I should move on. I should make some kind of plans to look forward to later this summer. Maybe Camille and Clay would go camping with me. I’d spent the last weekend with Clay, when my sister had to work and her babysitter had fallen through, and it had been nice to just spend a regular day with him. Radcliffe wasn’t very far away, but it was far enough that we couldn’t just drop in on each others’ lives every day.
Camille was my younger sister, but she had always been the tougher one. As a kid she was the very definition of scrappy – small, but determined, and always ready to stick up for anyone who was weaker than she was. She was generous and kind-hearted and always had time for a friend, but when I had joined the army after I’d graduated high school she’d been hit hard. Our parents were good people, but strict, and Camille had struggled without me there. Mom and Dad did what they thought was best and had doubled down on the rules and the curfew, but Camille was too hard-headed and independent to understand their motives. I’d emailed her to wish her a happy birthday when she turned eighteen and she’d replied by sending me a picture of a small engagement ring. She was getting married to her high school boyfriend.
For every Joe and Ashley, who met when they were young and were fully devoted to each other and their family, there was a Camille and Derek. I didn’t know everything Camille had been through in her short marriage, but I knew it wasn’t a happy time. Mom and Dad were still angry with her for eloping so soon after her birthday, and they wouldn’t let her take her lumps and get on with her life.
By the time she worked up the courage to file for divorce, Clay had already been born. She struggled along by herself for a few years, until it was time for me to get out of the army. I’d already planned to move to the same area as my buddy, Joe, who said he could get me a spot at the fire station, and so Camille had moved to Georgia, too. Her friends from her past life had all fallen away, and while Mom and Dad did dote on Clay, they were still hard on Camille. She had wanted a fresh start, just like me, and so we had moved to Pine Ridge together.
For the first year and a half we’d been roommates, sharing an apartment together until we were both a bit more settled. She’d ended up with a job in Radcliffe, and so a few years ago she’d moved. I was happy for her, but I missed her company. And I got tired of being alone sometimes.
Living together had been different, of course, since she was my sister, but we’d grown up in the same household and it was comfortable for both of us. And it was nice having a kid around. Clay was entertaining, even though he was a ton of work. When Camille and Clay lived with me I always had someone to talk to when I was off shift.
Camille was doing well on her own now, but I was more determined now than ever to find that kind of happiness for myself.
* * *
I had a swing shift the next day, from four in the afternoon until midnight. Command was testing new schedules, and this was one of their experiments. I spent the morning taking Champ for a run, then hit the gym for a little while until it was time to go in. I liked working out in the middle of the day or late at night, odd hours when the place was half empty and I could just put my headphones on and shut out the world. Some of my buddies went to the station to work out there even when they weren’t on duty, but I needed the break. That’s why I chose to pay for a gym membership even though I had access to a free one.
Joe was already at the fire station when I arrived, in the station’s kitchen above the garage. “Hey, Patterson!” he called out cheerfully. “Where’s your sidekick?”
“My sidekick?” I repeated, embarrassed. “Uh...”
“You know, black spots, speaks in woofs?”
I exhaled. Champ. Joe was talking about my dog, of course. I didn’t want to admit that my mind had instantly jumped to Sammie. “Champ and I went for a big walk this morning. Dog’s plum tuckered out. Left him at home sleeping on my bed like he owns the place.”
“Nice,” said Joe. He opened the fridge. “Ashley made some lasagna last night and she made extra. She sent it with me so Kenny didn’t have to cook for the crew tonight. You want some now?”
I thought about the sad frozen lasagna I’d had for dinner the other night and home made sounded like Heaven. “I’d love some,” I said. “Ashley’s lasagna is great.”
I got out some plates and forks, and Joe served the lasagna. We each grabbed a drink from our stash in the fridge and sat down at the table together to eat. I was glad that if I was doing a swing shift, I could hang out all evening with my best buddy. Fingers crossed, we wouldn’t get any calls and could just hang out together, maybe watch the game and talk.
