✽✽✽
Janie was surprised when Angel wandered into the kitchen at quarter past seven at night wearing pajama pants and a plain white tank top. Her hair was a mess and she rubbed sleep out of her eyes as she wandered over to the coffee maker and flipped it on.
She retrieved a mug, sugar and cream, all in silence as if oblivious to the fact that Janie was sitting at the kitchen table eating a bowl of pasta. Janie shrugged and continued eating while Angel removed the coffee pot, shoving her mug directly under the drip.
When it was full, she added sugar and a splash of cream before shuffling over to the table and sitting down across from Janie. She took a long sip, sighed and looked up.
“Hi.”
“Hi,” Janie replied. “Are you off tonight?”
“Yeah,” Angel said, stifling a yawn. “But I have to keep on my sleep schedule or it’ll be hell going back tomorrow night.”
“That sucks,” Janie sympathized.
“Tell me about it,” Angel snorted. “I honestly don’t even know what to do with myself all night. I’d almost rather go to work.”
“It’s a shame you don’t have a boyfriend,” Janie said with a grin. “If you find the right guy, they can usually keep you up all night.”
Angel swallowed and blushed. Taking a gulp of her coffee.
“I’m just joking,” Janie laughed. “And honestly, it’s usually more work than it’s worth.”
“You think so?” Angel asked, hesitantly.
“At least half the time,” Janie replied, rolling her eyes. “I take it you’re not seeing anyone?”
“Oh, no,” Angel replied quickly, as if the idea was absurd.
“Why not?” Janie asked.
“No reason, really,” Angel shrugged. “Just don’t have time really. I mean my schedule is crazy and the only guys I meet are ones I work with and that is usually a really bad idea.”
“Smart girl,” Janie said with a wink. Angel grinned at her before picking up her mug and taking another sip. Janie took a moment to really look at her.
Connor’s sister was truly beautiful; golden brown skin, dark, almond shaped eyes framed by thick sable lashes, long dark hair that looked like it was made of silk, and curves for days. She was a walking wet dream. How on earth was she not attracting every many in a fifty mile radius?
She probably was but was oblivious to the male attention or determined to ignore it for whatever reason.
To each their own…
Janie could certainly think of a dozen good reasons she might have for staying single. And probably at least two dozen mediocre ones.
And with a brother like Connor who was sure to put the fear of God into any man who even looked at her funny, the poor girl might stay single for the simple reason that it wasn’t worth the hassle.
Angel wasn’t the rebellious, sneaking around type. She was the sweet, bring your beau home to meet the family type. There was no way she’d even try to date on the DL, and there was no way she’d get away with it even if she tried.
Janie still wasn’t convinced that Connor didn’t have the house staked out so he could keep an eye on his baby sister. And as much as she’d complained to Alexandra about it before Angel moved in, she had to admit that she was a little jealous.
Janie didn’t have any brothers, she wasn’t close to her sister, and her own father didn’t seem to care enough to worry about her even half as much as Connor worried about Angel. Connor was a special case so she would never expect the same level of vigilance from anyone, but Janie had thought more than once that it must be nice to have someone looking out for you, even in small ways.
Janie wasn’t about to indulge in a bout of self-pity, and she reminded herself that she had Alexandra, who really cared about her and would do just about anything for her. She and Amanda had become friends with all the planning they’d been doing for Alexandra’s wedding.
She had some friendly acquaintances at the office, like Charles and some of the other assistants and paralegals. She was fine. She could take care of herself.
“Janie?” Angel asked.
“Sorry. I sort of drifted off there. What did you say?” Janie replied, realizing that she’d spaced out completely on their conversation.
“I just asked how things were going with you.”
“Fine,” Janie replied automatically. Angel gave her a vaguely skeptical look but nodded.
“That’s good.”
“Yeah,” Janie gave her a tight smile and decided changing the subject was a good idea. “So, are you excited about the wedding?”
