“Now, let’s show you around the animal hospital here.” His hands clenched, his bicep bulging under his short sleeve as he tugged the inner door to the offices open for me.
I fought the urge to retreat a step. Here stood a warrior from medieval legend. It would have been more appropriate for him to be dressed in leather armor than a button-down, short-sleeved khaki shirt, but he grabbed my hand and drew me around Shelly. “We’ll start in the library.”
As we walked, I had a stern conversation with my subconscious. Go to Ithaca, you said. You’ll get away from anyone Jen wants to set you up with, you said.
Matthew squeezed my hand. I looked up to see him beaming at me. My stomach lurched. I was out of the nest and free falling.
* * *
Matthew showed me all around the health center and introduced me to the small staff, letting each person explain what they were working on, as well as the many student workers who kept things clean. In one of the exam rooms, I was able to help with a loon. Finally, we went in to see Rick, the veterinarian who was caring for the eagle.
Rick stood when we entered, towering over me by a head, making me think of a blue heron. He held out a rough hand to shake mine. “Pleasure to meet you,” he said with a Midwestern twang. His quilted plaid shirt with a pocket protector reminded me of a veterinarian back home.
“Thanks. It’s a pleasure to be here.” I plastered a smile on and looked into his eyes behind the silver rimmed glasses he wore. What I saw relaxed me a bit more. He felt comfortable, a known quantity.
“So you’re the miracle worker Matt said we should bring out here, huh?”
I laughed nervously. “I don’t know about miracle worker.” I peeked over at Matthew.
“Oh, he couldn’t think of enough superlatives, wouldn’t stop until I agreed,” Rick replied with a chortle.
“I thought I’d take Ally to dinner,” Matthew said.
“What about examining the eagle?” I asked. “Going over the test results?”
Rick waved a hand. “Tomorrow morning is soon enough for that. He’s stable.”
“I know a great place right down on the water,” Matthew said eagerly.
“Um, okay.” I felt the urge to retreat, like I was being herded or kidnapped. “I just need to use the ladies’ room first.”
I left them chatting and headed for a bathroom we had passed on the tour. I took far longer than I normally would in order to calm my nerves, combing my hair and taking several deep breaths as I stood in front of the mirror. I found Matthew exceedingly attractive, but he unsettled me. I didn’t know what to think about him. Why had he asked me to come here? He wasn’t even working on the case, he was just an ornithologist from the lab. I supposed he had a vested interest in the well-being of the birds from the facility. I went back to meet them, questions circling in my head that I wouldn’t be able to bring myself to ask.
As we left the building and walked out to Matthew’s Jeep Cherokee, I tried to think of something to say. Finally I ventured, “It’s amazing to see so many different types of animals being cared for in one place this way.”
Matthew’s head bobbed in agreement. “It was wonderful the way you helped with the male loon. Your touch seemed to calm him right down.”
“It was my pleasure,” I said. He had been a beautiful adult loon with his sleek black head, white stripes and spots. Unfortunately, he had ingested a fishhook. Once he calmed down, they had prepped him for surgery to remove the fishhook. We hadn’t stayed to watch. Their zoological medicine resident, Nancy, had handled it.
“Where are you from, Matthew?” I asked in an attempt to be pleasant. If we were going to be spending another hour or more together, I had to at least try.
“Please, call me Matt. I came here from Canada.”
“That’s not where you’re originally from?”
He shrugged and opened the car door for me. “I’ve moved around a lot.”
That explained the unusual accent. It held a little bit of a lot of different places. I wondered about it yet didn’t want to sound weird or intrusive. I’ll have to find his CV online next chance I get.
I slid into the seat, and he closed the door for me. It only took a few seconds for him to go around and get in the driver’s side, but it was enough for me to count to ten and relax a little. He made me nervous, yet it felt good, exhilarating. I didn’t know whether I was coming or going.
He got in, buckled his seat belt, and started the car.
“How are you enjoying the States?” I asked.
His eyes flicked in my direction. The silence stretched before he replied, “It’s getting better.”
“You didn’t like it when you first arrived? Did something happen, or were you just homesick?”
“I missed my friends. It’s been a bit lonely.”
I almost snorted derisively but caught myself in time. Judging from the look Shelly had given him, she would be happy to keep him company. I glanced over at him. Maybe I judged him too harshly. Maybe he wasn’t hitting on me. Was I being uncharitable? Maybe he truly was interested in my work, just lonely after moving around a lot. Poor guy.
I offered a sympathetic smile. “I know what it’s like, being the outsider.”
He seemed slightly surprised, but smiled bemusedly back. I had been rather withdrawn since I’d arrived, concerned with keeping him at arm’s length. Hell, I’ll be gone in a couple days, a week tops, no chance of getting too close. Why not enjoy his company while I’m here?
I observed the passing scenery as Matt negotiated the heavy traffic. Colorful murals splashed across the sides of buildings while people walked and biked along. The sun had shone in full force during the afternoon, making the leaves, the brilliant green of new growth, burst out.
