by Alys West
“Mum asked me to look out for her. It’s a lot too late but I can try.”
“I think that’s being taken care of. Grace’s offered to take over Rachel’s training, pick up where Nina left off. She’s asked Rachel to go back to Northumberland with her for a few weeks.”
“That’s nice of her. Though someone needs to warn Rachel what she’s going into. Grace’s house takes some getting used to.”
“It can’t be that bad?”
“Oh, it can!” He felt rather than saw her smile. “Grace doesn’t do modern conveniences. It’s a prefab cottage with storage heaters and a bathroom which may well be pre-war. Mum used to say it took a week to feel warm again after she’d stayed there.”
He laughed. She was talking more easily about Nina now. In the days immediately after Graeme’s death she’d struggled to speak about either of them. “What about your dad’s letter?” He was desperate to see them but she had to volunteer it. “What did that say?”
“I haven’t opened it.” She pulled away to look at him. “I couldn’t do it. I wanted to but it didn’t feel right. What’s in there is between them. I’m going to ask the undertaker to put it in Dad’s coffin.”
“Are you sure? What if there’s something in there which might help?”
“I guess I’ll never know. I only wish Dad had known there was a letter before he died.”
“Graeme didn’t need a letter.” As she relaxed against his chest again, he tightened his arms around her. “I only met him for those few minutes but even I could tell that.”
“Do you think he was right? He was so sure she was still here but he could only see her and speak to her in his dreams. I used to think that was why he spent so much time asleep. Is that awful? I know it’s part of depression—”
Before she talked herself into more guilt, he kissed her. Slowly, gently, persuasively. Steady Grant, don’t rush this. She sighed against his mouth and he let her go.
He’d never grieved as she was grieving. He’d been lucky in that he supposed. His grandparents had been distant and reproachful of his mum’s choices. Cam’s parents had died before he was born. He’d considered death academically in the papers he’d written. He’d walked into tombs and felt the whisper of the dead who’d been buried there. He’d known woods where he could feel a connection to the druids who’d walked there before him.
“I think he was right,” Winston said. “I don’t know where the dead go but I don’t think it’s far.”
“I’ll be there in the wind and the waves,” she said softly.
“What’s that?” he asked, his mouth against her hair.
“It’s how Mum finished her letter. ‘When you look out over the bay, I’ll be there in the wind and the waves’.”
“And she is. How else would you have known to throw that witch bottle?”
“Those bloody birds.” She shuddered. “Only Mum could have come up with that replicating spell.”
“They saved you. And Zoe. You two are quite the team. Finn and I are having to reassess our manhood.”
“How’s that working out for you?”
Was that a giggle? He tilted her backwards until he could see her face. Her eyes met his and, for the first time since Graeme’s death, there was a glimmer of amusement in them.
His mouth moved to hers. A centimetre before their lips met he stopped, let the moment stretch and linger. “It needs careful handling. You up to the job?”
This time she really laughed. So hard she had to push him away and press her hands against her stomach. “That is the worst line. Has that ever actually worked for you?”
He flashed the gilt-sharp grin he knew wound her up. “Surprisingly, yes.”
“Then you’re going to have to do better. Much, much better.”
He deepened his voice, filled it with the full Sean Connery resonance. “It’ll be my pleasure.”
Chapter 58
As Rachel stepped through the door of Nina’s room, memories flooded back. She stopped and pressed her hand against her pounding heart.
Perhaps coming back hadn’t been a good idea. When Grace suggested she meet Jenna here, she’d thought it was a chance to face her fears. The nightmares had returned since the Stewarts’ party but with a new twist because now Ewan found her and held a knife to her throat. Again and again she woke at the moment the knife sliced through skin and muscle.
“Are you alright?” Jenna came towards her, hands outstretched. “You’ve gone a bit pale. If you want, we can go to the bungalow…?”
