by A. R. Breck
Cara climbs on the bed fully, straddling me and pressing her ass deep into my groin. “I brought a joint with me if you want to smoke?”
I squeeze her hips. I never turn down a toke.
She smiles coyly at me and bends over the side of the bed to reach for her purse on the floor. The position reveals her smooth stomach and hip. She knows what she’s doing right now, and it’s being a fucking tease.
I pull her up swiftly and roughly, rolling her over so I’m on top. I press my erection into her and glide my nose up the side of her neck. “Tease.” I murmur into her ear. I hear her let out a shaky sigh and smile at the effect I have on her.
“You’re a bad boy.” She breathes in my air.
I growl and close my eyes.
Fuck, this girl.
When I hear a familiar car pull up outside my house, my eyes shoot open and I squeeze Cara’s side in horror. I don’t realize how hard I’m squeezing until Cara whimpers in pain. I release my hands quickly and pull her up. She can sense my panic, because she gets up and looks at me with wide eyes, whispering, “Is your dad home?”
I nod and point to the window. Cara grabs her purse and walks behind me. I push the window up and motion for her to hurry up. Lifting her up, I shove her out as quickly as possible. She tumbles to the ground and curses at me. I’m about to shut my window when I think better of it. I heft myself and slide out of my window. The ground crashes to my feet and a zinging pain shoots up my foot, but I ignore it as I slide my window shut. My window falls on the back of the house, and I know it’s my father car that pulled up to the front.
I press my pointer to my lips for Cara to be quiet and grab onto her hand, pulling her along and running towards her house. I don’t know why, but for some reason, I didn’t want to stop being around Cara tonight. We haven’t spent the night together. Not since that first night, but tonight I want to be around her.
I just don’t want to think about why.
Cara looks at me curiously as I pull her along. When we get to her house, she opens up the door and takes the lead this time.
“Come on.”
I follow behind her, inhaling the scent that I smell on this woman every time I’m with her. It’s intoxicating. Her floral, clean scent makes me feel a comfort I’ve never had before.
“This is it. My room.” She says as she creaks open the door. I’ve never been in her room before. I inspect the small area with the messy bed in front of me with the sheets rumpled up in the middle. Her dresser drawers are half hanging out with clothes bursting out of each one of them. Her room is a mess.
I look at her and lift up my eyebrows. She looks around her room and then looks back at me with a tinge of pink lighting her cheeks. Embarrassment. “Shut up. Not like yours is much better.”
She’s wrong. Mine is better, but only because my room is too empty to make a mess in. Hers is filled with so much shit.
“Well, are you going to come in or just stand in the doorway all night?” Cara turns around and sits on her bed, pulling out her joint and lighting it up. “Or you can come over here and smoke this joint with me?” She slides over a few inches and pats the spot next to her.
The seduction in her voice doesn’t go undetected.
I walk over to the bed and sit down. Cara takes another hit, inhaling the smoke deep into her lungs. She looks at me, and I dive in. Connecting my lips with hers, I slide my tongue against hers as she blows the smoke into my mouth. I inhale, loving the burn it creates in my lungs.
I release from her as I let the smoke out, coughing a few times as Cara passes the joint to me. She stands up and walks in front of me. I take a hit of the joint and watch as Cara gives me the fuck-me eyes that are becoming more and more frequent when we’re together.
Cara is a spitfire out of the bedroom, but when we’re together, she continues to grow more and more bold. She’s never been a shy person, but this wild woman in front of me takes me off guard sometimes.
“We’ve been together a few times now.” She crisscrosses her hands over her hips to the edges of her shirt and pulls it up and over her head. No bra. Just her nice, round, petite tits stand at attention directly in front of my face.
I peel my eyes off her chest and look her in the eye. Nodding, I take another hit and pass it off to her. Not because I want to share the damn joint with her. I want my hands to be free. She might think she likes to be in charge in the bedroom, but the moment I put my hands on her she melts into a pile of willing limbs.
“I don’t really know what it is we’re doing.” I shrug at her words. What does it matter? What the fuck is she getting at? I feel like it was just yesterday that Logan died, which makes me want to fucking puke, to be honest. Another part of me feels like I’ve been sleeping with Cara for years. The connection I have with her is confusing but seamless. It took nothing but a few drinks for us to fall into each other, but the thoughts beneath our actions are filled with an endless code that has no answer. We have no answer, so I’m not sure what the purpose is behind her words.
She takes a hit, and I reach forward as she coughs, grabbing onto her left nipple and pinching it. Her body arches, her tits seeking out my rough fingertips as her eyes fog over.
I don’t want to solve her riddles or answer her questions, so I do the next best thing. I make her feel so good she forgets the English language.
I wrap my fingers around her tiny waist and pull her over to me. She lifts the last of the joint up to my lips, and I take a hit off the roach and grab it out of her fingers, stubbing it out in the nearby ashtray.
Through the smoke-filled room I see her nipples pointed in my face, and my mouth waters at their pinkish hue. Fucking phenomenal tits.
