by Joanna White
I felt so weak and childish, but he fed me, and he didn’t seem to mind.
Each time his hand brushed up against my cheek, my heart raced in my chest. His hands were so scarred and callused and it made me wonder about his past. Unlike Sine or Lehlax, he never talked about where he was from or the things he had gone through, even in here. Yet, those hands that were so rough, were so gentle with me. After everything I’d gone through in here, even I had to admit that it was… nice. Being around him made me feel relaxed, as if we weren’t still in a dangerous place where we could die at any moment.
That was the way things went for days. He fed me, gave me water, helped me sit up, and even walked away to give me privacy when I needed it. He sat and talked with me to keep me company, even though I felt we were keeping each other company more than anything. He asked questions about my family and I told him how my father had been killed when I was a little girl. My mother had almost lost it then but taking care of Gabriel and I managed to get her through it. Then, Gabriel had gotten sick. Mother and I did everything we could; we went to the local village healer, but there was nothing she could do. So, we spent our time trying to protect and take care of him.
“But I couldn’t stop them when the Gredi had come for him,” I explained to Jared. “I had to let them take him. Mother wouldn’t come out of her room, and I couldn’t just let them take my brother, not with him so sick and unable to fight back. So, I made the decision to disguise myself as a man, so that I would get taken. I don’t know what I expected when I came here, but I thought, if I could just find him, then somehow I could find a way to keep him alive.”
Jared looked at me with sad eyes as I talked, but he listened and seemed to take in every word. “I’m sorry. Have you found him yet? Your brother?”
I shook my head. “No. There has been no sign of him. I asked the others when they first found me, but no one seemed to know who I was talking about.”
“That was very courageous of you. To risk your life for your brother’s like that.” His voice was husky, but it was also a soft murmur—a tone I was becoming increasingly familiar with lately.
“More like foolishness,” I muttered back.
“Not foolishness,” he answered. “Courageous. Selfless.” He paused, as if to say something else, but didn’t.
“What about you and your family?” I asked him.
He swallowed hard. “To be honest I, uh—I don’t remember much of my life before being here.”
“Oh. I’m so sorry, Jared. You’ve been here that long?” I asked.
“Yeah.” He looked away from me, out at the horizon.
I put a hand on his shoulder, trying to reassure him. Would that be me, one day? Having been in Zagerah for so long that I forget what life was like before? Even now, I found it difficult to think of being able to sleep soundly, feeling safe at night, in a nice warm shelter and a bed. We didn’t always have good food, but it was better than what we had in Zagerah.
Already I couldn’t remember what freshly cooked bread or warm, familiar meat tasted like, what safety or warmth felt like, what freedom felt like. Soon after that, I must have dosed off. Sleep was dreamless and the next thing I knew, rays of sunlight reached my eyes, jolting me from my sleep. I sat up, leaning against a tree as the sun peeked over the edge of the horizon. “Morning,” I murmured, closing my eyes. I felt Jared breathe in deeply beside me.
“We’ve been here about six days.” When I opened my eyes, he was looking at me. “We shouldn’t stay in one place for too long. When the Hunters realized we weren’t with Sine and Lehlax, they would have started looking for us. It won’t be much longer before they head back this way,” Jared said.
Stretching out my muscles with a wince, I nodded. I was able to sit up by myself comfortably, and I only felt pain occasionally, not constantly like it had been.
“Do you think you’ll be able to walk?”
“Well, you helped me walk around yesterday, and the day before that,” I pointed out. He had been helping me try to walk around for a few minutes a day, to try and strengthen my muscles.
“Yeah, but that was only for a few minutes. We would have to travel for a while,” he replied.
“Unless we could go somewhere they couldn’t find us.”
“There is no place like that here,” he objected.
“The lake,” I blurted.
He shot me a weird look. “Remember what happened last time we went there?” he asked. “I’m not up to almost get killed by mermaids again.”
