Not Another Lonely Christmas

by Ellie R. Hunter

  “And?”

  “And I desperately want to tell him I fancy the pants off him and I want him to be the one who goes out of his way to sweep me off my feet, I want it all with him.”

  “Wow, I wasn’t expecting to hear that from you.”

  “Why?”

  “He’s not exactly your type, Remi.”

  “I know,” I smile, and I love that.

  “Who’s not your type?” Casey asks, coming up behind us.

  I spot a lilac cashmere jumper and leave Casey unanswered and Gabriella looking at all the lace. I run my fingers over the material and it’s so soft. My phone pings, alerting me to a messenger notification and it’s Elijah. He can only meet tonight, and he wants me to meet him at the Rocket Arena at eight.

  I hunt for my size and know what I’m wearing tonight. I shoot off a quick reply, letting him know I’ll be there, and it literally pains me.

  Why am I doing this? Seriously, why? I am falling for a guy I know I can’t have, or more like, doesn’t seem interested in me, and I’m still going out to see if romance is still alive.

  I spent so many years plodding through life, the same day in and day out, and now it’s turned into a joke and I’m still going through the motions.

  “So, how much time have you been spending with this Jasper fellow?” Gabs whispers, leaning her chin on my shoulder and making me jump.

  “A bit, but not enough. Oh, Gabs, what am I going to do? I literally want to jump him every time I’m near him and now, as of two minutes ago, this date with Elijah is tonight.”

  “Cancel the date and tell Jasper how you feel.”

  We both jump around, and Casey is standing there having heard everything.

  “Have you two forgotten what it’s like to be a teenager? Just because I’m not right beside you, it doesn’t mean I don’t hear everything. How do you think I survive in the homes, I’m hardly seen yet I hear everything,” she grins, cocking an eyebrow and I finally see her for the young woman she is, and not the nine-year-old who first walked into the salon wanting her rats cut off. Ever since that day, I’ve called split ends, rats. She meant rat tails, but she was so young she didn’t catch what her foster parent meant at the time.

  “Every time I go to, he talks over me and finds me dates,” I shrug, telling her.

  “How strange,” she murmurs.

  “Yep,” I say.

  “When are you seeing him again?” Gabriella asks.

  “I have no idea.”

  I spy a pair of black skinny jeans with little fake diamonds around the pockets and one worry fades away when I have my outfit sorted for tonight.

  “I’m falling for him, and I’m pretty sure I’m going to be the one whose heart is left hurting.”

  She slings her arm around me and her sweet perfume fills me nose.

  “Whether it breaks or not, you are strong and smart, and you will always come out on top.”

  Will I? My head is certain I will, but my heart is different.

  “Come on, I’ll buy us all dinner before we drop Casey off,” she offers and looks around for Casey.

  We find her texting away on her phone by the escalators. The three of us walk around the corner and into an American style restaurant, and I immediately hear a certain voice in my head.

  “Your date is gorgeous.” I hear Casey gasp while we’re waiting to be seated.

  “How do you know?” I ask, peeking over her phone screen.

  “I heard you say his name, his profile is private, but I can see his picture and if he’s not catfishing you, you’re a lucky girl.”

  “Thanks?”

  I’m not sure if I should be taking that as a good sign.

  “What time do you have to meet him?” she asks.

  “Eight, so we’ll eat and then I’ll drop you home and then get ready.”

  “And you’re not letting Gabriella record it?”

  “No.”

  We’ve been over this. This isn’t a date-date, it’s a shut-Jasper-up-date and the world doesn’t need to see it play out.

  “Fine, eat, home, don’t watch Remi live through another shitty date.”

  “Hey, language,” I snap, and she tries not to smile.

  “How will we know you’re safe?”

  “The same as if I were going on a normal date. I’ll text you when I get home.”

  We’re led to our table and Casey and Gabriella walk in front of me, leaving me to wonder what Jasper is doing now, knowing I’m a few hours away from going on a date of his choosing.

