Fairfax

by Jared Ravens

  I lost track of everything. Time and space meant nothing. All of my creations were invisible to us. We fell into nothing. And then, as we were being torn apart, I heard the voice of Goetz:

  What do you see?

  Goetz, who hadno physical properties, did not know what was going on. It could not. It only saw and heard through our senses. We were there and now we were gone. But the voice was a lifeline to me, a signal to move towards that direction. I gained enough consciousness to take the line it had thrown me.

  I forced myself out of that pit, away from the others. I did this with my mind, as I had no body. Nothing physical existed in that space. What I was doing defies description in words. I moved away from the others I pulled myself on the other side of The Void. I reached out and forced the mouth shut. The power required in doing this nearly undid me. For a second time I was facing my own extinction in the face of eternity. I channeled all of my anger into forcing the window shut. I screamed until I could hear again and I pulled until I could feel again. As everything reconstructed, it felt like the closing of a book.

  I opened my eyes and I could see. Blue. And Yellow. Nothing and then something. There was land but it was different. Everything was there but it felt empty. I tried to remember what it was like on the other side of the The Void but the experience was jumbled in my head. I leaned ever and tried to sleep . I felt a pain coming on and I tried to pass out before it hit me. And just as I was dropping into sleep I heard it speak my name.

  Celia.

  A rage boiled inside of me and I jerked my body upright. I was different. It was different. We were all different, changed in ways that are difficult to describe.

  My voice, sore and brittle, crackled with harsh words.

  "What do you want from me?" I tried to yell.

  As meekly as it could offer, it asked:

  "What happened?"

  I looked around me. Fields surrounded us. Sigma was there; his rocky body looking undisturbed. Curson and Spaulding were waking up. Harper, a blob of pale flesh, lay motionless some distance away. I did not see Martel.

  "You can't see," I said. "You don't know what it is I showed them. I can't explain it to you."

  "You tried to kill them..." It said.

  "I saved myself," I said between gritted teeth. "I will do it again and again until you leave me be."

  "Why? Why would you do that? You showed them something that could destroy them!"

  "You are an unfit parent," I said. "Its better they go away now than suffer away their existence believing in you."

  I walked towards Spaulding and Curson, angry beyond belief, sad beyond repair. All of the women were, perhaps, gone forever, unable to sustain the brutal experience that had afflicted the land. The place I had lived was now changed. It was lonelier now. Martel, the innocent one, seemed to have been destroyed. I walked to the two giants that stirred and yelled at them.

  "Stay down!"

  Curson and Spaulding looked up at me with confused, bleary eyes. They were in no physical condition to move.

  "You have seen what I have seen. I didn't want to show anyone that, but you forced my hand. Now, what do you say? Do you want to tie me down again? Do you want to try?"

  Their expression barely changed. I was disappointed; I was gunning for a fight, even one I would lose. Curson made an odd motion with his head, a nod or a shake.

  "If you challenge me again, I will bring down the sky for good. I will destroy everything you think you know and I will make the pain you feel from it permanent. There will be nothing left. I created everything you see with my mind, and I will take it all away in a moment. It is my land to run as I see fit. Do you understand?"

  They both nodded silently.

  "What are you looking at? Do you two need to ask Goetz for permission?"

  Spaulding shook his head. He pointed to my chest. I looked down to a red and green wound, puffing out with white foam. There was a hole in my chest making colors I had never dreamed possible.

  I dropped to the ground, feeling weakness. I had been too emotional to even notice. Now the was a sudden feeling fo disconnection. Here, I thought, was how I will go away. When Goetz sees me in a hurt state it will do something to change me. Here was its chance to take control of me. My mind was wild with possibilities, realistic or not.

  I laid there, breathing carefully, waiting for that booming voice to come over and declare itself my master. They would hit me while I was down and laugh at my body, just as they had done before. Let them do it again in the new light of day. I waited. I felt a touch.

  It wasn’t the force of a fist but a the soft touch of a very small hand. It led its way from my shoulder to my stomach. Feet that felt like feathers danced across my ribs, and the cool relief of healing graced a piece of my wound. I opened my eyes. I could see the back of a large head of brown hair, kneeling on my chest, just over my breasts.

  "Martel..." I whispered at the small woman sitting on my giant torso.

  She looked over her shoulder, almost shocked that I was still conscious. Her face was tired and withered. She had changed. I had changed her. The bright, lovely girl now had fear in her eyes. In her hands was a white paste that she was pulling from a bowl.

  “It will get better faster this way."

  I laid my head back down. I wanted to tell her I was sorry for what I did to her. I wanted her to stay away. But I was Queen now, indisputably. She was doing what she was doing out of fear. She must have feared me dying and leaving her to whatever Goetz was going to do. Maybe she thought I was her protector. Maybe she was just being nice. But she wasn't acting out of love. She was scared to death of me now, and she knew how powerless Goetz had made her.

  "Thank you," I whispered.

  As she dressed the wound the others came and stood around me. Spaulding's eyes were wide and Curson was dazed. I was wary of them, considering what I had just said, but they were complacent. I did not consider them a threat for now.

