by SM Olivier
He grimaced once more and even reddened as he put a hand at the back of his neck. He kicked at something imaginary on the ground. “That was a huuuuge mistake.”
I was sure there was a good story behind that one. Freddy used to have a massive crush on another girl on our team—Heather. She had friend-zoned him at one point, but I had thought something had started between the two of them. In fact, I was pretty sure something had happened with them, like hooking up. Paxton had suggested Freddy play hard to get, but I thought Freddy took it a step too far when he hooked up with Madison, instead, the night of my party.
“Do tell,” I dragged him over to our table.
I really didn’t want to talk about Madison, but misery loved company and all that. Freddy looked miserable, and I needed the distraction, mostly when I felt the stares of almost everyone as they entered the courtyard.
I could see Desmond out of my peripheral. He stood against one of the walls, his arms casually crossed over his chest, an ankle crossed over the other. I couldn’t see his eyes, but I was sure they were scanning the area constantly.
I didn’t know what kind of danger, if any, I could get into at school. Grandpa, David, and I came up with a slight compromise. The Shadows would have to accompany me to school, but they didn’t have to follow me into the classrooms. I wasn’t thrilled about it, but it was better than the detail assigned to Leah. She had no say. Her bodyguard would accompany her everywhere, save the bathroom and locker room.
Freddie made a wry face and shook his head as he pulled out a brown paper bag with his lunch in it. “I'd much rather not. I screwed up big time, and there’s no going back from here.”
He looked despondent for a moment, and I felt terrible for him. I reached out and squeezed his arm.
“Talk to me, Goose,” I coaxed.
“I feel the need…” Golden teased as he placed a tray in front of me.
“…for speed,” I joked back.
Golden was my movie and TV series buff. He quoted lines from movies all the time. He had been somewhat appalled when he found out I had never watched Top Gun. He made me watch it, and I had to admit I’d found it entertaining.
I noticed the guys had returned, along with Renee. They took seats around the table.
I refused to look up or around as I heard the buzz of chatter increase around me. The tables seemed to be filling up a lot sooner than in the past.
“Aww, aren’t you guys cute,” Freddy said a tad bit sarcastically. “I see you’ve forgiven him.”
I looked at Golden as he scowled at Freddy. “Weren’t you going to tell us how you screwed things up with Heather?” he asked, taking a seat in front of me.
Freddy returned his glare. “With the same girl you cheated on Peyton with? Not that I was dating Heather at the time.”
I tensed up and frowned. Golden’s fist curled around his utensil in anger. I flashed him a narrowed look.
“It wasn’t his fault, though, not like mine,” Freddy said, quickly flashing us an apologetic look, then turned back to Golden. “We all know Madison came onto you.”
Golden’s eyes seemed to be pleading with me to believe him. I slowly let the tension unravel within. I had to trust him. Several people had already made me think Madison had been the one who was always initiating her and Golden’s interactions.
“Okay.” I tried to give an air of nonchalance as I shrugged. “Now spill.” I looked over at Freddy.
He groaned and thunked his head on the table. “Can we talk about the homecoming game this week and the homecoming dance? Our float’s going to look amazing. Will you be done with dance in time to meet us tonight?” He seemed to bounce with excitement, but I frowned.
“Where and when is this float supposed to be built?”
The movement to my right made me realize Zane and Crew were doing that creepy “non-talking yet talking” crap once more. I scowled at them.
Hmm.
Why wouldn’t they have told me? I understood I had been a hermit as of late and hadn’t wanted to leave the house. However, I thought I had made myself clear when I told them I needed to get back to reality if I was to maintain my sanity.
“Your dad’s,” Freddy said as if I were dense. “I mean, your sperm donor. I thought he would have told you? Leah told us you guys are on friendlier terms now. We plan to meet at seven tonight. David invited the football team to his house, too. He told us he was going to feed us and everything. You didn’t know?”
I looked at the guys, Zane and Crew in particular.