I lean forward and take a breast into my mouth, sliding my teeth along nipple and then going onto the next one. Cara cries out, and it makes me lose it. Every single time she cries out, it’s like a shot straight to my dick. I grow hard instantly, and she notices because she grinds down hard into my lap.
She grabs onto my face, her nails digging into my cheeks as she tries to pull me up to her mouth. That’s always how our sex is—always a little pain involved. I don’t know about Cara, but it’s the pain that gets me riled the fuck up.
Cara kisses me, and it’s a battle of tongues as our teeth mash and bite each other. I reach down and grab a handful of her ass and lift her slightly, and with my free hand I unbutton and slide my hard cock out. I slide my hand between her shorts and feel the wetness spreading to her thighs.
I let out a grunt and close my eyes when Cara tries to spread her legs even further. She leans forward and grabs onto the collar of my shirt and pulling, and I hear the thread rip as the shirt falls over my shoulder. My eyes pop open, and I look into Cara’s eyes that have turned into a fucking tornado of lust. She leans down to my shoulder and bites down on that sensitive spot between my neck and shoulder.
Then my control snaps.
I grab onto the fabric between her thighs and pull, feeling the fabric tear open enough for me to slip my cock through. I stick my fingers between her folds and feel her juices drench my fingers. Wrapping my fingers around my cock, I spread her wetness up and down, lubricating myself with her fluids. Fucking hell, this girl is going to drive me insane. It feels so damn good that I could bust just from this.
“Come on.” Cara grunts, grinding into the air and searching for my dick to fill her.
I line up with her, and pull her hips down, nearly exploding from her heat as it envelopes me completely.
“Shit.” I mouth. I watch through hooded eyes as Cara rides me like a fucking stallion. She grinds her hips and circles them around, and around, and fucking around again. My eyes almost fall out of their sockets and my legs quake as the sensations run through my body at lightning speed. I feel like I’m about to explode, and it’s embarrassingly soon so I slam my hands down on her sides to stop her movements.
Looking into her eyes, I watch as lust drips from hers like honey. I bruise her sides, squeezing the
m so tightly I almost mash my fingers together.
I stare at her in the eyes, communicating with her because I’ve never been one with words, mostly when it comes to my own emotions. And right now, my emotions are on overdrive. My dick pulses inside of her, and Cara whimpers.
“Please, Jax.” Jax. I’ve never had a nickname. Well, not a kind nickname. Something in my chest swells, and I can’t fucking take it, so I pull her off my lap so slightly and piston my cock inside of her. Cara moans so loudly the walls shake, and it only makes me fuck her harder. Tears spring to her eyes and fall down her cheeks and finally—finally—I explode inside of her. Letting out a grunt, I slam her hips down on me one last time and keep her on me. My eyes roll in the back of my head as I pulse inside of her and feel her clench around me in a vice.
Cara lifts off me and crawls onto the bed and under the covers. She slides off her shorts and underwear, dropping them onto the ground. I watch her as I stand up and pull my pants back up.
This is usually how it is between us. We start off with our fire burning so hot it could burn the entire city down, and somehow ends on a slightly awkward note where we don’t know what to do. We don’t know how we’re supposed to act around each other. I think guilt fills both of us and we don’t know how to take it.
I straighten my ripped shirt and get ready to leave when Cara’s voice stops me.
“Will you stay?” She whispers.
I turn around and give her a funny look. Last time she stayed we almost killed one another the next morning. Does she really think it’s a good idea?
I lift my eyebrows.
“Please?” She asks. Faded sheets drape over her waist but her chest still on display. I try to stop the boner that starts up again, but it has a mind of its own when it comes to Cara.
Grabbing my shirt, I rip it off in one quick motion. I keep my back to her, as I do everyone else. I don’t let anyone see my back—ever. That one time with Cara was a mistake.
A mistake I won’t make again.
I unbutton my pants again and step out of them. Sliding under the covers, I keep my back away from her and pull her ass against me to spoon. Her ass fits perfectly in the crook of my waist.
Why the hell does she have to fit against me so perfectly?
I start dozing immediately, but smirk when I feel Cara press her ass into my groin.
Half asleep, I mumble, “Minx.” Cara pulls down my boxers and slides my hardness inside of her. She slowly slides against the mattress, and I can’t help it when I start moving against her. I find that spot that she loves, and reaching forward, I press my thumb against her clit and sigh when I hear her orgasm.
And fall asleep.
When I wake up the next morning, I feel my body freeze into stone.
Fingertips trail along my back. Each scar that is touched feels like a fire is lit in its place. I’m about to turn around and tear Cara’s hand off when she says, “Stop, please.”
My heart rate picks up and I want to scream in agony. I made the mistake last night to sleep with my shirt off. I must have ended up flipping in the night and Cara woke up to my back on display.
“This is…” She trails off and sniffles, and it infuriates me. “Did your dad do this to you? Is that why you looked so scared last night? Like he would hurt you or something?”
I don’t speak as my heart rate picks up. It feels like someone is crushing my lungs and I feel completely paralyzed.
When she leans forward and presses her lips to one of the scars, it feels like someone reached in my chest and squeezed my heart so hard it exploded.
