Ghost Song

by Mark L'Estrange

  “Jane nodded to my request, although I could tell how uncomfortable she felt at having to hurt me further with the details. She went on to explain that as the doctors were not sure if I would ever come around from my coma, Jenifer’s parents were left to decide how best to honour their daughter’s remains. Jane explained that they had Jenifer cremated, and that her ashes were housed in a garden of rest near where she was brought up. Jane told me that she and Mike attended her funeral, and that as soon as I was able, she would drive me to the crematorium, so that I could say my goodbyes.

  “She waited a moment or two to allow this new news to settle in with me, before she continued. I thought that my grief was at its lowest ebb, until she asked me her next question.”

  “Jonathan, did you know that Jenifer was pregnant?”

  “The room began to spin around me. I think Jane could see the answer to her question spread across my face without my having to reply. I turned my head away, and after another huge flood of tears, I looked back at my sister, imploring her to tell me that it was not true. But of course, I knew that it was. My sister was not capable of such cruelty as to have made up such a monstrous lie. She explained to me that Jenifer was still only in the early stages of her pregnancy, and that the foetus had not fully formed in her womb, so there was no chance of the doctors being able to save the baby.

  “She continued to speak for several minutes, and I managed to catch few words here and there, but for the most part my mind was elsewhere. A jumble of different thoughts and emotions seemed to swim through my brain, without order or substance. I cursed my decision to go and visit the manor to begin with. Had I have stayed at home, had I never even received Peterson’s letter, then my Jenifer would still be alive. Then I began to curse my distant ancestor, Artemis, for his wickedness which had brought this curse on our family in the first place. Also, my benefactor, Spalding, for ever leaving that damn manor to me, knowing what I would be inheriting along with the house and grounds. I even blamed myself for having loved Jenifer in the first place, because, if I had never married, or even met her, she would still be alive now.

  “True to her word, once I was able to leave the hospital, Jane drove me straight over to where Jenifer’s ashes were kept. The garden of remembrance was truly beautiful, and although by now it was only the beginning of spring, the gardeners had managed to create a wonderful array of colour to enhance the overall feeling of tranquillity and serenity, which exuded from the surroundings.

  “Jane stayed in the car so that I could be alone with my thoughts when I said my goodbyes. I was glad of that, because I knew what sort of state I would be in when I saw my wife’s casket, and I was not wrong. I arranged my flowers in the vase which Jenifer’s parents had placed in front of her plot. The engraved plaque which they had commissioned was truly beautiful, if such things can be so described. The words read: To a loving wife, daughter and mother’. The poignancy of the words was not lost on me. For although Jenifer had not lived long enough to give birth to our child, she still had it growing within her when she died, and her parents, understandably, wished to acknowledge their unborn grandchild.

  “Once I was able, I bought myself another car so that I could drive out to visit Jenifer whenever I could. I would still go and visit with her parents, who I must say, were wonderful to me. Neither blamed me for the accident, and they both acknowledged how devoted we were to each other. I never felt anything from them other than love. The grief we shared became a bond of its own, one that would last forever.

  “In the end, I sold Denby Manor. After all, what else was I going to do with it? To be totally honest the thought of leaving London and moving into the manor with nothing for company but my grief and Amy’s late-night visitations did occur to me one night when I was at home, blind drunk and looking through our wedding album. But by the morning the notion had passed.

  “Jefferies bought the manor, and he gave me a fair price. The only caveat I insisted on was that I would give the Jarrows their cottage and the land around it, outright. I felt that they deserved it for their years of devotion to my late benefactor. Not to mention the way they tried to help me while I was staying there. I declined Peterson’s offer to drive back to Briar’s Market to go through the paperwork with him in his office. Instead I asked him to post it to me, which he did, reluctantly. He was obviously not used to contracts of this nature being conducted without being able to go through the paperwork with his client in person.

  “I contacted my aunt to offer her some financial assistance from the proceeds of the manor; it seemed only right. But she refused my offer and explained that she had more than enough funds to pay her way at the home until she no longer had need of it. To my shame, I never did go and see her again, but we did speak on the telephone quite regularly. The fact was that she was the only person alive whom I could speak to regarding what happened to me at the manor.

  “My aunt, being the pragmatist as always, would often make me lose my temper by telling me that I needed to forget what had gone on before and just move forward with my life. As if I could ever forget what happened to my beautiful Jenifer. Over time I learned to bite my tongue when she acted this way, but there were occasions when she would catch me at a particularly low ebb, and I would grow so frustrated with her that I would slam the phone down. Then, usually within a couple of minutes, my guilt would take hold, and I would call her straight back and apologise. She died peacefully in her sleep about a year after I sold the manor. I felt her loss much more that I would ever have thought, considering we had only become acquainted in the last year or so of her life. But I believe that part of that was that once she was gone, I had no one else to talk to about my experiences.

  “I never told anyone else the true story. Not because I feared ridicule, or even because I was ashamed of anything I had done. It was more the fact that part of me was afraid of telling anyone close to me, such as Jane or Jenifer’s parents, for example, just in case it somehow opened some sort of spiritual portal, allowing Amy to plague them as she had me. It may sound daft, but after what I had suffered, I was not prepared to take any unnecessary chances.