“What do you think?” asked Joe, his mouth full of lasagna.
I took a bite too. “Ashley’s a great cook,” I said. “You’re a lucky man.”
Joe laughed. “I definitely am. Don’t worry, buddy. Someday you’ll find someone too. Or, you know, you could always learn to make lasagna yourself.”
I smiled and tried to laugh along with him, but my heart wasn’t in it. I couldn’t stop thinking about Sammie, and the way she’d turned me down flat yesterday. She’d stomped on my hopes while they were still in the budding stage.
Joe’s laugh faded slowly as he studied me. “What’s wrong? Everything okay?”
“Oh yeah, sorry. Everything’s fine.” I picked up my fork again and took another bite.
“Something’s on your mind,” declared Joe. “What happened? Come on, buddy, it’s just us here. You doing okay?”
I sighed. I didn’t want to talk about it, but Joe knew me too well. He could tell when something was bothering me. I needed to talk to someone and Joe was always my sounding board. But this was a touchy subject. Real men didn’t talk to each other about their feelings, especially in the middle of a firehouse kitchen. I needed to deflect to at least feel like I’d put up a fight before spilling my guts.
“Since when did you get so intuitive?” I scowled at him and took another bite.
“Since my wife demanded it, that’s when.”
I cut my eyes over to him and saw his stern expression break into a grin. I rolled my eyes and took a sip of my sweet tea. “Can’t believe you allowed her to do that to you. What a horrible woman, your wife.”
“Ain’t that the truth.” He laughed and shook his head. “Honestly, she leads by example. I learned from watching her. Decided to push my macho man silent self-absorption to the side and I’ve never been sorry. Now you’re getting the benefit of my softer side. So there you have it. Now spill before I give up on you and give old Kenny the benefit of my wisdom.”
Unable to stall any longer, I shook my head and looked away. “I saw Sammie again yesterday.”
Joe’s face lit up. “You did! Second date! Good going, man.”
“That’s not it,” I said. “It wasn’t a second date.”
“What do you mean?” he asked, confused.
I sighed. “Well, when I saw you on Saturday I thought things were great. We both had a really fun time on Friday night. But then I texted her over the weekend. Thought I’d keep it casual for now. Nothing big, just telling her I had fun and I’d like to hang out again sometime.”
Joe nodded, approving of my approach. “Sounds good.”
“Well, when I didn’t get an answer I texted again and asked how her weekend was going. When I didn’t get an answer to that, I asked if everything was okay.”
“And?”
“No answer to that one either.”
“Uh-oh.” Joe leaned back in his chair. “This doesn’t sound good.”
“You nailed it. I don’t know when I’m beat, I guess. On Monday I was thinking about her while I was driving over near the school, and I got the bright idea to stop by and see her.” I failed to mention the part where I was driving near her school because I’d convinced myself that her phone was somehow not working, or she was just monumentally busy and hadn’t had thirty seconds free to send me a quick reply. I’d been certain she’d be thrilled to see me and that in person I could tell her abou
t her phone issue or give her a much needed breather to relax from all her hectic obligations.
“It sounds like this story is about to get worse.” Joe frowned. “Sorry, man. Didn’t mean to sound so negative.”
“You don’t know the half of it,” I sighed. “She just... she said she was busy, that she had plans.”
“That night?”
“Every night,” I admitted. “She said she was busy all week. I offered other nights, but she flat out rejected me.”
“Maybe next week...” Joe started to suggest, but I shook my head.
“It was pretty clear she wanted nothing to do with me. Like I said, it was a rejection.” I pushed my plate away, no longer hungry even though Ashley’s lasagna was some of the best I’d ever had. “She was just too polite to tell me to get lost and never call her again.”
“Yikes,” said Joe.
I nodded silently. It was humiliating to tell the story but reliving those moments when I’d stood there in the library, looking at her stern face and listening to her flat voice was only a step above torture. Yikes all around.
“So what are you going to do now?” asked Joe.