Matt had called ahead for seating, so when we arrived at the restaurant, we were whisked right out to a table with a fantastic view of Lake Cayuga, including rowing teams headed out for practice. The entire wall facing the lake was made of glass; there was quite a crowd. We studied the menu and ordered—stuffed shrimp for him and chicken with peach sauce for me. Matt also ordered the spinach and artichoke fondue for an appetizer.
“I grew up in New Zealand,” he finally offered after we handed over our menus. “What about you?”
Exactly the type of topic I didn’t want to get into—my childhood. I fidgeted with my water glass. “Oh, right where I live now, New Hampshire. How did you come to be working at Cornell?”
“They made me an offer I couldn’t pass up. What was your most difficult case with a bird?”
I’d never had a case my healing hands couldn’t deal with; however, I couldn’t exactly tell him about that, could I? I described some of the more challenging injuries to birds I’d experienced, but not how I handled them.
The dip arrived, and the conversation went on that way—each of us seemed to be asking questions the other didn’t want to answer.
“What made you specialize in large bird rehab?” Matthew asked.
I grabbed a chip and scooped up some of the dip. “Hmm, well, I always felt a special affinity for raptors, specifically eagles. I can’t say why.”
A positively radiant smile crossed his face before he shuttered it. “Me too,” he said somberly.
“So, you grew up in New Zealand? Where else have you lived?”
“All around the world.” His lips quirked up. “It’s more like, where haven’t I lived?”
Finally, we had found a topic with some room for movement. For the rest of dinner, dessert, and then coffee, Matt regaled me with stories about the beauty of the different countries he had lived in, and told me funny little anecdotes. I found myself laughing and relaxing more than I had in ages with another person. I realized dinner was over with something akin to regret, and Matt drove me back to my hotel. He insisted on walking me to the room door.
I slid the card through the reader. The door unlocked with a click. I grasped the handle and pushed it open, then turned back to him. “Thanks for din
ner and a great evening. I had fun.”
“So did I,” he said.
I looked up at him. Something about him drew me like light draws a moth. I had been surprised by his air of familiarity at first, but I had begun to feel it too. Impulsively, I leaned in to kiss his cheek, surprising even myself.
When I pulled back, the longing on his face arrested my movement and sent an answering echo through my entire body. Oh, Shit. What am I doing? Before I could give it too much thought, I pressed my lips to his.
He didn’t move at first, then he gently held me in place by my upper arms and stepped back, putting me at arm’s length this time.
It took a moment for the fact that he had pulled away to filter into my mind. Heat rose in my cheeks as I backed further away. “I’m sorry. I… you seemed to be having a good time, and I thought… but I guess I was wrong?”
“I was, but…”
The fact that he seemed embarrassed did nothing to assuage my own feelings of abject horror at what I had done.
Then my mind finally put it together: his avoiding Shelly… using me to avoid Shelly. Oh, damn, I just threw myself at a gay man.
Warmth crept up my neck. “I’m sorry, I…” I grabbed his hand, pumped it up and down three times, then released it. “I had a really good time. Thank you for dinner.” I turned and fled into my room, closing the door behind me. I pressed my back against it, breathing and waiting for my heart rate to return to normal. I have never been so embarrassed in all my life.
After a minute, his footsteps faded away as he left.
Chapter 3
I spent the next day avoiding Matt. I worked with Rick, going over the tests which had already been done. The eagle had made significant improvement; it was stable and resting, healing.
“To be honest,” I said, “I don’t really understand what I’m doing here. The eagle seems to be progressing nicely with the treatment you’re using.”
Rick shrugged. “It never hurts to have a second person scrutinize your results, and you are both a vet and a raptor rehabilitator. I’ve read your articles too.” His eyebrows jumped. He sighed. “Plus, as you know, we have a long road ahead of us. I’m trying to anticipate all the things that could go wrong; I’d value your input.”
I kept reading the reports as Rick left the room. Then it occurred to me - I was alone, completely alone, for the first time that morning. Maybe I could shorten the road for this particular eagle.
I opened the nearly six-foot-tall cage as quietly as I could and stepped in, murmuring to the eagle, reassuring it. It turned its head, a yellow hood on to keep it from becoming agitated by what it saw. I reached out to touch the bird’s injured wing above the splint and the built-up energy left me in a jolt. The eagle let out a sharp cry. In my mind, its wings were outspread, the bird strong and ready to be released back into the wild.
I relaxed. “You’ll be back with your mate in no time, my friend.”
I heard the door to the outer office opening, so I hastily exited the cage then closed it as quickly as I could. Matt walked in before I could finish.
He gave me a pointed look but spoke mildly, “You know, you can’t avoid me all day.”
“What? I’m not avoiding you, I just…”
He looked at my hands, leaving the latch, and then my face. “You didn’t…”
I froze as he picked up a trail camera from a shelf and studied it.
Had it been recording? Were they using it to monitor the bird’s situation? Surely not. Shit, Shit, Shit. What would he have caught on the tape? Just me touching the eagle. Maybe not protocol, but nothing incriminating. My healing energy wasn’t visible to humans; only raptors could see energy trails like that. I hadn’t even noticed the camera in my haste and with all the other equipment. Perhaps he was just taking it out to use now.