  “Eventually, I went back to work. I suppose that after everything that had happened, I needed the normality of repetitive monotony to keep me sane. To be honest, with the proceeds from the manor I did not really need to return to the bank. I could have taken the opportunity to start a new venture, taken a gamble on something which I had always wanted to do. But in truth, banking was all I knew, and I was not in the mood for wild adventures.

  “I managed to talk Jane and Mike into accepting some money to help pay off their mortgage. At first, they both refused, saying that it was too generous, but in the end, they acquiesced when I convinced them that had the situation been reversed, they would have insisted on doing the same.

  “My life from that point took on an almost hermit-style existence. I would go to work, go home, sleep and go back to work. At weekends I would visit Jenifer, and when I was invited, Jane and Mike’s for Sunday lunch. It occurred to me that there was a certain amount of irony in the fact that the life I was now living, in many ways, mirrored that of my late benefactor. He too had lost his wife and unborn child as a result of Amy’s curse, so perhaps we had more in common that I had given credence to.

  “One Sunday, having visited Jenifer and placed some fresh flowers in her vase. I decided that I needed a drive to try and clear my head. It was late September, so the nights had already started to draw in, but it was an especially sunny and clear day, with the merest wisp of clouds gliding across an otherwise blue sky. I did not pay much heed as to where I was going. I just needed to be away from all the hustle and bustle of London.

  “Eventually, I found myself on the Brighton road. As soon as I realised where I was going, my initial reaction was to turn off at the next exit and head in another direction. But something changed my mind. I have no idea what it might have been. But it felt as if a sudden calmness washed over me and spurred me on ahead.
So, I drove past the next turning, and the next, until I was only a few miles outside the town.

  “This was the first time I had visited the resort since that last day Jenifer and I had spent together, before my fateful trip. The thought of the memories which seeing the town would resurrect in me gave me pause to reflect, and I found myself intentionally slowing down as I took the final turn which would lead me to the front.

  “Once I parked up, I walked in the early afternoon sunshine, listening to the happy families enjoying their day out. Their laughter and enjoyment actually managed to lift my spirits for the first time in as long as I could remember, and it occurred to me that, rather than feeling an inordinate sorrow at remembering this town as the last place Jenifer and I had been together, I should think of it fondly, and consider how much joy and pleasure my wife took form our visit.

  “The thought of Jenifer running along the beach towards the pier, excitedly anticipating its many arcades and rides, brought an unexpected smile to my face, and I took in a couple of deep breaths of the fresh sea air, as another reminder of that Sunday afternoon, which now seemed so long ago.

  “My mood changed, somewhat, when I saw the old Gypsy’s caravan, nestled further along the beach. My memory stirred back to the old woman chasing me across the pier, while Jenifer was enjoying her ride, and the warning she tried so desperately to make me heed. I was struck by a sudden thought. Could the old woman possibly have foreseen what was to become of me by going on that journey? In truth, I had a much greater understanding, if not respect, for the power bestowed on some of the Gypsy clan, having suffered personally as the victim of a Romany curse.

  “I remembered once again how excited Jenifer had been at the prospect of visiting the fortune-teller’s caravan, and how she had shoved me ahead of her when we reached the wooden steps which led up to the Gypsy’s door. Something within me urged me on, and I knew that I had to visit with her again. Even if only to thank her for trying to warn me and apologise for not having listened to her.

  “But when I knocked on the arched door, the voice that called back was far too young to be that of the old fortune-teller. I opened the door and ventured into the gloomy caravan. Sure enough, the young girl who sat behind the oval table with the crystal ball in the middle, was the one I had seen that day on the pier, ushering the old lady away from me. What’s more, I could see immediately from her expression that she also recognised me, and did not seem pleased to see me.

  “She stared straight at me for what seemed an eternity, before she let out a huge sigh and offered me the seat in front of her. As I sat down, the girl took out a cloth and covered the glass ball between us. I thought this a little odd, as, although I had not technically gone there to have my fortune told, she must have presumed that that was the reason for my visit. In which case the crystal ball would be an integral part of her performance, if such a term could apply.

  “Before I was given the chance to say anything, the girl spoke directly to me. Not so much as a customer, but in a much more formal tone, and one which immediately made me feel as if she already knew why I was there.”

  “What is the purpose of your visit here today, Mr Ward?”

  “I was immediately taken aback by the fact that she knew my name. I certainly did not remember giving it to the old lady the last time we visited. I was so stunned, that for a moment I could not find an answer worth offering. So instead, I made enquiries as to where the old fortune-teller might be. The girl looked me straight in the eye. Even in the dim light of the enclosed space, I could tell that she was not happy with my question. There were several dried leaves burning in pots which were scattered around the caravan, and the smoke which drifted from them started to make my eyes water, and my throat itch. I cleared my throat and had to rub my eyes several times to clear them.”

  “My grandmother is dead! Thank you for asking after her health, and it’s partly your fault!”

