“I think crackers, cheese, and wine are going to have to do it. Let me pay for this and we can get out of here.” Brenda pushed the cart toward the cashier’s stands in the front of the store.
She just hoped what the coven was planning wasn’t a mistake that would cost more than they were willing to pay.
30
Caroline
“Your coven says you’re all about justice, but what does justice look like?” Caroline said.
The longer this discussion went on, the more angry she felt. Everything bubbled up inside of her: her rage at her husband, her rage at the injustice of what it sounded like Sharon’s daughter, —and Sharon herself—had gone through.
And now, her rage at this group of people, who were supposed to be there to help.
They were meeting in Brenda’s living room, which was a beautiful, soothing place. It had pale green walls, a riot of artwork depicting red, blue, gold, and green Goddesses and Gods. Over the fireplace mantle was a brilliant painting of the sun dancing with the moon.
She would’ve liked this place at any other time. But right now, Caroline refused to be soothed. She refused to be charmed. It was hard to even look at Brenda, this woman she was so drawn to. The woman she would like nothing more than to fall into bed with, spending hours getting to know each other’s bodies. Making good on the promise of those few kisses they’d had time to share.
Caroline wanted that, so badly. But wanting didn’t take away the sense of anger and betrayal she felt right now.
Raquel laid a hand on Caroline’s arm. They were sitting on a forest-green couch, next to one another. Some of the other coven members sat in chairs, or perched on ottomans. A couple of people had dragged in chairs from the dining room. The room was filled with Brenda’s coven, Joshua from The Road Home, and a neatly dressed man with salt-and-pepper hair and a pockmarked face. Caroline had never seen him before, Louis they called him. Something Louis. Some honorific she couldn’t remember.
“Sometimes justice looks different than we want it to,” Raquel said. Raquel smelled of coffee and mint. She was someone that Caroline could see liking. Trusting, even.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means,” Louis said, “that we humans can only comprehend one or two events at a time. Mostly simple things. Intelligent as we are, we’re not smart enough. It’s part of why we do magic, and train our minds. All of that increases our capacity to comprehend.”
Caroline looked at Brenda. Her head was bowed, staring at her hands. Her dark brown hair framed her pale face. She looked almost defeated. Caroline wasn’t sure if that was true, or if she was just thinking.
All Caroline knew right now was that the light around Brenda was as strong as ever. Funny, that woman, Sharon, said she saw an angel around Caroline, too. Years of being ground down and gaslighted by Rafe, made to feel as small as possible, and all of a sudden, she had two angels in her life.
Maybe they’d always been there. Rafe had never beaten her, just threatened to. Maybe the angels kept him in check. Caroline stroked her thumb across the Archangel Michael medal. She hoped he was there. But right now, she wasn’t sure if he was doing any good.
Joshua was tucked into a corner near the fireplace, sitting on one of the end chairs from the dining room, legs crossed, arms resting on the wooden arms of the chair. He still looked as if he’d stepped out of a play, or some Gothic revue. He tapped his beringed fingers together and cleared his throat, as though he were about to speak.
“Caroline, I hate to say it, but I think Raquel and Frater Louis are correct. This is a very tangled situation, and as I see it, part of our job is to begin the untangling. To see what actual help we can offer, instead of just rushing in to try to fix things before we know what in the world were doing.”
“Anyone else have anything to say?” Raquel asked. Caroline looked around the room. No one else moved to speak.
“I just don’t see how you can’t agree to help this woman. What happened to her daughter sounds egregious. And as far as I can tell, she’s taking the law into her own hands. Frankly, it sounds like you all have done the same in the past, so why in the hell would you not help her? Why in the hell would you want to help some judge or the chief of police instead of her, a woman who was wronged by the very system you say you’ve been fighting?” She looked at Tobias and Moss in particular. And then at Cassiel.
Cassiel leaned forward, one of her long red curls falling over her shoulder. “We aren’t trying to impede justice, Caroline. We’re trying to get to some semblance of the truth. Sometimes that’s the hardest job. I understand feeling angry, and I even think it’s right. You think we are not all pissed off about what happened? You think we don’t want justice?”
