by C J Murphy
Jordan let out a huge sigh of relief. “I love you, Dava. Thank my future sister-in-law, will you?”
“You bet, call me when you’re wheels down okay?”
“Will do.”
They ended their call and Jordan wiped her face with her T-shirt, as Kelly slid into the driver’s seat and started the Jeep.
Kelly turned in her seat to maneuver around the tractor right beside them. “It’ll take us about twenty minutes to get to the observatory, another few to get through security.”
“Thank you, Kelly, for everything. What time did Dava call?”
“It was after four thirty this morning when the phone rang. I wouldn’t let Miranda ride up that mountain in the dark. As soon as light broke, she took off like a shot and I started arranging permissions with our old connections. Pays to have worked at the place for thirty years.” Kelly shot her a smile. “And to be their go-to lodging for visiting scientists. They know we’ll take care of their people.”
Jordan turned quickly in her seat to see Bandit sprawled out on the back seat. “Oh my God, did you put him in the Jeep? I don’t remember doing it.”
“Calm down, Jordan. We wouldn’t have left without him. He was waiting by the driver’s door after I took care of Thor. You were on the phone. Any update on Max?”
Jordan ran a hand through her disheveled locks. “Only that he’s at the hospital. There’s a driver waiting for me in Ithaca to take me to the hospital and take care of Bandit.”
Kelly patted her shoulder. “Sounds like you’ve got a lot of people who care about you back there.”
“It’s mostly my sister, Dava, and her fiancé handling the travel details. Sam will be at the hospital, and I’ll go spell him when I get there.”
Kelly glanced away from the road and at Jordan before returning her eyes front and center. “I hate to ask you this, Jordan, and if it’s none of my business, tell me. How did you and Noeul leave it this morning?”
Jordan took a deep breath and ran her hands through her hair. “We didn’t really. We were starting to talk when Miranda got there. She avoided me last night and came to bed well after I’d lain down.”
“You slept in the same bed last night though?”
Jordan looked out the window at the apple orchard they were passing. “We did. Nothing happened. We held each other. She didn’t fall asleep until about four.”
“And I’m gathering that you didn’t sleep at all.”
“I tried, unsuccessfully. I couldn’t get my brain to shut off. I think it’s possible I screwed up. What’s done is done. You can’t unring a bell.”
“Do you want to?”
Jordan met Kelly’s eyes for a second, before the older woman returned hers to the road. “No, I meant what I said to her. Something tells me, though, that hoping for that isn’t going to be enough. She’s not ready, and I have no idea if she ever will be.”
Kelly tipped her head from side to side. “Time will tell. All I ask is that you don’t count her out. Still waters run deep with that one. She’s been alone a long time, and you have to admit, you’ve taken a pretty strange path to get here.”
Jordan laughed without humor. “Understatement.”
A few more miles passed before Kelly spoke again. “I rarely speak for someone, Jordan. You know Noeul’s story, and I’m sure, by now, you can guess what some of her issues are. There is a twenty-year difference between you, for one. That might not mean much to you. She’s the one with the gray hair and the insecurities. Right now, through no fault of your own, you’re scaring her to death because of what she feels for you. For the first time since she became a widow, she feels something. Noeul believes that Aggie foretold your coming in a few appearances that she can’t explain, and I certainly won’t try to. If you want this, you’re going to have to be made of some extraordinarily tough stuff. That sawed-off spitfire is more stubborn than the blue mule my dad had when I was a kid. The harder you tried to push or pull that beast, the more it dug in. It moved when it damn well wanted to and not a minute before.”
Jordan shook her head. From the moment she’d seen Noeul at her presentation, she’d never paid attention to their ages. Age didn’t matter to her, no matter how much of an issue Noeul tried to make of it. She’d dated younger women and women her own age. Truth be told, she had always been older than her physical age, which made it difficult to connect with her own generation. What she had with Noeul, in her mind, was perfect.