  “The young girl’s words struck me like the ice-cold shock of having cold water thrown in your face. I sat there for a while staring at her in disbelief. How on earth could I be, in any way, responsible for her poor grandmother’s demise? Once the initial shock had worn off, I asked her to explain herself.”

  “I apologise, Mr Ward, my outburst was unfair. But the fact of the matter is that my grandmother never recovered from seeing your potential future in the crystal. I know she tried to warn you, and to my shame, at the time I did not feel that her actions were befitting of someone of her dignity, which is why, if you recall, I tried to stop her on the pier.”

  “I was completely perplexed by her explanation. I begged her to elucidate further, as I desperately needed to know what bearing her grandmother’s prediction for me could possibly have on her death. I was carrying enough guilt on my shoulders to last me several lifetimes already, and I was not sure that I could bear the weight of any more. But I refused to remain ignorant to the charges levelled at me by the girl’s statement, so I pressed on, pleading with her to clarify her accusation.

  “Eventually, out of desperation, I pulled out my wallet and without bothering to check how much I had in it, I grabbed all the notes within and placed them on the table, in front of the girl. Unfortunately, the hastiness of my action proved that I had misjudged her intentions. This was not some sort of confidence trick, and the girl’s eyes blazed at me with a look of such contempt that I could actually feel myself growing smaller out of shame.

  “She snatched up my money and thrust it back at me, letting the notes scatter on the table. Before I could utter a single word, she demanded that I leave the caravan and never come back. I felt so utterly foolish, not to mention ashamed, that I automatically rose to leave. But then on reflection, I had made an honest mistake, and so much misery had befallen me since my last meeting with her grandmother that I was desperate for her help.

  “I looked the girl directly in the eyes and explained to her how sorry I was for my indiscretion, and how I was now living with the consequences of having ignored her grandmother’s warning the previous year. I begged her to help me understand, or at the very least, explain to me what her grandmother had seen in the crystal. After a few moments, during which her gaze never left me, even for the briefest of seconds, she nodded and I retook my seat.”

  “My grandmother was a seventh child, of a seventh child, which means that her powers went way beyond those inherent in the rest of us, who have been blessed with the gift of foresight. She had the eye of the Teb’banshi, which allows one to see into the future more clearly than most people can see what’s in front of them. I am the only one in our family who has inherited any of her power, and mine is not even a tenth of hers. Although it is more than enough to keep the holiday makers entertained.

  “My grandmother’s gift was extremely powerful. She did not sit here day after day, dishing stories to the masses because she needed the money. In her lifetime she had made predictions for kings and monarchs of all nations. Her reputation was known in circles so distinguished, that only a handful even know of their very existence.”

  “It was easy for me to tell from her demeanour, that the young girl was incredibly proud of her grandmother’s achievements, and it was evident to me that my lack of appreciation had caused, albeit unintentionally, great insult. Since the girl was not prepared to accept my money, I did not know what else to do by way of atonement. So, for the present, I just listened.”

  “Some of the predictions she made as a child came true years later. She foretold both world wars, the rise of Hitler, the sinking of the Titanic, the assassination of Kennedy, even the day that the first man would land on the moon!”

  “She suddenly looked at me with her brows furrowed. I felt instinctively that I had done something wrong, although I had no idea what.”

  “I know what you’re thinking. If she had such great powers, why did she spend the last years of her life sitting in this caravan like some carnival freak?”

  “I shook my head in denial, although the thought had f
litted across my mind while she spoke. But before I could fathom what to say to convince her that she was wrong, she continued.”

  “I may not have the power bestowed on my grandmother, but I have enough to satisfy the kind of people who come in here and are willing to part with a few pounds, expecting to be told that they will all be millionaires one day. After all, that’s the limit of their expectations. They only have the capacity to think of happiness in terms of wealth, I see it in their greedy minds. Half of them would trade ten years off their lives for the chance to be wealthy. I can see into their minds, just like I can see into yours, Mr Ward!”

  “Her words carried a sting of venom which started to make me wish that I had not visited there in the first place. Yet there was something akin to compassion in her gaze, which compelled me to stay seated and let her finish. If she were capable of seeing into my mind, then she must be able to see the desolation and grief that I was drowning in.”

  “The reason my grandmother stayed here and performed this ritual was as a means of escape. You cannot imagine what it’s like to carry around all the knowledge that she was in possession of. Being constantly bombarded with new discoveries, all through the day and night. Knowing that the person passing by you was going to be killed that night in a random traffic accident, or that someone who happened to be in the same queue as you at the post office was dying with an undiagnosed medical condition.

  “And that would only begin to scratch the surface of some of things she would see. Major disasters, epidemics, mass shootings, the list never ended. So, telling fortunes was her way of siphoning off some of the excess. It kept her from losing her mind. She never asked, nor wanted this curse - none of us do. It might sound wonderful to the unenlightened, all they are capable of imagining how they could foresee the winner of the grand national, or the teams that would win them the football pools. But if you told them that one day they might wake up and know, without doubt, when the world was going to end. Do you think that they would be so enthusiastic about acquiring such a gift then?