“Nothing,” I said.
“Nothing? Seriously?”
“Well, what can I do? She’s not interested. I can’t force her and why would I want to? She has my number, if she ever changes her mind.” I sighed. “Which she won’t. Back to square one, I guess.” I cleared my throat and decided to change the subject. “So, did you guys end up figuring out where that leak in your roof was coming from?”
Joe seemed grateful for the subject change, too. Even a man in touch with his softer side could only take so much sharing.
“Finally, we got it sorted out. It took forever to find a roofer who could be there quickly on my off days. You’d think they’d do anything necessary to get new business.” He launched in to a detailed story about the very real struggle.
I sat back and listened to his story of benign domesticity with a twinge of jealousy. I couldn’t get Sammie out of my mind, but if she wasn’t interested, it was never going to happen.
Joe wrapped up his story and put the leftovers in the fridge for the rest of the crew when they were ready. I rinsed the plates and stacked them in the dishwasher. Stereotypes about men not cleaning didn’t apply here. It was our kitchen and we lived there when we were on shift. If we didn’t wash the dishes, nobody else would.
When we were finished, Joe and I kicked back on the couch with our drinks and flipped around the channels until the game started. At least the Braves were at home so first pitch would be in our own time zone. And I was content for this moment in time. Maybe I didn’t have a second date with Sammie lined up like I’d hoped, but the lasagna had been delicious. A decent evening hanging out with my best friend and getting paid for it wasn’t terrible.
I said a quick prayer for a quiet shift just as I always did and settled in for the opening inning. Maybe my team would win.
15
Sammie
I spent the next day in a fog. Had I really fought with Annalise last night? Gosh, I’d said some really mean things if my memory was accurate. We were best friends. We never had cross words.
I wished I could go back in time to the other weekend at the fair, and just walk right past that woman with the calendars. I wished that I hadn’t spent so much time lingering while I shelved books that day, so I could’ve caught the kid who had pulled the fire alarm. If he hadn’t set it off, the fire department wouldn’t have been called, and I never would have met Blake in the first place. If I’d never met him, I would never have fallen for him, and then I wouldn’t have gotten my heart broken in the stretch of just a few days. Ignorance would have been sheer bliss.
Discovering that he’d left out the fact that he was a father had torn me up. And the question about his marital status raised my regret to the nth degree. I was still in shock that he’d lied to me. I must truly be a terrible judge of character.
Coulda, woulda, shoulda. The scenarios ran through my head all day of what I could have done differently. At the same time, I was still irritated with Annalise. Why did she keep pushing me to go out with this guy? Why was she giving him the benefit of the doubt? She should be on my side!
I don’t know how I got through the day. Teachers brought their classes in, and I read stories out loud and checked out books as if on autopilot. I usually stayed a bit after the bell rang, tidying up and doing general puttering around the library, but today I was out of there even before all of the kids had left. I locked the library door behind me and went out to the parking lot, where I sat in my car for a few minutes with the air conditioner blowing on me full blast. I felt numb. Suddenly unable to do something as simple as put my car in reverse to back out of my parking spot.
Usually, one of the first things I did when I was done for the day was text Annalise. We hung out together at least once or twice a week after work, but I guessed she didn’t want to hear from me today. It was unlikely she’d send me a text suggesting we grab takeout and watch a sappy movie, or go do something crazy that I wouldn’t ever be able to think of on my own. Annalise had even convinced me to try paintball a few months ago. I had no desire to ever do it again – I was terrible at it, and also those little paintballs hurt much more than I’d expected – but it was something that I never would have done on my own.
I couldn’t sit in the parking lot all day, though, wishing I could take back my words while simultaneously wishing that Annalise could have just backed off from Blake. The whole situation was rotten. Reluctantly, I started my drive home. I’d just turned on to my street when my phone pinged a text notification. I parked in my driveway and grabbed my phone, hopeful that I would see a peace offering from Annalise, even though I really didn’t deserve one.