“It’s no big deal,” Zane said with a shrug. “We were going to tell you. Coach Leech told us on Friday, but honestly, I forgot about it.”
“It’s going to be a long day for you if you do go,” Paxton added. “You went to dance, you’re at school, and you still have cheerleading and dance again. That would be a long day for me, and I’m…”
“Don’t say it,” I warned him, pointing my fork at him. I gave the guys an exasperated look. “The decision should be mine to make.” I then looked at Freddy. “I’ll be there. I don’t have a solo, so I should be out by six-ish.”
I could tell by Freddy’s rapt attention that he was loving the drama folding out in front of him. “Want me to come pick you up?”
“I’ll pick her up,” Crew nearly growled at him.
I sighed heavily. I really didn’t want to go. I had no interest in building a float, and truth be told, I was already looking forward to crawling back into my bed and hibernating until tomorrow morning. Maybe if the guys had allowed me to make the decision myself, I wouldn't be so adamant about going.
●
“Peyton.” Ms. Houser smiled as I entered the room. “It’s so nice to see you.”
“Thanks.” I feigned a smile seconds before I yawned.
I was exhausted. I was barely holding on by a thread. A combination of my sleepless night, early morning, dance, and mental exhaustion was quickly depleting my stamina. I was half tempted to ask Desmond to take me home, but I was determined to finish the day out.
I groaned internally at my own stubbornness. I had no desire to meet about the float tonight, but now I had no choice. I had to see it through.
Ms. Houser separated herself from a couple of the freshman girls to make her way over to me. She was now our permanent coach. In my absence, Selena had been fired. The only reason Selena hadn’t been charged with statutory rape was that the guys she hooked up with from the other school admitted lying about their age. They told her they were in college, which would have technically made them over eighteen.
“Are you ready for class today?” Ms. Houser asked as she scrutinized me.
It was the same in every class, and it was wearing on my nerves. If my classmates weren’t trying to make small talk with me, the teachers asked me if I was okay.
No, I was still on the verge of a panic attack at any startling sound or movement. No, it didn’t help that I felt and heard the stares and whispers throughout the day. No, it didn’t make me feel any better when Desmond had to confiscate several cell phones today because some of my peers had no respect for my privacy.
So, no, I wasn’t okay, but I was never going to be okay if my experience defined who I was. I was busy trying to shove the last month into my past, yet everyone wanted to drag me back into it.
I faked another smile. “I’m not a hundred percent, but I’m cleared to resume my normal activities,” I state.
Ms. Houser once had a crush on Kyler. They met right after she moved into town. During my absence, he had sold her one of his flips. Since then, she had asked him out a couple of times. He had to tell her he wasn’t available. After Kyler told me that, my first reaction was jealousy, but then I quickly reeled it back in.
Kyler was upfront and honest with me, and I didn’t blame the woman for wanting him. He was hot and successful in his own right. He was a catch by anyone’s standards. She had immediately backed off, and I respected her a whole hell of a lot more.
Plus, Freddy had nothing but good th
ings to say about her. Apparently, she made the squad a squad once more. Though we were stuck with our original miniscule uniforms and still had dance routines, Ms. Houser had turned it back into a sport. She also had competitions scheduled for us.
I didn’t think I would make every one of them, but at least the others had the opportunity to participate. Dance would always take precedence over cheer for me, and she understood that.
“Don’t be afraid to take a break when you need to,” Ms. Houser said in a hushed tone. “Don’t even ask. Do what you need to do. Okay?”
My smile was genuine this time. “Thanks.”
It was a better approach than my Chem teacher had done. I swear the man had asked me no less than ten times if I needed to take a break. The first time was sufficient, but all the other times brought more attention to me than I wanted.
“Okay, ladies and gents,” Ms. Houser stated with a clap of our hands. “Let’s do a few laps around the gym, then do a quick warm-up before we jump into our new routine. It's four days until Homecoming, and we’re expecting a packed house!” she said excitedly.