I couldn’t help but chuckle. “Well, we could stay out of the lake water. It would give us both a little while to rest. At least until the Hunters realized we were hiding somewhere, and by then I would be strong enough to keep moving,” I told him. “Trouble is, I don’t think I’m strong enough to get from here to the lake. That’s what, a five or six day journey?”
“Something like that,” he answered. “I could carry you, though, or at least when you get too exhausted to walk.”
The thought of him carrying me sent my heart pounding so hard I was sure he could hear it. “That will be too much for you, though.” I couldn’t figure out why in the world I was protesting it so much, despite my heart pounding quickly, and my feelings saying the exact opposite.
“I—you when you were passed out, for about a day and a half.”
“Straight?” I asked him, my eyes getting wide and my mouth open to form an “O.”
“Well, yeah,” he answered.
I just stared at him. “Well, okay. Just… don’t overdo it.” I shot him a firm glare. He gave me a look back that seemed to say “really.” I couldn’t help but smile at him.
“Soon as the sun sets, we should probably head out.” His red-gold eyes met mine, shining brightly in the lights of the morning sun. Yellow and orange painted the sky like fire, pushing back the dark blue and silver of nighttime.
I nodded, keeping my eyes locked on his. It wasn’t long before he looked away, back at the rising sun, and swallowed deeply. I looked away as the sunlight glowed on his skin, making his eyes look more golden than red.
Later that night, he helped me stand up, and then we started walking. Since we didn’t know exactly where we were, or how far we’d come, or how far we had to go, we just headed northwest. We both knew that eventually, we would reach the lake. I walked steadily for almost an hour before I started to sway.
“Careful.” His gentle voice coaxed me as he looped his arm through mine. “Do you need me to carry you?”
“I’m getting lightheaded.” I blew out a breath of air, closing my eyes as dizziness swept over me. I just wanted to collapse and lie down.
“It’s because you’ve had too much blood loss and not enough nutrition to keep your strength up.” When I started to fall, he easily slid his arms under me, one at my back, right below my neck, and the other at my knees, and started carrying me.
I fell asleep in his arms, but he kept going. The sun rising in the sky was what woke me.
“Are you hungry? Do you need to stop?” He paused where he stood.
“You need to rest a little. I’m okay,” I told him honestly.
He nodded and kept on going. We stopped after a little while and we ate some fruit he had gathered the day before. After about ten minutes, he helped me stand, and then we kept going. I walked for about half an hour before my knees gave out. He barely caught my head in time before it slammed into a rock.
“That… was close.” I glanced at the rock out of the corner of my eye. It was only inches away from my head, protected only by Jared’s hands.
“Almost too close,” he added, picking me up.
“Thank…you, Jared.”
I was asleep before I heard his reply. He went three whole days before he stopped to sleep. He carried me most of that time, and during that time I was barely able to walk for an hour each day. We stopped for about ten minutes to eat whenever the sun rose.
On night two, we stopped to sleep and rest.
Screams and howls shrieked in the distance. Even after all these weeks or months in here, I hadn’t gotten used to it. To distract myself and hopefully fall asleep, I stared up at the stars. Normally, I fell asleep from sheer exhaustion, but I’d been resting so much lately, it was harder this time.
My eyes were drawn to a line of stars that reminded me of a sword. The stars themselves made my chest ache with nostalgia. I missed the night sky back home, to see their familiar patterns, to feel safe beneath them again.
Before I knew it, tears slid down my cheeks. I wiped at them, but they refused to stop. Everything I’d been through lately crashed into me at once. My wounds ached as deeply as my heart did and I wondered where Gabriel was. It was difficult to try to picture us back safe at home.
“You okay?” Jared’s voice was a thick murmur. He leaned against a tree to my right, which was large enough that I could lay beside him and still be beneath it. The group of trees across from us looked like silhouettes in the darkness, stretching up to the sky with branches that looked like claws.
