by L A Cotton
“No... I mean, I thought about it, but—”
“You thought it about it and you never said a word. What is happening to us, Cameron? Because when the semester started and you began pulling away, I told myself it was just the pressure of balancing everything. Then you started going back and forth to Rixon more and more, and I got it, because it’s Xander. He’s your blood, your family. But what I didn’t anticipate was that every time you left, it would drive the wedge growing between us deeper.
“I think I’ve been understanding. I’ve tried to be there for you, for Xander, even your parents. I don’t grumble or complain, or trash talk you to our friends. Because I get it. I get you want to do the right thing. You wouldn’t be the guy I fell in love with if you didn’t. But something is happening to us and I’m starting to wonder if it has anything to do with everything else going on, or if it’s just us. If maybe you’re starting to feel like...” Hailee’s bottom lip quivered but she swallowed her emotion. “I’m the burden.”
Without speaking, I got up and crossed the room to her. Dropping to my knees, I looped my hand around the back of her neck and pulled her to me until our heads were pressed together. “You are not a burden.”
“So, what is it? Why do I feel like I’m losing you?”
Her words snaked through me, lashing my insides. “Because I’m an asshole,” I breathed. “I take your love for granted. I take you for granted, and I shouldn’t.”
“I just don’t understand how we got here?” Hailee was holding back her tears. I heard them in her voice.
“I love you. I love you so damn much, and I know things haven’t been right for a while and I—”
The blare of my cell cut through the air, and Hailee’s gaze darted over my shoulder.
“I’ll leave it,” I said.
But it didn’t stop ringing.
“Maybe you should get it; it could be your mom.”
My eyes shuttered, my heart torn in two. I wanted to put Hailee first, to prove to her she was the most important thing in my life...
“Cam, it’s okay.” She took my hands and gently moved out of my hold. “Go, they need you.”
And I need you. But the words wouldn’t come out.
I got up and ran a hand over my face. Hailee had curled up on the chair, her expression crestfallen. “I’m sorry,” I mouthed as I snatched up my cell phone and hit answer. “Dad?” I said, panic flooding me as I wondered what Xander could have possibly done this time.
“Cameron, Son…”
“Dad, what is it?”
“It’s your mom... She’s in the hospital.”
The world fell away as I tried to process his words.
“What do you mean, she’s in the hospital?”
“She... she collapsed. They think she had a seizure.”
“Where’s Xander?”
“He’s with Asher’s mom. He was there when it happened. I found them—”
“Dad?” My voice cracked.
“We need you, Son. We need you to come home.”
Hailee
We got a flight to Philadelphia and rented a car to drive to Rixon. It was the quickest option.
Cameron had barely spoken a word on the ninety-minute flight from Detroit. He’d clutched my hand the entire way there though, as if I was his lifeline.
The second I pulled up outside the Rixon General, Cameron grabbed the door handle. “I need to—”
“Go,” I said. “I’ll find somewhere to park.”
He gave me a small nod and climbed out, jogging across the street and disappearing inside.
My heart ached for them. First Xander, now this. I didn’t want to assume the worst, but I knew that if anything happened to Karen, the Chase men wouldn’t survive it.
I found a parking spot and cut the engine. I wanted to go to him, to see how Karen was. But I needed a minute.
I didn’t get it though. My cell phone started ringing.
“Jason?”
“How is he?”
“I- I don’t know. His dad called and everything was a blur after that. We just got to the hospital.”
“Is he there? Can I speak to him? He isn’t answering his cell.”
“N- no. I’m in the car still.”
“Hailee, what is it? What’s wrong?”
The tears I’d fought so hard to contain exploded, streaming down my cheeks like unstoppable rivers, the noise of my heavy sobs audible.
“Shit, Hailee, don’t cry. He’ll be okay. They’ll all be okay.”
“They won’t. If she doesn’t make it... I’ll lose him, Jase. I know I will.” Every fear and insecurity I’d felt over the last few weeks battered me like an unforgiving storm.
If his mom was sick again, he would quit the team—maybe even quit college—and move back to Rixon. Because that’s the kind of guy Cameron was. He made sacrifices for the people he loved. And they would need him.
His family would need him.
“You’re his family too,” Jase said, and I didn’t even realize I’d said the words aloud.
“You know what I mean. He’ll be here and I’ll be there.”
“But you’ll get through this. You will. Listen, did the two of you get a chance to talk?”
“We were talking when his dad called. Why?”
“Cameron loves you, Hailee. He needs you. I know it might not always seem like that, but we’re guys, we get shit wrong sometimes. Don’t give up on him, okay?”
Silence filled the line. I wanted to heed his words, to be a pillar of strength for Cameron and his family, but the truth was, I was scared... scared of what the future would bring for us.
“It was you, you know?” Jason’s voice grounded me.
“What was?”
“It was you and Cam that made me realize there’s more to life than football.”
I snorted. “You hated me back then.”
“I didn’t hate you, Hailee. I just...”
“Yeah, I know.”
We had a lot of history—a lot of bad history—but we weren’t those people anymore. Jason was one of the most important people in my life.