  Chapter Nineteen

  It’s obvious we’re going to a concert, and by the looks of the posters I’m passing, we’re going to see a band I have no idea who they are. I’m all for new experiences so I push the through the pain these stupid new boots are causing me and curse myself for not wearing more appropriate footwear.

  “Remi?”

  I come to a stop and blink twice. Elijah Clarke, although a little on the young side, is stunning. His boots are well worn in but still look expensive, his black jeans are ripped at the knees and again they look expensive.

  “You made it,” he beams as I’m still taking him in.

  Like I just thought, he’s too young for me but I’m not here for a relationship with him. I just want to be romanced. Although, it’s going to be hard to take him seriously. Then again, oh my god, shut up, Remi. At this point, I’m pretty sure I’ve lost my mind.

  “I sure did, I couldn’t wait to see-” I lean in closer to him and check out the tickets in his hand. “-Curse of the Moon.”

  A lead balloon drops in my stomach and I sigh, trying my best to hide the disappointment. I have no idea who this band is, what music they play or where they are from.

  I keep my mind open to this new experience, even though I didn’t want this date. After tonight, I’m not only going to shut everything down and hide away at home until after Christmas, I’m going to pray so hard everyone forgets who I am by the new year.

  “Sorry they’re not great seats, but it was last minute, and I was lucky to get these.”

  “Are the band popular?”

  He stops walking and I come to a stop three steps too late.

  “Are you joking? Is this the first you’re hearing about them?”

  I nod, unsure if I speak it’ll set his disbelief deeper.

  “You’re in for one hell of a night, Remi.”

  I keep quiet as we start walking again and he opens the door to the venue. Inside, it blows my mind. The place doesn’t look big from the street, but once you walk in, it opens like a Tardis.

  The walls are lined with posters and on closer inspection, framed autographs of who I’m not sure, but it looks cool.

  Elijah hands over our tickets and our hands are stamped and then he’s leading us through one of the many doors and I stop breathing for just a moment.

  Somehow, the room is huge but still intimate with the soft lights around the place and Elijah pulls me after him and takes us to the seats that couldn’t be any further from the make shift stage if it was possible.

  “When you apologised for the seats, I didn’t think you meant it,” I chuckle but it’s strained. “Why didn’t you just wait?”

  “Huh?”

  Oh, I’m sorry, was I talking to myself? What could he possibly be on his phone for whilst on a date?

  “It doesn’t matter,” I mutter.

  I know why they have seats at the back of venues now, it’s because you can’t see anything, and you’re bored as bored can be and it’s better to be bored sitting on your arse than it is standing on your feet.

  I feel my phone vibrate in my purse and for once, I’m glad for the distraction. Even I can feel my cheeks rising as a smile creeps over the boredom, especially when I see I have a text from Jasper.

  ‘Meet me at the Dark Swan tonight?’

  And then my smile is gone, completely wiped away by the missed opportunity to see him.

  ‘I can’t, I’m at a concert.’

 
I type a reply and hit send and then wait impatiently for his reply.

  ‘Oh, cool. Who are you seeing?’

  * * *

  ‘Some band I’ve never heard of.’

  * * *

  ‘What’s the guy like? Did I choose well?’

  Side glancing at my so-called date, he’s busy on his phone and I don’t feel so bad about being on mine.

  ‘He’s really chatty…to whoever is on his phone. Lol.’

  What am I doing?

  I’m sitting next to a guy who’s clearly not interested in anything but the phone in his hand and I’m wanting to be with Jasper, sitting in the pub while we talk and laugh about the stupidest of things. I’ve come to need our time together and I didn’t realise how much until now.

  Sliding my phone back into my purse, I button my jacket up that I had yet to take off and I stand.

  This gets his attention and he’s quick to block my exit.

  “The show is about to start, where are you going?”

