by A. R. Breck
This is why we’re bad for each other. It doesn’t matter how angry I get with him or how much I want to gauge his eyes out. One heated look and I melt into a puddle.
I lower my gaze, feeling the heat rise in my cheeks. “Nothing.”
“Didn’t look like nothin’ to me.” He steps towards me, and I take a step back. We do this dance until I’m backed up against the wall—again—to the wall he just had me against. Although last time he held me up against it in anger, this time is something else. Something filled with a hazy warmth that fills the room from the discolored carpet all the way to the popcorn ceilings.
“I can’t.” I sigh against his neck, inhaling his natural, smoky scent.
“Bet you can’t give me even three reasons why we shouldn’t.”
“Well, one—” Jackson cuts me off when he envelopes my mouth with his. He sucks the words and my excuses right out of my mouth and fills me with moans and tingling and passion.
I grab onto his shoulders and grip him with all my might. His hands roam from my sides around to my ass, squeezing tightly and lifting me in the air. I swing my legs around his hips and grind into his growing hardness.
“You’re such a pain in my ass.” He detaches his mouth from mine and breathes into my ear. Shivers rack my body as his teeth sink into my neck and make my eyes roll in the back of my head.
“Shut up.” I groan, sinking back into his lips and pulling him even closer. I suddenly realize how turned on I am. Shit, I haven’t been this turned on in like, ever.
What the fuck?
Oh, God. Pregnancy hormones.
“Please.” I whimper against him, trying to find release. I don’t care if I look like a maniac grinding against him, I need an orgasm, and I need one now.
He peels me off the wall and stomps to my bedroom. Kicking my door shut, he uncurls my legs from around him and sets me on the ground. My pants drop. Reaching into his shorts, he pulls out his impressive erection, gripping it hard. My mouth waters as I watch him squeeze at the base. It looks angry and rock fucking solid. An angry red hue at around the head, giving away his arousal. I’m about to drop to my knees to suck him off when he grabs onto my hair again.
“No. Can’t wait.”
He grabs me around the legs again, lifting me in the air and pressing me up against my bedroom wall. Lining up his erection, he slides in my wet heat in one thrust. I miniature orgasm, just like that. My legs quake and my chest seizes as he pummels into me over and over again. It feels like I can barely breathe as my walls pulsate around his erection, sucking him deeper and deeper into me.
His thrashes inside of me, throbbing with each thrust and I arch my back, feeling like I need to escape him and melt into him at the same time.
“You’re perfect. So, fucking perfect.” He whispers, each thrust harder than the next. I reach my arms back and grab onto the doorframe behind me. He grabs onto my hips and moves them in rhythm with his.
The only thing to be heard in this room is our heavy breaths as we attempt to fuck our frustration and hate out of each other.
He lifts me off him and turns me around, setting me on my knees on the bed. His hand trails along my ass, creating shivers to break out along my spine.
Slap.
“Ahh!” I cry out.
He rams his cock into me again, and I let out a squeak as it hits my stomach. I can feel him everywhere as he stays seated all the way to the hilt, unmoving.
“Fucking move!” I scream, overwhelmed with all the emotions running through me.
Slap.
He wraps my hair around his hand and uses it as a handle as he crashes into me again and again, and I can’t take it. I scream, tears falling down my face as I hit the peak of my orgasm and fall down on the bed. Jackson comes down with me as he finds his own release, moaning and letting out the sexiest noises I’ve ever heard in my life.
Bang, bang.
“Are you guys seriously fucking in there?” Rose screeches from the other side of my bedroom door.
Jackson falls back on the bed, and I cover my face with my hands as I let out a groan.
“Oh, no.” I look over at Jackson and see him already staring at me in contemplation.
“I totally forgot she was coming over.” I whisper.
He sighs, sitting up and tucking himself back into his shorts. “Are you leaving?” I ask, suddenly feeling embarrassed and a little regretful, to be honest.