“Kelly, we enjoy the same things. We can talk on a level I can’t with anyone else other than my sister. My brain works differently, has since the day I was born. Physically, I’m thirty-five, mentally I’ve always been much farther along. Our connection is much more than physical, and I’ll make no excuse for how incredibly sexy I find her. Right now, I can’t think about any of it. I need to get back to Max and try to help my family through this. As much as I care for Noeul, this is something I have to do. If she can’t understand why I must go, then maybe I’ve been fooling myself and what I feel is nothing more than a pipe dream.”
“Just care for her?”
Jordan turned to her and let her ire rise. “Much more than just care for her. I’m in love with her, and when I admitted that, it spooked her. I’m willing to wait, to give everything I’ve got to make it work. Unfortunately, something else has precedence, and I can’t do it this minute.”
Kelly shook her head. “Fair enough. We’re here. Find your identification.”
The process went quickly from there, and they made their way to the plane. Jordan picked Bandit up and placed him inside, followed by her duffle.
Kelly handed her the brown bag and gave her a hug. “Breakfast, which I’m pretty sure you didn’t get.”
“Watch over her, Kelly. I know I don’t have to say that to you. I’ll feel better knowing I don’t have to worry about her being alone.”
“Don’t worry about that. We’ve been watching over her for years, and she does the same for us. Safe flight and call us when you can.” Jordan climbed in and secured the door as the pilot finished his check list. Minutes later, they taxied down the runway and lifted off into a cloudless morning.
***
“Miranda, I’m okay, go on down. When I’ve finished up here, I’ll saddle Athena up and follow. I’ll even stay the night.”
After very little sleep, Noeul was at the end of her patience and completely irritated with her friend. Miranda’s hovering felt like someone trying to force her to wear a woolen sweater in the summer heat—scratchy, oppressive, and unnecessary.
Miranda raised both palms in front of her. “Hey, don’t bite my head off. I’m trying to help. I thought you’d like some assistance to be able to get down the mountain quicker. You want to be alone, fine by me. I’ve got work to do and half the day is gone. Since you’re coming down later, I’m taking Kyo with me. I could use a run when I get back, and that pup looks like she lost her best friend.” Miranda swung her leg up and over the red and white pinto, as she whistled for Kyo. “I’ll see you for supper. If you’re not there by that time, expect a visit from my wife.”
Noeul raised her hands to her head. “Miranda, wait. I’m sorry.” It was too late. Miranda and company were already headed for the trail at a trot. “God, I’m such a bitch. What’s gotten into me?” Noeul knew the answer to her own question, and it was fifteen thousand feet in the air, headed to New York.
Miranda had filled her in on what she knew of Max’s condition change and the arrangements that had been made for Jordan and Bandit to fly back. Miranda was trying to be helpful by gathering the eggs and offering to milk Pip. When she’d bumped into Noeul for the third time, Noeul’s patience snapped and she’d told Miranda to go home. The hurt in Miranda’s face was quickly replaced by a flash of the Slovakian temper Noeul knew existed below the surface. She also knew that temper was kept in check by Kelly. Noeul had some apologizing to do. And not only to my best friends.
After Miranda’s abrupt departure with Kyo, she was left alone at T
opside. One-eyed Rico rubbed up against her bare leg and startled her. She reached down and picked up the once sick stray, luxuriating in his warm, black fur. His purr had a small hiccup, as if his motor suffered from a miss. It was one of the quirky things about her chief rodent control officer.
“You want some cream? I’ll bet Pip would be happy to fill a saucer for you.” She carried him back to the barn and set him on the floor, as she positioned Pip to milk. It delighted her how he would catch the stream of milk in his mouth ninety percent of the time. The other ten percent, milk would find its way across his cheek and result in an impromptu bath with his tongue. When he’d had enough, he curled up in some fresh straw, his one good eye closed to a slit. After she finished the milking, Noeul headed to the house, her pail in hand and her mind scattered in a thousand places.
“It’s the dash in between, Noeul. The dash in the middle is what counts.”