“Yeah,” Angel beamed. “I’ve always wanted a sister and Connor has never been so happy. I’m so glad they found each other.”
“They do seem to be a perfect match,” Janie added, getting up to put her bowl in the sink and pour herself another glass of wine.
“I wasn’t sure Connor was ever going to get married,” Angel chuckled.
“Why not?” Janie asked, leaning against the island and taking a sip of her merlot.
“You may have noticed that Connor is a little overprotective.”
“A little?” Janie snorted, nearly choking on her wine.
“I figured he’d stay single out of some ridiculous notion of familial duty until I got married.”
“That does sound like something he would do,” Janie agreed.
“Well, I’m glad he didn’t. He deserves to be happy, and I’m not sure I’m ever getting married so I’d hate for him to miss out because of me.”
Janie hesitated. She was the last person to ever perpetuate the fairytale myth that everyone had a prince charming out there who would storm in and sweep a girl off their feet. But she wasn’t a monster, either. She didn’t want to crush Angel’s dreams with her pessimism.
And it was Angel’s dream, no matter how nonchalantly she’d said it, or how much she was trying to act like it was no big deal. The look in her eye and the slight quiver of her voice told Janie precisely how much Angel wanted precisely what she said she’d never have.
“I wouldn’t count on that,” Janie said casually. “Say what you want, but things rarely ever work out the way you think they will. Just ask Doris Day.”
Angel looked at her with blatant confusion.
“Que sera, sera,” Janie sang, albeit very poorly. “Whatever will be, will be.”
They both laughed for a moment until the doorbell rang. They looked at eachother, silently wondering who it could be. Janie went to the door and took a look out the window beside the door.
She unlocked the door and swung it open.
“I really hope you didn’t call off the wedding, because I’ve already got a new roommate.” Janie quipped, quirking an eyebrow as Alexandra pushed past her, already stripping out of her coat.
“No, I just didn’t feel like sitting at home by myself,” Alexandra sighed, dropping onto the sofa and kicking her shoes off. “Connor’s working late.”
“You sure you’re not upset about something?” Janie asked. So help her, if he was cheating, Janie would string him up and use him as a piñata.
“No.” Alexandra waved away Janie’s concern. “I mean, I am, but it’s not his fault.”
“Hold that thought,” Janie said, heading for the kitchen. “We need wine for this.”
A minute later Janie handed Alexandra a glass and set the bottle on the coffee table.
“Okay, shoot,” Janie said, taking a fortifying sip. Alexandra took one of her own and waved to Angel who had followed Janie into the living room.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” Alexandra huffed. “I used to be alone all the time. I used to live alone. I just… wasn’t prepared for how quickly I’d get used to someone being there when I got home every night.”
Alexandra curled her legs underneath her and leaned her head back against the backrest, closing her eyes.
“He called and told me he’d be working late and I didn’t think twice about it. But I went home and I couldn’t take the silence
for more than five minutes. My mind just kind of went… berserk. I started thinking all these crazy things and I couldn’t stop.”
“Aw, sweetie,” Janie said, reaching out and patting Alexandra’s shoulder. “Well, you can come here any time. Unless there’s a tie on the door knob.” Alexandra looked up at her and Janie winked. Alexandra snorted and took another sip of her wine.
“Thanks,” Alexandra replied. “I know it’s probably stupid, I just… wasn’t ready to feel…”
“Lonely?” Angel said softly. She’d tucked herself into the far corner of the couch as if she didn’t want to take up too much space.
“Yeah.” Alexandra nodded. “I mean I spent so much time on my own and I was fine. Well, mostly fine. I read whatever I wanted, ate whatever I wanted, watched whatever I wanted. You’d think I could handle one night on my own. I mean Connor and I have only been together for like six months. We’ve only been living together for four.”
Alexandra shook her head and grunted in frustration.
“I does get easier,” Angel said hesitantly. Janie practically held her breath. Angel seemed so fragile sometimes that it felt like she might shatter if you looked at her wrong.