It’s always like this, and I don’t know why. We get together and then he goes silent afterwards. How else am I supposed to feel? It’s like he shuts down, and I feel self-conscious every single time.
“Do you want me to leave, or…?” Rose shouts.
“Just… hold on!” I shout. I look at Jackson as I stand up and grab my shorts. “Are you staying? Rose was going to go over some of those folders with me.”
He freezes, turning around and looking down at me. “You mean, Rose is going to help you choose the parent for our child?” His voice is flat, void of all emotions.
I swallow, somehow feeling like I did something wrong. Did I? It’s not like Jackson has really wanted to be a part of this experience, anyway.
“Uh, yeah?”
“I’m out of here.” He pulls his hood back up and grabs onto the door handle, swinging it open. It flies back and hits the wall.
“Jackson, please!” I follow him, walking past a confused looking Rose. “Don’t be upset. I wanted you to help, but I feel like you’re just going to get mad at me! And look what happened, you’re mad!”
His face turns red, and I know he wants to rip this house apart.
“You know why I’m mad, Cara?” He roars. He points at the room, fury in his voice and hatred in his eyes. “Because for once in my life, I want someone to listen to me! I’ve told you repeatedly that I want this kid, but you don’t give a flying fuck!” He flings his arms out at his sides, and my bones shake. I’ve never seen Jackson this mad before. He might even be angrier than when I told him I was pregnant. “But you know what? Fuck it! Give the child up for adoption. You want help picking out the parents for my kid? Here.” He walks over to the table and picks up a folder. “How about this one?” He whips the folder at me, and I duck to escape the flying papers.
“Or this one?” Another folder comes flying past my face.
Over and over again, things fly past my face as Jackson loses his control. It’s like all the anger and frustration and hurt throughout the last few months has finally boiled over in the form of folders being chucked at my head.
When he’s thrown each one across the room, he stands there, breathing so heavily his chest trembles from across the room. He looks from me to Rose and back again. After a few moments, he turns on his heel and leaves, closing a door with a slam that shakes the walls.
I turn to Rose and fall to my knees, releasing a cry that racks my body in overwhelming waves. The ache and agony over Jackson’s departure is unbearable. It’s like my body knows after our mind-blowing romp in my bedroom, he left me. Because that’s what Jackson does, he leaves me in ruins.
“Honey, don’t be upset!” Rose comes over and wraps her arms around me. “Please don’t cry over that asshole. I’m going to tell Easton what he just did and make him kick his ass!”
I cry even harder at that, because I know Rose is going to do exactly that. She is seriously the best friend I’ve ever had. “I love you.” I sob into her chest, feeling like my life is falling apart when it was already in shambles in the first place.
“I love you too, Cara. Seriously, don’t let Jackson get to you. His mind is so much more fucked than we’ll ever know.”
I wipe my face and look up at her. “I mean seriously, he makes me feel so bad. Is what I’m doing wrong? He wants to keep the baby and it’s not like I don’t! I want this baby so bad, but I’m only thinking of what’s best for it! Neither of us are ready for a kid and I think Jackson would come to hate me if I put that burden on him! I just want this baby to have a better life than I did.”
“I know.” With tears in her eyes, Rose wraps me in her arms again and holds me tight. “I know you’re just trying to be a good mom. You giving the baby up doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. It just means you’re stronger than half of the other girls out there in this world. Don’t let him get you down. He’ll thank you for it someday.”
The pit in my stomach only grows larger. “I thought you wanted me to keep the baby?”
She gives me a sad smile. “I’ll agree with you, whichever choice you choose. I think you’re brave for giving the baby up. If you wanted to keep it, I think you’d be strong for trying to take care of a baby with the situation you’re in. It’s a tough choice either way, and whether or not Jackson wants to stand behind you, Easton and I will. Don’t doubt that.”
I weep so hard. This girl is the best fucking friend anyone could ever have. No one could replace her. Ever.
