by Holt, Leah
Dipping her chin into her chest, she moved her gaze around my face. “You said not to do it unless I meant it.”
Brushing my thumb across the soft curve of her jaw, the world around us became less and less vicious. We were both built and molded to only know chaos. Anything outside the boundaries of carnage would be out of reach.
We shouldn't know happiness, because it would destroy our version of normal.
We shouldn't know pleasure, because it would extinguish our need to feel misery.
It was a level of self destruction that we both hated and craved without truly realizing it. Because it was all we ever knew.
“You don't have an accent.”
“That's because I'm not from here.”
“You're from the U.S.” Brushing my hand down the outside of her arm, I tickled the tips of my fingers against her soft skin. Berlin nodded as her thoughts clouded her mind. “How did you end up here?”
“How?” she asked, letting out a light laugh. “It was a giant ball of fucked up that got me here.”
Arching a brow, I wanted more. “Where you traveling? Did he steal you off the street?” Every question held meaning. And every answer she gifted gave me more reason to keep her.
You can't keep her. You're giving her more than anyone else ever will right now.
It's all you can do for her, you know that.
“I was nine when he took me and eighteen when he brought me here.”
“Nine?” The number shot out on hard air as the shock must have been written all over my face. Flinching at the pitch in my voice, she seemed to shrink in size, folding up into herself.
There was so much pain in her eyes, far too much for one person. It seeped from her pores, spilling across the blanket. I could feel it in my chest, the power curling around my heart and crushing it like a ball of clay in your palm.
“You were just a child.”
“That was a long time ago, Salt. I'm not that little girl anymore. I refuse to be weak, he doesn't own me, even he knows that. That's why he holds onto me so tightly.”
“So did he take you here after all that shit went down back home? When Sylvan's place got raided?”
“Were you involved in that too?” she asked.
“No, I keep to my own, but I heard about it. Virgo only calls me when he needs something. That's how it's always been and that's how I want to keep it. The less I know, the better, and the less he knows about my end, the better. It keeps our arrangement clean. There's no trail to follow back to either one of us.”
“So, you kill people, but you don't see yourself as a monster? I can't understand that.” Raising an eyebrow, the light off the end table lamp caught her skin perfectly, giving her a sun kissed glow. “Even I think of myself as a monster from some of the thoughts I have, the things I would do if given the chance.”
Thinning my lips, I didn't give her an answer. I spent most of my life trying to look at my profession as a job and not a sin. I rationalized it as removing the filth from the earth. I didn't kill good people, I killed the wicked.
What's so wrong about that? I make the world a better place. . .
Fucking liar.
Even my own inner voice wasn't enough to keep this charade going anymore. My father had always been that voice of reason, he would twist reality and package it up so it looked good to me.
Since he'd passed, that package was becoming less and less appealing.
Clearing my throat, I climbed off the bed and grabbed a bottle of water from the small fridge. Taking a long sip, I wiggled the bottle side to side. “Want some?”
Shaking her head yes, I walked over and handed it to her, sitting back down beside her. The weight of my body made the mattress squeak as I adjusted myself to get comfortable. The silence between us was heavy, her question deserved an answer, but I wasn't going to give one.
How do I give her an answer, when I'm having doubts myself?
Lifting the water to her lips, I watched her neck elongate as she tipped her head back, the lean muscles moving in a way that made my cock twitch as the water trickled down her throat.
“How did he do it?”
“Do what?” Twisting the cap in place, she set the bottle on the table at her side.
“How did he get you here? I mean, it's not like he could just buy you a ticket and fly you here. How did he do it?”
Glancing off, she let her eyes examine a picture on the wall of some beach off the coast. “He was pissed after all that shit happened, calling Sylvan a stupid fuck, who didn't know how to run shit. He said he wasn't going to be prosecuted here for something that was almost legal in his country. Virgo decided he could do it better, that he knew a way to keep selling women that wouldn't get him thrown in jail. So, he stuffed me into a trunk, put me on some container ship, and the rest is history.”
“Nothing he does is legal, you know that right?”
“Nothing you do is legal either.” Her eyes turned to slits as she snapped her head back in my direction. “Neither of you are fucking saints, you're both going to hell.”
“You think I don't know that?” My face was flat and emotionless as my chest constricted, trying not to get angry with her for comparing Virgo and myself again. She didn't need another man going off on her. Forcing that anger down into my gut, I tried to keep talking about her. “What about family? Do you have any back home?”
Berlin pushed herself up higher in the bed, letting out a long breath. “I really don't want to talk about this anymore. Can we change the subject?” Pulling the blanket up to cover her chest, she looked down the bed, staring at her feet as they wiggled back and forth. “Why don't you tell me how you ended up in this profession.”
“I was born into it, there's not much more to it than that.”
“But why do you do it? Why do you think it's alright to be this way? Why do you help such horrible people?”
Sitting beside her, I laid my hands in my lap, unsure how to answer. Nothing I did was really for the men that hired me. I didn't care about their gains or losses. I was the last of a dying breed.
My father used to say, “If we don't do this, then who will? It's who we are, you were born for this. The world needs people like us, because no one else is going to do it.”
