by L A Cotton
“I can’t, not yet.”
He was dealing with something huge; he didn’t need this to worry about.
“Girl,” Mya reached for my hand. “He’d want to know.”
“I need to process it first and then figure out what I’m going to do.”
“What do you mean?” Felicity paled. “You’re going to keep it, right?”
“I...” I couldn’t answer that question. My heart said yes. But... a baby?
Cameron and I weren’t even together. Well, at least, I didn’t think we were.
God. Everything was such a mess.
“I’m still in college. I want to graduate.” Guilt coiled around my heart.
The elevator doors pinged open and we all filed out, heading for Mya’s apartment.
“You can’t be more than, what, two months along?”
“The doctor thinks I’m nine weeks.”
“So you’re due when, June?” Felicity asked, doing the math.
“June second.”
“Perfect. You can take finals, graduate, and then have the baby.”
“And where we will live? What about my plans?”
Her expression fell. “It’s not straightforward, but you’ll figure it out. Besides, Cameron will step up.”
“I think Cameron has enough on his plate.” My heart clenched again. Finding out I was pregnant was supposed to be a happy occasion. It wasn’t supposed to happen now, in the middle of all this.
She rolled her eyes. “You can’t seriously be thinking about keeping this from him because of what’s happening with his mom?”
I blinked away the fresh tears.
“That’s all the more reason to tell him. God knows, that family needs some good news.”
“I’ll think about it. But please, don’t tell Asher or Jason yet. I need time.”
“Hailee—”
“No, Fee, I mean it. I told you in confidence. This is my business. Please respect that.”
She let out a little huff, but nodded. “My lips are sealed.”
“Good.” Because this wasn’t some salacious secret that would cause a scandal. It was the kind of secret that changed lives.
I knew Cameron deserved to know, but I’d walked away to unburden him. If I told him now, I’d only be adding more responsibility to his shoulders.
At least that’s what I kept telling myself, as I followed my friends into Asher and Mya’s apartment.
Cameron
“What will happen to me when Mom dies?” Xander’s words were like a punch to the stomach. I hugged him tighter, running my nose over his hair as I tried to swallow the ball of emotion lodged in my throat.
“You’ll have me and Dad.”
“What about Hailee?”
Fuck. He was really hitting me where it hurt today.
“Hailee and I are...” The truth was, I didn’t know what we were anymore.
We talked and texted occasionally, and she sent Xander these cute little care packages. But we didn’t talk about the elephant in the room.
Us.
When I’d found out Mom was sick again, I hadn’t turned to Hailee. I couldn’t. Instead, I’d steeled myself to be there for my family. Hailee needed to graduate. She needed to chase her dreams, and figure out what she wanted.
I’d always imagined that our life would end up back in Rixon one day. But not like this. Not because Mom was... I still couldn’t say it.
“Did she go back to Michigan because of me?”
I pushed Xander out of my arms and lowered my face to his. “Hailee loves you, squirt. She loves you so much. But I need to be here with you, and Mom and Dad. And Hailee’s life is in Michigan right now.”
“But after college, she’ll come back, right?”
I couldn’t answer him, because I didn’t have one.
I hadn’t asked anything of Hailee since she’d gone back to Michigan, and she’d given me the space I needed.
But nothing about it felt right. I missed her every second of every day. I missed her so much, my soul ached for her.
“Hey, boys,” one of the nurses came out of Mom’s room. “She’s all yours.”
“Thanks,” I said, pulling Xander up with me.
“Don’t get too rowdy, okay? She’s tired.”
“We’ll behave.” I gave the nurse a weak smile.
Xander hesitated when we reached her door, but I gave him a gentle nudge. He was doing better. Since I made the decision to stay in Rixon, my little brother no longer seemed so lost.
“There are my boys,” Mom smiled, patting the bed.
“Go,” I whispered to Xander, my heart swelling as I watched him fall into her arms and bury his face in her shoulder.
“Gosh, Xander, you get bigger every time I see you.”
“Mom,” he groaned, “It’s been two days.”
“Two days too many.”
It was so good to see them together, even under the circumstances.
“How are you feeling?” I moved closer, leaning over my brother to press a kiss to her damp forehead.
“Okay.” I heard the lie in her voice, but we didn’t address it. We never did.
We’d made a promise—Mom, Dad, and I—that we needed to be strong for Xander. No matter how bad things got, we would shield him as much as possible.
“Are you hungry?” she asked Xander. “I heard they’re doing tacos in the cafeteria today.”
“I love tacos.”
“I know you do, baby. You want to go with Dad and get some? He should be here any—”
“Did I hear someone say tacos?”
Mom chuckled and it was like music to my ears.
“Hey, Dad,” Xander said.
“Hey, buddy. Shall we go feed you?”
“Don’t be too long,” Mom called after them. When they were gone, she patted the bed again. “Come closer, sweetheart.”
“Hey, Mom.”
“I wanted to talk to you about something,” she said, and my brows furrowed. “I had a dream last night, and I woke up with the strangest feeling...” She took my hand in hers. “I know you want to be here, and I love you for it, I do. But I think you need to go and see Hailee—”
“Mom...”