He was family.
“Cameron loves you and even if he tries to push you away or cut you loose, it’ll only be because he thinks he’s doing right by you. If his mom is sick again, and I really fucking hope she isn’t,” he let out a weary sigh, “you’re going to need to be his strength, Sis. Even when he doesn’t think he wants you to be.”
More tears flowed down my cheeks and I bit back a huge sob.
“You hear me?” Jase said. “You might not be a Ford, Hailee, but you are my sister in all the ways that matter. And we don’t quit, okay? We fight.”
“Yeah, okay.”
“Good, now go be with our guy. And tell him I’m here. Whatever he needs, all he has to do is call.”
“Thank you, Jason.”
“Anytime. Now brush yourself off and be the badass Hailee Raine I know you can be.”
Cameron
“Dad.”
His head snapped up and he was out of his chair in a second, rushing toward me and pulling me into his arms. “You’re here, thank God, you’re here.”
“How is she? What are they saying?”
“They’re still running tests.”
“Do they think it’s the same as before?”
He paled. “It’s the most likely scenario, Son.”
Fuck.
“But they said she was okay. She got the all clear.” Mom had the surgery and they’d gotten the tumor.
“We always knew this was a possibility, Cameron.”
Yeah, but how unlucky did someone have to be to have it come back? I couldn’t get my head around that. Hadn’t we dealt with enough already?
“Xander—”
“He’s okay.” Dad squeezed my shoulder. “I checked in with Julia earlier.”
But I knew the truth. Xander wasn’t okay.
“It’s like he knew,” I said.
“Whatever do yo
u mean?”
“It’s like he knew she was going to get sick again and that’s why he kept pushing her away.”
“Cameron, he didn’t know. He couldn’t have.”
Of course, I knew that. But it didn’t stop me wondering if he sensed something.
“Hailee,” Dad’s gaze moved over my shoulder.
“Hi, Clarke. I’m so sorry.” She didn’t think twice about hugging him.
“I’m glad you’re here.” Dad held her at arm’s length, offering her a warm smile.
“I wouldn’t be anywhere else.”
My chest squeezed, remembering the conversation we’d been having as my dad called. The conversation we still needed to have.
The conversation that would have to take a backseat.
“Shall I get us some coffee?” Hailee suggested. It was late, but I wasn’t leaving until I got to see Mom.
“That’s a great idea,” Dad said, digging out his wallet. “Here, let me—”
“Don’t worry, I’ve got it.” She offered him a smile.
“Thank you,” I said, and Hailee took off down the hall.
“I’m so glad she came with you, Son. You’re lucky to have her.”
He was right, I was.
Hailee hadn’t given coming with me a second thought. She’d gotten on her phone the second I told her I needed to get to Rixon ASAP.
But I couldn’t stop thinking about what she’d said earlier.
I couldn’t stop wondering if she was right.
It was almost eleven when they finally let us in to see Mom. The doctor confirmed that she’d had a seizure due to a new glioma.
My mom had another brain tumor.
I didn’t know what the fuck to do with that.
“I’ll give the three of you some space,” Hailee said as we reached Mom's room.
“Thank you.” Dad slipped inside, but I stayed back.
“I’m not sure I can do this again,” I confessed, my heart numb from the news.
“Sure, you can.” Hailee enveloped me in her slim arms. “You’re so strong, Cam. And I’m here, I’m right here. Whatever you need.”
I wanted to tell her to take me away from here. To hold me tight and never let go. But my dad needed me, my mom too. And Xander.
Fuck… Xander.
“This will destroy Xander.” I swallowed hard, dropping my gaze to the floor.
“Look at me,” Hailee said, sliding her hand to my cheek. “You can do this, Cameron. They need you.”
Touching my head to hers, I tried to draw comfort from her. The girl who had stood up beside me through this once already.
“I can’t lose her, Hailee. I just can’t.”
“Ssh,” she whispered. “We don’t know the prognosis yet. Go be with her and your dad. We’ll worry about the rest later.” Hailee’s lips hovered over mine, touching but not kissing. I felt her uncertainty, and I knew I’d been the one to put it there.
But I couldn’t do this, not right now. Not when I didn’t know if my mom was going to make it or not.
“I won’t be long,” I said, pulling away.
“Okay, I’ll be right out here.” Hailee stepped back, wrapping her arms around her chest, barely able to meet my gaze.
I should have apologized, explained that my head was all over the place. But I didn’t.
I couldn’t.
Because this wasn’t like before.
This time, I couldn’t afford to fall apart. Not when my family were already holding on by a thread. This time, I had to step up to the plate and be the brother Xander needed, the son my parents needed.
This time, I had to put them first.
Hailee
“Hi, sweetheart.” My mom came to me in a dream, only when I opened my eyes, she was standing right there.
“Mom?” I pushed up, my muscles sore from sleeping on the row of plastic hospital chairs. “What time is it?”
“A little after one.”
It had been two hours since Cameron and his dad had disappeared into Karen’s room.