“Well, what have we here?” he said, holding up the camera for me to see the little screen and my own actions in the last few minutes on it.
Caught, red-handed.
“I... I just wanted to touch him, to reassure him.”
I felt a twinge at the lie and wondered at it. Why should I feel guilty about lying to keep my secret? I barely knew him. I kept my eyes down, not meeting his. He didn’t say anything. Finally, I couldn’t stand it any longer. I met his gaze.
“Is that really the best you can do to cover your tracks?” he asked.
Anger flared in me, then fled in terror. What, exactly, was I being accused of? “I didn’t hurt him. I would never hurt him.”
He set down the camera and put his hands on my shoulders. My emotions ebbed back toward anger. I was about to knock his hands off but stopped as the alarm on his face registered.
“Hush. You’re going to bring a bunch of people running if you don’t quiet down. You don’t want people knowing what you can do, do you?” He paused significantly, but didn’t wait for a reply. “I know you wouldn’t hurt him. I suspect if we removed his splint right now and took him outside, he would fly away, just as healthy as before he was hurt, wouldn’t he?”
Confused, I stared into his face. How could he possibly know?
“I’ve been searching for you for a long time.”
I gaped at him. The door to the outer office opened again. Annoyance and regret warred on his face as he released me.
Shelly walked in. Matt took my arm. “Ah, good, Shelly. We’ll leave things in your capable hands. I’m taking Doctor Reynolds out to lunch.”
Still in shock, my every nerve ending thrummed on high alert. I didn’t resist as he led me out the door, under his co-worker’s annoyed gaze. He tucked my arm through his to walk me to his car. I didn’t say anything more until we were driving out of the campus entrance.
What the hell is going on? No one had ever questioned who I was or what I could do. How could he possibly know? An odd sense of calm came over me. I had held what I did, who I was, so carefully to myself for all these years, afraid of what would happen if someone found out I was a freak. This man obviously had an agenda. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know what it was, but it was better to know than to guess.
“What do you want from me?” I asked.
“I want to help you.”
He glanced over at me before looking back out the windshield. I wanted to believe him, but I needed more of a reason to trust him.
* * *
I chose to sit across the table from Matt in the diner. I didn’t know which was more confusing to my body and psyche, having him next to me or having him watch me with those eyes. They did something unquantifiable to me. They were serious now as he reached out to put his hand over mine. I withdrew. I didn’t want to be confused by his touch.
“What exactly do you want from me?” I asked again. I wasn’t sure I believed the answer he’d given earlier. I really wanted to ask what he knew about me, but that sounded just a little too defensive. After the way he had caught me on film back at the lab, I felt trapped.
“I just want to help you,” he said softly.
I snorted. “Yeah, most people who want to help someone else don’t try to get something on them first.”
“I needed to know if you were really who I thought you were. Once I knew for sure, I wanted to explain, but I was waiting for the right time.” He shook his head. “Look, you can’t just go around healing animals outright like that, or I’m not the only one who is going to notice.”
I leaned across the table, anger again taking the place of the fear. This guy really didn’t know me or what I was capable of. I spoke in a furious whisper. “Just what do you think you know about me? How long have you been… watching me, studying me? Is this some kind of government experiment or investigation?”
“It’s not like that, I promise you. I’m an ornithologist,” he said as he placed one hand on his chest. “Just like you, I work with birds. I came across an article about your amazing success rates with rehabilitation. It set something off in my head, so I started digging, searching through old papers in the town where you grew up.”
I froze, the fear back now. What had he found? This guy knew way too much, made too many intuitive leaps.
He looked up as the waitress approached with our drink orders.
“Here you go, one iced tea and one coffee.” She tugged a pad of paper out of her apron pocket and clicked a pen, then tapped it on the pad. “Have you decided what you’d like to order?”
Matt looked at me. When I didn’t say anything, he spoke. “I’ll take a burger with lettuce, tomato, and cheese.”
“Fries okay on the side?”
He nodded. “And a side salad, Italian dressing.”
They both looked expectantly at me. This was all so mundane, considering the conversation we were having. I wanted to throw myself across the table, grab him by the collar and ask what the hell he was on, but years of acting normal no matter the situation had trained me to behave myself.
“I’ll have the same,” I said evenly.
As soon as the waitress left, I glared at him. “Get to the point. What do you know about me? What do you want?” I demanded.
A corner of his mouth lifted in amusement. “Trust me, it’s nothing bad. Like I said, I want to help you.”
I sat back, took a deep breath, and blew it out slowly. I still wasn’t sure I believed him, but I’d refrain from stabbing him with a fork. For now.
He spread his hands. “I’ll tell you what I think I know, what I suspect, and you can tell me whether I’m right or not, okay?”
I crossed my arms. What could he possibly do if I just denied everything? “Listen, I’m not sure whether you’re delusional or just yanking my chain. I don’t know what you’re talking about, and I don’t want to know what you’re talking about. I’m a veterinarian specializing in large bird rehab, that’s all.”
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