The words startled Noeul. She turned too quickly and lost her balance and her grip on the pail in her hand. Warm goat’s milk covered her feet and legs, as she sat down hard on the ground.
“Aggie, don’t.” She started to cry and fought not to. She knew, once she did, she’d never get stopped. Noeul’s quiet, orderly life was turning into a complete mess. She’d once loved that voice. Now it was like Rico’s tongue, rough sandpaper on tender skin. She sat there looking at grass dull with the summer heat, lacking the bright green of spring. A trail of ants marched by her foot and into the edge of the spilled milk. Athena neighed off in the paddock, no doubt missing her partner in crime. Thor had carried Jordan away, exactly as Noeul had feared. As she stood, she brushed off her backside and felt the pull of the milk drying on her legs. She needed a shower anyway and started toward the house.
She left her shoes outside, as she strode through the house noticing the subtle changes since Jordan had arrived. Two plates sat on end in the drainer, and two wine glasses were perched on the bar, waiting for the deep rich wine to flow into them. Two dog bowls sat at the base of the counter. Two. Two of everything, where before there had been only one.
Noeul stopped in the guest room and noticed the bed was no longer pristine from the first few days Jordan had slept there. A pair of socks lay near the chair, and a ball cap was hanging off the closet door handle. She turned away and headed to the master bedroom. The sheets she’d crawled out of in search for Jordan lay rumpled and twisted. A pair of her jeans were lying on the hope chest. Two towels and two wash cloths hung in the bathroom, two toothbrushes sat on the sink. Two where only one has been for so long.
The sight was too much for Noeul. She crumpled at the side of the bed, her hand landing on something soft. She pulled out Jordan’s faded, red, Cornell T-shirt and held it to her face, pulling faint hints of Jordan’s cologne into her nose.
That was all it took for the damn to break, and the tears flooded forth. Great sobs of anguish escaped her body. Jordan was gone. She’d been there such a short period of time. None of that mattered. Her brief stay had left her imprint everywhere. Aggie’s words brought back the memory associated with them.
Noeul lay with her head in Aggie’s lap after their hike up Cadillac Mountain. “I’ve enjoyed this vacation. I’m sorry about the other day. Work will always be there.” She picked up Aggie’s hand and kissed it. “Our time alone is always too short as is.”
Aggie smiled down at her. “We need to remember something my grannie used to say. There are two dates that will be written in stone, the day we’re born and the day we die. The thing that really matters, is the dash in the middle.”
It had become a running joke between them whenever they lost sight of the important things. One or the other would throw out the line, it’s the dash in the middle, as a reminder to live every day to the fullest. The emptiness of the house was oppressive. Noeul was once again alone, and this time, the sorrow cut like a dull blade, tugging and pulling everywhere it touched, leaving a jagged tear. Jordan was gone, and Noeul had no idea if she was coming back or how she would survive if she didn’t.
She climbed onto the bed to wrap herself in Jordan’s lingering scent. She held Jordan’s pillow and shirt, as she cried herself out. Her eyes felt like she’d been swimming in the ocean without goggles, full of sand and burning from the salt. Noeul rose and walked to the bathroom. After splashing some water on her face, she stood there looking at the bruising under her own eyes. Jordan hadn’t even been gone three hours, and the loss was bone-marrow deep. The quick smile, the spontaneous bouts of laughter, being held close during a slow dance, these and a dozen more memories played out in quick succession, as she stared into the mirror. The longer she looked, the less she liked what she saw.
***
Jordan hopped out of the plane and clipped a lead to Bandit’s collar. She waved to the pilot and walked to the terminal. Her eyes scanned the crowd for a familiar face or a sign. When she didn’t see one, she reached into her bag to grab her satellite phone. Unable to find it, Jordan walked over to the pilot who’d joined her. “Hey, you didn’t happen to see a satellite phone on the floor in there did you?”