“Yeah?” Alexandra asked, looking a bit fragile herself.
“Yeah,” Angel took a deep breath and continued. “When my grandma died I was in high school. I was old enough to be on my own while mom was out of town for work, but I was used to having her there all the time, even when I didn’t really want her to be. But when she died, and I didn’t have anyone for two or three days at a time, it was… really hard.”
“I’m sorry,” Alexandra said, taking the girl’s hand and squeezing it. Alexandra had shared a little of what Connor and Angel had had to deal with growing up and it hadn’t been pretty. It was part of what made Connor so protective of his sister and his chosen family, and why he put so much pressure on himself to look out for the people he cared about.
“It wasn’t that bad,” Angel said, a small smile crossing her lips. “After a few weeks I started getting used to it. And after a few more weeks, I started to enjoy having time to myself, like you said. I’d never had that kind of freedom before.”
Neither Janie nor Alexandra knew what to say, so they simply looked at each other and then back at Angel.
“And then Connor came home and I never had it again,” Angel said with a smirk. Janie and Alexandra both laughed, knowing exactly how accurate that probably was.
“You’re right,” Alexandra said with a determined nod. “There’s just going to be a period of adjustment. We’ve been in a honeymoon period, and probably will be for a while, but after that we’ll get used to each others’ schedules and it’ll be fine. I just need to find my balance again.”
“And, if I know Connor,” Angel added. “There will probably be times when you’ll be glad to get him out of the house for a while.”
Janie and Angel laughed, while Alexandra looked affronted.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she said stiffly. Janie stopped laughing and looked around.
“Oh, we’re still not sure the house hasn’t been bugged?” Janie asked in a stage whisper. Angel and Alexandra dissolved into giggles and Janie smiled.
Janie was contemplating Alexandra’s dilemma all the while, wondering if she’d ever felt as lonely being on her own as she had when she’d been living at home. It was harder to feel alone when you were surrounded by people who were supposed to love you than it was to just be alone.
The doorbell rang again, and once again Angel and Janie looked at each other and shrugged.
This is starting to feel a little like a late night talk show…
Once again, Janie walked to the foyer and took a look through the window. Alexandra had been a surprise, but this was a whole other magnitude of unexpected.
“Makenna?” Janie asked, opening the door for her sister. She looked behind her and onto the street but didn’t see her father or Nancy anywhere. She pulled Makenna inside and closed the door behind her, relocking it as she did.
“What are you doing here?” Janie asked.
“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt,” Makenna said, looking over Janie’s shoulder to where Angel and Alexandra sat in the living room. “Are you having girls’ night? That’s so cool. Like Sex and the City or something.”
“Makenna, focus,” Janie said, snapping her fingers in front of her sister’s face. “Why are you here? And where are Dad and Nancy?”
“Janie… I need your help,” Makenna said, her voice trembling. “Please. I don’t have anyone else I can turn to.”
For fuck’s sake, what kind of trouble was she in?
CHAPTER TWELVE
“Okay, start from the beginning,” Janie said for the third time. Makenna seemed to be a sweet kid, but she couldn’t seem to string three sentences together without getting distracted.
“I don’t want to do this,” Makenna said angrily. “I don’t want to be here, in New York. I don’t want to be a model. I hate all of this.”
“Okay, then why are you here?” Janie asked, confused.
“You know my mother,” Makenna said, rolling her eyes. “How do you think ‘no’ would go over with her? She’s been preparing me to be famous since I could walk.”
Makenna swiped at a tear and sniffled. Alexandra handed her a box of tissues and patted her awkwardly on the shoulder.
“Makenna, I know it’s not easy, or fun, but if you don’t want to do this, you need to tell your mom. You’re twenty-one years old. She can’t make you do anything you don’t want to do.”
“And what am I supposed to do?” Makenna said, sobbing openly now. “Dad’s no help, and I wanted to go to college but Mom said it was a waste of time. I’ve never had a job, I have no money of my own. I have nowhere to go.”
