by L A Cotton
“What?” he asked, his voice a hushed whisper.
“I love you, Cameron.” So much it scares me.
He crowded me against the wall and picked me up, pressing my back against the bare brick. “Not as much as I love you.” He grasped himself and lined himself up with my center, pressing into me.
“Oh God,” I moaned as I sank down on him.
Cameron stilled, touching his head to mine and taking a shuddering breath.
“It’s okay.” I laid a hand on his cheek. “I’m here, Cameron, I’m right here.”
Burying his face in my neck, he pulled out slowly before thrusting back inside. It was deep like this, intense and overwhelming in the best kind of way.
“Harder,” I said, letting my head fall back. “Take what you need.”
Cam squeezed my hip, hard enough to leave a bruise as he rocked into me over and over. “Fuck, Sunshine,” he groaned. “You feel like heaven.”
He attacked my mouth like a man starved, all tongue and teeth and teasing strokes.
“Cameron...” His name was a breathy plea on my lips as I drowned in sensation.
“Feel me, Hailee.” Thrust. “Feel what you do to me.” Thrust. “Nothing... nothing will ever feel as good as this.”
He went harder... faster... deeper, driving me into the wall until I knew I’d have friction burns. But it didn’t matter. Cameron needed this and I wanted to be the one to give it to him.
Only ever me.
“I love you,” he panted against my damp skin. “I love you so fucking much.” Cameron kissed my throat, licking and sucking, branding me with his lips and searing me with his touch.
“Harder,” I cried, clinging onto Cam’s broad shoulders for dear life as he pushed me toward the precipice of sheer bliss.
“Fuck, Hailee.” He slammed inside me, once, twice... until I shattered around him, crying his name over and over.
Cameron stilled, riding his own waves of pleasure. He gathered me into his arms and just held me.
“It’s okay,” I whispered against the corner of his mouth. “It’s going to be okay.”
But as I said the words, I knew it was a lie.
Because this was one thing I didn’t know how to fix.
Cameron
“Come here,” I patted the bed and Hailee climbed in beside me. After we’d cleaned up, she had reheated some leftovers and we’d eaten together before calling it a night.
I was weary from practice and Hailee was tired from the way I’d used her body against the wall.
“How are you feeling?” she asked me.
“I’m just worried about him.”
“I know. But you can’t fix everything, Cam.”
I couldn’t, I knew that. But if I was there, if Xan had me there to talk to, to distract him...
Fuck.
Guilt chewed me up inside. He was my kid brother. My little shadow. He was lost and no one knew how to help him.
“They’re coming to the game Friday?”
“Yeah, Dad booked them into the hotel on Denton Avenue.”
“I’m sure seeing you will cheer him up.”
“Yeah.” He usually perked up whenever I went home or he visited us, but as he’d gotten older, he’d started to pull away. Although I knew it was irrational, I couldn’t deny it felt like he was punishing me.
“Can I ask you something?” Hailee sat up, and I nodded. “Do you ever regret coming to Michigan with me?”
“What? No! Hailee, that’s not—”
“I’m not trying to make you feel guilty, I’m not.” She gave me an uncertain smile. “I’m just trying to understand how I can help. It’s senior year. I don’t want you to spend our last year here together resenting me.”
“Hailee, stop.” I cupped her face, stroking her cheek. “I don’t ever want you to feel that way.”
“So, you’re happy here?”
“I...” I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t lie to her, not when she’d been there every step of the way.
“I can’t help but wonder if he’d be this way if I’d have stayed.” The words were like a sheet of ice between us and I instantly regretted them.
“You never said anything.” Her voice cracked. “All this time and you never—”
“I didn’t want you to think I didn’t want to be here. I do, so much. But he’s my brother, and he isn’t getting better, he’s getting worse.”
“So, what do we do?” Her eyes filled with tears and I hated that I was the one to put them there. But this conversation was long overdue.
Over the last couple of years, Xander had become the elephant in the room. But I constantly reassured her this was what I wanted. Because it had been.
When my mom got sick, Hailee had stood by me through the hardest few weeks of my life. I wanted to come to Michigan for her, to put her first. But now I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Xander was family, my blood, and everything in me was screaming at me that he needed me... but Hailee, she was my heart, my home.
How the fuck was I supposed to choose between them?
The answer was, I couldn’t.
Cameron
“Cameron.” Xander shot at me like a bull out of a gate and I opened my arms catching him.
“Hey, Xan, it’s good to see you.” He clung to me like a spider monkey, so I slid my arms under his butt and carried him into our building.
“How’s school?”
“Ugh. Don’t ask. I hate that place.”
“No way? Don’t you have Mr. Gellar? I remember that guy, he was always a hoot.”
“Well, he’s a real asshat now.”
“Hey, watch it,” I scolded him, and he grumbled, “Sorry, Cam.”
Hailee and my parents trailed in behind us, and I lowered my brother to the floor to greet them properly.
