by SM Olivier
The new instructor smiled at me. “That was amazing.”
I ducked my head to hide the warmth in my cheeks. The song, this dance, was intensely personal. There were some songs and dances I performed that I did just for me. I didn’t want them to be opened to critique, especially when they were so close to my heart. It was me acknowledging and accepting Paxton for who he was. He had a right to feel abandoned and not handle loss well. Hopefully, with me in his life, he would come to realize he didn’t need to do it on his own anymore, that our relationship wasn’t just me taking and drawing strength from him.
“Thank you.” I tried to return her smile.
“Almost,” Anya stated with a small smile around her lips.
“Almost?” I deflated.
This was why some of my choreography and dancing were my therapy, so to speak. I didn’t want to feel less-than. It was my way to work out my emotions. I compared it to crying or laughing and someone telling you you were doing it wrong.
“Yes, almost.” Anya’s eyes twinkled. “Let’s start at the top.”
I wanted to deny her and tell her it was me “fooling” around, but I could discern that excuse wouldn’t fly. There was a determination in her eyes. Anya had a way of inspiring people and convincing people to bend to her will. I knew it was fruitless to argue or protest.
I nodded and hit play on my phone once more. As I went through my number again, I noticed Anya mimicking my steps. She stopped the music.
“Here. Here you should add a triple leg hold turn,” she instructed.
I did as she instructed, raising my hand and arm. I extended my leg over my head and grabbed it. I could feel my muscles straining and immediately recognized that my flexibility wasn’t where it had been. I had religiously stretched once I began feeling better, but I still wasn’t a hundred percent. My leg extension was better than most but not my personal best, and for a split second, I felt frustrated.
“Get out of your head,” Anya barked out. “Again.” She backed up the music.
I nodded. Some people hated to be pushed and scolded, but I thrived on it. Honestly, I was happy she wasn’t treating me like broken glass. It hindered me more than it helped, most of the time.
Some of my teachers and Starr and Alex were overprotective in too many ways. I wasn’t the only one to notice Starr and Alex urging us to take more breaks during our group rehearsal. I both appreciated and resented their concern.
I didn’t need Bailey’s and Wendy’s snide remarks. I woke up this morning determined to reclaim my life. I resolved to “stay out of my head,” and focus on the positivity and ignore the negativity and doubts crowding my thoughts.
The music started once more, and I took a deep, calming breath. I reminded myself of who I was dancing for and why. I pushed my body when it wanted to rest. I took Anya’s words to heart and executed the moves she added to my dance. By the time she was pleased with my number, I felt a bone-deep satisfaction.
“Good, good.” Anya clapped. “Now go to school. I will see you after school, yeah?”
I nodded and smiled.
Today was going to be a good day. I hoped.
●
“Hi, Peyton, my name is Enzo,” the man standing beside Sal introduced himself.
The man wasn’t anything remarkable to look at. He was average looking in height and looks. Honestly, if I were to see him in a crowd, I would never peg him for protective detail. I knew being fit wasn’t necessarily a security requirement; however, Enzo had a slight paunch to his middle.
“Hi, Enzo.” I nodded at him.
I didn’t know what it was about Enzo, but I got weird vibes from him immediately. He seemed too preoccupied with looking at me. It wasn’t a typical inspection, either.
“Peyton?” Sal seemed to hesitate before leaving with Renee.
I didn’t want to admit my feelings about the bad vibes I was picking up. I knew as soon as Sal dropped off Renee he was picking his children up to spend the evening with them, and I didn’t want to ruin his plans. I knew how vital seeing his children were.
“Have a great afternoon,” I said instead, feigning a smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning. Enjoy your children.”
We had taken the same route as yesterday, and it was exceptionally bright as we exited the building. I was digging into my bag, looking for my sunglasses, when I heard a vaguely familiar female voice.
“Peyton?”