There was that red ribbon, perfectly tied for me to see my job as normal and accepted.
I wasn't sure where all the anger I felt inside came from. But it was there, and I saw this job as a way to vent it. The men I killed weren't normal people. They deserved what they got.
I thought of myself as a vigilante for the damned, a small light inside the darkness. At least if I was the one on the other end, I could rest my head at night knowing the right person had been hit and no one else got injured, or lost their life in the crossfire.
That made everything alright in my eyes. I was the angel that delivered to the evil.
“I'm good at what I do, Berlin, let's just leave it at that.” Running a hand across the back of my neck, I frowned. “Nine. . .” Pausing, I eyed her, trying to imagine what it was like for her at such a young age. “And you're still alive.”
I couldn't even begin to fathom what her life had been like. The things she had probably seen were enough to ruin even the strongest soul. But she was still here, breathing the same as I was.
Knitting her brows, she tilted her head. “Why are you so surprised?”
Shrugging a shoulder, I laid my head back against the headboard. “It's just hard to imagine is all. I've known Virgo for years, and I've never seen him keep someone that long.”
“Yeah, well, lucky me I guess.” Berlin let her head drop down as she began to fiddle with her nails. “So, what now?” she asked, allowing her eyes to soften as she glanced back in my direction. “What happens to me?”
It's not what I want, but I don't have a choice.
“Right now I think we both could use some rest, and tomorrow—” Cutting myself off, I couldn't bear to say the words out loud.
I knew wh
at she wanted, but I couldn't give it to her.
Holding her eyes with mine, she nodded with sad acceptance. “Tomorrow I go back.”
“I'm sorry, but I have to, there's nothing else I can do.”
Her chest lifted and fell as if she wanted to cry but refused to. “So this was what you could do for me? Give me a fucking orgasm and push me back into the hands of evil.”
“It's how it has to be, Berlin, I don't have any other choice. Even if I wanted to save you, the world I live in wouldn't allow it.”
“Why not? You see what I live in, it couldn't be any worse with you.”
She couldn't understand. Berlin was living in the danger, it wasn't chasing her. But if I stole her, she'd become my weakness. I wasn't willing to risk that. I'd be forever worried that she'd die because of me.
How could I live with myself if I was the reason she got killed?
“It won't work. You'd never be safe with me.”
Berlin held her breath as her eyes filled to the brim with tears. “Then why take me at all? Why not just leave me there?” Her voice quivered as she tried to stay strong.
“I just thought a night away would be good for you.”
“How the hell could you know what's good for me? You don't even know what's good for yourself.” Pulling the blanket up over her shoulder, she rolled onto her side. “Good night, Bentley.”
The way she said it stabbed me in the heart. I wished it could be as easy as just whisking her away and never looking back. But it wasn't.
We were in Italy. How did she expect me to get her home? We couldn't run in this country, we couldn't hide, there was nowhere for us to go that he wouldn't have eyes watching. He probably had someone outside keeping tabs on us right then.
Virgo had her since she was a child. If he hadn't sold her off at this point, he never planned to. He would probably go to hell and back to keep her. I was never afraid of that man, but I was well aware of just how unpredictable he was.
Virgo couldn't kill me, but there was no doubt in my mind that he could, and would, kill her. That's how men like him worked. If he couldn't have her, no one could.
Berlin had reached out to me for help, but this was all I could give her. One night of freedom for the lifetime she had already served. I wanted to do more, but when I really thought about it, my hands were tied.
It was a harsh reality we both had to face.
We would spend the rest of our lives looking over our shoulders. Virgo would find someone else just like me at some point, and we'd forever sleep with one eye open. It wasn't fair to either of us.
Fair? What's really fair for her?
Turning off the lamp next to the bed, I laid down and stared up at the ceiling. My eyes slowly began to droop as my mind ran wild with ways to fix all of this.
We could disappear. . . But go where?
I could get her a new identity. . . That would take too long.
I could kill him. . .
A flutter tickled against my cheek and I felt a weight on my chest. I wasn't sure how long I had been sleeping for, but when I opened my eyes, the room was still dark. My brain was trying to figure out where I was and what was going on as the sleepy haze still coated my thoughts.
There was something hovering over me, so I reached out to feel what it was.
A small hand wrapped mine, pulling it in as delicate lips kissed my knuckles. “Berlin?” I asked, unsure if I was dreaming.
“Sh,” she said, hushing me with another kiss to my palm. Moving my hand to her cheek, she snuggled up against it. “If this is it, if this all the time I have here, then I need more.”
“More? More what?” Blinking my eyes, I tried to adjust to the low light creeping in through the cracks in the blinds from the lights outside. “What are you doing?”
“I'm not going back without having all of you.” Rolling her face in my hand, she dragged her lips against my fingers. “I can't. It's not fair.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Pulling my hand away, I tried to push myself up.
Berlin shoved her hands into my shoulders, forcing me back down. I was surprised by her strength. There was power and determination in her arms. The frail person I thought I had seen before was gone.
Rolling her hips, I felt something wet slip against my lower stomach. “You feel that?” she asked, continuing to rock her body. “Can you feel what you do to me?”