The pilot indicated he hadn’t, and she tried to remember where she’d put it. Jordan smacked herself in the forehead. She could see it now, sitting in the center console of the Jeep. She’d been too preoccupied with thoughts of Max, and Noeul, on her ride to the airport. With so few payphones in existence, she couldn’t even call Dava without finding someone to loan her a phone. Her brain was trying to sort through the options available, when she looked up to recognize her grad assistant, Deena, as she pushed through the crowd.
“Hey, Deena. Did they send you to rescue me?”
“Something like that.” The tall sandy-haired woman bent to accept kisses from Bandit. “And to take this guy home after I drop you off. Your sister called Dean Belle, and I volunteered to be your chauffer and,” she pointed to Bandit, “his human for the day. Max is okay. I checked in with the number Sam gave me right before I came in here. Not much change.”
The band of anxiety that had been squeezing Jordan’s heart backed off, if only a fraction. No matter what happened, she’d made it to be by Sam and Max’s side before it was too late. She drew her first deep breath since Miranda had come up the mountain.
“Do you have any bag other than this?” Deena pointed to the duffle sitting at Jordan’s feet.
Jordan shook her head. “No, I grabbed a few things and caught the plane. I can go to my place later. For now, can we head to the hospital?”
“My car’s this way. Come on, Bandit.” Deena took the lead from Jordan and walked them both back toward the exit doors. Once they’d made their way to the parking lot, Jordan handed Deena a ten-dollar bill to pay for the parking. The small Subaru made its way out into traffic on NY 13 south. Jordan slid on her sunglasses, regretting that she’d left her ball cap at Noeul’s.
Deena changed lanes. “The good thing is that you got here after the noon rush. As you know, this trip would be a little longer if that happened. Not much has changed.”
The force of Deena’s words cramped Jordan’s stomach and the pain in her chest was almost disabling. Everything has changed for me.
Within fifteen minutes, they were pulling up to the hospital entrance. “Thanks, Deena.” Jordan pulled out her spare key from her wallet. “If you need to put Bandit someplace, here’s the key to my apartment. He’s used to being there, so he won’t mind. I appreciate you taking care of him for me.”
Deena held up a hand. “Professor A, it’s the least I can do and one way to take something off your plate. Hey, if you get a chance stop by the lab. I have a few interesting things to show you. I won’t even tell Dean Belle.”
Deena’s smile was infectious, and Jordan let out one of her own for the first time in hours. “Will do.” She scratched Bandit’s ears and kissed him on the head. “See you later, buddy.” Bandit’s bark gave her another reason to smile, as she exited the car and walked through the doors. Dava hadn’t given her Max’s room number, so she che
cked with the small woman in the pink smock for visitor information.
Jordan hated hospitals, the smell of disinfectants and sickness made her skin crawl. She’d endure it for Max and Sam. She punched the button on the elevator and rode to the third floor. The walk from there to the waiting room was like déjà vu. Sam sat with his head leaned back against the wall, his eyes shut tight, and his leg bouncing. Sam looked a mess and that was saying something. Dark shadows lay beneath his eyes, and he looked thinner.
“Hey.”
Sam’s eyes flew open at her voice and he leapt from the chair into her arms. His embrace was so tight, Jordan couldn’t draw a normal breath. She could feel him as she held him.
“Oh, Jordan, thank you for coming home.”
She rested her cheek against his head. “I’m sorry I haven’t been here. I wish you'd let me know you needed help when I’ve called. You look exhausted.”
Sam sighed deeply, as Jordan drew him back to the seats. “It’s been difficult since I brought him home. I thought it would calm him, give him a sense of the familiar. More than anything it seems to have exacerbated the condition. Then this.” Sam’s countenance was that of a broken man. He looked like a man worried about a battle he had no chance of winning. “I’m going to lose him, Jordan, and I’m not ready for it. We’ve had twenty good years together, and it’s not enough.”
“It never will be, no matter how long he has left. The important thing is, he’s not gone yet. Your love will pull him through this.”
“You know, he fought me tooth and nail against getting serious. Kept telling me he was too old for me, that I had too much living to do for settling down with an old man like him.”