Finally, Brenda sat up, ramrod straight. The light around her pulsed and flared. She closed her eyes and opened them. Closed and opened them. It wasn’t blinking. It was as though she was looking inward and then out again. Over and over. Or as if the angel around her wanted its say.
Her face looked ethereal. Luminous. As though she were lit from within.
“The messengers remind us that it is not just one soul with that we must save. Our work here is the liberation of the city. And the well-being of its people. And the well-being of all the peoples on this earth. Every human, every animal, every insect, every tree and flower and drop of water, too. All of these need our attention. And we must call upon our allies and use our magic to right wrongs to the best of our ability. But it is our job to right the deeper wrongs.”
Brenda stared straight at Caroline then, but looking from that beautiful face? Those were not Brenda’s eyes. They were the eyes of an angel. Of some vast, dark, celestial being. Caroline could barely breathe. She clutched at the Michael medallion so hard, the image of the crossed sword and wing must have imprinted itself onto her thumb.
“The deeper wrongs shall not be made right by punishing those who should never be punished. Harmony shall never be restored by spreading sickness among the healthy. It is our job to seek restoration. To move from the five into the six. To move through battle toward true harmony. The song that every star must sing before it dies. Seeks to repair the wounds.”
Brenda shut her eyes, and it felt as though every person in the room inhaled together.
“Well, that was cryptic,” Lucy remarked.
“Protein,” Brenda said. Caroline had no idea why until Moss grabbed some slices of cheese, put them on a napkin, and placed the napkin into Brenda’s hands.
“Eat some cheese, Brenda. Once you get some protein in you, you can have a sip of wine.” He paused in thought for a moment. “Unless the angel wants to speak some more. Then I’ll get you some water.”
“I’ll get it,” Lucy said, springing up from her place on the floor and heading into the kitchen.
Caroline still didn’t know what all this meant. She was no less confused than she had been before. But at least some of her anger had dissipated
“So what we do?” she asked.
“My intuition tells me we have to work with that young man, Lawrence,” Brenda said. “He came into the shop for a reason. Twice. He wants training, but he’s also one of those who’s been hearing the voices. He’s willing to help if we need him.”
“He’s willing to be a conduit? Or a guinea pig?” That was Louis asking.
Brenda nodded, then bit off the end of another piece of cheese. Lucy came back in, and handed her a tumbler filled with water. Brenda drank down half the glass.
“Help me understand,” Caroline said. “If what I’m hearing is correct, there are two injustices we’re fighting. Or two illnesses, as the angel said. If that was an angel.” She shook her head, half in disbelief, half just to lighten the mood for a moment.
“So how do we know how to approach this? How do we know which injustice to address?” Caroline turned to Brenda. She still looked surreal, so beautiful, it was difficult for Caroline to not reach out and cup her hands around her face, and just breathe in th
at beauty.
“So this is what it is to stare upon the face of a God,” she murmured, forgetting what it was she’d been about to say.
“Not a God,” Brenda said. “But not quite me either.”
Then Brenda closed her eyes again, and sank back into her chair.
Caroline inhaled, exhaled, and shook out her hands, trying to remind herself that she was human in the midst of all the strange energy pulsing in the living room. She needed to remember that she had a body. The air felt so strange, but she breathed in anyway, and shifted her hand from the archangel medal to her amethyst point, seeking…words.
“Let me try again,” she said. “We need to stop Sharon from harming innocent people. We need to protect the ones that have just gotten in her way. I get that much. But how do we do that, and still bring Sharon and her daughter some healing? How do we do that, and find some of what she’s calling justice?”
Raquel set down her cup of tea and nodded. “Those are the questions we need to address. And whatever magic we’re about to do over the next day or two—and it does need to be over the next day or two because things are getting worse—we’re just gonna have to plan our best and hope. Hope that one or more of us gets enough insight into this that we can be of help.”
