do hate every second that I’m away from you.” My lips curved but I meant every single word.
“Well, I promise to always come back to you. How does that sound?”
Ducking my head, I brushed my nose over hers. “It sounds pretty damn perfect.”
Mya
“Jesus, babe,” Asher rasped as I ran my tongue along his shaft. He’d already made love to me once and again in the shower. But there was something about tonight’s events that made me crave him.
His hands slid into my curls, guiding my mouth deeper over him. “That feels so fucking good.”
Despite his vice-like hold on me, Asher let me set the pace. After more than two-and-a- half years together, I knew exactly how to bring him to the edge. My hand jacked him slowly in rhythm with my tongue, as I licked and flicked, sucking him like a popsicle.
“Fuck, Mya...” he choked out as I took his dick deeper, relishing the clean taste of him.
Our eyes connected, and I held his stare as I ran my lips up and down, swirling my tongue over the tip. “I’m close...” His grip on my hair relaxed a little and I knew I had him right where I wanted him.
Asher’s head rolled back, a string of cuss words leaving his lips on breathy moans. I sucked him harder... deeper... flattening my tongue against his shaft and bobbing my head up and down.
“Fuuuuck,” Asher went to pull away, but I tightened my hold on him, not letting him go until I'd swallowed down every last drop.
Licking my lips, I sat up.
“Do you have any idea how fucking sexy you look like that?” He wound his hand around my wrist and tugged me forward. I went willingly, letting Asher pull me across his body. He leaned down, kissing me hard, not caring that he could taste himself on my tongue. Desire pulsed through me, but it was late, and we had class in the morning.
Asher must have had the same thought because instead of deepening the kiss, he rolled me over and spooned me from behind, wrapping his big body around mine. “We should fight more often,” he teased.
“That wasn’t a fight, babe. A fight requires raised voices, some smashed glasses, and a fist or two.”
He chuckled. “My little
fighter.”
“What we had earlier was... a moment.”
“A moment. I can live with that. Let’s just not make a habit of it.” He snuggled me tighter.
Sometimes, when we were like this, it was hard to believe this was my life. The girl from Fallowfield Heights living in a prestigious apartment building in the city with her rich football-playing boyfriend.
Asher was everything I never wanted... and everything I never knew I needed.
“Penny for your thoughts?” He ran his nose along my shoulder.
“Just thinking how I ended up here.”
“You need me to remind you? Because I can. I can spend the entire night reminding you of exactly why we’re perfect for each other.”
A shiver rolled through me at the intention in his words.
“Do you think it will always be like this?”
“I think life will have its ups and downs,” he said, “but we’ll get through whatever storms blow our way.”
Glancing back, I smiled. “You always sound so sure of everything.”
“Because I am. I love you, Mya. I love our life together. And I’m excited about what the future brings.”
“Even if I want to stay in the city?” I wanted to work in the kinds of neighborhoods where I’d grown up. I wanted to make a difference to kids like me. I was one of the lucky ones, I got out. But so many kids thought their destinies were already decided for them. I wanted to show them there was always another way.
“I already told you, if that’s what you want, that’s what we’ll do.”
Rolling over, I stared up at Asher. He was so handsome, his features older and wiser, a young man on the cusp of great things. Turned out, Asher was whip smart like his father. He’d never wanted his father’s life, but since starting his business degree two years ago, Asher had come to love the very thing he’d once resented.
“But what about your dad’s business?”
“We’ll figure it out. He’s been wanting to expand. This could be the perfect opportunity. We have time.” He kissed the end of my nose.