by SM Olivier
Crew had been so distant lately. I assumed the recent occurrences had been weighing heavily on him. I knew he tended to withdraw into himself when he was stressing out, but he never went this long without at least saying something to me.
Madison cleared her throat and shifted uncomfortably in her seat across from me. “I saw him at Jere’s party last night. He was with that Jana chick and her friends.”
“He what?” Kyler stood up with a thunderous expression.
“I’m sure he just saw her, and that was it,” Paxton said soothingly. “They have history, and you know she wants him back.”
That didn’t resonate with me right, though. Crew had been acting weird for several days now. What if he changed his mind about me?
“They looked awfully cozy.” Madison bit her bottom lip.
I stood up, feeling sick to my stomach. Had Butch’s reappearance caused this change in him? I knew he had tried to separate himself from his father’s legacy after his father left town, but was that a conscious decision? Did he separate himself because he was determined to forge his own path? Or because his father was no longer there to guide him?
Jana had taken to her father’s legacy with ease. Crew admitted to aiding her in her time of need. He resolutely told me he didn’t want that life, but things change. I didn’t want to believe he would go back to that life, but why was he ghosting me?
I had to find out. I needed to remind Crew that he had a bright future in front of him.
Me: Call me, please.
I left the porch and walked into the house with the guise of getting a glass of water, but in truth, I needed to take a few calming breaths. Something felt off. Something told me something wasn’t right. I needed to process my feelings without everyone eyeing me.
I also needed to know for sure if Madison was really trying to help me, or was she causing further dissension between my guys and me? She hadn’t flirted the entire night with any of my guys, and flirting was second-nature to her. She reminded me of a better Madison than I had known and had actually seemed to be considerate of my emotions, finally seeming to realize how much my guys meant to me. Unfortunately, she had shattered my trust so badly I didn’t know how, or if, she could ever gain it back.
I knew Heather attended most of the parties around here, and I trusted her to a large degree. She had been nothing but supportive and friendly to me since I returned, without pitying me or treating me differently. Freddy was just as amazing. I decided to shoot them both a text as well.
Me: Did you guys go to Jere’s party Saturday night?
Crew didn’t like going to parties. He was more of a homebody. The only parties he attended were ones where he watched over me. So, it didn’t make any sense why he would be there. However, Madison said she’d seen him. Whether or not he was cozied up to Jana was another issue altogether.
“Let’s eat, Peyton, and then I’ll go hunt him down,” Kyler insisted quietly from the door.
“Do you think he’s running for Butch?” I asked him, speaking my fears aloud.
Kyler heavily sighed before he walked over to me. He pulled me in close. “I want to say no,” he admitted after several moments of silence. “However, I can’t say it with any conviction.”
I felt like someone had reached into my chest and now had my heart tightly gripped in their fist.
“If he is, there has to be a reason,” Kyler resolutely explained. “He told Jana he couldn’t be with her if she was running. He wanted to separate himself from Butch and all his dirty dealings. So there has to be a reason why he was seen with Jana. She cut him deeper than anyone ever has, and Crew is notorious for setting bridges on fire. Once you wrong him, he’s never had any issues cutting himself off from whoever wronged him.”
“If that was the case, why has he been ghosting me?” My voice cracked with my emotions. “He left early yesterday. I haven’t talked to him since Friday night, and even then he was withdrawn. I texted him a couple of times since then, and I’m ashamed just now to realize I still haven’t heard from him. How was he at work today?”
“Quiet,” Kyler growled out his frustration holding me closer. “He helped me install some fixtures, wall plates, and staged a few areas for me. Then he bounced. I knew something was eating at him, but I normally let him come to me when he’s finally ready to talk− if he’s ready to talk. Sometimes, he works it out himself.”
“Something’s wrong,” I whispered, reveling in his strength.