I looked up, fully intending to pull my hood up and hide from the media. I barely stopped myself from glaring at Enzo. It was his job to make sure no one could get to me.
I speed walked towards our waiting vehicle.
“Peyton!” I heard my name yelled once more.
Before I climbed into the SUV, I looked up and was shocked into incapacitation. I blinked rapidly. I knew she was attempting to reach out to me, but the shock of seeing her left me paralyzed.
The woman who advanced toward me was my mother; Priscilla, but not. The last time I’d seen her, she hadn’t looked like a thirty-four-year-old woman and her appearance had reflected the hard life she’d left. Back then, she looked older and more worn down. She had never bothered with her looks or clothing. However, things had drastically changed in her absence.
She was wearing a chic red pantsuit with a fitted black shirt peeking out of the lapels. Her hair wasn’t a dull dishwater blonde any longer, but vibrant and several shades blonder than usual. Her makeup was expertly applied, making her blue eyes− her best feature− pop out.
I was speechless.
With her new look, she looked years’ younger. She didn’t look old enough to be my mother; she looked like she could be a slightly older sister instead.
“My beautiful girl,” she gushed once she was within five feet from me.
I held up my hand, finally snapping out of my daze. “That’s close enough, and I’m not your beautiful girl,” I said dryly. “You left me with your abusive husband.”
A look of hurt crossed her features before a smooth smile replaced it. “I’m sorry, Peyton. I knew Sean had one foot out the door. It was only a matter of time before he’d feel claustrophobic from this tiny town and left. You weren’t in any danger. Plus, I needed to work on myself. I couldn’t be the mother I needed to be to you if I was lacking. I wasn’t happy, and I was depressed. I needed to find me again.”
I coldly looked at her expensive stilettos, taking in her new look once more. “You left me with a man that abused me,” I hissed out in disgust. “He may have split, but not before he made sure to hurt me again. You needed to work on you,” I sneered, “without me. Your daughter.” She winced, understanding where she stood with me. “No, Priscilla.”
I had resorted to calling Sean by his first name once I lost all respect for him, so my delivery now should’ve been loud and clear to her.
“You didn’t just want to work on you,” I continued. “You found a new man.” She blanched. “Yes, I heard all about him,” I rushed out. “It sounds like he’s another low-life, too.”
She looked away and didn’t even try to refute my claims.
“I heard he’s a drug and gun runner,” I went on. “Does he have you running for him, too?”
I knew her new boyfriend had ties with Kyler’s and Crew's dad. I knew their father ran drugs and illegal guns before he skipped town. I shouldn’t have been so shocked and disappointed that my mother jumped from the pan into the fire. I had loved her, but I knew she had low ambitions. She had been content serving tables her whole life−not that there was anything wrong with that−but I knew before her parents kicked her out she had ambitions. She had dreams. As a little girl, I had tried to encourage her to chase those dreams. She never found the courage to, though.
Now she was in another situation that she should have avoided. Only this time, I wasn’t going to sacrifice my happiness and safety for her. I couldn’t. She had already taken enough from me.
“No,” she emphatically exclaimed, but I knew deep down she was lying. “Walte
r loves me and takes care of me. I’m sorry I made a mistake. I should have never left you, but I didn’t know where I was going. I didn’t want to drag you to a new home after you just got here. Sean was going to kill me… I’m sorry I didn’t protect you.”
I snorted and rolled my eyes.
Why was she doing this now? I had just gotten control of my life once more and she comes waltzing back in.
“Well, Sean almost killed me, Priscilla, twice,” I reminded her. “And I know all about Walter. I know he’s no good. I’m well aware of how he gets his money. Who are you trying to kid here? You were always so delusional where men were concerned. They always mattered more than I ever did.”
She blanched once more, but I felt nothing. That feeling I once had for her is gone. The ache in my chest where she is concerned no longer exists. A void had replaced the pain. A vacuum I didn’t want or need her to repair.