We were playing one of our biggest rivals. It was senior night for us, and rumor had it college scouts would be in the stands. Coach Carson had been respected. He had worked hard to get recognition for the guys on his team, but he didn’t have the new head coach's connections. Apparently, Coach Leech had gone to the same school as Lochlann and Principal Fanning. He had graduated the year before Principal Fanning and was headed to the NFL when he got into a freak car accident. He had been paralyzed from the waist down for nearly a year, killing all his NFL dreams.
Since then, he had become a motivational speaker, and it wasn’t until he heard about Coach Carson in the news that he reached out to Principal Fanning. According to Crew and Zane, he had asked if he could assist in any way. Principal Fanning had jumped on the chance to bring him in. Coach Leech had dived into coaching immediately.
Poor Principal Fanning had come to our school at a tumultuous time. He had replaced Principal Boyd, had to deal with the Selena situation, handle the media when Claire had been taken, then me, and then deal with the aftermath of Coach Carson's arrest. He was definitely going through a trial by fire.
I left the dance room, trailing behind most of my classmates. My feet felt like lead, but I still took off at a gentle jog. Zane’s last class of the day was assisting the gym teachers with the lower classman. He was currently trying to teach one of the girls how to serve a volleyball. I had to smile and roll my eyes.
It was clear how the girls hovered around him and giggled that they just wanted to be close to Zane. As if he sensed my eyes on him, he looked up. His beautiful Greek-god-like features softened, and he gave me a huge smile and wink. Butterflies took flight in my stomach. I hoped I’d never lose this feeling of excitement with the guys. Even in dark moments like this, they could bring me light.
“Are you going to ever talk to me again?” Madison asked as she jogged up beside me.
I sighed. This confrontation was the second time today Madison had tried to corner me to talk to her. I respected her tenacity. However, I wished she would understand that I wasn’t ready to talk to her, if ever.
“What is there to talk about, Madison?” I deadpanned. “I was abducted, and in my absence, you moved in on one of my men.”
“I didn’t know you were that serious with him,” she almost whined. “You have five other boyfriends. You never cared when guys moved on to me in the past.”
I nearly tripped over my feet as I shot her an incredulous look. “You’re right,” I admitted. “I hadn’t cared in the past, but at least you asked. None of those other guys mattered to me. You knew that these guys were different. I was gone. Missing. Taken. Those guys, you, Lucas, my grandfather, the kids, that’s the only thing that got me through some of those days. It was the only thing that made me continue fighting!
“What would’ve happened if Golden had reciprocated your feelings? Say I would have returned months from now, only to find out that two people I trusted betrayed me? Imagine for one moment that the circumstances were reversed. Even if I had started having feelings for someone you liked, I would have separated myself from the situation. I would have respected your absence and prayed for your return.”
I took a deep breath before continuing, “Instead, when I return, you and Golden are all wrapped up in each other. You claimed to have moved here for me, got close to everyone I came to care about, for me. Maybe that was the case, initially, but it soon became about you and what would make you happy. The first few days I returned home, you were still trying to seduce him.”
I look over at her and see her open her mouth. I hold a hand up. “Don’t deny it, Madison. You knew he was struggling with guilt, and maybe at first, you wanted to comfort him. You never had to take it to the next level.”
“I’m sorry!” she insisted. “I really thought Golden liked me. He was always so nice to me, and it’s been a long time since I felt that… safe.”
I had to refrain from snorting. Instead, I rolled my eyes in exasperation.
Maybe if I hadn’t known what a privileged life she led, I would be inclined to believe her, but she didn’t know what it was like to worry about going home. She never came home to an empty fridge and pantry. She never had to hide so that the monster that lived with you forgot about your existence. She never had to hear her mother’s excuses for why she could not leave a perilous situation. She didn’t know what feeling unsafe meant.
“Seriously,” she pleaded. “I read the signs all wrong. I thought Golden was so sweet because he liked me. If I had known it would hurt you so much, I would have avoided him. How can you forgive him so easily but continue to shun me? I love you. You’re my best friend. What can I do to make things better?”