She shifted so she was looking at Caroline again. “The thing about magic, is that it’s always a risk.” Raquel coiled a finger around one of her dreadlocks, then patted it back into place. “But we’ve all taken on the responsibility to shoulder that risk. Sometimes we don’t know. But we always have to try.”
Caroline took a sip of wine.
“Then I guess I’ll try, too.”
But damn, she wished this coven had more solid answers.
31
Brenda
“So what do I gotta do?” Lawrence asked.
The Inner Eye wasn’t open yet, and Raquel had Cassiel working the café. The coven had decided that getting the magical operation done sooner rather than later was important. And if Lawrence was going to come on board, they had to figure that out right away.
Which meant this morning.
So Brenda, Raquel, Lawrence, and Frater Louis all sat around the big wooden table in the back room of the Inner Eye, surrounded by the Elemental Banners. There was no music on yet, just the slight hum from the lights, and the trickle of the water fountain that sat next to the counter in the main room. And in the echo of Lawrence’s question, hanging in the air.
Everyone had a mug of coffee or tea in front of them, and a plate of muffins, cheese Danish, and even a couple of gluten-free pastries sat in the center. Other than Lawrence, who happily munched on a corn muffin, no one was touching any of them.
Everyone else is too keyed up, Brenda thought. We know how serious this is.
She knew she was tense, despite doing a longer prayer and meditation session that morning. She blew across her mug of green tea, wishing it was coffee, but knowing that her stomach wouldn’t take the acids anyway.
Raquel leaned forward, elbows on the table, hands clasped beneath her chin. She looked tired. Brenda figured she probably did too. She certainly felt it. Lawrence, being young, looked fresh as all get out. It was hardly fair.
Lawrence’s T-shirt was red, with a Star Trek emblem on the left side of his chest. Brenda seemed to recall that was some sort of in-joke, but she hadn’t watched the show enough to remember what exactly the reference was.
“It’s a big experiment,” Raquel said, “and frankly I have concerns about us even trying it with you. Not that you’re not a nice young man, I’m sure you are. But I’d rather not have someone untested and untrained taking a risk like this.”
“She’s right, Lawrence,” Brenda replied. She set down her mug but kept her hands wrapped around it, enjoying the warmth. “But if you’re willing, it’s frankly our best shot. And that’s why you’re getting a crash course in some basic techniques this morning. I’m just thankful you had the time.”
Lawrence tapped his fingers on his coffee mug. He tilted his head to the side. “And still…neither of you has told me what exactly this ritual will entail. What are you going to want from me? How’s it going to work?”
“Well,” Raquel answered, “the reason I said it was a risk isn’t just that all magic is risky—which it is—but it’s that frankly, we don’t know what the hell we’re doing this time.”
Frater Louis cleared his throat. He had sat, ramrod straight in his chair, quietly drinking his coffee this whole time. But it seemed as if it was his time to speak now. Brenda hoped he had something useful to contribute, because she didn’t. Her stomach was tied up in knots, she knew Caroline was upset, and frankly, she was a little bit afraid. The angel had gone quiet. Bastard, she thought. Just when she needed the Voice, the Voice wasn’t there.
“Don’t scare the young man,” Louis said. “Lawrence, let me lay out for you what we think is going to happen. A large group of us discussed this long into the night, and yes, some of it we’re going to have to play by ear. Think of it is freestyle jazz…”
“Okay?” Lawrence set down the muffin and picked up his coffee mug.
“This woman, Sharon, is linked to you somehow. And the thing I sense around you, and that Raquel and Brenda sense too, is that energetic cords connect you to this woman. We don’t know how they attach to you. We don’t know if you happened to be walking by her one day when she was broadcasting, or if you’re just incredibly psychically sensitive.”
“Frankly, I think that’s what it is.” Brenda said. “You have talent. It’s part of what drew you here. I wouldn’t doubt that the others caught in the crossfire are also sensitive.”