“Berlin, stop, this isn't what you want.” Gripping her hips, I held her still. “You can't use sex to change anything. That shit doesn't work with me.”
“Is that what you think this is?” I could feel her smiling in the dark as her hands ran up and down my stomach, tracing my abs and chest. “Because it's not. I know I'm going back tomorrow, so make this night really worth while for me. Give me something to remember when I'm alone in my room, or when I need something good to think about because my mind wants to wander to darker things.”
“This isn't what you want. It won't fix you, it won't change anything.” Digging my fingers into her hips, I could feel her pussy pressing against my skin. She was smooth and soft, warm and wet, causing my dick to harden.
“Don't tell me what I want, I get told enough about what I should think or do. I'm telling you what I want, so fucking listen.” Cupping my hands with hers, she rolled her hips, rubbing her pussy harder against my skin. Reaching a hand back, she touched my cock. “I know this is turning you on. Why resist it, Salt?”
Her fingers slipped into my pants, curling around my shaft. My cock jerked and twitched, pulsing as she began to stroke me slowly. Arching her back, she kept grinding down harder, stroking my length a little faster.
Grunting, every thought in my brain was turning to mush as she worked my cock. I couldn't focus on the voice inside my head, I couldn't stop my body from igniting as she touched me.
The room morphed from black into a foggy shade of gray, her silhouette perfection against the backdrop. I wanted to stop her because of what she had been through, I wanted to stop her because I didn't think she could want something that had been so vile in her world.
Listen to her. The small voice chirped, reminding me that she had been the one to decide this. There were no promises of freedom, there were no open ended sentences that could lead her on. This was her choice.
Pulling her hand free, she rolled her shoulders forward, driving her face into the crook of my neck. I could feel her perfect teardrop shaped breasts as they squished against my chest, I could feel her tongue as she licked and kissed my neck, unraveling a hunger I never imagined she would have.
“Are you sure about this?” I asked, brushing the hair away from her face and forcing her eyes to mine. “I don't want you to regret it later.”
“Don't make me beg,” she said, her eyes catching the soft light and sparkling like the sea underneath a full moon. “Please, don't make me beg you. Just let me control one thing for once in my life.”
That was it, all the doubt in my mind vanished as I drove my hands into her hair and kissed her. Her full pouty lips had been the source of my weakness. I wanted to kiss her the first moment I laid eyes on her.
Our lips blended together, mouths opening, tongues swirling as the need grew out of control. She asked for it, she wanted it, but she had no idea how badly I wanted to give her it.
Tugging my pants down my hips, I kicked them off. Our mouths never broke apart. I refused to let her lips leave mine. She tasted too good, like the perfect cup of sweet and savory, filling a thirst that went deep into my core.
My cock slid between her ass cheeks, rubbing against her tight hole. Sitting up, Berlin pressed her hands into my shoulders to hold herself up as my mouth found her nipples. Suckling the perked beads, I bit and nibbled, drawing out moan after moan from my beautiful flower.
Reaching over to the nightstand, I awkwardly grabbed my wallet and pulled out a condom. Berlin sat up, gripping her tits and squeezing as her body rolled, slicking my skin in her arousal.
Even if I w
anted to stop right then and there, I wasn't sure I could. I had turned from man into beast, a feral animal that had lost all sanity as the world slowly collapsed into one selfish moment.
She was mine.
Tearing the wrapper open, I sheathed my cock. The sun must have started to come up because an orange glow was filling room, turning her skin from ivory into a blooming sunflower.
Our eyes were on each other, our breathing was ragged and labored. Lifting her hips, she positioned herself above my cock and slowly lowered herself down.
“Mm, fuck, Bentley,” she cooed, closing her eyes and biting on her lip as she stilled, allowing her walls to stretch as I filled her.
She was so warm, her pussy already drenched, muscles tense as she gently began to ride my dick. Raising up, I placed my hands on her hips and drove her back down. Her pussy clenched around my shaft, milking me as her pace quickened.
Faster and faster her body rocked, her tits bouncing as I thrusted up, hitting her so deep she screamed.
Scraping her nails down my chest, Berlin's eyes rolled back in her head as she fell forward. Her fingers pierced my skin, holding on like the talons of a small bird.
Goosebumps broke across her skin as she bit my shoulder, her body going stiff. I felt her pussy throbbing, each pulse sending waves of pleasure through her muscles.
“Fuck,” I groaned, pressing my palms into her shoulder blades, holding her against me so she couldn't move.
I wanted her right there. I wanted to feel her pulse as it kicked, I wanted to feel her skin as it flushed, heating us both. Wrapping my arms tighter, I held her firmly against my chest.
I won't let him hurt you. . .
Not anymore.
Pistoning my hips, I gave one final thrust, spewing my life blood into the thin skin between us. Our bodies gave out, going limp and motionless as we both tried to catch our breath.
Twisting her face, she snuggled up against my cheek. “Thank you,” she said, whispering the words into my ear.
“For what?”
“For being my first.”
“Your first?”
“My first by choice. Thank you for letting me have a voice here.” Kissing my cheek, Berlin rolled off my chest, flopping down beside me and almost instantly falling asleep.