  Spaulding asked me what had happened and I told him.

  “That was what I was born into," I said. "I covered it The Void Up. I know how to peel back the layers to reveal it."

  He only understood a fraction of what I knew of it, and I only knew a fraction of what it was. I would be working to blot out the thoughts it had put in my head for a long time. I looked up to Curson, wondering what it had done to him. His eyes were glazed, his rough face sagging.

  "Curson," I said. "I know you are very proud. But there is a reason that things must be the way they are. Do you understand?”

  He looked down on me as I lay helpless on the ground. The last time he had been in this position he had tried to kill me. I had to tread carefully but firmly. His eye opened more, and he finally nodded.

  "I don't want to be in charge of the things that interest you," I said to both of them. "Goetz seemed to have some idea in mind when it made you, so follow your interests and serve me when needed. You will be the managers of these things, and I will be the manager of you. Follow this hierarchy and I will keep the truly bad things at bay."

  They nodded. This was an agreement out of fear, but I was happy to have an agreement. Martel looked back at me with an unreadable face. I would have shrunk my body down to make the healing easier for her but I was still afraid of what Curson and Spaulding would do to me if I was smaller than them.

  I looked around, realizing who was not there. I saw Harper, his body of goo melting in the field. After I was bandaged I walked towards him. I called to him and a face formed in the grey mass.

  "Stand when I speak to you," I commanded.

  I sounded angry but I really wanted to see if he was all right. He did as I said, forming himself into a large male figure. His face was blank, and I asked him if he was getting along well.

  "No," he said.

  "I see," I sighed.

  "Why did you call for me when they had you on the table? You put me in danger."

  "I wanted all of you to see," I said. Except Martel, I almost added. I hadn
’t wanted her to see it.

  "I don't know who I am..."

  "It will change. You'll remember things."

  He shook his head. I wanted to say I was sorry. I mostly was. But all of them needed to see it. If this was how I had to protect myself, then he would be no exception. As he wavered in his decision, I withdrew into my own thoughts, considering him a son and then divorcing myself from him in the next moment. I liked him only part of the time. I decided what Goetz had done was a type of rape. It had taken a part of my body without my consent, but i could not hold Harper responsible for it. But he reminded me of it no less. I felt like holding Harper and destroying him at the same time. With Harper, it would always be that way.

  "Harper," I finally said. "You are my favorite of all of all these beings. But my job is not to be nice, it is to be firm. And you must do as I say."

  "I didn't know you had a job," he added.

  I look sternly at him.

  "There's no choice here, son." I said. “You’ll do as I say.”

  He looked down and nodded. I smiled and walked to the woods. I was as exhausted as I had ever been but I did not want anyone to see me stumble. Away from prying eyes I fell beside the river. Who would think it was so difficult to get others to submit to you? It was a simple proposition. I was more powerful, you are weaker: Do as I say. I created this, you did not. Follow my rules.

  But they did not, these men. These others! I breathed out a heavy breath. Was it always to be this hard? I drew my hands up down into the banks of the river.. Sand flowed out of my palm and swirled into he shape of a woman. She came out naked and lovely, dark skin and black hair. She smiled sleepily at me. So trusting, so innocent. I smiled back. She took after her mother.

  She would be the first of many.

  I don't know how long I slept but it was lovely. I woke up very slowly. It might have taken days to wake. But when I did I was as delighted as i had ever been. My wound was healing faster than it ever would have without Martel. And my mind was catching up speed, picking up ideas with its momentum.

  I walked out of the woods with determination. I would go to Spaulding and begin the construction of my home on The Hill, an ideal place to begin the creation on an evolved form of women. I knew where the cities would be and what kind of work each type of woman would do. I had with me everything to create the world I intended to, one to soothe the cracks created from the revelation of the the Void to everyone. Nothing would have to be amiss ever again.

  I walked out of the woods, and ran into a wall.

  At first glance he like a slug. He was a white mass in the shape of a person, a pale body moving inelegantly down a grassy slope. I didn't know what it was, but it walked directly towards me. I pretended not to notice but I was deeply concerned that I had somehow, without knowing it, created an alien creature without a face.

  He came up to me without a shred of vanity and his faceless face spoke, introducing himself as Genesee. I nodded and told him 'very well'. I hoped he would go away then. He never has.

  "I am here on behalf of Goetz and I wanted to start our relationship off cordially. I know there has been some tension in the past and I can assure you I do not desire any of that."

  He was small, about as high as my knee. Yet he stood there addressing me, unconcerned that I could step on him. I asked him why he didn't come up and speak to me on my level, if he had the ability, so that I didn't have to look down at him. He told me that he didn't wish to appear as a giant and scare the humans. He motioned in the distance and I saw a variety of men and women far away, near the base of Sigma, meandering about.

  "They survived the incident but hey are quite already quite scared. I think its best we all try to be kind to their tender psyches and not look like titans in order make them feel diminutive."

  I told him I would not follow that advice and that I would not bend down to him. So he told me to pick him up.