“We’ll figure it out,” Kyler asserted. “I’ll get to the bottom of this. After dinner, I’ll hop in the truck and hunt him down. For now, though, you need to take care of yourself. You’re still recovering and you need to keep your strength up. Especially since you have a major audition tomorrow.”
I reluctantly nodded. I knew he was being logical. Tomorrow was a big day, and if I let my emotions get the better of me, I would be throwing away another huge opportunity. My future could possibly rely on this.
I had to think with my head. I couldn’t assume anything. I needed to just hope there was a perfect reason for Crew avoiding us right now.
I let Kyler guide me back onto the porch and took my seat between him and Golden.
“Did you make your brownies for dessert?” Mr. Jenkins asked from his seat beside Lochlann and Paxton.
I attempted to smile at him. “As soon as I found out you were coming over. I have more in some Tupperware for you to take home with you, too.”
Mr. Jenkins and Zane were in love with Mam’s brownies. I was so excited to have found her recipes. I had made them at the first opportunity I could. Luckily, they claimed they tasted the same. Now Mr. Jenkins, Henry − Grandpa’s assistant− and Zane were always requesting them. I tried to have them on hand at all times just for them.
“Yum.” Mr. Jenkins rubbed his hands excitedly.
I knew he was attempting to keep my mind off of Crew. I appreciated it, but now I felt like I was missing a vital part of me.
My phone vibrated as Kyler handed me a bowl of salad with my favorite dressing on top. I wanted to answer it but didn’t want to be rude and look at it. I also feared what it might say.
I forced a bite of the cheeseburger in my mouth. It tasted like sawdust, and my stomach wanted to reject it immediately. I resolutely chewed it and swallowed.
Kyler was right. I needed to eat. I was finally gaining back my weight. I couldn’t afford to lose that again. I needed to keep my energy up if I was to present myself in the best light tomorrow.
“How early are you leaving in the morning?” Golden inquired.
Again, I knew it was just another attempt to get my mind off the situation at hand. I looked at everyone else's expressions. I saw their concern as well. They had all been friends for a long time. Yes, they had periods from time to time that they hadn’t hung out as much, but they had spent everyday together since I entered their lives.
They admitted to growing closer, and even though their personalities could be so vastly different at times, it just worked. Their friendship went beyond the norm. Trials and tribulations had forged a bond more profound than even family.
“According to Maps, it should take us a little under four hours, and our appointment is at ten. I think we should hit the road by five-thirty just in case,” Zane answered.
I robotically nodded as I chewed on a fry. “I’ll get my bag ready tonight and have it ready by the front door.”
“You’ll be back tomorrow night, right?” Paxton inquired as he doused his fries with salt and malt vinegar.
“That’s the plan,” Zane answered. “Mr. Brady was going to set up a meeting with the choreographer and the band's manager. I can’t imagine it lasting more than the early evening at the most.”
“If you get too tired to drive back, you should find a room,” Lochlann insisted. “I’ll give you my card.”
“I have a card,” I protested, my mind still a million miles away.
Grandpa had given me a card, but I barely used it. The guys
were continually covering me unless I picked up lunch for us all. Even then, they had been known to place an order online and pay for it as they did it.
“Any reputable place probably won’t rent you a room,” Lochlann replied with a slight grimace. “If you decide to stop, let me know the location. I’ll book you a room, and you’ll need it to check-in.”
“Or we can go pick them up,” Paxton volunteered gleefully.
“I’m sure we’ll be fine.” Zane grinned with a roll of his eyes.
I decided I’d had enough to eat. I stood up and took my plate into the house.
With shaking hands, I opened up my messages and saw Freddie’s right away.
Freddie: You know I was, lol
Me: Did you see Crew and Jana together?
Freddie: Define together. :-/ I wanted to text you but then decided it would be better F2F.
I felt that deep chasm in my chest growing. I closed my eyes and leaned against the counter. I felt sick to my stomach. Part of me wanted to pretend like this wasn’t happening.
Me: Were they holding hands? Kissing?