Rachel shook her head and took another couple of steps into the room. She wasn’t sure what she’d expected but it wasn’t this. Somehow they’d managed to put it back together, to tidy and repair the damage she’d wrought that afternoon. It wasn’t exactly as it used to be. The earthy smell from herbs seeping and drying was gone, as were the plant pots that used to crowd the windowsill. Nina’s desk chair was missing, a black mark curved across rug and floor. It was also a lot tidier.
“It’s a bit of a shock coming back here.”
“Have a seat.” Jenna gestured to the green armchair by the window. “I made tea but if you’d prefer coffee I can—”
“Tea’s fine, thank you.” Rachel moved the brightly coloured cushions aside and sat. Three other chairs, from the dining room by the look of them, were arranged around this one with a small table between them. On the table was a tea tray with Nina’s blue and white teapot.
The door opened and Grace stepped inside, followed by the shorter druid, the one with the film star good looks. Rachel’s heartbeat ratcheted up again. No one had said he was going to be here. She looked at Grace, hoping to transmit her uncertainty without having to say anything.
“Are you alright, pet?” Grace gave her a reassuring smile and took the chair next to her. “You look a bit tense, if you don’t mind me saying?”
“It’s being here.” Her breath came in erratic bursts. “It brings it all back.”
“We’ll do a little ritual when we’ve finished.” Grace patted her hand. “It’ll help to shift the bad memories.”
Rachel nodded but it was hard to concentrate on the words. With shaking hands, she covered her mouth. The room felt distant, the voices muted. She blinked and bowed her head. It was going to happen again. She was going to lose it and destroy the place a second time. Her heart was out of control, beating so hard it hurt. She couldn’t remember how to breathe.
“Rachel?” Jenna said. “Are you alright? Do you want some air?”
“Let’s get her outside.” That was the druid. He came towards her. Rachel’s hands covered her face as she cringed back in the chair.
“No, let me. You get the door.” A second later, cold air swirled into the room. “Rachel?” Jenna said gently. “I want to help you outside. Is it alright if I do that?”
She let her hands drop, risked a tiny nod. Jenna took her arm, waited as she sucked in a long inhalation and then another. She pushed herself up to standing and Grace’s hand was on her elbow. Each step felt like an effort but she made it to the door. Grace let go but Jenna stayed with her, matching her steps to Rachel’s. She lifted her face to the wind.
“Do you want to sit down in the bungalow?” Jenna asked. “Or I can drive you home?”
If she went home she’d only have to come back and face it some other time. She wasn’t sure she’d got the courage for that. “No, I want to tell you what happened.” She turned her head to meet Jenna’s gaze. Her eyes were so like Nina’s. “Can we talk out here? I know it’s a peedie bit blustery but I’m always better outdoors.”
“Of course.” Jenna nodded across the garden. “It’s a bit more sheltered in that corner. We’ll bring some chairs and then Winston can go do something else. You don’t like him, do you?”
She should lie. It was the polite thing to do as Jenna was being kind but she hadn’t got the energy. “He frightened me when he came to my house.”
“I’m sorry about that. It’s not an excuse but he was really w
orried about me.” Jenna began walking across the lawn and Rachel followed her. “You didn’t see me while I was under the spell but I was very much not me. I said some terrible things to Winston. I’m sorry you got caught up in that. If we’d known about Felicity…”
“I’m sorry too.” Rachel took a deep breath of the cold, clear air. Salt hit the back of her throat and steadied her a bit. “I did try to give Nina’s book back. I brought it to the funeral but I didn’t get chance to talk to you on your own and I rang a couple of times and left messages but no one rang me back and then—.”
“When did you ring?” Jenna turned to face Rachel but then her gaze moved past her to stare out over the bay. “No, it doesn’t matter. Everything was such a mess back then. Dad was really ill. If he even heard the message, he wouldn’t have thought to pass it on or ring you back.”