  He was soft and unformed, like a ball of new clay. I didn't like the experience of holding him at all, but I had to go along. He seemed to have a lot of ideas about what should happen. I listened to his bold statements about this and that, cities and roads, all shit flowing out of his mouth as if he hadn't been born ten moments before.

  ”I hope this doesn't offend you,” I said, “but I am ordering Goetz to stop creating anyone. I need you to be the last."

  He seemed startled by this. He was silent. He had no readable face for me to read.

  "Goetz hasn't spoken to you yet?"

  "No," I replied. "I hoped never to speak to him again."

  "I hoped he would have spoken to you one last time," he murmured.

  We had made our way to the gathering of humans. They fiddled about below me, making fires and building houses and such. But they moved very slowly and stiffly and without pleasure. I saw they were damaged and felt a twinge of remorse. These people would never recover.

  “I have given myself the name of Genesee," the little man in my hand said. "I am the new facilitator between you and Goetz. It has no intention of speaking to you ever again. You have said that is your desire. It is mutual. Your conversations seem to cause more problems than solutions. Therefore, I am here to make all issues seamlessly transition into a workable format."

  I held him at the waist like a stature. I squeezed him harder and he squealed a little. I set him down and drew myself down to his level so I could look into his non existent eyes.

  "Goetz still thinks it controls this place?” I asked.

  "Very much so, and though it will go on to inhabit other systems of reality, it will very much be here as well. This is its creation after all."

  I blew my top. I ranted into Genesee’s face, telling him that my that this was, in fact, my world, which I created and I can destroy. It went on for a good while, and when I finished, looked around and saw many of the people staring at us like we were a belligerent couple. Genesee looked at me with nothing in its eyes.

  "I think you will appreciate that Goetz, like you, is a creator, and both of you must be allowed to create. This is its concession to you. Also, you must see that it has authority over much of this place, even if the physical perspective you have of it is shared by all of its creations. This is of great credit to you. But it is better that the combined perspectives, including that of Goetz, all have a share in what happens in this extraordinary land. A power sharing agreement, if you will."

  "The power here belongs to me. In case you wish for me to express that power again.."

  "I have heard what you have done, and I do not need you to show us that experiment again. That is why I do not at the present time have a face, so I cannot see The Void directly if you chose to open it up. What Goetz wishes for you to understand is that the same powers you currently possess it will also soon gain, or perhaps does currently have. Thus, it will use whatever means necessary to make this arrangement work, including opening up The Void. It wants you to know that your cooperation is greatly appreciated in this endeavor."

  I wanted to crush and throttle this little man. I wanted to throw his words down his throat and make it choke on them. I was beside myself.

  "Goetz threatens me?" I asked. "Does it know who I am?"

  "If you wish to attempt to destroy the life of this land again, Goetz assures me that this time it will make the banishment permeant."

  It could be a bluff. It was impossible to know, looking into the white mass in front of me. But surely Goetz could do what I could do, if it wanted to. Maybe it would never learn how. Maybe it could throw us all into the Void and close the door. I knew that if I ever tried to pull back the veil on the the Void again, I might disappear forever.

  "Goetz wishes there to be an equal relationship here. A full cooperation is necessary. Including from him."

  "What's its plan?" I asked.

  This was where Genesee’s interest kicked in; I wanted a polite summary, he offered me a banquet. While he went over ideas for hierarchy, construction, worship, military and civilizing forces, I faded
in and out of thought. I walked among the damaged people and the sad town with him. Goetz was smart. I had to give it that. If I believed Goetz could get rid of me at any time then that would tie us together. And this little man, its liaison, was no Curson; there was nothing to threaten me in its demeanor or body. Genesee had no plans for domination; He only wanted order.

  "Are these your plans or Goetz's?" I asked.

  "Well, a little of both," he replied hesitantly. "Goetz has overarching viewpoint but I take liberty to translate those to practical concerns."

  "They all have to be run through me, regardless."

  "I... don't know if that is what Goetz has in mind. The authority he has is invested in me to a large degree."

  "If we all get to just make up rules on the fly then I want to make my own," I said, stoping to look at him. "I'm equal to Goetz, right?"

  "Well..." He stuttered. "You're reading this a bit wrong, you see. I am here to inject stability and balance into this project. You and Goetz are both creators. I'm sure you can both admire that in one another. Neither of you can be any different. And neither of you are going away."

  "Not just yet," I said, threateningly. “First off, I want a home on top of Sigma."

  He was trying to object to this but I simply turned away. He wasn't going to deny me my first request, I can tell you that. But he persisted.

  "The house I'm sure is fine, the location is perhaps ok. But it is not your house."

  "Oh, does Goetz want ownership? Does it need a bed?"

  "No, it's just that it would be our house, not yours."

  I glanced behind me. He looked at me with that freakishly blank face. I tilted my head.

  "It is... my house,” I told him. “If you want to visit, you may request it."

  "That is just it.. there is a condition of this agreement... As you see from the people around us, there is a different gender..."