But instead, I received a shock. It wasn’t from Annalise at all. It was from Dan, the real estate agent from Radcliffe who Melissa had introduced me to at church the other day. Interesting.
Hi Sammie! it read. It’s Dan Morrison. How’s it going?
Pretty yucky, Dan. My best friend’s a traitor and I can’t make a decent judgement about who to trust to save my stinking neck. How about you? The snippy remark went through my mind even though I knew this poor Dan guy hadn’t done a thing to earn that sort of reply. Truth was, my self talk in this case was much worse than how I’d actually behave.
As far as texts went, it was completely innocuous. Still, my stomach churned up in knots. Should I reply now that the little shred of bitterness had passed? Did I want to reply? He seemed nice enough, sure. But was that enough? After the ordeal with Blake, I didn’t think I could go through the whole first date thing, only to find out something about Dan that changed everything. Maybe he was an alcoholic. Maybe he was a workaholic who would never have time for me. Maybe he’d gone to college at Georgia. I shuddered involuntarily. Football was a big deal in the south and even though I lived in the state of Georgia, I’d never be a fan of the state university’s football program. Whatever the deal-breaker was, I was sure it would be a hurdle that couldn’t be overcome.
I typed out a simple reply. Hi. Oh geez, that was no good. I deleted it and tried again. Hey Dan! Not much, just got home from work.
That sounded better, but I still didn’t have the energy to send it. After a few minutes, I put my phone away and went inside. I changed out of my work clothes and laid around on the couch in slouchy shorts and a tee shirt for a few minutes, catching the last bit of Dr. Phil, before I decided to go out and do some gardening. I’d planted a few flowers in the yard this year, and some vegetables out back, but it seemed like I never had enough time to tend to them.
Well, I had plenty of time now. I didn’t have Blake, and I didn’t have Annalise. I was on my own for the evening and maybe for the foreseeable future. I weeded and watered my plants, then went back inside and took a shower. While I considered what to cook for dinner, I checked my phone. Nothing. No texts, no calls. Again, I contemplated sending my reply to
Dan’s text. Did I even want to be friends with him, let alone date him?
No. I didn’t.
I deleted the text I’d written. I wasn’t going to think about Dan right now, and I wasn’t going to think about Blake either. The important thing was to patch things up with Annalise. I wanted to see her in person so we could talk, not over the phone or texting each other.
Talking to myself as I chopped vegetables for a stir fry, I practiced what I was going to say. I ate it in front of the television, watching an old romantic comedy on TV that I’d seen a hundred times. I stilled got all weepy when the heroine turned around and saw the man she loved standing behind her. It just wasn’t my turn yet. Something good was going to happen to me, too, I just knew it. I had faith. I was just impatient. I needed to pray for patience rather than a boyfriend. God worked in His own time and I’d do well to get on board with that.
On the couch beside me, my phone let out a ping. I grabbed it, expecting with dread to see another message from Dan asking how I was. But it wasn’t. It was Annalise.
I let out a breath I didn’t know that I was holding. Finally. She would apologize, I would apologize, and we would meet up later in the week to completely mend the fences between us and do something crazy fun.
It wasn’t an apology, though. Annalise’s message was short and to the point. Have u seen the news? Channel 10?
Annalise wasn’t a news junkie who spent hours keeping up with current events, so whatever it was going on must be important. I picked up the remote and changed the channel.
It took a minute for me to register what I was seeing. A reporter, her blonde hair styled just so, was standing in front of a burning building. “I would like to repeat that all citizens should avoid the Union Avenue area, between Taylor and Greer Streets.” Her voice was even and her diction was perfect. She kept her composure just like a professional as mayhem seemed to be taking over behind her. “As you can see, we are dealing with a large structure fire. We have two fire houses currently on site and another being brought in to help. I’m being told that one unit has already gone inside the building and the second one is covering from outside with power hoses.”
First Impressions (Hero Hearts: Firefighter) Page 7