“Walter’s a good man,” she insisted. “He wants to meet you. He’ll be a better step-father. We have a room for you at the house. I miss you. I want to see you again. I want to rebuild our relationship. You can move in with us. I want to show you that I can be a better mom to you. And Walter will never raise a hand to you.”
“It’s a little late for that, isn’t it, Priscilla?” I said snidely before readjusting my bag on my shoulders. “I have no desire to meet Walter or any other man that manages to twist you up. I have a home—several, in fact. I don’t want or need anything from you or your loathsome man. So… just please, leave me alone and don’t send any other thugs my way.”
“You need to tell the police that you made a mistake,” she blurted out. “That you knew the guys that got arrested.”
I let out a harsh laugh. That’s exactly why she had visited today.
I throw my head back, trying to stifle the tears that threatened to spill. She didn’t deserve my time or tears.
“And so the real reason you came to visit me emerges.” I turned cold eyes on her. “Nope. I’m not sure what your end game is or why you sent those men to ‘talk’ to me, but I don’t care. I’m done. You abandoned me and didn’t give a damn what happened to me. Why should I care about what you want me to do? I don’t.”
I was about to enter the car but then stopped. She looked frightened and horrified, but it felt like I was made of ice.
“Why should I want to do anything for you? Where were you?” I demanded. “Where were you when Sean hurt me? Where were you when I was taken? My grandfather, my biological father, and my new friends were there, and I just met them. They headed search parties, Priscilla. They worked around the clock, helping and hoping for my return. When they finally tracked you down, you didn’t even have a picture of me to give them. You knew I was kidnapped, and you couldn’t leave your new man long enough to pretend to care about my return? Right. Have a good life, Priscilla.”
I jumped in the car and slammed the door. My breathing was rapid as I clenched and unclenched my fist. Angry tears clouded my eyes.
“Don’t ever let that woman near me ever again,” I said to Enzo between clenched teeth.
I wanted to yell at him for even allowing her to get close to me to begin with. However, I knew it wasn’t fair for me to take out my frustrations on him. She had looked harmless enough.
The entire ride to school was a silent one.
●
“What’s wrong?” Golden asked the moment he saw me.
I was barely out of my seat when he ran out the door and enfolded me into his arms. I felt the somewhat tenuous hold I had on my feelings in danger of shattering.
“What the hell happened, man?” I heard Crew growl out as I buried my head in Golden’s chest.
I took strength in Golden’s embrace. I tried to relax in his touch. His lips were on the top of my head as he whispered reassuring words. His fingers trailed my spine soothingly.
“Priscilla came to visit her,” Enzo said with a slight attitude.
I felt my spine stiffen and knew almost immediately he could never be one of my Shadows. I already had a bad feeling about him, and his defensive behavior only solidified my initial impression. The moment I got a chance, I was texting Grandpa to let him know he wouldn’t work.
“Her mom,” Crew growled. “And where were you?”
“Watching her, and I don’t answer to you,” Enzo said in a nearly bored tone.
Crew snorted. “You keep thinking that, buddy.” He stepped forward so that he was toe to toe with the shorter, smaller man. “Why would you allow that woman anywhere near her?” he snarled.
“It’s her mother.” Enzo was still belligerent, but I saw the fear in his eyes. “I didn’t see her as a threat.”
I was more upset at Enzo for not stepping in at all. He never even tried to get her away when it was apparent her presence had upset me.
I saw Crew’s jaw clenched in anger. His fists were clenching and unclenching with thin restraint. His nostrils flared with each breath he took. I knew he was dangerously close to hitting Enzo.
“It doesn’t matter,” I finally muttered.
I reached out and gently ran my hands up and down Crew’s back, up to his neck and back down again. I couldn’t tolerate him getting into an altercation on school property. He had a huge game this Friday to consider. He needed to play in every game; he couldn’t be expelled or benched for any reason. There would be returning college football scouts, and his future was on the line. I wasn’t going to let him ruin it over an incompetent fool.