I abruptly stopped as we returned to the dance room. I didn’t need the rest of the room to fall privy to my personal life more than they already had.
“I forgive him because he didn’t kiss you,” I seethed. “You kissed him. I forgave him because the guys said he didn’t flirt with you. He was his normal friendly self—the same as Pax. Did you think he was flirting with you, too?” At her guilty look, I continued, “No, because you weren’t as attracted to Pax as you are to Golden. I find it hard to accept your apology because I genuinely believe if I hadn’t returned, you would have continued your pursuit of him.
“Ever since boys entered the picture, I was okay with being in your shadow. I didn’t mind when I began to like someone and you’d ask me if it was okay to talk to them. I didn’t have the time or energy to devote my life to them, and I convinced myself if they actually liked me, they wouldn’t notice you flirting with them, or they’d not ever care.
“When I found out you and Lucas went to Clementine's party on a night I needed you, I forgave you. I reasoned that you didn’t know what a monster Sean truly was, and I shouldn’t expect you to ditch Clem because I didn’t get along with her. I knew you guys traveled in the same social circles. I’ve always been your wingman, Madison. I’ve always stood by your side. When you wanted me or needed me, I was there for you. And the one time I needed you, the most important time, you failed me. Seriously, how would you feel if I started pursuing someone you sincerely cared about, maybe even loved, while you were being nearly tortured to death?”
Her face paled, and tears entered her eyes. She said nothing, though.
“Just as I thought,” I said a tad bitterly.
“Come on, girls,” Ms. Houser prods from the open doorway. She looks at Madison, then me, then back at Madison. “Everything okay?”
“Yup,” I said a bit flippantly before I marched into the room.
I was far from okay, but it was somewhat cathartic to finally give Madison a piece of my mind. However, my heart hurt because she had been my best friend. She wasn’t always so selfish, like when she was always giving me the clothes she didn’t want any longer. Plus, her parents had paid for my cell phone service once upon a time.
My heart wanted to cling onto the friend I’d known for fifteen years. It was my head trying to convince me that real, authentic friends wouldn’t have taken my kindness and accepting nature for granted.
There had been a line Madison shouldn’t have crossed. She had no regard—still didn’t—for my feelings at all.
11
●
Family Secrets
“Are you sure you’re up for this?” Paxton gently nudged me.
I startled awake and blinked owlishly. I didn’t mean to fall asleep, but Paxton’s truck was cozy and warm when I climbed into it after he picked me up from dance. Crew texted me to let me know that Coach Leech had extended their practice and Paxton volunteered to pick me up.
I looked out the window and noticed that nearly the whole football team and cheerleaders were already gathered around a large flatbed trailer, where I noted Crew carrying building supplies. I took a moment to admire the flexing of his muscles.
I was really starting to resent my forced chastity. My guys were gorgeous, and it wasn’t fair that they put the brakes on our intimate relations, especially since I was with them 24/7. It was akin taking someone who was on a diet to a bakery and leaving them there. I, for one, refused to continue this forced celibacy.
My eyes sought out Zane, and I spied him unraveling poultry wire. My eyes narrowed when I noticed Leah leaning over him. It still ground my gears how much she still pursued him. When I was gone, I’d heard that Leah had tried to ingratiate herself back into his good graces. She would attempt to show up wherever he was, and he had to remind her several times that he was with me.
I gritted my teeth when I observed her reaching out and pushing a lock of hair off his forehead. She’d lost the right to touch him when he broke up with her.
“Yes.” I nodded absently, answering Pax’s question. “It looks like I have to remind my dear old sister that I’m back and that she needs to leave my man alone. Plus, I’m hungry.”
Zane had already informed Lochlann and Kyler that we weren’t coming home tonight, so they had taken Maisie and Clay out to dinner with Mr. Jenkins, our neighbor. I wished I could have seen them for a little while, mostly since things were still so awkward with Lochlann. After school, I tried to inform him Grandpa knew about us, but he was in a meeting with another student.