“Just hear me out. You know I’m not one for superstition, but I can’t shake the feeling she needs you.”
“If you’re trying to make me feel guiltier than I already do, you’re doing a pretty good job of it.” I gave her a tight smile.
“Oh, Cameron, my sweet boy.” She pressed her hand against my cheek. “Hailee is your heart. You can’t live without your heart, baby.”
“But Mom, I can’t go...” Tears burned my throat. “What if something happens—”
“Ssh.” Her eyes fluttered closed. “All I want is for you and Xander to be happy. That’s all any mother can wish for. And that girl is your key to happiness. You need to let her in, Cameron. Love is hard and messy, and God knows, it hurts sometimes. But the kind of love the two of you share is rare. And I can’t explain it, but she needs you right now. I just know it.”
“But you need me...” The dam broke and tears spilled freely down my cheeks.
“I’m not going anywhere yet, I promise. I need to make sure my boy pulls his head out of his butt and makes things right with his girl first.”
“Okay,” I breathed.
“Okay?”
“Yeah, Mom,” I said, because how could I deny her?
How could I deny myself when all I wanted was to see Hailee, to know she was okay?
The answer was, I couldn’t.
Hailee
I felt like crap.
Ever since finding out I was pregnant two weeks ago, it had been a constant cycle of sickness and lethargy. I’d missed a ton of classes, and spent most of my time camped out on the sofa watching daytime TV, sucking ice chips, and feeling sorry for myself.
Felicity and Mya were on my back to tell Cameron. According to my dates, I was almost entering the second trimester. I had a scan booked
for next week.
I wanted to tell him. I did. So many times, I’d reached for my cell to call him. But every time, something stopped me.
Cameron was facing the biggest loss a child could have... the timing sucked.
Everything about it sucked.
Yet, I knew I had to tell him eventually.
I’d just got comfortable, ready for another episode of Friends, when the doorbell rang. That was odd. People usually buzzed to be let into the building.
Throwing the blanket off me, I padded across the apartment and checked the peephole. “Cameron?” His name spilled from my lips and I fumbled to open the door. “What are you doing here?”
“Hey.” An uncertain smile tugged at the corner of his lips. “Can I come in?” he asked when I didn’t reply.
“I... uh... this is your apartment too; you don’t need an invitation.”
Cameron was here.
Oh God.
I pulled my oversized cardigan around my body.
“Are you okay,” he said, “you don’t look so good?”
“I’m fine. What are you doing here?”
“I’m sorry to just show up, but my mom—”
“Is she okay? I mean, I know she’s not okay. But did something—”
“Hailee, relax, she’s okay, all things considered.”
“That’s good.” I let out a small sigh of relief. “You didn’t call to say you were coming?”
“Honestly?” He ran a hand down his handsome face. “I didn’t know what to say.”
“Oh.”
This was so awkward, and I hated it. I hated that we’d become like strangers to one another.
“Do you want to sit?” I asked.
“Yeah, that would be good.”
We moved into the living room. “Are you sure you’re okay?” He eyed the glass of ice chips and the blanket.
“I haven’t been feeling great.”
“I didn’t know.”
“You’ve had bigger things on your mind. How’s Xander?”
“He’s good. Thank you for the care packages. He loved them. He misses you.”
I gave him a small shrug. “It’s the least I could do. Cameron, why are you here?” I blurted out.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean—”
“That came out wrong. I’m happy to see you, I am. It’s just you kind of caught me off guard.”
“I miss you, Hailee. I miss you so fucking much. I wanted to call, but I was so scared you’d tell me not to come...”
“You thought I’d... Cameron, I’m right here. I’ve always been here. I’ve just been trying to give you space.”
“I know you have.” He reached for me, but thought better of it and thrust his hand under his thigh. It stung.
“My mom had a dream...”
“A dream?”
“I know it sounds crazy, but she got it into her head you needed me. She insisted I come to see you. Like got really weird about it.”
“So, you’re here because of your mom?”
“No, that’s not... I know how it sounds, but I wanted to come. I’ve wanted to come ever since you left. But I couldn’t leave them, and it wasn’t fair to ask you to stay. Fuck...” Cameron’s eyes shuttered as he inhaled a ragged breath. “Everything is so fucked-up.”
Shuffling closer, I took his hand in mine, squeezing it gently. “It’s okay. I understand.”
“Do you?” His eyes slid to mine. “Because I don’t. I don’t understand anything anymore. But my mom said I needed to come, and it was like she was giving me permission... so here I am.”
“Cameron...” I swallowed the words. It was like Karen was here, standing over us, watching as we tried to sort our shit out.
I knew if Cameron hadn’t turned up here today, I probably wouldn’t have told him yet. But could I really let him leave without giving him the truth?
“I don’t understand either,” I whispered. “But your mom was right.”
“W- what do you mean?” His eyes were filled with trepidation.
“I’m pregnant.”
The silence was deafening. My pulse hammered inside my chest, making me a little lightheaded.