“When I didn’t hear anything I didn’t know what to do so I left it.” Rachel fiddled with the studs in her left ear. “I guess I should have tried again once I heard you’d come home but I…”
The truth was doing nothing had become the only way to cope. By suppressing what she’d seen and done, she’d become incapable of dealing with anything connected to that day.
“There’s no point worrying about what we should have done.” Jenna looked down at the marigolds and geraniums in the flowerbed. “There’s a million things I wish I’d done differently back then but we can’t change them. We only have the now and we have to do the best we can with it.”
“Nina used to say that.”
“She did.” Jenna’s smile was more genuine this time. “Now let me go help Grace with that chair. Honestly, she is the stubbornest person. There’s no way she should be trying to carry anything that heavy.”
“I’ll do it.” Rachel started forward. “I want to help.”
As she crossed the lawn, she frowned. Did she? Didn’t she need folk to help her? Grace was trying to do that and Jenna was being kind. Of course, Jenna didn’t know what she’d done yet. The kindness might evaporate in a second once she found out.
***
Jenna found Winston trying to extricate garden chairs from the shed at the back of the bungalow. They were teak and heavy enough not to blow away in anything but the strongest Orkney gale. He handed one to Jenna and then picked one up in each hand.
“We only need three. You’re not staying.”
“What?” With a frown, Winston put one down. “Why?”
“Rachel’s frightened of you.”
“Hell!” He pushed the shed door closed with his foot. “Is it because of what I said when Finn and I went round?”
“She said so.” Jenna waited for him to join her and then headed across the grass. “You seemed to be the final straw. She was just about holding it together before then.”
“You going to be alright with her? I was worried for a minute. I thought we were in for another storm force gale.”
“Me too. She’s more fragile than I expected. I thought I was going to be really angry with her but she seems so lost.”
“It’s good Finn’s here. Just in case.” He turned into the wind and pushed his hair back. As soon as he moved, it blew in a cloud around his face. “Only an Orcadian would suggest sitting outside in this. Tell me you don’t think this is a good idea?”
“It’s a peedie bit windy even for me.” Jenna stepped into the marginally more sheltered spot between the hedge and the buckthorn tree. “But as I told you at Maeshowe, you need seven generations in the kirkyard to be an Orcadian.”
“And Rachel’s got that?” Winston levered a chair open and set it on the grass.
“I think so. If her dad’s who I think he is.” Jenna watched as Rachel carried the tea-tray across the lawn. “Don’t go far, will you?”
“I’ll be inside.” His lips brushed hers before he headed back towards the bungalow.
***
“I came over that afternoon on the off-chance.” Rachel stared at the blue and white flowers on the teapot. She remembered Nina using it, topping up mugs of strong tea as they talked. “I was struggling with the exercises Nina had given me. They were to improve my control of earth and fire and I was finding them really hard. She’d always said I could drop in whenever I wanted, that I didn’t need to ring and make an appointment. If she was busy with a patient then I waited in the tearooms.”
Jenna nodded. “That sounds like Mum.”
“I didn’t intend to come that day but Dad and I had a row. It was about Kenny. Dad thought I was spending too much time with him. We rowed pretty often about that back then. I snatched the car keys and just got in the car and drove. I couldn’t go to see Kenny because he was working so I came here. I thought Nina would understand, you know?
“It must have been about half three when I got here. It was already pretty dark. The tearooms were closed and there was no one around, not even Jet, so I thought Nina must have taken him for a walk. I came into her room because that’s where we always met and I found the folder on the desk. I never thought it was Nina’s. I mean, it’d got a unicorn on it.”
“I bought it for her.” Jenna spread her hands apologetically. “It was kind of a joke.”
“Oh.” Rachel twisted her silver ring. “I opened it and I read the first page and then I should have stopped. Oh my God, if you knew how many times I’ve wished I’d stopped and gone home but I didn’t, I kept reading. It was like hearing Nina talking to me, her voice was so clear on the page. Then I heard someone coming. I thought it must be Nina and I didn’t want her to catch me reading it so I shut it but the pages didn’t go back properly so I was trying to flip them straight when two men walked past the window. One of them was Ewan although I didn’t know—”
“Ewan?” Jenna said. “You’re absolutely sure?”