“W-will you help me pick out a good mom and dad for my little bean?”
She smiles a soft smile at me. “Of course.”
She stands and picks up all the folders, bringing them back to the table and spreading them out much like I did earlier.
“Okay. First off, Mr. and Mrs. Anderson. Woodbury—nope. Hard no for these people.” She shuts the folder and sets it aside. I have to agree. Rose might have grown up in a good area, but those people are stuck up and I won’t let my kid grow up to be an arrogant shit.
“Next, Mr. and Mrs. Dobson. Okay… lives in South City, doctors…” She looks up at me and I shake my head.
“No. They’ll be so busy they’ll never be around.”
She nods her head. “My thoughts exactly. Okay, next.” She tosses that folder aside and picks up another one. “Mr. and Mrs. Simmons. From Autumn Ridge, he’s a college professor, she’s a manager at a bakery. Okay, they look promising.” I grab the file out of her hands and read it over. Looking for something, anything that’ll turn me away from them. I can’t find anything, though. They are literally a perfect couple. At least on paper.
“They seem okay.” I say.
Rose grabs the file out of my hands. “Okay, we’ll keep them in the maybe pile. Let’s go through the rest and see if there are any others.”
We go through countless other folders before finishing. Narrowing it down to three, I’ve just about had it. “Okay, I can’t do this anymore. I’m exhausted.”
“Me too. I’m going to head out. Unless you want me to stick around?”
“Nah, that’s okay. I’m just going to crash.” I yawn, feeling like I could fall asleep right where I sit.
“Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She comes and gives me a hug, and on her way to the door, she turns around. “Hey, you’re still planning to come to California in a couple weeks?”
Fuck. Totally forgot. “Ugh, I don’t know. I don’t really want to, mostly with how it’s been between me and Jackson lately.”
“Please come with me! I don’t want to go to some biker gang compound by myself! Easton and Jackson are going to be so busy anyway, I doubt we’ll see them at all! And when they are around, you can stick with me and E. You don’t even have to talk to Jackson.”
At the end of the day, I know either Jackson or Rose is probably going to force me to go anyway. “Let me think about it.”
She points at me. “Don’t leave me alone on this adventure, Cara!”
“Yeah, whatever. Get out of here.” I wave her off.
“I love you. I know it was hard today, but we made good work.” I bite my lip to stop from crying as Rose comes back to give me a hug. I hug her back, squeeze the living hell out of her. She feels like home. Like family. I don’t have that anymore. Sometimes this house is lonely. I’d rather be here alone than have my stepdad here, but sometimes at night, I just feel utterly alone.
Rose takes away that loneliness.
Jackson did too, for a while.
“Night.”
“Night.” I whisper, shutting and locking the door behind her.
I look at the files stacked on the table and close my eyes. So much to think about with no energy. I don’t know how I’ll choose. I would hate myself if I ever made the wrong choice.
I drag my feet to bed. When I enter my room, I hear a knock on my door.
I sigh. “Seriously?” Rose is notorious for leaving stuff at people’s houses.
Peeking through the blinds, I almost ignore it and walk back to my room.
“What do you want?” I groan at the pitiful man in front of me.
Jackson nods his head at the door, wanting to be let in.
I contemplate it only for a second. My hormones are out of whack, but one thing is for sure. They don’t want to refuse Jackson.
I unlock the door, and Jackson immediately steps inside, locking it behind him. “What do you want?” I say again.
Jackson presses his finger to my lips. I get ready to call him out and bite his finger off when he grabs me by the shoulder and spins me around, pushing me towards my room.
“What are you doing?” I whine.
He pushes me over to my bed and I crawl in. Jackson shuts the bedroom door, toeing off his shoes and peeling his t-shirt off. Crawling in behind me, he pulls me to him, back to his front.
Fucking spooning me.
He nestles his face into my hair and breathes deep. Inhales me and breathes in my soul. I melt into his arms, because I need someone strong right now.