Lawrence nodded, took a sip of coffee, and then placed both hands palm down on the table. “So…”
“So,” Louis continued, “we try to trace the cords back to her, and then we try to see what other cords she’s broadcasting outward and see if we can cut them off at the source.”
“Ha,” Lawrence said. “Sounds weird, but if it’s going to help stop these damn voices in my head, asking me to kill myself, I’m all for it. I’m not going to investigate behind the big rock, either.”
That was it. That was the joke of his T-shirt. Whoever wore the red shirt on Star Trek ended up dead. Brenda grinned at Lawrence. He grinned back. Laughing in the face of danger.
He picked up his muffin again, taking a large bite.
“All right then,” Raquel said. “We need to get you ready. I want to take you through some exercises to prepare you for what we’re going to do tonight. We need you centered, and with open energy fields. I don’t want you walking in cold.”
He set his muffin back down, and brushed the crumbs off his hands. “Well,” he said. “Should we get started, then?”
It was only when he said the words that Brenda realized she’d been stalling. Where in Goddess’s name was her discipline?
“Get comfortable,” Brenda said, “but let your body remain open. Don’t slouch, or slump. Doing that impedes the energy flow, and makes everything more difficult. Slow your breathing down. Let your palms rest upright on the table, or on your thighs, and make sure your feet are flat on the ground. Take in a deep breath and allow your spine to float up from your pelvis. Let your head rest gently on top of your spine.”
She watched as he made small adjustments to his seated posture. His breathing deepened. That was good.
“Let your breath enter, expanding your abdomen and your chest, and then as you exhale, allow it to leave naturally. Don’t force anything. Breathe in, then pause. Allow the rate of your exhalation to match the rate of your inhalation. Pause again. Just continue to breathe in this way.”
Brenda looked around Lawrence’s body. The etheric body closest to his skin took on a rosy hue as he relaxed into the process. She was amazed he didn’t have any training. He took to this so easily. Throughout his bright, clear aura, she could see the coiling, snaking ropes that the coven suspected tethered him to Sharon. They were wispy and thin, but there were a lot of the
m.
She turned to Raquel, and raised her eyebrows in question. Raquel had her eyes trained on the young man, too. Brenda had such a hard time not calling him a boy. But he wasn’t. He was around the same age as Moss, she suspected. Early twenties, filled with life and vitality.
She leaned toward Raquel and lowered her voice. “What do you think?”
“I think I’m glad the boy’s a natural,” her friend murmured. “I can also see those nasty cords. I’d sure like to know how they got there.”
Brenda nodded and then leaned back in her chair. She stretched her arms above her head, then lowered them again. Goddess, she needed to get back to her yoga practice.
“Just keep breathing, Lawrence. I’ll give you further instruction in a moment, but for now I just want you to get used to this.”
She raised a hand palm up towards Raquel and then gestured from Raquel to Lawrence. An invitation for Raquel to take over.
“Lawrence?” Raquel said. “I want you to keep up what you’re doing. Keep breathing. And as you listen to my voice, I want you to find your center. It’s very important. And I want you to breathe into that center and as you exhale, I want you to notice the energy fields around your body, and I want you to notice what is yours and what is not yours.”
As Brenda watched Lawrence, his brow furrowed in concentration, and maybe confusion. She didn’t blame him. This all had to be really strange. He was getting thrown in the deep end; this morning session wasn’t nearly enough to get them ready for what they were about to do, but sometimes that was how things were. Magic wasn’t always convenient.
Raquel continued. “And now I want you to remember who you are. Think of who you, Lawrence, are at your core. Pay attention to the space just above the crown of your head. Imagine there is a golden crown up there. Or a globe of light. Or an open flower. Whatever feels right to you. Whatever image comes to you is fine. And I want you to feel your center, and then feel the connection your center has to that image, that symbol above your head. And as you breathe, feel the connection between the two grow stronger. And when you feel ready, when you feel like you have this connection, I want you to say out loud the words I am.”
By Wind Page 16