Freddie: I never saw him hug or kiss her, but she was draped all over him all night. He didn’t look too happy about it, though…
I dropped my phone on the counter as if it had personally offended me.
Why? What had I done? Why did he return to her? Why was he hanging out with her? Did he have an ulterior motive? Did he decide he couldn’t be one of six vying for my attention?
“I’m sorry, Peyton,” Madison said quietly from behind me.
“What are you sorry about?” I nearly snarled as I buried my face in my hands. “You had no such qualms moving in on Golden while I was taken. You were my best friend. Jana never even pretended to like me.”
I wasn’t pinning this all on Jana, however. I knew it took two to tango. I knew if Crew had chosen to leave me for her, then it had been his choice. I always worried this might eventually happen with the guys, but a small part of me doubted Crew would be the first to cut me. And, yes, he’d cut me deep. So deep.
I heard her sharp intake of breath. “I wish I could take it back, Pey. Yes, I saw how much they liked you, but I didn’t know the feelings ran that deep. You never seemed bothered by guys chasing me after they showed interest in you in the past. I didn’t think you would mind if I set my sight on one of them.”
“Of course you didn’t,” I scoffed. “You know what’s funny? Since you were always so generous with handing down clothes to me or paying for lunches I couldn’t afford, I had always felt that I somehow owed you. Don’t you see how fucked up that was? Even if I wasn’t emotionally invested in any of those other guys, shouldn’t there have been some kind of girl code?
I shook my head and continued. “You were my best friend, so you should have known me better than most. You should have realized this wasn’t the same. I casually dated in the past. I never felt the desire to be around a guy for any lengthy amount of time. You knew nearly every waking moment was spent with them. You saw how close I was with all of them, save Lochlann because of his position in the school. You could have waited until− I don’t know− maybe a year after I disappeared to move in on one of them. You didn’t even know if I was dead! Could you have really been okay dating a man I cared so much about if that had been the case?”
“I know I fucked up!” Madison cried. “I know I can be self-centered and selfish. I knew the moment I started getting attracted to Golden I should have separated myself from him. But as each day passed with no news about you, or another false lead, I felt like he was the only one who understood how lost I felt. I hated it when you told me you were moving. I felt like a piece of me was missing. I chose to move here for you, and I lost sight of that. What can I do to fix this?”
I looked at her with a blank expression. I knew she felt remorse. I think she realized she had crossed a line she should never have crossed. However, I didn’t know if there was anything to rectify the situation. It was like closing the gate after the horse already ran out.
“I don’t know if anything can fix this,” I finally admitted. “You made me lose my trust. How can I trust you in the future? I’m already struggling with so many things, and I need people in my corner I can rely on. How can I ever depend on you again?”
She brushed her tears away with her fingertips. “I’ve learned from my mistake,” she insisted.
I heard a noise and noticed Golden and Zane hovering in the doorway. A thought suddenly struck me.
“Have you?” I inquired. “If Golden was to leave me tomorrow and ask you out, would you date him?”
Golden went to speak, but Zane placed a hand over his mouth.
Madison paused for a second too long.
“Just as I thought.” I sighed wearily. “I’ve got an early morning and still need to get my bag ready. I’ll see you around, Madison.”
25
●
Audition
The building we were auditioning in blended in with the rest of the buildings in the vicinity. There wasn’t anything that screamed how much importance the brick-and-mortar establishment might hold for us today. In fact, I thought maybe we had received the wrong address or had gotten lost, until we walked up to the building and noticed the small 8 x 10 placard affixed to the door.
The building appeared to house several businesses, but we could locate ours with relative ease once we approached it.
“We got this,” Zane said with conviction as he squeezed my hand.
I attempted to smile at him and was beyond thankful to have him by my side. If I had been by myself, I didn’t think I could do it. I wasn’t in the right frame of my mind to audition. There was too much noise in my head, and I was afraid it would affect my performance. There was too much pain in my chest to ignore.