  “I’m sorry, but I should never have come tonight. We’re clearly not setting off any fireworks and this is not going to be my thing.”

  Jasper is my thing and I’m not denying it, or fighting against it, or hiding it any longer.

  “You don’t know that, come on, give it a chance.”

  There’s an urgency to his tone and it has me sitting back down. I’m suspicious so I’m going to give him the benefit of doubt.

  “Let’s both put our phones away and…I’m not doing this right, I know. I saw your profile picture and thought you were sexy as hell, I was hoping I wouldn’t have to do much to win you over but apparently, I was wrong. Let’s have fun, listen to good music and at the end of the night, I’ll put you in a cab and we’ll be two strangers who spent one evening together and then was never to be. It’s sort of romantic, isn’t it?”

  Narrowing my eyes, his eyes are pleading with me to stay and for better or worse, I stay.

  “Is the music any good?”

  He cracks a smile and we both relax.

  “It’s some of the best, you wait and see.”

  My phone goes off again and I ignore it, giving Elijah this evening like he asked. Although, I’ve worked out I should be able to make last orders if nothing out of the ordinary happens throughout the evening and gets in my way.

  The place is buzzing with people’s excitement and as the time passes, I find myself loosening up and taking my jacket off.

  Elijah fills me in on the band and his favourite songs and I’m truly interested when the crowd go wild. I look up and it’s because the band have walked on the stage. I get a glimpse of a guy with blue hair styled into manbun jumping towards the drum-set and then I’m blinded to the rest because of the posters and boards being thrust into the air.

  My earlier assumption of this night being the worst slowly returns and it intensifies with each song that is sung and played and belted out to everyone in the audience. If I weren’t losing the will to live, I might have enjoyed the soft rock music filling the arena.

  My mood is slipping and the need to get out of here is overwhelming, it’s borderline suffocating.

  I grab my jacket and I’m thankful I wore an over the body purse. I tug on Elijah’s Jacket and he rips himself away from the show that he can clearly see at his height.

  “I’m going to the bathroom,” I yell over the music.

  “This is the last song, stay and I’ll walk you out after the show.”

  That would be a nice act for him to do to end the night, but it isn’t a part of my ditching him plan. I’ve never done this before and I never thought I would have to do this, but I’m not going to the bathrooms, I’m running. I’m going to save us the awkwardness of ending this lousy date and getting the hell out of here.

  “That’s sweet of you, but I’ll be fine,” I yell back.

  The crowd around us cheers and then the music dies out slowly. I push past Elijah and he exhales roughly.

  “I don’t know how many of you have heard about the girl looking for romance.”

  My body freezes and I wonder if I’ve heard right. A warm hand, which I’m hoping belongs to Elijah, it does, lands on my shoulder and then I’m spun until I’m facing the stage.

  “I recently met a woman that songs are made of. In fact, she’s here tonight.”

  The crowd’s cheers vibrate through my body and it only makes my heart flip erratically.

  “She’s on a date, but I know she likes me, she’s been texting me throughout. I’m the one she’s thinking about.”

  Jasper?

  That’s Jasper’s voice!

  Boos course through me and I’m left wondering what the hell is going on?

  I turn to seek answers from Elijah, but he remains tight-lipped and guides me to stand on his chair, so I can see.

  A commotion breaks out near the front of the crowd and a huddle of bodies shuffle through the crowd, coming my way.

  The closer they get, I make out Jasper in the middle and he’s being guarded by the big, burly protectors from the crowd.

  “Elijah?”

  “Yes?”

  “Can you please help me down; my legs are going numb.”

  He doesn’t need to be asked twice and I place my hand in his and jump down.

  I don’t let go, I don’t know him, I was just about to run out on him, but right now, I’m clinging to him like a lifeline.

  He’s closer now and people in the crowd are looking around trying to pinpoint where he’s going to stop and when he stops a few feet from me, my throat closes around every scrap of air I need to breathe.