Tears spill out of my eyes, unwanted but unable to be deterred.
He brings the hand that was curled around my stomach up to my face, blindly wiping my cheeks.
I cry.
I cry until delirium hits me. The room spins because I need sleep and rest, and as I finally start dozing, Jackson tightens his hold on me and whispers in my ear, “I’m sorry.”
12
Jackson
I wake up to the scent of Cara surrounding me. I lift my head and look down at her, seeing her sleeping form with a frown line still creased between her eyes. Even in sleep, the struggles she carries with her weigh her down. I so wish I could relieve her of her stresses and allow her to live her life carefree.
But she’s not, because it’s Cara. She carries the entire weight of the world on her shoulders and then tries to relieve the burden of those around her. She’s selfless and bottles things up when she hurts the most. When others hurt her. She strong as steel on the outside but tries to hide her cracks on the inside.
When she sleeps like this, it’s like she becomes transparent and I can see what she keeps buried deep. I feel her emotions as if they are my own, and it makes me furious the pain she’s endured in this lifetime. In this life that she hasn’t even experienced half of yet, she’s gone through more pain than someone double, or even triple her age.
She deserves worlds more than what she has.
I brush her hair out of her face and rub my thumb down the line. Slowly, it fades out and she looks relaxed. I press a kiss to her temple and slide out of bed. I’m such a dick for how I treated her earlier. This whole baby adoption predicament has turned me upside down.
I selfishly want to make her change her mind and do what I want, but I know it’s wrong. I need to sit back and let her make her own decisions and cross my fingers that she makes the right one.
I understand her concerns. I have worries about being a dad. Shit, when I first found out I was fucking livid because I never thought I’d ever want to be a father. Not after the piece of shit dad I have—never. But my entire outlook turned the moment I saw the tiny bump on her belly. I couldn’t stop the rapid pace my heart was beating at or the shakiness in my hands when I felt the human growing inside of her. I was in awe.
I look down at her sleeping form and wish I could stay, but I can’t. I came back because I knew what happened earlier was wrong, but I need to take a step back from her because I’ve been feeling… something when it comes to Cara. More than the usual lust I’ve been feeling around her. The bad thing is that when I look at her, sometimes I see the grief
of Logan in her eyes. Don’t get me wrong, it might be there forever, and I’d be okay with that.
But I can never compete with him. I can never compete with the good guy who doubles up as one of my best friends. And I don’t want to.
Don’t forget about the hesitancy that the baby she’s carrying also belongs to my best friend. Fuck, I would really be gutted.
With one last glance at her, I turn on my heels and slip out of her house, making sure it’s locked from the inside.
Walking home, I run my hands through my hair as I think about the upcoming trip to California. It’s supposed to be pretty easy and when me and Easton spoke with Aziel the other day, he made it seem like we’re just there to oversee the deal. We’ve had some issues with the Mexicans, and not because they’ve done anything or we have, it’s just they’re super shady when it comes to the business and we don’t want any unnecessary blood spilt between us.
He’s excited to have us there, though. Easton’s been out to his place, but I never have and I’m excited to see what it’s all about.
When I get to my house, I open the door and sigh at the sight. My mom sits there, sitting up with her head slumped to the side. I walk up to her to feel for a pulse, and when I see her breathing, I step back and watch her. She’s still got a rubber band tied around her arm from shooting up. On the table in front of her sits needles and so many drugs it would make a fucking crackhead uncomfortable.
She wears a nightgown that’s nearly translucent and sits bunched up to the tops of her thighs. Bruises litter the insides of her legs and I know without a doubt that’s my father’s doing. He’s a sick bastard. Whenever he hurts her, she goes in a downward spiral for about a week, so heavily doped up that she can’t stay awake for more than an hour.
I go and grab the trash bin to clean up the garbage on the table and the used needles. Untying the rubber band from around her arm, I watch as the blood rushes back through her veins, turning her arm from the ghastly white back to its normal pale yellow.