“I’m starving. Can we eat? Please feed me, Crew,” I insisted.
My stomach really didn’t want to eat, but logically I knew I needed to. This week was an important one. I needed to get stronger and fuel my body correctly. My future was also on the line.
Crew looked down at me, and I could see the war in his eyes. I tried to convey to him that Enzo wouldn’t be with us for much longer.
I knew he was fiercely protective of me. He didn’t want me hurt mentally, emotionally, and physically. I had to get him out of the red zone.
“Please?” I stood on my tiptoes and kissed the underside of his jaw.
“Let’s go, angel,” he muttered, grabbing my hand, with Golden still holding the other, and led me towards the school.
We made our way inside just as the bell was ringing. I flinched slightly, and Golden tightened his arm around me. I didn’t even bother seeing if Enzo was following.
The classroom ahead of us was flung open and Madison came out laughing with a couple of the football players. I immediately stuttered to a stop, hoping she didn’t see me. My emotions were already running so high. I didn’t need any more drama.
Once again, I felt oddly detached from someone who once meant so much to me. It was like I was looking at another life. A life I no longer connected with.
Her head turned slightly, and her laughter died. She stopped and placed herself in the middle of the hallway.
“Hey, Peyton. Hey, Goldie.” She gnawed on her bottom lip, and I inwardly cringed. It was her coy, pleading look. “Have you guys decided when Golden and I can meet up to do our Spanish project?”
“I already told you, Madison.” Golden sighed. “I’m going to tell Ms. Rosa that I can’t work with you. My loyalty lies with Peyton, and I can’t put myself in a position where she doubts my feelings or intentions ever again.”
Tears brimmed her eyes. I wasn’t sure if they were real or fake.
Once upon a time, I loved Madison, but I knew she could be very single-minded. I had admired that about her in the past. However, I wouldn’t, and couldn’t, be manipulated by her ability to turn on the waterworks.
“I already apologized, Peyton,” Madison cried. “I’m sorry. I promise I’m not after Golden. It was a mistake. I miss you. I miss us. I can’t afford to take a zero on this project. Ms. Rosa already told us we couldn’t switch partners. If we don’t do this, I will fail Spanish, and then I won’t be able to cheer and my partial scholarship will be in jeopardy.”
I looked up at
Golden as the reality of the situation sunk in. Golden already walked a thin line. He couldn’t fail any significant projects or subjects, either. My disappearance and his own guilt had wrecked him, so he had already missed a lot of days.
Mr. Fanning was sympathetic to the situation and understood his absence, but he could only do so much. Golden needed to pass all his classes.
“I don’t care,” he murmured in my ear as if he understood the war within.
“Sunday,” I finally agreed. “I trust you.” I looked pointedly at him, then back to Madison. “You can come over to our house around three.”
“Thank you, Peyton, thank you,” Madison gushed.
I embraced the cold within once more. “It’s not for you, Madison,” I explained coldly. “Golden needs to pass all his classes. And,” I added, “don’t even attempt suggesting going upstairs. You can do your project in the dining room.”
I knew how Madison worked. Even if she really didn’t want Golden anymore, I still didn’t trust her. I knew her history, how most of her study sessions or projects ended with a hookup.
She looked momentarily upset but stuck her hands in her pockets and nodded. “Understood,” she murmured.
The second bell rang as she walked away.
14
●
Hoodwinked
“So, your mom just showed up?” Zane’s brows knitted together in concern.
“Yup.” I nodded as I dipped my baked chicken into some hot sauce. “She tried to pretend that she was concerned about me and missed me. Then when I told her I was through with her, she tried to convince me to go to the police, recant our statement, and get those guys out of jail.”
It was lunch hour. My chicken was a bit dry today, and the lettuce on my salad looked questionable. Tomorrow I had to remember to order lunch for us. The lunch selection was dismal today. I knew the guys missed lunch off-campus as well.