  Shadows fall across his face out here in the back and then flashes of white take over as people take photos of him on their phones.

  “When the whole of social media was watching her, she wasn’t watching me.” He locks eyes with mine and I do nothing but cling to my date who isn’t moving either.

  “I thought about singing her a love song in front of every one of you here tonight as you chant her name,” he says quite laxly, then turns to me. “Would that be enough for you?” he asks, his voice booming through the mic.

  I can’t speak, all I do is stare at him, frozen in time. Elijah finally moves a fraction as my fingers dig into his arm, unintentionally not trying to hurt him, only to know this is real and this is happening.

  “But I know what you want,” he carries on. “You want the little things. You want someone who knows you don’t want one, big gesture of romance, Remi Rose Humphrey, you want a lifetime of love.”

  For a split second, there is silence and I’m not so sure this is real anymore. Stepping around Elijah, I don’t feel bad for forgetting about him in approximately thirty seconds.

  Jasper’s mouth hooks up at the corner and then he full blow smiles at me. He has just sung to ten thousand people who have sore throats from screaming his name for the last ninety minutes and now he’s waiting for me.

  “So, what are you, some sort of Rockstar?”

  They are the first words out of my mouth and I instantly feel my cheeks burning.

  “Some sort, yeah.”

  “And you’ve had this all planned out?”

  “From the moment I chose your last date. Make no mistake, Remi, you’re not going on anymore dates with anyone who isn’t me.”

  Tingles creep up my back and into my shoulders, spreading down the length of my arms.

  This is it.

  This is the moment I’ve been waiting for.

  It’s been Jasper all along.

  A nervous, happy laugh escapes from me, but my feet are moving, and they take me closer to him.

  “I’m good with that,” I choke out.

  The guy I’ve spent the last couple of months with, talking and laughing, and one time doing a lot more than talking with, has swept me off my feet. Well and truly.

  He closes the gap between us and cups my cheek with his warm, soft hand.

  “I’m going to kiss you now, you good with that?” he grins, alrea
dy leaning in.

  “I certainly am good with that.”

  As he stands in front of me, I see nothing else, I hear nothing, the crowd doesn’t exist as our lips press against one another and when his tongue sweeps over mine, a frenzy takes over.

  For a moment, I think he’s breaking the kiss when he dips, but he grabs onto my thighs and lifts me until my legs wrap around his waist.

  I’m the one who breaks the kiss and chuckle into his mouth before pulling away and remembering we’re not alone.

  “Come on, I think we need some privacy.”

  Laughing, I slide down his body ready to walk anywhere with him, when he throws me over his shoulder. I see thousands of feet as they pass in a blur and then we’re backstage and it’s quiet. He finally puts me down and takes hold of my hand. He leads us through a maze of halls and finally we stop at his band’s dressing room. It looks too big to be just for him, yet, when he stands in the middle it isn’t nearly as big as I originally thought.

  “Why did you choose Elijah?”

  “Easy,” he grins and pulls me closer to him. “He’s my cousin and I could make sure you weren’t swept off your feet by anyone else.”

  I chuckle at the thought of how I nearly ran out before the real show began.

  “Why? I mean, we’ve been talking for two months, this is…”

  I can’t find the words at the moment and I don’t care.

  “You wanted the grand gesture and I saw that deep down, you needed more than that. The more time we spent together, I knew I was the one who could give you that more. You swept me away, Remi. I need you in my life.”

  Closing the space between us, I still can’t believe this is happening. All those days spent trying to tell him how I was feeling and him setting me up on dates, and all along he was planning his own way of romancing me.

  I wind my arms around his neck as the door opens and who I’m assuming are his bandmates waltz in and the quietness is disrupted with their adrenaline pumping from their show.

  “We can get out of here as soon as I speak with a couple of people, with the holidays around the corner I can’t put it off.”