“I miss my family. Even the stars.”
Jared frowned and his gaze flicked to the sky.
“Haven’t you noticed? The shield or whatever they’ve got around this place lets them put the stars in a different order than outside.” I gingerly rolled over to face him.
Jared glared at the ground, fingers playing with his belt. “No. I never noticed before.”
“Oh.” Pain and exhaustion overtook me, so I dosed off and my thoughts drifted into a dream. Back at home, I helped mom stir soup for dinner. Mom was there and standing beside her was…
My dad.
A massive grin fell across my face as I sprinted toward Dad, opens open wide. I leapt into his arms and he gave me a warm embrace. Behind us, Gabriel came in from gathering firewood, but he looked well—healthy.
Suddenly, the door burst open. Hindah stormed inside. He snatched my arms and threw me outside. His leg reared back and kicked me—
“Averella!” Jared shook me.
I snapped awake, falling back against the ground. Or, at least, it felt that way. “Hindah, he’s—” I gasped.
“No. We’re alone and safe here, Averella.” Jared placed a hand on my shoulder, careful to avoid my wounds.
I reached up and clasped his hand, but mine was still shaking.
“Why don’t you tell me more about the stars or what you liked about them back in your home?” Jared asked.
I smiled and my eyes drooped closed as I spoke. “My father used to tell me stories and one night, he said that once there was a way to travel the stars, to other worlds like our own.”
Jared cast his red-gold eyes upward. “Do you think it’s true?”
“I don’t know. But I see these stars and it reminds me how small we are. Of how God is so much bigger than all this.” Sleep called to me, slowly dragging my consciousness away.
“God?” Jared asked.
“Yes…” My voice trailed off as the dream took form—a dream of the stars and God and His warmth. “Thank you, Jared,” I mumbled, just before sleep finally overtook me.
All day, for the next few days, Jared carried me and traveled far. It worried me, how much he was pushing himself for my sake. For three days, I didn’t say anything to him. It was about halfway through the fourth day when I couldn’t take it anymore, so I finally spoke up. “Jared?”
“Do you need to stop?” Jared looked down at me with concern in his eyes.
“I think you need to stop. So, you can sleep for a little bit.” Is he crazy? Carrying me for days on end, and then asking if I need to rest? I thought.
“I’m fine,” he protested.
“Jared, you haven’t slept in three days! You need to rest!”
He gave me his “really” look.
“Don’t give me that look, Jared. You’ve carried me for three days, with barely any stops. The only time we stopped was briefly a few nights ago, and I was the one who slept, not you! I’ll stay awake and keep watch and I’ll wake you if I hear anything, okay?”
“I can rest when we get to the lake,” he muttered.
“Please, do this for me?” I blinked my eyes several times and tried twinkling them at him. I had pretended to be a man for so long, I had no idea if the trick even still worked.
Right. He’s spent most of his time thinking you’re a man. Why would he think you’re pretty when you twinkle your eyes at him? You probably look like a crazed lunatic anyway, I thought to myself.
He gave me his look again.
“I want you to sleep, that way you’re better rested. If we come across the Hunters, I won’t be able to fight, and they would beat you just because you’re exhausted.”
“I’m not—"
I interrupted him. “You’re not now, but when you have to fight, you will be. Please just quit being stubborn and stop and rest.”
“I’m not being stubborn. I just want to get you somewhere we can help you recover without worrying about the Hunters finding us.” Why was it that his eyes were the ones that seemed to plead with mine? Instead of the other way around, like I’d intended?
“Why do you care about helping me so much that you’re not taking good care of yourself?”
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“You haven’t slept in three days, so you can carry me to get me someplace where I can recover. That’s helping me out so much you’re ignoring yourself and the needs you have,” I explained to him.
He frowned as if he was deep in thought. “Fine but wake me in an hour.”