“I must have fallen asleep.”
She nodded. “Cameron called and asked me to come and get you.”
“He did?” I frowned, glancing down the hall where I knew he was with his parents.
“They’re going to stay with Karen. He didn’t want you to be out here all by yourself.”
“Oh, okay.” My stomach dipped.
“Come on, sweetheart. Let’s go home.”
But as I got up and let her lead me away, all I could think was I was leaving my home behind in that room.
“It’s so good to see you, Hailee. I just wish it was under better circumstances.” Mom made small talk as we walked to her car. It was dark out, a blanket of stars kissing the inky sky. Such a beautiful scene for such a tragic night.
“Did Cameron say anything else?”
“Just that he didn’t want you to be alone and that you needed to get some rest too.”
I toyed with my cell phone, desperate to text him. But I knew he needed some time with his mom and dad to come to terms with everything.
“It’s such a shame. Karen is a good woman.”
“She is.”
We climbed into the car and I let my head fall against the glass, fighting the wave of tears building inside me.
“Hailee?” Mom asked. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I murmured.
And then I puked all over myself.
I was sick.
By the time Mom had gotten me home, I could barely stand. At first, I’d thought it was just an emotional response to everything that had happened, but I spent most of the night with my head down the toilet bowl.
“How are you feeling?” Mom slipped into my room with a glass of ice-cold water and some crackers.
“Like I got hit by a truck.” I tried to sit up but my stomach roiled.
“Have you heard from Cameron?”
“Nothing.” I stared at my cell, willing it to vibrate.
“I’m sure he’ll call. It’s a lot for them to process.” She placed the glass down and pressed her hand against my forehead. “You don’t feel feverish. It could be something you ate, or a stomach flu.”
“I’ll be okay.” I brushed her off.
“Cameron will probably have to stay away if he’s going to be visiting his mom in the hospital. At least until it passes.”
Great.
Just what I didn’t need.
“I’m really tired, Mom.” I’d barely slept a wink.
“Sure, baby. I’ll let you get some rest. If you need anything...”
“I know, and thanks, for everything.”
“Hailee, you’re my daughter. I will always be here for you. I hope you know that.” She gave me a warm smile, before leaving me alone.
The door had barely closed before the first tear fell.
Hailee
After twenty-four hours, I finally felt human again. But my heart was still bruised. Cameron had texted a couple of times to say he was spending the day with Xander, and that he would stop by later today.
That was five hours ago.
Mom insisted, I rest. She also insisted I drink regular fluids and nibble crackers to replenish myself. I think secretly she just loved having someone in the house to fuss over.
“Can I get you anything else?” she called, and I shook my head with silent laughter.
“I’m good, Mom, thanks.”
“Okay, baby. Holler if you need me.”
Our relationship hadn’t always been easy, but she was trying. And after Karen’s devastating news, I knew I probably needed to try harder.
I wanted to call Cameron, to see how his mom was doing, and to ask if they knew anything more. But I didn’t want to crowd him.
So, I opted for calling my best friend instead.
“Hailee, thank God,” Felicity said on the third ring. “I’ve been so worried. How are you? And Cam? And Karen. Oh God, Karen...”
“Breathe, Flick,” I chuckled
softly, not that anything about this situation was funny.
“Seriously, how are you?”
“I feel a bit better now, but it wasn’t pretty.”
“I can’t believe you got so sick. Do you think it was something you ate?”
“I don’t know. But I feel okay now.”
“Well, that’s good. And Cam? He must be beside himself.”
“I don’t really know. He’s with Xander.”
“You mean you haven’t seen him today?” She sounded surprised.
“Well, no. My mom thought he should stay away until I knew it was only a twenty-four-hour thing.”
“Makes sense, I guess. But you’ve spoken to him, right?”
“I...”
“Hailee?”
“He needs to be with his family right now,” I said, unable to keep the sadness out of my voice.
“But you’re his family.”
I’d thought so too, once upon a time. But I wasn’t so sure about anything anymore.
“Has Jason spoken to him?”
“Yeah, they talked earlier.”
I sucked in a harsh breath.
“Shit, Hails, I didn’t mean to—”
“It’s okay. I’m glad he has Jason to talk to.”
If he wasn’t going to turn to me, he needed to turn to someone.
“I just don’t understand it. You’ve always been so good together.”
Her words made the knot in my stomach tighten. “He doesn’t want to choose,” I said quietly.
“But there doesn’t have to be a choice, does there?”
There did though. Or at least, I knew Cameron enough to know that’s what he thought. He was an all or nothing guy. I’d seen how much it had affected him not being able to be there for Xander. He’d persisted for me. He’d continued our life in Michigan... for me.
But I realized now, his heart wasn’t in it.
“He needs to be here with his family.”
“You really think he’ll quit the team? Leave college?”
I didn’t want to believe it when we’d first talked about it, but Karen’s diagnosis changed everything. And I knew…in my heart of hearts, I knew I’d already lost him.
Silent tears clung to my lashes.
“I’m so sorry,” Felicity said as if she’d worked it out too.