“Son, it’s good to see you.” Dad stepped forward and pulled me into his arms. I could see the worry lines around his eyes, but they were no longer because of mom. Instead they were caused by the seven-year-old currently drilling holes into the side of my head.
“Hey, Dad.”
“Cameron,” Mom nudged her way between us, looking up at me with weary eyes. “Has it really only been a few weeks?”
“Yeah.” I chuckled, but it was strained.
“And Hailee,” Mom went to my girl. “You get more beautiful every time I see you.”
“Thanks, Karen.”
“Excited for the game tonight?” Dad asked.
“Yeah, but I’ll not be excited about spending the day with this little squirt tomorrow.” I tackle hugged Xander, and his laughter was like music to my ears.
“Oh, Clarke, look.”
Xander instantly stiffened at Mom’s words. “Relax,” I said. “She’s just happy—”
“Yeah, whatever.” He shirked me off and went and sat on the couch. We all watched him, silence descending over the four of us.
“Why don’t I make some coffee?” Hailee suggested, giving me a reassuring smile.
“Thanks,” I said, sliding my eyes back to Xander. He’d pulled out his handheld computer game, his thumbs working overtime as he pressed the buttons.
“How is he, really?” I asked my parents and their expressions fell.
“We don’t know what to do anymore, Cameron. He’s completely shut us out.”
“I’ll talk to him.” I ran a hand through my hair, releasing a heavy sigh. But as I watched my brother, one of the most important people in my life, I feared talking wasn’t enough anymore.
Hailee
“Are you excited to watch Cameron?” I asked Xander as we sat in our seats. It was the opening game of the season, and a big rivalry game against Ohio State, so the atmosphere in the Michigan Stadium was electric.
Karen and Clarke sat on the other side of Xander, giving the two of us some space. I’d noticed how strained things were between them and their son, and my heart ached for them all.
He shrugged, and I nudged his shoulder. “It’s okay to be excited,
you know. But if you’re not, that’s okay too.”
“I just really miss him,” he admitted.
“He misses you too. So much. He talks about you all the time.”
“He does?” He stared up at me with big blue eyes, just like his brother's.
“Yeah. Cameron loves you so much, Xander.”
“But he left.” His lip quivered, but he steeled his expression.
For a seven-year-old, Xander Chase had excellent resolve. It’s why his mom and dad struggled so much to get him to open up to them.
“You know Cameron leaving had nothing to do with you, don’t you?”
He shrugged again, just as the team jogged out onto the field. The noise was deafening and Xander seemed to shrink into his chair. He leaned into me as if he needed the protection, but he didn’t get too close.
My heart swelled with pride at seeing Cameron in his maize and blue jersey.
When they had found out his mom was sick, he’d been prepared to give up his dream of football. But, in the end, he hadn’t had to. His parents were so proud of him and everything he’d achieved so far at Michigan. But senior year was his year.
At least, I hoped it was.
“They’re looking good,” Clarke yelled over the chorus of cheers and chatter. “Strong.”
“It’s their year.” I grinned at him.
“I really hope so.”
Xander peeked up at me and I frowned. “What?”
“Are you and my brother going to get married one day?”
“I...” I stuttered over the words. “Maybe. I mean, I hope so.”
Karen and Clarke smothered their laughter.
“Why?”
Please don’t say you don’t want us to. My heart galloped in my chest as he stared up at me before beckoning me closer. I dipped my head and waited.
“Maybe if you do, and you come back to Rixon, I can come live with you.”
Oh God.
My heart.
It broke for the boy looking at me with nothing but hope and sadness in his eyes.
It broke for his parents, trying so hard to be unaffected by their son’s growing detachment.
But most of all it broke because I couldn’t give him the answer he thought he wanted to hear.
“Hailee?” he said.
“Uh, it’s not something I can really answer, buddy.”
Disappointment flashed in his eyes.
“We still have to get through college and then figure out what we want to do.”
“You’ll be coming home though, right?”
Crap.
This was not going well.
I was digging a deeper and deeper hole. I glanced over at Karen, but she and Clarke were deep in conversation.
“Wherever we decide to settle down, you will always be welcome, Xander.” I chose my words carefully. “If we get a place big enough, you can even have your own room. We can decorate and—”
The announcer’s voice came over the speaker and relief flooded me.
I gave Xander a reassuring smile, but he barely returned it, and I hoped the game would be enough to take his mind off things.
Cameron
“Okay, listen up and listen good, ladies,” Coach said, his eyes glancing to the scoreboard. We were tied with a little over a minute on the clock. “We’ve got a shot at one final play, and we need to make it a good one. Because anything less is not an option, you hear me?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Good. Now get out there and show them why that championship is coming home this season.”
“Dom, take it away, son.”
“Hands in,” he yelled, and we all piled our hands in the center.
It had been a brutal game, our teams matched in speed, strength, and grit. But with Hailee and my family in the audience, I’d found my flow, scoring touchdowns on five out of seven passes. The only problem was Ohio had also scored.
“Wolverines on three.”
“One... two... three... Wolverines.” We broke from the huddle and Dom jogged beside me. “You ready?”