I leap out of the bed and stand up, yanking on my shirt without glancing at Cara. I feel so fucking tainted I can barely breathe. My dad has soiled me, and I just feel rotten.
Dirty.
“What are you doing?” I can see from the corner of my eye as Cara sits up in bed and pulls the sheet up to her neck.
I don’t answer her, instead just slipping my pants and buttoning them. Cara is a fucking bitch though; I can never forget about that.
“Don’t you dare fucking walk away from me, Jackson Shaw.”
I turn around and glare at her.
“Yes, thank you. Sorry for being fucking kind to you. Sorry for caring about you and what’s happened to you. You know what else I’m sorry for? I’m sorry for catching fucking feelings.” My eyes widen at this statement, and she puffs out a laugh. “Yeah, I know. Stupid, right? After everything I’ve been though, I didn’t imagine I’d ever actually fall for anyone ever again. Mostly you.” My nostrils flare at that comment. “No, I didn’t mean it like that. I just mean… you know what I mean. You’re Logan’s best friend. Sleeping together was one thing, but actually starting to like you is something completely different. But it happened, and yeah, I like you. So, sorry if looking at the hundreds of scars on your back makes me sick to my stomach.”
I clench and unclench my fists, feeling like the fury inside of me is finally boiling over.
I point my finger at her and rasp out, “Don’t like me, Cara. Seriously, don’t ever—and I mean ever—catch fucking feelings for me. Because to me you’ll never be more than a fuck.” The lie tastes like acid on my tongue. I will never tell her that there’s something in me that already feels something.
I’ll never tell her.
“You’re a bastard, Jackson. You know that?” Cara cries from the bed. The pull inside of me wants me to go comfort Cara, but I don’t.
Because there’s nothing in me worth loving. Shit, I don’t even love myself.
“I fucking hate you!” She screams.
She throws her pillow at me.
Then her phone.
Then a water bottle.
Finally, she throws my fucking soul at me, ripped and burned to shreds.
“I wish I never fucking slept with you, Jackson. I wish Logan were alive, because at least he was a decent human being that cared about anything but himself! You’re nothing like him, and you never will be! Now. Get. Out!” She screeches.
By the end of her sentence, I’m already halfway out her door. I walk home with my head down, adjusting my stretched out shirt as her words play over and over in my head.
A fucking loop that doesn’t quit.
I saw her later that day when Easton and I were pounding each other’s faces. He must have seen me at some point because he came over later and instantly knew I was fucking Cara. It was a horrible day. From the moment I woke up, it was straight up hell. I’m at least glad that Easton came over and we squashed the shit between us. I haven’t spoken to Cara since that night. Until she told me she was pregnant at The Pit. That was four weeks ago.
“Yo, dude.” I look over at Easton. “Where’d you go?”
I shrug. “Just thinkin’.”
“So why you holin’ yourself up in here? Hiding from Cara?” He smirks at me.
“Fuck off.” I scowl at him as he passes the joint back to me.
“You talk to her at all since that night?”
I shake my head at him as I take a huge hit, holding it in my lungs and relishing the burn.
“Why the fuck not? That’s your kid, bro.”
“Maybe not.” I utter.
He rears back with wide eyes. “What the fuck you talking about? Who else would it be?”
“Logan.” A thick silence falls over the room.
Easton takes one more hit and stubs out the roach. “How the fuck would you ever know that if you never talked with her about it?”
I shake my head because the thought of even talking to her is apocalyptic. We clash so hard sometimes. We can be completely connected one second, and the next second we want to kill each other. It’s either one end of the spectrum or the other, never in the middle.
“Why not? I don’t think she would have said the baby is yours if the baby isn’t yours.”
“She might just want a baby dad.” Yes, I’m salty.
“Dude come on. You fucking know Cara better than that. Quit fucking around.”
Easton leans back against the couch and sighs. “You know, Jackson, Rose busted out of the room in a fit this morning.”
My body tenses up in apprehension. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t know. Rose got all tense after a phone call this morning. Something’s up with Cara.”
“How do you know it was Cara, and not, I don’t know, her bitch mom?”
Easton gives me a look. “I know my fucking girl. She didn’t tell me anything, but I have a bad feeling. I think it has to do with the baby. Maybe she’s having an abortion or something, dude. You need to go figure it out before something happens that you can’t fix.”
Alarm bells go off in my brain.
Would she do something that drastic without telling me?
We look at each other, and I nod my head and stand up, walking out and heading over to Cara’s house. Her window is open, and I can hear her and Rose talking. I stop walking and lean up against the outside of her house to eavesdrop into their conversation.
“I haven’t been feeling good. Morning sickness sucks.” I frown at that. Cara sounds so sad. So defeated.
“So, I guess I need to make a doctor appointment. I never even thought of that.”
“This doctor office is close by and they look really good. Might be worth giving them a call.” Rose says, and my heart skips a beat. Why does she need to go to the doctor? Is everything okay?
They mumble to each other too quietly for me to be able to hear what they’re talking about.
“So? Appointment made?” Rose chirps.
“Rose… please stop. Don’t get excited. You know I’m not going to keep this baby. I’m giving it up for adoption.” My heart drops to my stomach and I see red.