Gently, he sat me down on the ground, resting my back against a tree, and handed me a canteen of water. I took a drink and handed it to him. He drank and then sighed in relief as if that strengthened him. He lay on his back on the ground just in front of me, his hand on his sword, fist clenched around it. The more I looked at it, the more I realized it seemed familiar.
It took me a few minutes, but I finally figured out where I had seen it before, in the small village library, where all the scrolls of our history were kept for safekeeping. One of them had been open on a table as I had been passing by. I saw the illustration and went inside the room, looking at the scroll closer. It was spread out on the table, held down by weights on either side. I asked the keeper questions about it, and he had explained to me what the picture was.
I realized his sword was an exact copy of the sword in that picture. The keeper had explained to me that it was an Inquiri blade, a sword of Hunters. They used the swords, among other weapons, he told me. Their great strength allowed them to wield the swords, making them swift and powerful, and deadly weapons. I couldn’t quite remember, but I’d thought the keeper told me that only a Hunter, or a person with Hunter potential, could use one of the blades.
I thought about the different types of swords used inside Zagerah. Lehlax and Sine mostly used daggers or small Neinem swords, which were the only weapons the blacksmiths in the villages were allowed to make. All the other prisoners used the same, I was sure of it. Even though I had lost my father’s sword that I had brought with me when I was arrested, I had found other daggers and Neinem swords to use since then. When the Hunters had captured Jared and me, they had gotten rid of all the weapons I’d had at the time. I was sure they did the same to Jared. So, how had he gotten an Inquiri blade? How was he even able to use it?
I briefly thought that maybe he had Hunter potential. If he did, and if even I suspected it, I was sure the Hunters would have already taken him to the Aretul’s labs by now.
Unless he had continued to evade them.
I would have to ask him about it, but as the thought crossed my mind, I turned to look at him as he slept. His fist had slightly unclenched, and his features were relaxed. He looked so much younger than what he normally looked when he was awake. He always had a guarded, tense look and now that he was asleep, that look was gone. He seemed so relaxed, and vulnerable.
It made my heart ache to see him like that. He sighed in his sleep, and his fi
st unclenched even more. I smiled at him and enjoyed watching him sleep peacefully.
I woke him up about two and a half hours later. The sun was minutes away from rising and it wouldn’t be good for us to stay in the same spot during daylight. I wanted him to sleep more, and I had debated about waking him, but I had promised him I would, so I did.
“It’s time for us to go. The sun will be rising soon,” I murmured to him.
He blinked and glanced at the horizon. “How long did I sleep?” His voice was thick with sleep, a deep murmur.
I tried to ignore the way the sound of it just after he had woken up made my heart race and flutter. “A couple of hours.”
He gave me a look but sat up and grabbed a canteen.
“How did you sleep?”
“Pretty soundly. I was more tired than I thought,” he admitted with a shrug.
I smiled at him.
“How are you feeling?” His eyes met mine, laced with concern in his eyes.
“A little bit better,” I answered.
He nodded as if reassured by my answer. “We should go.”
“We should eat a little first. I’m sure you’re hungry and I’m starving,” I admitted.
So, we ate and talked in-between bites. I never thought fruit would taste so good.
“Jared?” I hesitated.
“Yeah?”
“Uh, I couldn’t help but notice you have an Inquiri blade…” I paused, waiting to see if he would say anything.
He glanced down at his belt, and pursed his lips, but said nothing.
“They can only be wielded by Hunters, right? Or people with Hunter potential?”
“So, I’ve heard.” He looked down and then cocked his head to glance at the horizon.
“Do you think you have Hunter potential?”
“Probably,” he replied in a husky voice, his mouth in a set grimace.
“Is that why you used to keep to yourself? Is it easier to evade the Hunters that way?”
He glanced at me, pausing as if carefully thinking of his answer.
“I don’t mean to pry…”
“It’s fine,” he replied. “Yes, it’s easier to evade them when you’re alone. I’m more of a loner anyway.” His lips upturned into a half-smile.