“Yes, I recognised him as soon as I saw him at the Stewarts’. The other guy was taller but built the same.”
“Like a brick shithouse.” The words sounded incongruous coming from Jenna.
“Yes. He was Glaswegian too. They were talking really loudly. Laughing together like guys do when they’ve done something they’re proud of. One of them said, ‘I thought we were going to have to drown the fucking dog too’ and then—”
“They said what?” Jenna was half out of her seat.
Rachel repeated the words and added, “I’m pretty sure that was it.”
“For God’s sake, Rachel!” Jenna stood and paced around the circle of chairs. “Once you knew what’d happened to Mum, did you not think you should tell the police about this?”
Rachel interlaced her fingers and pressed them together until they hurt. “I didn’t know what to do. Nina had said I couldn’t talk to anyone about magic and I didn’t know—.”
“But this wasn’t about magic,” Jenna said. “It was about what you’d heard, what you’d seen.”
“Let her finish.” Grace put a hand on Jenna’s arm. “Rachel had her reasons.”
Jenna frowned. Instantly she looked older, tenser and a lot more tired. “What happened after that?”
“I hid.” Rachel swivelled her ring round and round. “I can’t really explain why they scared me but they did. I ran into the dispensary and hid behind the door. One of them went through Nina’s desk, tossing things onto the floor. The other one came towards the dispensary and I knew he’d find me if I stayed where I was. There was a space between the fridge and the filing cabinet. I think Jet used to sleep there.”
“He did.” Jenna returned to her seat. “There was an old blanket that he slept on.”
“I crawled in there.” Tears were close now, constricting her throat. “The blanket smelled of dog. I’d taken the folder with me. I held it against my chest and curled my legs up and hoped they wouldn’t see me. One of them pushed the dispensary door open but he didn’t come in. If he’d looked properly he’d have found me.”
“Are you alright?” Grace leaned towards her. “We can stop for a moment if you want?”
“No, it’s okay. I need
to get this out. They were looking for Nina’s grimoires. I heard them talking about what the books looked like and where they thought the witch had hidden them.”
“They called her that?” Jenna said. “A witch?”
“Yes. The way they said it, it sounded like such an insult. There was something else. Something that only made sense after what happened at the party. One of them, I don’t know which one, said if they didn’t find the grimoires Mrs S would have their balls.”
“You’re sure?” Jenna wrapped her arms around her abdomen. “They definitely said Mrs S?”
“Yes, I’m sure. I kept a—”
“I’m sorry.” Jenna stood again. “I need a minute.”
“Are you alright?” Grace grasped her stick. “I can come—”
“No. You stay… Sorry.” Jenna looked at them both rather blankly for a moment before she turned and walked away.
“I’m sorry if I—” Rachel’s gaze followed Jenna as she crossed the lawn.
“It’s not your fault, pet. She’ll come back when she’s ready.” Grace turned to face Rachel. “Now you said you were having problems with the exercises for earth and fire. Have you done any more on that because I think that’ll be a good place to pick up your training?”
***
They were sitting around the kitchen table. Winston had his back to her, his head bowed over his laptop. Finn was copying something from the piece of paper in his hand into an A4 notebook. Zoe was flipping through a thick book with black leather binding. Jet sat at Winston’s feet. He saw her first, lumbered upright and came towards her.
“Hey?” Winston turned and then shoved his chair back as he stood. “What’s happened? What’s wrong?”
“She knew. Rachel knew. It was Ewan who killed Mum. Him and some other guy. They joked about drowning Jet as well.”
Winston’s arms came round her. “Hey, it’s alright. Let it out.”
She tried to push him away but his arms didn’t budge. “But if she’d told someone, if she’d only told me then I could have done something and then maybe Dad wouldn’t have—”