I gave him a stiff nod.
He curled his hand around my neck and pulled me into him, our helmets crashing together. “We’ve earned this, Chase. It’s senior year and that championship is ours, you hear me?”
Adrenaline pulsed through me, the roar of the crowd like liquid ecstasy coursing through my veins.
When I was out here, on the field with my team, playing to the cheers of over one-hundred thousand fans, it was easy to forget about all the other shit. Xander. Hailee. My future. Decisions I wasn’t sure I was ready to make.
Out here, it all went away until there was nothing but me, the ball, and a line of defensive players all looking to stop me from reaching my destination.
I knew it wouldn’t last though. When the final whistle sounded, and the noise stopped, it would all come rushing back.
But for now, I was invincible.
“Let’s give them a show,” I called to Dom and he grinned.
“What are you thinking?”
“Remember when we were goofing around with Dylan the other day?
“Yeah?”
I nodded.
“It’s a big risk.”
“We can pull it off.”
“Let’s do it then.” He jogged off toward Dylan to give him the instructions as the rest of us moved into position.
The crowd quieted as we waited for the clock to resume. If we wanted to score, we needed to move fast and execute the play to the letter.
“Blue twenty-two,” Dom yelled. “Blue twenty-two.” A couple of players dropped back, and the offensive line began shuffling, trying to read the play.
I stayed light on my feet waiting for the snap to Dom. He caught it and hiked the ball to Dylan who began charging for the line of scrimmage, only to slow at the line and pass back to Dominic. The offense scrambled and I flew. Pumping my legs hard, I moved into the open space, extending my hand to give him the signal. The ball cut through the air and I leaped, curling my hand around the leather. The confused Ohio players immediately switched direction to close in around me. But I was too fast, cool air whipping through my helmet as I push harder... faster... nothing but the end zone and victory in sight.
Fingers grazed my shoulder as a defense player reached me, but I shirked him off, dodging right and straight into the end zone.
“Touchdooooown,” the announcer’s voice rang out through the stadium, the collective hoots and hollers of the tens of thousands of fans deafening.
My team jogged over, all wanting to celebrate our first win of the season against one of our biggest rivals.
“That’s how you get shit done,” Dom said, smashing his helmet to mine. “Fuck, I could kiss you.”
“Please don’t,” I chuckled, trying desperately to hold onto the high. But no sooner had it arrived than it started to dissipate.
Xander was out there somewhere with my parents. They would look to me for answers, answers I didn’t have.
“Get over here,” Coach yelled, and we all jogged toward him. “What the hell was that, Sanchez?”
“That was getting the job done, sir.”
“That flea flicker your idea, son?”
“The credit is all Chase’s, sir.”
Coach set his eyes in my direction. “Risky move.”
“Knew we could do it, sir,” I said, feeling the weight of the shoulder pads start to crush my lungs.
I needed to get off this field, and fast.
“Lucky for you, it worked.”
I went to move around him, but Coach caught my arm, and I glanced back. “You played well out there tonight, son. Keep it up and you’ll have nothing to worry about when the scouts come around.”
His words only made my chest tighter. “Thanks, Coach,” I mumbled, before tearing off my helmet and jogging toward the tunnel. I needed a shower and then I needed to find the one person who could make it all go away.
Not even an hour later, I filed out of the stad
ium to find Hailee, Xander, and my parents waiting for me.
“Congratulations.” My girl rushed into my arms and wrapped herself around me. “You were amazing.”
“I don’t feel so amazing. Their defense are like giants.”
She stepped back, narrowing her eyes. “Are you okay?”
“Nothing a little TLC from my favorite girl won’t cure.” I leaned in to kiss her, forgetting we had an audience.
Until my brother made a retching noise.
“Get over here, squirt,” I said, crooking my finger. Xander came willingly, wedging himself between Hailee and me.
“We need to talk,” she mouthed, flicking her eyes to him.
Dread snaked through me.
Something had happened.
“Are you okay?” I mouthed back, and she nodded, but there was a sadness in her expression that had alarm bells ringing.
But in true Hailee fashion, she pasted on a smile and said, “Right, who wants ice cream?”
“Can I have sprinkles?” Xander slipped out of my arms and stared up at us.
“Of course you can, buddy. You can have whatever you want.”
“I want three flavors.”
“You got it, Xan.”
We moved over to where Mom and Dad were hovering. “Congratulations, Son.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
“You pulled out a nice play at the end.”
“Coach almost blew a gasket.”
“I bet. But it paid off.”
“Come here, sweetheart.” Mom pulled me into a hug. “I’m so proud of you.”
She told me every time we were together. It was as if after her illness she wanted to treasure every moment, imprint every memory. She was healthy now, but I guess something like that changed you.
I knew it had changed me to some extent.
“The team not celebrating?” Dad asked as we headed for their SUV.
“Yeah, there’ll be a party or something.”
“You can always go after we—”
“Don’t do that,” I said. “I want to be here, with you guys.” My arm slipped tighter around Xander.