By the time I came back upstairs last night, Kyler and Lochlann had already left to locate Crew. They hadn’t returned by the time Zane and I went to bed, either. I had tossed and turned most of the night, hoping to hear anything. I hadn’t.
When Zane and I came up to eat before we left, Kyler looked like he hadn’t even slept yet. He informed me that they hadn’t found Crew, but they would. It did little to comfort me, especially since Crew never called me as I requested.
Of course, my wild imagination had gone through a thousand different scenarios: Crew was ghosting us all. He’d decided to get back with Jana. Or worse, he was running with Butch and was in trouble. Did Butch still beat on him?
“From your lips to God’s ears,” I rasped, pulling my thoughts back to the present. Hours of silence had affected my vocal cords.
Zane hadn’t even tried to placate me or give me false promises during the drive. He’d leant me the exact support I needed. He held my hand, handed me my coffee, and put on some of my favorite tunes. It’s exactly what I had needed this morning.
“You have the talent, beautiful,” Zane reassured me. “Leave everything right here. Lose yourself to the music. Shut out all the nonsense. You can pick it back up when you’ve landed the spot.”
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in. I attempted to do just that. On the dance floor, I wasn’t the woman that got abducted and suffered from anxiety and panic attacks because of it. Out there, I didn’t have a mother that had abandoned me. When I danced, no one cared that one of my boyfriends had left me. Somewhere out there, someone was suffering far more significantly than I was, with fewer opportunities to change their lives than I had at this moment.
“You guys are going to knock it out of the park,” Sal confidently said as he opened the door for us.
We entered the modest but well-designed lobby, and I immediately noticed the stylishly dressed woman sitting behind a desk. We made our way over. She gave us a shrewd look followed by a bright smile and held up her pointer finger as she addressed someone on the phone. After several seconds she finally disconnected her call.
“Thanks for waiting. How can I help you?” the receptionist inquired.
“We
have a ten o’clock appointment with Mr. Brady,” I piped up.
“Of course, I should have guessed,” she gave us another perusal, but it wasn’t rude.
We had dressed comfortably for our audition. I was wearing a black long-sleeve mock turtleneck midriff shirt, and under my yoga pants was a pair of red boy shorts. Zane purposely chose to wear an outfit to compliment mine. He wore a fitted sleeveless red t-shirt and black loose-fitting black pants.
“I’ll call up to his assistant and see if they're ready for you,” she continued as she hit some buttons on a switchboard in front of her.
She had a murmured conversation with someone on the other end before she looked up at us and smiled. “They’re ready for you. Go over to the elevators and take it to the sixteenth floor. Camille will meet you and direct you to the right location.”
“Thank you,” Zane spoke for us as he threaded his fingers through mine.
The closer we walked to the bank of elevators, the faster my heart beat. With each step, I convinced myself that I could successfully leave all my shit at the door— where it belonged. The butterflies that took flight in my stomach were much more violent than the typical ones I felt. In fact, I was convinced my butterflies had transformed into the large creepy Abbot’s Sphinx moths, which were reported to be the size of a grown man's palm.
My own palms felt sweaty, and my knees quaked with nerves. Zane seemed to sense my rise in anxiety, because he pulled me in close the moment we stepped into the elevator. Sal gave him an understanding look and punched the button for the sixteenth floor. I leaned my head into Zane’s chest as he gently rubbed my back, his lips planted on my forehead.
When the elevator dinged and opened, we took a few steps forward. There was no one to greet us. I looked to our left and right. No placards were guiding our direction now. I looked at Zane and Sal, and they gave me identical shrugs. Suddenly, I could hear raised voices.
“−and I’m saying, once again, it’s a waste of time,” a woman yelled in frustration. “They’re fucking rock stars! They have women throwing themselves at them all the time. Just because Layden got a new piece of ass that they're trying to appease, we’re jumping through hoops for them?”