“Dad might not be… the best at this sort of thing, but he’s not going to kick you out,” Janie replied, appalled.
“I know that,” Makenna said miserably. “But Mommy Dearest will make my life hell if I stay. You know what that’s like.”
Janie experienced a moment of terror. She hadn’t shared much about her childhood with anyone, and the last thing she needed was to open that can of worms on top of everything else that was going on.
“I’m not like you,” Makenna continued, oblivious to Janie’s mounting panic. “I’m not strong enough to stand up to her for years on end like you did. I’ll cave, I know I will.”
Janie was suddenly furious. After the years of emotional abuse and neglect and being treated like nothing more than an unwanted burden, this… girl, this golden child who was always held up as the standard of perfection, a standard that Janie was constantly falling short of, was asking her for help?
Suddenly Janie found herself cackling. Hysterical, uncontrollable laughter that didn’t even sound like it was coming from her. She noticed Alexandra and Angel exchanging concerned glances but she couldn’t stop.
“I’m sorry, you want me to protect you from Nancy? Your mother, Nancy? The woman who took every opportunity to tell me how much prettier and thinner and smarter you were? The woman who gave you everything you ever wanted while I had to beg for scraps?”
She was shouting now, up out of her seat and shouting at the top of her lungs. Alexandra and Angel were watching her wide-eyed and wary, the way you would a rabid dog. That just made the whole situation more absurd and more infuriating.
“I know she was terrible to you. But at least she’s not your real mom. How do you think I feel knowing that my own mother doesn’t care about me?”
“Doesn’t care about you?” Janie scoffed. “She gave you everything. You got dance classes and music lessons and new clothes. She was constantly telling everyone how amazing you were. Her pride and joy. You know what I was? Do you know what she called me, Kenna?”
Makenna looked away, ashamed.
“That’s right. You remember. You were her pride and joy and I was a waste of space.”
Makenna
suddenly shot to her feet, her face furious. Janie had never seen her look so fearsome. It was like watching Barney eviscerate a jogger. Unexpected and frightening.
“I know she was horrible to you,” Makenna said, deathly quiet. “And she might have told everyone how amazing I was, but you know who never heard that? Me. She didn’t tell me I was smart or pretty or wonderful. All she ever told me was to be more. All she ever said to me was I could be prettier, I could be thinner, I could be more talented. I was never enough for her.”
Janie was stunned into silence. Makenna took a shaky breath before she went on.
“And all the things she gave me? It wasn’t because she loved me or she wanted me to be happy. I didn’t even want those things. It was so I would be popular, because popular people are more successful.”
Makenna shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut.
“She didn’t love me,” Makenna rasped. “The only reason she even had me was so Dad wouldn’t leave her. She doesn’t care about me or what I want or whether I’m happy. She only cares that I’m perfect. But I’m not. I can’t be.”
Makenna sank back onto the sofa, sobbing openly.
Janie slowly sat back down in the chair beside the couch. All these years of Nancy pitting them against each other, or trying to pit Janie against Mackenna, and Janie had eaten it up. She’d been so angry with Makenna for being the perfect daughter, but it had never been her fault. All this time, Nancy had been torturing them both, just in different ways. There was only one thing she couldn’t understand…
“Why?” Janie muttered, dazed.
“I don’t know,” Makenna whispered. “I don’t know why she is the way she is. But I don’t think she’s ever loved anyone but herself.”
Janie nodded in absent agreement. She wiped away a tear, ashamed that after all this time, Nancy still had any power to hurt her.
“I’m sorry, Makenna. I didn’t know,” Janie said softly.
“I know. And I’m sorry, too. I wanted to say something. I should have stuck up for you, but-”
“You were just a kid,” Janie cut her off. “And you were scared. It wasn’t our fault, Kenna.”
Her Defender (MacLachlan Security Group Book 2) Page 12