“You’re pregnant?”
I nodded. “Almost three months.”
“But... how?”
“The doctor said it happens sometimes. I didn’t miss a period, but I was sick when I came to Rixon with you, remember?”
“You knew and you didn’t tell me?”
“I didn’t think you’d be ready to hear it...” I still wasn’t sure he was.
“The ice chips?”
“Morning sickness sucks.” I went to pull my hand away, but Cameron caught it.
“A baby? We’re having... a baby?” He swallowed, an awestruck expression falling over him.
It was too much, and tears sprang from my eyes as I nodded.
“I’m sorry.” He dropped to his knees, moving between my legs. “I’m so fucking sorry. I should have been here. I should have been here with you.”
“No.” I brushed the hair from his eyes. “You needed to be with your family. I understand—”
“You’re my family too, Hailee. I should never have pushed you away. I’m so sorry. She knew, my mom knew... how is that even possible?”
I didn’t know, but I would be forever thankful to her.
“Maybe she just wants to make sure you’re happy before she...”
Sadness washed over us both. “She said the same thing.” Cameron curved his hand around the nape of my neck and touched his head to mine. “Can you forgive me?”
“There’s nothing to forgive.”
“I guess we have a lot to talk about,” he said. “But first, I’d really like to kiss you.”
I stared down at him, fighting a smile as I said, “What are you waiting for?”
Cameron
Six months later...
* * *
“I don’t want to,” Hailee cried, pain filling her voice.
I squeezed her hand. “Just another big push, and he’ll be here.”
My son.
I was having a son.
To say the last six months had been a whirlwind was an understatement. After Mom had sent me to Michigan, Hailee and I started making plans for the future. We got to enjoy one last Christmas with my mom. It had been bittersweet, but we’d filled it with so much love and happiness and gifts, all the gifts, that it was hard to look back and be sad. Mom had gotten her wish. I was happy, Xander was doing better, and my son was about to make his grand entrance into the world.
“Okay, Hailee, he’s almost here. I need you to push again, okay?”
“Cam, I can’t do it.” She turned into me and I kissed her damp forehead.
“You’ve got this, Hailee. One more push.”
Her screams filled the room but then a different sound took over. A baby’s cries.
“He’s here,” I choked out. “He’s finally here.”
It had been hard losing Mom three months ago. We’d all hoped she would make it to see the baby, but in the end it wasn’t meant to be. I’d made a promise to her that he would know his Grandma Karen though. He would know of her love and strength and spirit.
Tears rolled down my cheeks as the nurses handed Hailee the bundle of blankets. “Oh God, Cam,” she croaked. “Look at him.”
I stroked a finger along his little face. “He’s perfect.”
“He really is.”
As I watched Hailee watch our son, I was hit with such a sense of pride and love, I felt sure I would combust.
“Have you decided on a name?” I asked her, my voice shaky with emotion.
“Avery Chase, after your mom.”
It had been her middle name.
“I love you,” I said. “I love you both so much and I will spend my life loving you.”
“We know.” Hailee smiled, her eyes filled with so much happiness I just knew we were going to be okay.
Because if my mom had taught me anything, it was that lif
e didn’t always go to plan. We couldn’t know what was around the corner, we could only live each moment as it came. And I intended on loving each and every moment for her.
For my son, and my family.
For the girl who had stolen my heart when I was just a boy.
I’d live it for them all.
Because I’d been taught once to play hard... fight hard... and love hard.
* * *
“It’s official folks. Fans everywhere will be mourning the loss of one of the greats today. Jason Ford, Heisman Trophy winner, American All-Star, and one of the NFL’s top-rated quarterbacks of all-time is retiring. After six years with the Philadelphia Eagles, Ford suffered a string of injuries last season.”
“Yeah, Dan, it’s been a rocky year for the record-breaking QB. He enjoyed five years of success with the Eagles, including two super bowls, but last year he suffered that nasty shoulder cuff injury and things went downhill pretty quickly from there.”
“But his high school team, the Rixon Raiders will be pretty excited to see the return of Ford as he joins them as assistant coach.”
“That’s right, Dan. Ford and his family are relocating back to Rixon. And who knows, maybe it won’t be the end of his legacy.”
Jason
There had once been a time when a three-year-old’s birthday party would have sent me running for the hills. But when one of the birthday girls was your daughter, that wasn’t really an option. I cut the engine, climbed out of my SUV, and set about emptying the trunk of all the balloons Fee and Hailee had sent me out to get.
Fuck knows why we needed more balloons. Cam’s house was already full of the damn things. But I knew better than to argue with my wife and my sister.
Hands full, I trudged up the driveway, which was already full of cars, and let myself into the house. It sounded like a zoo, kids running and screaming, adults hovering on the fringes unsure whether to intervene or let them have at it.
God, I missed football.
At least back then, things were simple.
“Daddy, Daddy,” Lily charged at my legs. “You got boons.”
“Sure did, baby.” I thrust the handful of balloons at the first person I saw and scooped up the birthday girl. “Are you enjoying your party?”